I can relate to you and natty. I feel like I have to teach myself everything as the hearing aren't going to be too helpful.
It's like Getting GED, isn't it?
I can relate to you and natty. I feel like I have to teach myself everything as the hearing aren't going to be too helpful.
To anyone lurking........natty feels this way and she was a pretty good "standout" acheiver.So many parents don't know what we go through when we are mainstreamed with no accommodations
Sadly, I know because I have seen it happen over and over and over again. Sadly, I know because I deal with deaf adolescents in a therapy group. And, sadly, I know because I see hearing parents continuing down the same road right this minute.
A question or two.
When you had those deaf adolescents in therapy group. Were their parents in denial about their specialised needs regarding appropriate educational placement, communication etc?
Are their parents transformed for the better after their kid ended up in therapy regarding the choices parents made for the kid that led them to this stage?
Sorry if my questions are a tad generalised or leading.
To anyone lurking........natty feels this way and she was a pretty good "standout" acheiver.
That should tell you something!
natty, do you think you would have benifited from attending a dhh academic program?
I know it's apples and oranges as I'm hoh and not deaf.
jillo, that's almost EXACTLY what I went through with my parents. My parents are nice and all.....and they DO now say that they should have sent me to a School or a formal school based dhh program. I'll give them that. But they just don't get it AT ALL. They really don't. They're NOT all anal about me being oral. BUT, they are SO out of touch about what it was like for me to grow up as a a kid with a disabilty. Especially in this area...god, they are SO enthralled with ...they think that I'm the only one in the world who experianced the HELL and downsides of mainstreaming. I'm shuddering remembering the hell of that....they also seem to not be able to see past superficality but that's a whole nother topic.The parents want their child to be a reasonable facsimile of a hearing child, and they convince themselves that the child has succeeded in doing so. But they are blind to the reality of what the child is going through. These kids don't feel that they can even talk to their parents about their difficulties, because the parents have given them the message all of their life that the only acceptable way is the hearing way. They fear they will be judged as being inferior or incapable by their own families just because they have problems in an oral only environment. These kids feel their parents will only be proud of them if they are successfully oral. So the kids try to make their parents believe that they are successful. They want their parent's love and acceptance and they believe they have to be oral in order to get it. It is the message they have been given.
melissa, it's not. It's truly not. Comparing a hearing typical kid with a dhh kid yes.....but the voice off ASL/Sign only kids are kind of rare. Most deaf kids get a very heavy dose of speech you know, and a lot of them have useful residual hearing.I know it's apples and oranges as I'm hoh and not deaf.
.....but the voice off ASL/Sign only kids are kind of rare. Most deaf kids get a very heavy dose of speech you know, and a lot of them have useful residual hearing.
I totally agree. This is what has been so hard for us with Katie. We got a lot of overly concerned comments when we dropped speech. The teacher who was around when the DHH program was set up said she didn't think there had been more than 4-5 "no speech" kids in the district in almost 20 years and never one from a hearing family.
Does she benefit from HAs? If so, She should be fine with speech therapy once a week or so. I think most deaf people like to say " Go to hell" to Audists
I think alot of us deaf are just below speech banana. I never could hear "s" or soft pitches like that. I was taught how to say them. Speech therapy does help. YOu don't have to overdo though. But that's ok if you feel it is not the best thing for her.
I don't mind answering at all. Yes, the parents were in severe denial regarding specialized educational needs. They were also in denial about the social struggles their child endures, and hold a strong belief that their child is functioning very well and is very well adjusted. BTW, all of these kids were raised in an oral only environment and sent to orally based mainstream programs. The parents want their child to be a reasonable facsimile of a hearing child, and they convince themselves that the child has succeeded in doing so. But they are blind to the reality of what the child is going through. These kids don't feel that they can even talk to their parents about their difficulties, because the parents have given them the message all of their life that the only acceptable way is the hearing way. They fear they will be judged as being inferior or incapable by their own families just because they have problems in an oral only environment. These kids feel their parents will only be proud of them if they are successfully oral. So the kids try to make their parents believe that they are successful. They want their parent's love and acceptance and they believe they have to be oral in order to get it. It is the message they have been given.
Some parents wake up. Unfortunately, most do not. They continue to blame deafness for their child's problems and refuse to see that deafness is not the problem. Environment and the destructive messages they are given by their family is the problem. Unfortunately, it takes a strong parent to admit what they have contributed to their child's problem, and an even stronger parent to make changes. They are few and far between. Once they have dealt with their child's deafness in a negative way for say, 15 or 16 years, they are reluctant to back up and make those changes. They generally continue in the same way. It is the very reason that so many deaf adults are estranged from their families. These are the very same parents that we hear say, "But my child is different." No, your child is not different. They will encounter the very same difficulties that deaf children in this situation have always encountered and will continue to encounter. And they will turn away from their family and toward their deaf peers for support and understanding. Hopefully, they will end up in a therapy support group that will help them work through the issues that have been created for them. Hopefully, they will get there before their low self esteem causes them lasting damage. You posted an article a short while ago about the deaf teen that took some very risky chances with her safety just to fit in and ended up murdered. We hear members here tell their stories of having developed eating disorders and anxiety disorders and depression as a result of trying to be what they weren't but what they believed their parents wanted them to be and what they were told they had to be in order to be successful. We hear of these struggles daily. We hear them from adults that have managed to conquer their demons, and we still hear them from children and adolescents whose parents hold onto that belief that "my child is different and this will never happen to him /her" above all else. Is it any wonder that the deaf community feels protective of deaf children?
jillo, that's almost EXACTLY what I went through with my parents. My parents are nice and all.....and they DO now say that they should have sent me to a School or a formal school based dhh program. I'll give them that. But they just don't get it AT ALL. They really don't. They're NOT all anal about me being oral. BUT, they are SO out of touch about what it was like for me to grow up as a a kid with a disabilty. Especially in this area...god, they are SO enthralled with ...they think that I'm the only one in the world who experianced the HELL and downsides of mainstreaming. I'm shuddering remembering the hell of that....they also seem to not be able to see past superficality but that's a whole nother topic.
You know that school is often hell for kids who aren't deaf, right? Why do you thinkteen suicide happens? Or Columbine?
I'm basically speechless mostly about the parents and how deep seated their denial is. No wonder many of those kids gravitate to the security within the deaf community.
Those parents missed out so much on what could be if they had accepted the simple fact their child is deaf and meet their needs. They should put the kid first and want them to be happy rather than have the kids spend their whole live working to make parents happy.
Thanks so much, Jillio, for taking the time to share your professional experiences and answering my questions. I have learned something.
You know that school is often hell for kids who aren't deaf, right? Why do you thinkteen suicide happens? Or Columbine?