How To Ignore False Rumors and Lies.....
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Roadrunner
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Defee said:
Indeed, yes it is quite sad to see others that would make up something by way of lying and/or start a gossip about a particular person...it does seem that 'some' (not all of 'em) who do this sort of thing may lack self-esteem or have very low confidence in themselves which tends to make them a bit more easily jealous or envious of others to the point of lying and causing plms. for others besides those who seek to do such things out of sheer thrill with no regard for anyone's feelings whatsoever....
M
Mistyrose
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I agree! Sad but true!Roadrunner said:
Sabrina said:Yes I certainly remember that. It was occurred last summer of 2003. The Deafchat was gossip about you and your twins. I was very doubtful with their gossip. My ex husband said, he had wonderful visiting both of you. My ex husband tends to talk bullshit. I do not buy his story at first place. Other lady said, she believe my ex husband.
Until I get to know you and Cheri better with other deaf forms and this forms. I find that both of you are friendly and cherish about children and good mothers.
My ex husband loves to get a spot light to attention !
Oh yeah, I certainly remember that also.....He wasn't really the only one who was gossiping or spreading false rumors about my sister and I....I honestly don't care what they had to say about ' us '....and also it's far from the truth about him visiting us in person!.... 
I do not dwell on what others do say about me that isn't true because my true friends know the truth and if the others want to believe what they read or hear, let them believe what they want....and for those that have done that (false rumors/lies) in the past or recently or presently, they do not know me and I do not care what they think of me....it's just pathetic of them to conduct themselves in this way and I do my very best to simply ignore these individuals....Sabrina, when I first met you, got to know you more through this forum, I found you to be the most interesting and funniest person....also being so nice and friendly too!
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I have to pull this old thread for newbies here because it's important for you all open and feedback to this thread.
Come and share with your opinions here with us.
Come and share with your opinions here with us.
It is old.
It has been here for thousands year.
People has not change much since then.
It is repeat, recycle, circle, goes around and around again. Alike we live on a wheel.
For what?
It is to teach us some lesson about who we are. Otherwise we never grow up.
True ,it is sad but that is life we all deal with it somehow.
Simple solution, either ingore it or u confront this person ( not always work this out)
It has been here for thousands year.
People has not change much since then.
It is repeat, recycle, circle, goes around and around again. Alike we live on a wheel.
For what?
It is to teach us some lesson about who we are. Otherwise we never grow up.
True ,it is sad but that is life we all deal with it somehow.
Simple solution, either ingore it or u confront this person ( not always work this out)
Liza
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Roadrunner said:
Some good points, RR!
Might I add that there may be signs of mental illness or psychological disorder (such as borderline personality disorder), etc etc. One bad thing about mental illness is that the person might not be able to realize it, hence going and going with a very unhealthy behavorial pattern such as obsession or causing rumors about others. It's exceedingly important to IGNORE the baitings made by those mentally ill or personality something disordered. Otherwise you'll go nuts!
Another factor is that it is displaced anger, and the rumormonger uses aggressive/passive method to relieve that anger. Doesn't mean it's right either. If this person is "sane" or a friend, best to confront that person at least once. If others ask you, just be honest and still have class.
It's nice to have a confidant you trust to get these things off your chest...Naviety can be a factor, which can require confrontation to be taught a lesson about growing up.
CoolieFroggie
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Whoa.. I have alot to read different comments but let's hear from my comments..
In my option that people use the gossip to against people who had a previous problem past, they will tend to obbesstion about it and having a problem.. changing all the bullshit story to everypeople.. once that person want to be *winner* for them to being right oh blah, I really hate to deal if they wanna be so winner and have somebody be LOSER that's so fuckin immature.
For me.. I would just let them talk and talk they will regert later when they find a news flash that wasn't all true and i just laugh and say go ahead whatever u believe and i know the answer that that person isn't really that great friendship to me if they already actually believe in the gossip.
Gossip, BackStabber, Jealous, isn't the great thing but again i just walk away from this when i learned from my own mistakes and i feel foolish to being part of it but again i would want to laugh all i want to and don't want to believe it then i will feel better in the whole of day!
All you guys do is laugh.. walk.. be happy and Feel Free!
In my option that people use the gossip to against people who had a previous problem past, they will tend to obbesstion about it and having a problem.. changing all the bullshit story to everypeople.. once that person want to be *winner* for them to being right oh blah, I really hate to deal if they wanna be so winner and have somebody be LOSER that's so fuckin immature.
For me.. I would just let them talk and talk they will regert later when they find a news flash that wasn't all true and i just laugh and say go ahead whatever u believe and i know the answer that that person isn't really that great friendship to me if they already actually believe in the gossip.
Gossip, BackStabber, Jealous, isn't the great thing but again i just walk away from this when i learned from my own mistakes and i feel foolish to being part of it but again i would want to laugh all i want to and don't want to believe it then i will feel better in the whole of day!
All you guys do is laugh.. walk.. be happy and Feel Free!
G
Gemtun
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From my own personal experiences, I believe that these people who thrive on gossiping - either spreading or listening to gossip - are these who are powerless in their own lives. They get that surge of power when other people give them attention. It is instant gratification.
I used to listen to gossip - listening to gossip is as bad as spreading gossip - until I realized that I was giving them that sense of attention/value/worth by giving them my time/energy to listen to gossip that is harming someone out there.
