How To Ignore False Rumors and Lies.....

Liza said:
True - I have been very fortunate that my friends have never made me choose sides. Those are the true friends we have in life to hold dearly, and to support. It's also good to have a support system when you feel there were spiteful rumors or lies floating around that are about you. If I am asked feedback about a situation, I will say something with consideration for both sides' feelings. I truly wish both sides have their support system that works for them, and they will be able to find peace for themselves. Sometimes people just want someone to listen to them venting their frustrations or about a situation without needing advice. It is up to the listener how to process that information, but it depends on what agreements he/she makes with her/his friend who chooses to confide in her/him about problems or stuff.
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i agree it IS good to have a support system when a person has it from true friends who would stick by u thru it all and ride it all out with u -- i do the same thing when it happens between friends and conflicts arises i keep on the neutral side and try to encourage them to find a middle ground where they can at least make peace and understand eachother

There are all types of manipulation unfortunately, that I think we are subjected to - emotional manipulation (guilt tripping, draining another's energies, etc) is really popular with a person who wants others to really believe or accept their words as truth, period. I think that's how rumors keep on going. I think you can get out of it by maintaining your boundaries even if you already created them - for instance, put somebody on your ignore list AIM, forums, etc, if that person doesn't respect your boundaries even if you told him or her about them already. It's a different story if you haven't really told the person what your boundaries are - expecting them to read your mind. I think that's when real problems start, too.
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:werd: i haveta say i agree and u are right Liza on this observation as ive seen that too myself and do believe those are the popular avenues that a person would use to try and get ppl to believe their words as truth
 
Socrates said:
. The most loving thing you can do for yourself when you feel indundated by false rumours, lies and/or stories is simply ignore it. If your heart says you are right, listen to your conscience.
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You're Correct...


But, People hear a tidbit of information about somebody they may know or not, and they take that info and build a story around it in their heads. Thinking " Why didn't you stop when he told u to stop" When it never happened Or have Said. Real life is crazy enough without having people make stuff up about you, and vice-versa. There has to be a better way for people to socialize without making up lies..

I Know to confidence in me and helped me understand that not everyone will like you, but that is their problem.. My Hearing Sister gave me a good advice,
"Ignore them. Remember Those who make up stories like attention. Don't give them a stage to be a clown and Keep your head up and be positive."

:D
 
Just remember that these folks who gossip or spread rumors have no lives of their own. They feel better by putting other people down.

Best revenge is to keep your head up high with dignity and remind yourself that life is too short/precious to waste over these no-good folks. They are the ones who are angry/negative and should be felt sorry for.

I have been a subject of many nasty rumors and still to this day ...it amazes me that people would want to waste such precious energy/time over such silly things. Yes gossip/rumors damage many things like relationships, work or friendships but we got to stand up.

I always come up to that person and say "Hey, I have been hearing that you are saying that about me and I would like to hear it from YOU directly. So do you have anything to say to me? " It usually works because they hate confrontations and know that I was right for asking for direct communication.
 
Meg said:
I always come up to that person and say "Hey, I have been hearing that you are saying that about me and I would like to hear it from YOU directly. So do you have anything to say to me? " It usually works because they hate confrontations and know that I was right for asking for direct communication.
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That what I did .. It does not always work. It did nothing but made it worst Why? Cuz that Party won't Admit it.
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Cheri

I know it does not always work but at least YOU knew you did your part. You were mature and assertive.

You cannot control how they react or act but you can control your own reactions/actions. Let them continue - as long as you speak up, you will feel better for yourself.

Hope Im making sense. That is why I do these things even though it does not always help that person change or stop but at least I know I can move on with knowledge that I am the mature and caring person.
 
Meg said:
Cheri

I know it does not always work but at least YOU knew you did your part. You were mature and assertive.

You cannot control how they react or act but you can control your own reactions/actions. Let them continue - as long as you speak up, you will feel better for yourself.

Hope Im making sense. That is why I do these things even though it does not always help that person change or stop but at least I know I can move on with knowledge that I am the mature and caring person.
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Very Good Comment and Advice! :thumb: Yes, That is what I am working on, If it does not solved anything why keep going? I need to learn to just walk it off and Let it go. I know in my Heart what is the Truth and If People out there decide to believe the Lies then that's up to them. I absolute agree with what you said :applause:
 
Very interesting, Cheri & Meg...

I´m agree that it´s unfair for not admit to make the mistakes...
Nobody are prefect...
I do make the mistakes like everyone... I often admit my mistakes to anyone...
The rumor made often misunderstand... It´s important to clear the misunderstand with them...
I know it´s terrible when anyone pointed their finger on you or insult on you over that misunderstanding rumor etc. What they did is very hurtful...