So I no longer listen to gossip but I do struggle with whether I should believe it or not ..it is very hard when there are certain Deaf individuals who are so meshed into gossip that you cannot seperate fact from gossip. So in general, I just avoid these people altogether so I can lead a life where I can focus on much more meaningful things than learning whether that guy is a jerk or that girl is screwing around with that guy or whatnot. I dont give shit anymore. There is so much more out there in the world to focus on. I care much more about what is happening in Africa or getting involved with social justice causes than wasting my life on frivolous gossip.
People have to start having self value in themselves before they can stop either listening to or spreading gossip. They need to realize that the world DOES not revolve around their misery.
I used to listen to gossip - listening to gossip is as bad as spreading gossip - until I realized that I was giving them that sense of attention/value/worth by giving them my time/energy to listen to gossip that is harming someone out there.
So I no longer listen to gossip but I do struggle with whether I should believe it or not ..it is very hard when there are certain Deaf individuals who are so meshed into gossip that you cannot seperate fact from gossip. So in general, I just avoid these people altogether so I can lead a life where I can focus on much more meaningful things than learning whether that guy is a jerk or that girl is screwing around with that guy or whatnot. I dont give shit anymore. There is so much more out there in the world to focus on. I care much more about what is happening in Africa or getting involved with social justice causes than wasting my life on frivolous gossip.
People have to start having self value in themselves before they can stop either listening to or spreading gossip. They need to realize that the world DOES not revolve around their misery.
PePe LePew
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Talebearing^Angel^ said:I thought I would create a thread about ' How to ignore false rumors and lies ' because , there has been some people who are feeling very hurt and betrayed...It would be great and helpful to get feedback from any of you with ways and ideas on how to ignore such rumors and lies that's going around....This thread isn't about 3rd parties or more....This thread is More of how we all can get together, working and getting along with each other by sharing ideas of encouragements....Also by being able to show support for those who have or currently going through the emotions of being hurt....
I feel it does show signs of immaturity when I see someone spreading rumors and lies that really never took place....It feels like when people do this sort of thing, they are trying to draw attention in a big and small way, feeding off of the lies for their pleasure and feeling bigger than others....It saddens me everytime I see or know of someone who fall victim to the false rumors or lies that are being spread out....When I read or hear of something that don't seem right or suspicious, I refuse to allow myself to continue the rumors on down the line ( passing it on ) with others.... If the rumor involves someone I know, I would stand up for that person and try my best to put an end to the false rumor....Also it does help me a lot to ignore the false rumor and lies because they are not worth my time or the unneccessary stress that ususally goes with it....I have grown and learned a great deal through my own experiences and also for how I am, I could Never treat my friends and others by making things up, being deceitful or spreading lies just isn't in my character and personality to be this way....I could NEVER put myself in such a position to start a rumor or spread lies about anyone here or anywhere....
To be able to ignore the rumors and the lies would be hard at first, but if we don't (learn to) ignore it, we'll end up hurting our ownselves more as time goes by....Don't allow others to hurt you for only you know who you are and the truth....There are people that have a low self-esteem and spreading false rumors and lies is about all they may do for they may have nothing else better to do....whether it's a thrill or way of life for them to go around and wreck havoc on someone else's life, leaving those victims in ruin or in despair....For those of you who is continuing in such manner, GET A LIFE!...
Please feel free to share some hints, ideas of how we can ignore the false rumors and lies....
The relating of the personal secrets of others without their express permission in this Community is not permitted. Talebearing dishonours the people in question, creates distrust, and weakens the fellowship. Posts containing personal details of people that they would not wish revealed in public will be censored.
Leviticus 19:16a, You must not go up and down as a talebearer among your people
Proverbs 11:13, A talebearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter.
Proverbs 17:9, He that covers a transgression seeks love; but he that repeats a matter separates friends.
Proverbs 18:8, The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Proverbs 26:20, Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceases.
Tale-bearing so very rapidly disintegrates into slander for which there are very serious consequences spiritually. Such can cause long-term or even permanent damages to relationships, precipitating domestic conflict, divorce and aborted romances. This is evil (1 Tit.5:13). Private, domestic relationships and their troubles (and all relationships have troubles) do not concern the public domain or even other concerned Christians (2 Thes.3:11) but the parties themselves and the pastoral counsel that has been appointed. Tale-bearing and slander put stumbling blocks before believers' and unbelievers' feet alike (Lev.19:16).
This kind of activity is one of the hallmarks of the last days (2 Tim.3:1-3) and must be reproved and corrected by responsible Christians and especially those people in ministerial positions (1 Tim.3:11; Tit.2:1-5; 3 Jn.9-10). What tale-bearers and slanders actually do is to prevent themselves from inheriting the Kingdom of Heaven (Gal.5:19-21) and actually merits them being cut off (1 Cor.5:11; 6:9-10). Though they may pay lip service to authority they are not infrequently full of contempt for it (Jude 10-11, 14-16).
If you come into contact with tale-bearers and slanderers, it is your duty to ignore them and break off all contact after warning them that what they are doing is harmful and unchristian. Anybody who repeats private family matters to others, without their consent, in this community will be warned to desist. If they continue they will be thrown out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Gossiper
Author Unknown
A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage. "Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."
The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand. "You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it's impossible to get them back. So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong."
PePe LePew
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Prisoner of Gossip
Prisoner of Gossip
"Did you hear what happened?"
"You mean between Jack and Jill?"
"No, that was last week. I mean what happened with Tyler."
"No! What happened??"
"Well, you didn't hear this from me, but apparently. . .."
I have had far too many conversations with the phrase 'you didn't hear this from me' somewhere in the midst of it. In high school I was completely consumed with gossip. I practically lived for it. I knew the ins and outs of the lives of people I never even talked to. There was a secret understanding within my high school, an ideology of ‘listen and spread'. I used to count the minutes until I could run out of class to friends to tell them ‘the news', as I used to call it. I never started pieces of gossip but I was just as guilty for listening and spreading private information as those who started the chain of whispers. I would like to say that high school ways have stayed in high school, but truthfully they have carried over into our adulthood. Gossip is hurtful and is one of the best tactics that the devil uses to separate us. I'm sure we all know the damaging effects of gossip, but why do we continue to be involved?
Gossip, at times, is used in situations where we are fearful to speak truth into others' lives. I have seen many times where a simple conversation between friends was replaced by rumors, hurt feelings, and resent. I think we often forget how to be vulnerable with friends or family and, because of our lack of openness, we don't know how to work through the hard situations. It's easy to avoid issues. It's easy to avoid telling others how you feel. It's easy to avoid being truthful. It's easy to gossip. It's not easy, however, to face problems we have in our friendships or relationships. Who ever said that friendships or relationships were easy anyway? However, if we paddle our way through the muck, the benefits are well worth the struggles it takes to get through it.
We also gossip because we believe that by putting others down we are somehow lifting ourselves up. I can only speak from my perspective, but I have noticed that women are great at putting others down, especially other females. It's amazing to me how fake we can be! A woman can go from talking a bunch of smack about someone and then five minutes later act like they are best buds with the same person. In no way am I saying that I am free of guilt from this sin because I have done my share of saying one thing and then acting in complete opposition to what I truly feel. God is slowly breaking me down to rid me of these sins. (I would also like to hear a man's perspective on this!) So the real question is: why are we so quick to gossip about others? I think one of the problems is this mentality of "I will feel better about myself and the crap in my life if I talk about how broken another person is". The real issue is not about the other person, it's about us. I genuinely feel that when you are involved with gossip you are saying to God "God, I don't like how you created that person". What an insult! Through gossip we are verbally breaking down God's artwork
Some either do not feel that gossiping is wrong or do not realize how damaging it can be. I actually had a conversation recently with a friend of mine about gossip. She told me that gossip really isn't that bad if it's kept under control. "It's definitely the lesser of two evils," she told me. What does that mean?? How can one evil be less evil then the other? I don't care who you are, I don't care who you are talking about, gossip is gossip, evil is evil, sin is sin. Not only is the act of gossiping horrible on its own, but it goes hand in hand with other sins. 2 Corinthians 12:20 describes this relationship of sins very well: "For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder". I don't know about you but I don't want to be involved in a community of angry, jealous, arrogant gossipers! Sounds like the works of the devil to me. . .
Over the past year I have learned how gossip affects friendships. The ignorance of others has cost me pain from the lies and half-truths that they have spread. I never want to make another person feel the betrayal and unbelief that I felt. I have faced my own brokenness and I understand now that through gossip (no matter what form), we are slowly destroying the Kingdom that God has so generously provided us. By starting, listening and spreading untruths about each other we are denying the truths and ways of life that Jesus showed us. What do we possibly have to gain from gossip? It does nothing but separate us and destroy communities. The great news is that together we can escape this bitter prison if we consciously decide to be real with each other, learn to love and respect each other as God's creations and by realizing that the sin of gossip does not have to keep us prisoners.
Roadrunner said:
Prisoner of Gossip
"Did you hear what happened?"
"You mean between Jack and Jill?"
"No, that was last week. I mean what happened with Tyler."
"No! What happened??"
"Well, you didn't hear this from me, but apparently. . .."
I have had far too many conversations with the phrase 'you didn't hear this from me' somewhere in the midst of it. In high school I was completely consumed with gossip. I practically lived for it. I knew the ins and outs of the lives of people I never even talked to. There was a secret understanding within my high school, an ideology of ‘listen and spread'. I used to count the minutes until I could run out of class to friends to tell them ‘the news', as I used to call it. I never started pieces of gossip but I was just as guilty for listening and spreading private information as those who started the chain of whispers. I would like to say that high school ways have stayed in high school, but truthfully they have carried over into our adulthood. Gossip is hurtful and is one of the best tactics that the devil uses to separate us. I'm sure we all know the damaging effects of gossip, but why do we continue to be involved?
Gossip, at times, is used in situations where we are fearful to speak truth into others' lives. I have seen many times where a simple conversation between friends was replaced by rumors, hurt feelings, and resent. I think we often forget how to be vulnerable with friends or family and, because of our lack of openness, we don't know how to work through the hard situations. It's easy to avoid issues. It's easy to avoid telling others how you feel. It's easy to avoid being truthful. It's easy to gossip. It's not easy, however, to face problems we have in our friendships or relationships. Who ever said that friendships or relationships were easy anyway? However, if we paddle our way through the muck, the benefits are well worth the struggles it takes to get through it.