I would walk off & leave them who never admit their mistakes.
If there´re lie rumors about me... I would direct to person to straight out with her/him till everything solved then it´s good... If not, then let them beleive what they think bad about me after tried to convince them that it´s no true...
I know it´s very very hurtful but I had to accept if they still never admit or never beleive me... leave them alone.
Yes, I´m agree that some never admit is really VERY sad because I would think he/she is not mature.
If something what I don´t like then confront them how I feel...
I love honest people who straight out their mistakes then share their feeling with me...
I understand how you feel... I know it´s very hard but have to ignore it & walk off. You have lovely friends/partners who care about you...
 
I know it´s very hard but have to ignore it & walk off. You have lovely friends/partners who care about you...
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You said it best, Liebling. It is hard, yes, dump the trash and walk off with your shoulders high knowing you did your best.
 
Meg said:
I always come up to that person and say "Hey, I have been hearing that you are saying that about me and I would like to hear it from YOU directly. So do you have anything to say to me? " It usually works because they hate confrontations and know that I was right for asking for direct communication.
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gotta say this -- :werd:

i do the same thing when i know WHO was the originator of the rumormongering -- if the person denies thats fine by me but at least i made it clear to the person i already know about it!
 
rumors to me is a repetive cycle of something of the past and repeating over and over til it gets to th e last person whos the *victimized* ingistators and not only that its just a flat out BS when it comes to rumor plms U gotta plm U GO directly to OTHERS leave other poeple out of it. real simple. cuz those who start rumors by for example a person talk to a close friend who talks to another close friend that IMO needs to STOP u got a plm with the person themselves go to the person if they refuse to listen or to discuss this calmly then yr better off LETTING GO cuz it takes two poeple two way street to communicate this not a whole wad of people who makes matters worse by adding more stories to a rumor thats not thier plm. I for one am tired of hearing two facing poeple siding one and siding others go to the PERSON who's got a plm with U or U have a plm with the person GO to them dont go talking to other poeples cuz it will just start up a rumor and cause MORE Plms... its not worth the time of day or the time of place thats the only way u will respect yrself and the person u have an issue with! :pissed: cuz im tired of hearing stories abt some aders in here and enuff is enuff. I feel that we all are adults And we can go talk to them u just need to learn to move on and stop making hypcritical comments when its the issue of respect. I have respect for my wife and me and we do commuicate i listen to others but do not talk abt the stories to OTHERS without thier permission cuz its a rule of respect, if i get an im asking personal plms and need advice that doesnt' go anywehre but in my memory bank thats it u don t see me causing rumors but hearing abt it causing me to RME all the time same shit diffy day some things never change!

*getting off my soapbox*
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Very interesting, Cheri & Meg...

I´m agree that it´s unfair for not admit to make the mistakes...
Nobody are prefect...
I do make the mistakes like everyone... I often admit my mistakes to anyone...
The rumor made often misunderstand... It´s important to clear the misunderstand with them...
I know it´s terrible when anyone pointed their finger on you or insult on you over that misunderstanding rumor etc. What they did is very hurtful...

I would walk off & leave them who never admit their mistakes.
If there´re lie rumors about me... I would direct to person to straight out with her/him till everything solved then it´s good... If not, then let them beleive what they think bad about me after tried to convince them that it´s no true...
I know it´s very very hurtful but I had to accept if they still never admit or never beleive me... leave them alone.
Yes, I´m agree that some never admit is really VERY sad because I would think he/she is not mature.
If something what I don´t like then confront them how I feel...
I love honest people who straight out their mistakes then share their feeling with me...
I understand how you feel... I know it´s very hard but have to ignore it & walk off. You have lovely friends/partners who care about you...
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I find this to be so true! I prefer confrontation about the rumors and possible lies. Sometimes the confrontation can get out of line with namecalling and repeated misunderstanding, so it's a definite need to have safe space to reflect about it. Sometimes the people just want to see what they believe in others' words - not necessarily having anything to do with the bigger picture. It also helps to think about other things that are much bigger out there, that could make this very trivial by comparsion.
 