We also gossip because we believe that by putting others down we are somehow lifting ourselves up. I can only speak from my perspective, but I have noticed that women are great at putting others down, especially other females. It's amazing to me how fake we can be! A woman can go from talking a bunch of smack about someone and then five minutes later act like they are best buds with the same person. In no way am I saying that I am free of guilt from this sin because I have done my share of saying one thing and then acting in complete opposition to what I truly feel. God is slowly breaking me down to rid me of these sins. (I would also like to hear a man's perspective on this!) So the real question is: why are we so quick to gossip about others? I think one of the problems is this mentality of "I will feel better about myself and the crap in my life if I talk about how broken another person is". The real issue is not about the other person, it's about us. I genuinely feel that when you are involved with gossip you are saying to God "God, I don't like how you created that person". What an insult! Through gossip we are verbally breaking down God's artwork
Some either do not feel that gossiping is wrong or do not realize how damaging it can be. I actually had a conversation recently with a friend of mine about gossip. She told me that gossip really isn't that bad if it's kept under control. "It's definitely the lesser of two evils," she told me. What does that mean?? How can one evil be less evil then the other? I don't care who you are, I don't care who you are talking about, gossip is gossip, evil is evil, sin is sin. Not only is the act of gossiping horrible on its own, but it goes hand in hand with other sins. 2 Corinthians 12:20 describes this relationship of sins very well: "For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder". I don't know about you but I don't want to be involved in a community of angry, jealous, arrogant gossipers! Sounds like the works of the devil to me. . .
Over the past year I have learned how gossip affects friendships. The ignorance of others has cost me pain from the lies and half-truths that they have spread. I never want to make another person feel the betrayal and unbelief that I felt. I have faced my own brokenness and I understand now that through gossip (no matter what form), we are slowly destroying the Kingdom that God has so generously provided us. By starting, listening and spreading untruths about each other we are denying the truths and ways of life that Jesus showed us. What do we possibly have to gain from gossip? It does nothing but separate us and destroy communities. The great news is that together we can escape this bitter prison if we consciously decide to be real with each other, learn to love and respect each other as God's creations and by realizing that the sin of gossip does not have to keep us prisoners.
PePe LePew
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GOSSIP
If it seeks to kill steal or destroy... it's a preditor... Gossip and slander (Job 5:21)
Leviticus 19:16-18
Not only is most gossip untrue, its purpose is usually to destroy someone’s reputation. Gossip is a serious offense. God told his people not to slander anyone. He knew what kind of damage the human tongue could cause. Instead of gossiping about others, find ways to encourage and build up others. Building up someone will also reveal something positive about your character. Discover what God says about gossip in Leviticus 19:16.
Psalm 15:3
Do you know someone who never has anything bad to say about anyone else? Someone who won’t join in on a gossipfest? This type of person pleases God. What we say is a strong reflection of what is in our heart. In Psalm 15, David wrote that the person who won’t slander others, who won’t do evil to a friend or disgrace a neighbor, is a person who can stay in God’s tent. In other words, God wants his people to control their words. By not slandering or gossiping about others, we demonstrate our sincere love for God. See what David has to say in Psalm 15:3.
Proverbs 26:20-28
a [Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth] It is as impossible for strife to begin and continue where there is no talebearer as it is for a fire to be kindled and kept going where there is no fuel. The talebearer and those who listen to his gossip are the agents of strife. If no man receives a slander it will automatically die. Hence, the receiver is as guilty as the talebearer...
Psalm 57:4 (5-11 tells how we are to use the words of our mouths)
Being the target of gossip, slander, and lies can make you feel like you’re being pierced by dozens of arrows. David knew that feeling. Rumors and stories about him that were untrue were being circulated. Those words were like sharp swords to David. Being at the receiving end of harsh words can give us an appreciation for the power of words. It can also teach us to keep our words from hurting others. Look at what David wrote about the power of the tongue in Psalm 57:4.
Matthew 10:11
[there abide till ye go thence] Do not wander aimlessly or go from house to house (Luke 10:7). Stay secluded in prayer and study or you will be ensnared, losing your anointing by a life of gossip, excessive lightness, banquetings, trifling visits.
3 John 1:10,11
Gossip is like mixing matches and gasoline. It’s explosive, injuring everyone who comes in close contact. The apostle John had strong words for those who participated in gossip. A guy named Diotrephes was destroying God’s church by spreading rumors. Gossip can cause us to become calloused toward others. See what John planned on doing about this problem in 3 John 1:10.
John 17:21-23
17:21-23 Jesus’ great desire for his disciples was that they would become one. He wanted them unified as a powerful witness to the reality of God’s love. Are you helping to unify the body of Christ, the church? You can pray for other Christians, avoid gossip, build others up, work together in humility, give your time and money, exalt Christ, and refuse to get sidetracked arguing over divisive matters.
17:21-23 Jesus prayed for unity among the believers based on the believers’ unity with him and the Father. Christians can know unity among themselves if they are living in union with God. For example, each branch living in union with the vine is united with all other branches doing the same.
Romans 1:29
[whisperers] Greek: psithuristes (GSN-5588), slanderers; those who pretend
secrecy, and carry out accusations against people, whether true or false; blasting their
reputation by clandestine gossip.
True Christian Behavior
1 Thes. 4:11
Greek: hesuchazo (GSN-2270). Translated "be quiet" (1 Thes. 4:11); "rest" (Luke
23:56); "cease" (Acts 21:14); and "hold one's peace" (Luke 14:4; Acts 11:18). The
thought is that of a disposition and life of peace, and contentment; even temperament; to
be meek; and learn self-control in all things; not to permit any thing to disturb or cause a
display of temper tantrums or disturb the peace of others. There evidently were a few
idle, tattling people in this church, who, instead of working, went from place to place
carrying on religious gossip, meddling with the business of others, and causing splits or
divisions. Hence, the commands to quit such practices, to do their own business, let
others alone, to hold their peace, walk honestly toward the world, and to work with their
own hands so they would have no time to meander and gossip (1 Thes. 4:11-12).
2 Thes. 3:11
a[For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly] How and by
whom Paul learned of the state of the church is not known, but from this information
he wrote this epistle.
b[working not at all] Either lounging around or becoming a religious gossip to stir up
trouble.
c[busybodies] Greek: periergazomai (GSN-4020), to be busy about useless
matters; doing everthing that they should not do; meddlers in the business of others;
prying into the domestic affairs of others. Such people are a curse to every
neighborhood and a plague to every religious group.
GOSSIP
• Prevented. By watching one’s behavior around opposite sex. § John 4:27
• harmful effects of. § Exodus 23:1; § Proverbs 25:18; § 2 Thes. 3:11-12
• dealing with. § Psalm 57:4
If it seeks to kill steal or destroy... it's a preditor... Gossip and slander (Job 5:21)
Leviticus 19:16-18
Not only is most gossip untrue, its purpose is usually to destroy someone’s reputation. Gossip is a serious offense. God told his people not to slander anyone. He knew what kind of damage the human tongue could cause. Instead of gossiping about others, find ways to encourage and build up others. Building up someone will also reveal something positive about your character. Discover what God says about gossip in Leviticus 19:16.
Psalm 15:3
Do you know someone who never has anything bad to say about anyone else? Someone who won’t join in on a gossipfest? This type of person pleases God. What we say is a strong reflection of what is in our heart. In Psalm 15, David wrote that the person who won’t slander others, who won’t do evil to a friend or disgrace a neighbor, is a person who can stay in God’s tent. In other words, God wants his people to control their words. By not slandering or gossiping about others, we demonstrate our sincere love for God. See what David has to say in Psalm 15:3.
Proverbs 26:20-28
a [Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth] It is as impossible for strife to begin and continue where there is no talebearer as it is for a fire to be kindled and kept going where there is no fuel. The talebearer and those who listen to his gossip are the agents of strife. If no man receives a slander it will automatically die. Hence, the receiver is as guilty as the talebearer...
Psalm 57:4 (5-11 tells how we are to use the words of our mouths)
Being the target of gossip, slander, and lies can make you feel like you’re being pierced by dozens of arrows. David knew that feeling. Rumors and stories about him that were untrue were being circulated. Those words were like sharp swords to David. Being at the receiving end of harsh words can give us an appreciation for the power of words. It can also teach us to keep our words from hurting others. Look at what David wrote about the power of the tongue in Psalm 57:4.
Matthew 10:11
[there abide till ye go thence] Do not wander aimlessly or go from house to house (Luke 10:7). Stay secluded in prayer and study or you will be ensnared, losing your anointing by a life of gossip, excessive lightness, banquetings, trifling visits.
3 John 1:10,11
Gossip is like mixing matches and gasoline. It’s explosive, injuring everyone who comes in close contact. The apostle John had strong words for those who participated in gossip. A guy named Diotrephes was destroying God’s church by spreading rumors. Gossip can cause us to become calloused toward others. See what John planned on doing about this problem in 3 John 1:10.
John 17:21-23
17:21-23 Jesus’ great desire for his disciples was that they would become one. He wanted them unified as a powerful witness to the reality of God’s love. Are you helping to unify the body of Christ, the church? You can pray for other Christians, avoid gossip, build others up, work together in humility, give your time and money, exalt Christ, and refuse to get sidetracked arguing over divisive matters.
17:21-23 Jesus prayed for unity among the believers based on the believers’ unity with him and the Father. Christians can know unity among themselves if they are living in union with God. For example, each branch living in union with the vine is united with all other branches doing the same.
Romans 1:29
[whisperers] Greek: psithuristes (GSN-5588), slanderers; those who pretend
secrecy, and carry out accusations against people, whether true or false; blasting their
reputation by clandestine gossip.
True Christian Behavior
1 Thes. 4:11
Greek: hesuchazo (GSN-2270). Translated "be quiet" (1 Thes. 4:11); "rest" (Luke
23:56); "cease" (Acts 21:14); and "hold one's peace" (Luke 14:4; Acts 11:18). The
thought is that of a disposition and life of peace, and contentment; even temperament; to
be meek; and learn self-control in all things; not to permit any thing to disturb or cause a
display of temper tantrums or disturb the peace of others. There evidently were a few
idle, tattling people in this church, who, instead of working, went from place to place
carrying on religious gossip, meddling with the business of others, and causing splits or
divisions. Hence, the commands to quit such practices, to do their own business, let
others alone, to hold their peace, walk honestly toward the world, and to work with their
own hands so they would have no time to meander and gossip (1 Thes. 4:11-12).
2 Thes. 3:11
a[For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly] How and by
whom Paul learned of the state of the church is not known, but from this information
he wrote this epistle.
b[working not at all] Either lounging around or becoming a religious gossip to stir up
trouble.
c[busybodies] Greek: periergazomai (GSN-4020), to be busy about useless
matters; doing everthing that they should not do; meddlers in the business of others;
prying into the domestic affairs of others. Such people are a curse to every
neighborhood and a plague to every religious group.
GOSSIP
• Prevented. By watching one’s behavior around opposite sex. § John 4:27
• harmful effects of. § Exodus 23:1; § Proverbs 25:18; § 2 Thes. 3:11-12
• dealing with. § Psalm 57:4
PePe LePew
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THE EIGHTH COMMANDMENT
"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. ' ( Exod 20: 16)
DIRECTIONS TO THE STUDENT
By the use of his tongue a person manifests his home training or lack of it. By it he betrays his true character, weak or stable! The Bible tells us, "If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man." (James 3:2) Soon you will be a Catholic. Out of love and a spirit of thankfulness and generosity , you will want to be a fine Catholic. You will want to be the perfect man of which the Bible speaks. This means that you must train your tongue and abstain from the many things that lead you to sin with the tongue.