Liza said:
I find this to be so true! I prefer confrontation about the rumors and possible lies. Sometimes the confrontation can get out of line with namecalling and repeated misunderstanding, so it's a definite need to have safe space to reflect about it. Sometimes the people just want to see what they believe in others' words - not necessarily having anything to do with the bigger picture. It also helps to think about other things that are much bigger out there, that could make this very trivial by comparsion.
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Repeated Misunderstaning is not the Correct answers... People see something and think that is so true what exactly happened. I mean who knows what happened Only the people involved know what exactly happened not anyone else...Sometimes Friends would say well that what happened, and they believe it.. But don't anyone think that oh I wasn't there when it happened so I cant take sides.. thats the right answer that People have to believe.. If there is real Proof out there that it was being said then that's where People get the truth But if there is no real proof that shown that it happened that way then That is not what exactly happened....
 
Meg said:
Just remember that these folks who gossip or spread rumors have no lives of their own. They feel better by putting other people down.

Best revenge is to keep your head up high with dignity and remind yourself that life is too short/precious to waste over these no-good folks. They are the ones who are angry/negative and should be felt sorry for.

I have been a subject of many nasty rumors and still to this day ...it amazes me that people would want to waste such precious energy/time over such silly things. Yes gossip/rumors damage many things like relationships, work or friendships but we got to stand up.

I always come up to that person and say "Hey, I have been hearing that you are saying that about me and I would like to hear it from YOU directly. So do you have anything to say to me? " It usually works because they hate confrontations and know that I was right for asking for direct communication.
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:thumb: Good Point there Meg!... Sometimes, we can't always stand up for ourselves because it makes it much worse than as it was....I know it hurt so much to know your name, something personal or something that never did took place, etc., in a rumor.... All we can do is simply turn our heads the other way and walk away ...If we let it bother us and keep on going on about what is true and what is not true then we end up hurting ourselves the most...

I agree it usually works and it never hurts to try and confront those people.... and hope for the best!... ;)
 
Logically(for sure), summarily two things can happen when confronting a person or group directly in real life scenarios, right? Either get into a physical confrontation or have peaceful solutions with good understandings, forgiving, etc.,...Would most guys 'fight' over it with fists instead of reasoning it out in a civilize way and maturely...I believe the younger generation (teens and 20's) are more apt (likely) to get into a physical confrontation (fight)...than it would be for the older guys who is more likely to have wisen up...I'm not saying 'ALL' of 'em would be heading into the direction of solving a lie, rumor by using 'fists'...one of my favorite philosophy is this: 'It takes a bigger man to walk away....' There are many peaceful solutions handling a confrontation with someone who is suspected of starting a rumor or lie...I can think of a few and I'm sure some of you have other ideas to share when it comes to peaceful solutions handling when having a confrontation...some of the solutions can be: Meeting at a restaurant, (for coffee, etc...and willing to pay the 'bill' too... ;) ) going for a walk, do a sport activity, go to the home of the suspected person involved in the rumor or lie, write a letter...( I know writing a letter may be very low on possibilities of solutions...not many guys I've known liked writing at all...) the list of possibilities is endless, if there's some more ideas or unusual ones, share them here in AD.... :)
 
Shut your mouth

I learned a very valuable way of looking at rumors

Rumors start out small but they grow.
They grow to a level where they will:
Destroy lives
Twist good intentions to ill ones
Harm children and familes
Bring down world leaders
Throw armies into disarray
Wreck marriages
Demoralize many

People in general tend to be like pack animals who are hunting. They find the weakest animal to prey upon then they attack in numbers. Rumors weaken a person and people ultimaltey continue to weaken a person by subscribing to the rumors.

In the end if you hear something that seems personal, unethical, bawdry or tawdry or just too damn juicy to ignore take it for what it's worth and at face value, and shut your mouth. No need to keep weakening the person any further.
 
coffeeeeman said:
I learned a very valuable way of looking at rumors

Rumors start out small but they grow.
They grow to a level where they will:
Destroy lives
Twist good intentions to ill ones
Harm children and familes
Bring down world leaders
Throw armies into disarray
Wreck marriages
Demoralize many

People in general tend to be like pack animals who are hunting. They find the weakest animal to prey upon then they attack in numbers. Rumors weaken a person and people ultimaltey continue to weaken a person by subscribing to the rumors.

In the end if you hear something that seems personal, unethical, bawdry or tawdry or just too damn juicy to ignore take it for what it's worth and at face value, and shut your mouth. No need to keep weakening the person any further.
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*Clapping* Bravo!!.....Everything you had said is absolute True....I agreed 100%..Well Said Coffeeeeman....Have you ever thought of becoming a Counselor?...
 
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Socrates said:
"Be a lady/gentleman and ignore it."
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That's a great advice....I have heard of that line before from Katzie ( she is one of the smartest and sweetest one too!)....
 
I agree with Angel about MamaKatzieChickie and Socrates. Great advice! We all could use a little reminder now and then - including me. :mrgreen:
 
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