A. THE GIFT OF SPEECH IS ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS OF GOD
Speech is an external sign of being human. It distinguishes man from beast. Think of yourself as being dumb, without the faculty of speech. You cannot speak to the members of your family. How terrible this would be. How sorry we feel for a deaf and dumb person. How we dread the possibility of having a child born unable to speak. Therefore, in thanksgiving to God for this great gift you must never misuse it
B. THE BIBLE ON MISUSE OF THE TONGUE (St. James, Chapter 3)
If you will take out your Bible and read the third chapter of St. James, you will find plenty of food for thought. St James said: “If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man.” A man who governs his tongue trains himself so that he can govern his whole body; his passions, his drink, his sleep, his mind and everything that might lead him into sin. We put bits into the mouths of horses so we can lead them around and make them obey us, and turn about the whole body of the horse. So we should bridle our own tongues so that we can govern the whole body. St. James says: Behold how a large ship is governed by a small thing in the back of the ship called a rudder ...So your life is often set wrong or right by the small rudder, the tongue. St James tells that the tongue is a small fire that too often causes a great fire. The tongue is often a world of iniquity .The tongue too often defiles the whole body. St. James says that we tame beasts and birds and serpents, but we do not tame our own tongues. The tongue, if misused, is full of evil and deadly poison. The shame of it all, says St. James, is that by the tongue we bless God and we curse men, who are made after the likeness of God. Then St. James ends this part of the Scripture with these pointed words for you, "These things, my brethren, ought not to be so." (James 3:10)
C. SHAKESPEARE ON THE MISUSE OF TONGUE (Othello)
"Good name in man and woman, is the jewel of their souls. Who steals my purse, steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; T’was mine, 'tis his and has been slave to thousands. But he that filches from me my good name, robs me of that which not enriches him, and makes me poor indeed." (Othello, Act 3, Scene 3)
How true this is! By the careless use of your tongue you don't steal a man's money; you steal something much more valuable, his good name. What do you get out of it? Nothing. But you make him a very poor man; you have robbed him of his most precious possession, his reputation.
D. THE LIE
A lie is speaking something you know is not the truth. A lie is measured by the damage done. If serious evil is done, serious sin is committed. For example, if your lie makes a man lose his job, your lie has done serious damage. If slight evil is done, for example, if you tell a lie to keep peace at home, a venial sin has been committed.
It is never permitted to tell a lie because every lie is an abuse of the sacred faculty of speech (it is always at least a venial sin). There is no such thing as a "white" lie.
You must always repair damage done by your lies. Lies start quarrels and discord, separate friends, cause hatred. Here is a true story: A teacher in Chicago was doing some outstanding work. One day he meted out some well deserved punishment to a boy in school. The boy complained to his mother. The mother fabricated a story against the teacher. The story went around the neighborhood in about two days. It was too late for anyone to do anything. The man lost his reputation. He had to be removed from his school and sent to another, much to the sorrow of the school, and even to the foolish woman who started the story.
The Bible has the following to say about lies and liars: " All liars shall have their portion in the pool burning with fire and brimstone." (Apoc 21 :8) (This, of course, refers to lies seriously harmful. Some lies are venial sins).
"Wherefore, put away lying, speak ye the truth, every man with his neighbor." (Ephes.4:25) "Thou shalt not be a detractor nor a whisperer among the people." (Lev. 19:16)
E. REVEALING THE HIDDEN FAULTS OF ANOTHER
You have no right to destroy another's good name, even by telling the truth. Organizations, too, have the same right to their good name, for example, Elks, Knights of Columbus, and so forth. The dead, too, have a right to their good name.
Telling hidden faults is a sin against Justice. Actually when you lie about someone, you are equivalently stealing. If much damage is done, it is a mortal sin. A man's good name is more valuable to him than his automobile or his possessions. You must repair the damage done, the same as if you had stolen money. Some people who would never think about committing serious sins like murder or adultery, sometimes sin, even mortally, by the sin of gossip. If by your gossip, you reveal a secret grave fault of another, it is a mortal sin. If a slight fault is revealed, you commit a venial sin. We have to be careful about justifying our actions of betraying the hidden faults of our neighbor. The higher a station in life the offended person has, the greater the sin against him. To gossip about a common person is bad; to do the same about a priest is worse.
Is it ever allowed to tell hidden faults of another for the sake of promoting the common good, protecting the rights of an innocent party, or for the sinner's ultimate good? Yes, it is. In practice, consult your pastor for a prudent answer in each case.
F. JUDGING ANOTHER WITHOUT SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE
Everyone has a right to the good esteem of others unless there is evidence to the contrary. If the judgment is gravely damaging, mortal sin is done, for example: You judge that Mr .X must be a drunkard because he went into a tavern, even though he gives no outward display of a failure in sobriety. If the rash judgment is not gravely damaging, a small sin is committed.
Important: Wives and husbands can ruin their mutual love and their very marriage by this sin! Always try to think of others as you would like them to think of you.
G. INSULTING ANOTHER
By an insult we mean dishonoring a person who is present by contemptuous words or actions. Insult is a sin against justice and charity, for it is against the right one has to the honor and respect of all. It is done by mimicry, lampoons, grins, caricatures, a slap in the face, burning in effigy, and the like. How serious is the sin? It is a serious sin if serious dishonor is done, for example, to say to someone in the presence of others: "You adulterer! "
Note: Friends who joke about the peculiarities and personal characteristics of others without malice do not commit the sin of insult. Make sure that the person who is the victim of such joking also finds it amusing.
H. REVEALING SECRETS
A secret is hidden knowledge which may not be revealed without causing injustice or uncharity. Some things by their nature must never be told, for example: a person's illegitimacy. Others cannot be told because you promised not to tell. Everyone has a strict right to his secret. He is the owner, as it were. You must not steal it. Ways in which people sin in this regard are: Eaves dropping on the telephone; bribing somebody to tell secret knowledge; trying to trick others into betraying secrets; opening the letters of others. How serious is this sin? It depends again on the damage you have done by revealing the secret or by opening the mail. You do damage against justice and charity.
Note: Secrets among children are often not real secrets.
I. TRAIN YOUR TONGUE
Since the tongue, the smallest of your members, can cause great sins (James 3) a Christian should train his tongue by certain definite acts of self-denial. He refrains his tongue even in things that are in no way sinful. He does not talk, for example, whenever he feels like it.
Mortify your curiosity, don't be always looking for news, repress the itch for gossip; don't always ask questions about useless things; mind your own business in all things; be reserved in your conversation; pass over gossip in silence; always reserve judgment until you have heard the full story; don't chat about things of a risky nature; cut down on the hours you spend on the telephone. Give up faultfinding and grumbling. Always speak the truth even when it hurts. Correct your children for telling even small lies or for passing about small pieces of gossip, then judge yourself by the same measure. Help your spouse always to tell the truth and correct him (or her) charitably when you find him (or her) telling even a small lie. See that nothing but good is said about anyone in your home. Thus, you will have a really Christian home and a Christian family.
"/f any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man ..(James 3 :2)
QUESTIONS FOR REVIEW OF THIS LESSON
1. How does the use of speech give an example of home training?
2. What does St. James say about the use of speech?
3. What is a lie?
4. Are we allowed to reveal the hidden faults of another?
5. How serious is it to not reveal secrets?
"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. ' ( Exod 20: 16)
DIRECTIONS TO THE STUDENT
By the use of his tongue a person manifests his home training or lack of it. By it he betrays his true character, weak or stable! The Bible tells us, "If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man." (James 3:2) Soon you will be a Catholic. Out of love and a spirit of thankfulness and generosity , you will want to be a fine Catholic. You will want to be the perfect man of which the Bible speaks. This means that you must train your tongue and abstain from the many things that lead you to sin with the tongue.
A. THE GIFT OF SPEECH IS ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS OF GOD
Speech is an external sign of being human. It distinguishes man from beast. Think of yourself as being dumb, without the faculty of speech. You cannot speak to the members of your family. How terrible this would be. How sorry we feel for a deaf and dumb person. How we dread the possibility of having a child born unable to speak. Therefore, in thanksgiving to God for this great gift you must never misuse it
B. THE BIBLE ON MISUSE OF THE TONGUE (St. James, Chapter 3)
If you will take out your Bible and read the third chapter of St. James, you will find plenty of food for thought. St James said: “If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man.” A man who governs his tongue trains himself so that he can govern his whole body; his passions, his drink, his sleep, his mind and everything that might lead him into sin. We put bits into the mouths of horses so we can lead them around and make them obey us, and turn about the whole body of the horse. So we should bridle our own tongues so that we can govern the whole body. St. James says: Behold how a large ship is governed by a small thing in the back of the ship called a rudder ...So your life is often set wrong or right by the small rudder, the tongue. St James tells that the tongue is a small fire that too often causes a great fire. The tongue is often a world of iniquity .The tongue too often defiles the whole body. St. James says that we tame beasts and birds and serpents, but we do not tame our own tongues. The tongue, if misused, is full of evil and deadly poison. The shame of it all, says St. James, is that by the tongue we bless God and we curse men, who are made after the likeness of God. Then St. James ends this part of the Scripture with these pointed words for you, "These things, my brethren, ought not to be so." (James 3:10)
C. SHAKESPEARE ON THE MISUSE OF TONGUE (Othello)
"Good name in man and woman, is the jewel of their souls. Who steals my purse, steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; T’was mine, 'tis his and has been slave to thousands. But he that filches from me my good name, robs me of that which not enriches him, and makes me poor indeed." (Othello, Act 3, Scene 3)
How true this is! By the careless use of your tongue you don't steal a man's money; you steal something much more valuable, his good name. What do you get out of it? Nothing. But you make him a very poor man; you have robbed him of his most precious possession, his reputation.
D. THE LIE
A lie is speaking something you know is not the truth. A lie is measured by the damage done. If serious evil is done, serious sin is committed. For example, if your lie makes a man lose his job, your lie has done serious damage. If slight evil is done, for example, if you tell a lie to keep peace at home, a venial sin has been committed.
It is never permitted to tell a lie because every lie is an abuse of the sacred faculty of speech (it is always at least a venial sin). There is no such thing as a "white" lie.
You must always repair damage done by your lies. Lies start quarrels and discord, separate friends, cause hatred. Here is a true story: A teacher in Chicago was doing some outstanding work. One day he meted out some well deserved punishment to a boy in school. The boy complained to his mother. The mother fabricated a story against the teacher. The story went around the neighborhood in about two days. It was too late for anyone to do anything. The man lost his reputation. He had to be removed from his school and sent to another, much to the sorrow of the school, and even to the foolish woman who started the story.
The Bible has the following to say about lies and liars: " All liars shall have their portion in the pool burning with fire and brimstone." (Apoc 21 :8) (This, of course, refers to lies seriously harmful. Some lies are venial sins).
"Wherefore, put away lying, speak ye the truth, every man with his neighbor." (Ephes.4:25) "Thou shalt not be a detractor nor a whisperer among the people." (Lev. 19:16)
E. REVEALING THE HIDDEN FAULTS OF ANOTHER
You have no right to destroy another's good name, even by telling the truth. Organizations, too, have the same right to their good name, for example, Elks, Knights of Columbus, and so forth. The dead, too, have a right to their good name.
Telling hidden faults is a sin against Justice. Actually when you lie about someone, you are equivalently stealing. If much damage is done, it is a mortal sin. A man's good name is more valuable to him than his automobile or his possessions. You must repair the damage done, the same as if you had stolen money. Some people who would never think about committing serious sins like murder or adultery, sometimes sin, even mortally, by the sin of gossip. If by your gossip, you reveal a secret grave fault of another, it is a mortal sin. If a slight fault is revealed, you commit a venial sin. We have to be careful about justifying our actions of betraying the hidden faults of our neighbor. The higher a station in life the offended person has, the greater the sin against him. To gossip about a common person is bad; to do the same about a priest is worse.
Is it ever allowed to tell hidden faults of another for the sake of promoting the common good, protecting the rights of an innocent party, or for the sinner's ultimate good? Yes, it is. In practice, consult your pastor for a prudent answer in each case.
F. JUDGING ANOTHER WITHOUT SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE
Everyone has a right to the good esteem of others unless there is evidence to the contrary. If the judgment is gravely damaging, mortal sin is done, for example: You judge that Mr .X must be a drunkard because he went into a tavern, even though he gives no outward display of a failure in sobriety. If the rash judgment is not gravely damaging, a small sin is committed.
Important: Wives and husbands can ruin their mutual love and their very marriage by this sin! Always try to think of others as you would like them to think of you.
G. INSULTING ANOTHER
By an insult we mean dishonoring a person who is present by contemptuous words or actions. Insult is a sin against justice and charity, for it is against the right one has to the honor and respect of all. It is done by mimicry, lampoons, grins, caricatures, a slap in the face, burning in effigy, and the like. How serious is the sin? It is a serious sin if serious dishonor is done, for example, to say to someone in the presence of others: "You adulterer! "
Note: Friends who joke about the peculiarities and personal characteristics of others without malice do not commit the sin of insult. Make sure that the person who is the victim of such joking also finds it amusing.
H. REVEALING SECRETS
A secret is hidden knowledge which may not be revealed without causing injustice or uncharity. Some things by their nature must never be told, for example: a person's illegitimacy. Others cannot be told because you promised not to tell. Everyone has a strict right to his secret. He is the owner, as it were. You must not steal it. Ways in which people sin in this regard are: Eaves dropping on the telephone; bribing somebody to tell secret knowledge; trying to trick others into betraying secrets; opening the letters of others. How serious is this sin? It depends again on the damage you have done by revealing the secret or by opening the mail. You do damage against justice and charity.
Note: Secrets among children are often not real secrets.
I. TRAIN YOUR TONGUE
Since the tongue, the smallest of your members, can cause great sins (James 3) a Christian should train his tongue by certain definite acts of self-denial. He refrains his tongue even in things that are in no way sinful. He does not talk, for example, whenever he feels like it.
Mortify your curiosity, don't be always looking for news, repress the itch for gossip; don't always ask questions about useless things; mind your own business in all things; be reserved in your conversation; pass over gossip in silence; always reserve judgment until you have heard the full story; don't chat about things of a risky nature; cut down on the hours you spend on the telephone. Give up faultfinding and grumbling. Always speak the truth even when it hurts. Correct your children for telling even small lies or for passing about small pieces of gossip, then judge yourself by the same measure. Help your spouse always to tell the truth and correct him (or her) charitably when you find him (or her) telling even a small lie. See that nothing but good is said about anyone in your home. Thus, you will have a really Christian home and a Christian family.
"/f any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man ..(James 3 :2)
QUESTIONS FOR REVIEW OF THIS LESSON
1. How does the use of speech give an example of home training?
2. What does St. James say about the use of speech?
3. What is a lie?
4. Are we allowed to reveal the hidden faults of another?
5. How serious is it to not reveal secrets?
Amen!
Unegawahya
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Nice thread. It's a good idea. I recalled an instructor at the training school. He would stand up and say, "If anyone makes any rumor, backstabbin', or creating a lie about someone. Here is a lollipop." That goes to show a person can be a child or "immature brat" who spread rumors so he/she might have to take a lollipop and shove it in his/her mouth. Jeez. He has a jar of lollipops for anyone who dare to make rumor or a lie. That's a good one he has on hands.
Wow, it's been a long time since I've read this thread.....
True, but in some situations, they keep going at it for years, whenever they find something that bugs them about this " person ", they will do anything they can to make this " person " look bad and keep doing it or get people at their side....Some people are smart enough to walk away from it, but some people are too blind to seek the truth only to believe what being said by others....Only YOU will know the truth and for others, they will have to find out themselves....
Soon enough people will get tired of hearing it, and then maybe just maybe they will give up.....who knows...
HeartGirl said:
True, but in some situations, they keep going at it for years, whenever they find something that bugs them about this " person ", they will do anything they can to make this " person " look bad and keep doing it or get people at their side....Some people are smart enough to walk away from it, but some people are too blind to seek the truth only to believe what being said by others....Only YOU will know the truth and for others, they will have to find out themselves....
Soon enough people will get tired of hearing it, and then maybe just maybe they will give up.....who knows...