Parent and HA/CI issues

[greema]

have you EVEN been READING the forums carefully. You know none of these parents that are on this forums are FORCING their child. They are giving their child an opportunity! Secondly as matter of fact some of them DO sign with their children. Because it is because of attitude like "THIS" is why they are going to say "THE HELL with the DEAF COMMUNITY - I am NOT goign to raise my child near the deaf community" and then they go off and raise the child with no exposure. Thanks now we lost some people because some assume that all of US are like this. Which is NOT true. And they are NOT destroying deaf souls - attitudes LIKE THIS destroys deaf souls. And you know what, I am DEAF and yes i have a CI. I still interact with my deaf peers frequently, but I use the CI for better opportunities at work and it is paying off. I don't want to be one of those people who works for a Fortune 100 company and sit there in the bottom and wonder umm am I going to ever move up. It opened doors for me and I am glad it did.

I'm sorry but it is attitude like this that really shuns the hearing parents of deaf children. It is no wonder why our deaf culture is dying. And what EVERY PERSON needs to realize just because ONE person has a CI it DOES NOT MAKE THEM HEARING! They are STILL DEAF!

Quoted for the Truth!!!!!!!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I agree with you on this.

When I say I don't agree with implanting babies I don't mean to leave them alone until they are 18 years old to make their own decisions. I think babies should be left alone until they are a little older to understand better what a CI is. If my 7 year old daughter happened to be deaf and she comes up to me telling me that she wants a CI after she learnt all about a CI then I would let her dream come true.

Yes I'm with you. I would do the same because I beleive to fulfill my children's wishes and make sure their dream come true.

6 years old daughter of my British friend said to me last week that she don't want CI. She KNOWS what CI after withnessed at school...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

How about if a child says "Mommy, why did you have me implanted with a CI? It is not working well for me as you hoped! I hate it so much!"?

Really it comes from both ways...negative or positive.

Very true, I have see many CI users talk about positive and negative things about CI.

That's why I rather to leave my children's choice. It will NEVER be late if they want CI. I look at CI children who wants to have CI or not because they knows pros and cons about CI. My British friend explain her daughter what CI is... If she really want to learn to listen the sounds and speaking from CI then she has to visit speech therapy more frequently... Her daughter thought about this and said that she is happy to have HA. My friend compared CI and HA children at school and rather to wear her daughter with HA first... CI children are more withdraw than HA children... it look like CI children are being burden too much to learn anything to hear sounds and speech with speech therapy, etc. etc. My friend feel hurt after saw them and rather to have her daughter to enjoy her life first and her wish will be alway be fulfilling if she really want CI one day.

 

[Victorias mom]

You taught them not to love themselves from the start.. Thats the problem!

OH YES! Many parents do force and abuse Deaf children from the start because they couldnt face the Deaf reality. PERIOD!

Deaf cant cant cant and Hearing can can can..

YOUR NEGATIVE ATTITUDE SHOWS everything that you wont allow Deaf person to have the true identity. CI is not a big difference anyway.

IT S SAME OLD BEHAVIOR PATTERNS between CI and HA as well. IT S A MUST FOR THEM TO ENFORCE US TO THINK "HEAR" AND SPEAK".

Many of us have DEAF VOICES that doesnt change a bit.

I don't think hearing aids or getting a CI teaches a child not to love themself. As long as parents give their children love, that is what teaches them about love. There are children all over with disabilites that love themselves, regardless of what measures the parents took to help them. I don't think hearing aids or CIs are any different. My child is going to know I love her because of the love I show her everyday. The fact she wears hearing aids, and maybe eventually a CI will only show her that I cared enough about her to research other options for her.

Here is something to think about. This is just one example of something my child will face. My entire family is hearing (extended family too). If my daugter were to grow up without getting a CI, she would only know sign language. Her hearing loss is profound and so far she is showing little to no response to the hearing aids. So if she grows up with only sign language, our immediate family would also know it. What about the rest of the family? I am to expect her cousins, aunts and uncles to learn sign language so they can communicate with her? That wouldn't be fair to them or to her. So every family party we have, she would only be able to communicate with her brother, myself and my husband? That alone would make the child shy away from people. Now if she grows up with a CI, she could communicate with her cousins, and other relatives. If the child could choose, I doubt very much she would choose to not hear. From a hearing parent's standpoint, there isn't much decision here.

 

[Fragmenter]

DefLord and 2kids1hoh has made absolutely amazing posts in this thread!

Pay attention to these posts, please!!!

I envy my cousins who are able to sponge off our grandparents for their experiences, knowledge and wisdom. I'm tired of surface conversations! I want to ask them complicated questions and listen to them talk about everything...

 

[Gemtun]

I remember catching my mother crying her eyes out a few times while I was growing up. I asked her why she was crying - she said she is always feeling guilty about her choices for choosing oral method for me and my brother. She saw how frustrated and lonely we were while growing up in hearing schools. She always doubted herself whether she made the right choice.

During my senior year of high school, she told me that she wants me to learn ASL. So my mom, sister and I took ASL classes but unfortunately I left for college within a few months and lived away from them for ten years before returning back to my homestate.

Now my entire family is wanting to learn ASL because I am engaged to marry a man who is pure ASL with no lipreading or speech skills. They all feel guilty that they did not learn ASL earlier but I feel I have to reassure them, especially my mother, that they did what they thought was the best at that time.

Now I am seeing this happening with parents choosing to get CIs. Some kids may benefit while some wont. But we have to lay off guilt trip on parents period. They are making best decision and dont need to hear more guilt trips or us feeding doubts into their heads. Their children will either pick up ASL or not when they are ready.

So that is why I am so supportive toward parents - knowing how damn difficult decision-making acts could be. Lets all be compassionate and supportive. Provide them with resources. Provide them with love and kindness.

Remember it takes a village or community to raise a child. We all have to be united regardless of our different beliefs.

 

[sr171soars]

I remember catching my mother crying her eyes out a few times while I was growing up. I asked her why she was crying - she said she is always feeling guilty about her choices for choosing oral method for me and my brother. She saw how frustrated and lonely we were while growing up in hearing schools. She always doubted herself whether she made the right choice.
...
So that is why I am so supportive toward parents - knowing how damn difficult decision-making acts could be. Lets all be compassionate and supportive. Provide them with resources. Provide them with love and kindness.
...

Good post!

I can relate in many ways...been there done that. One difference is that my mother didn't waver while I was growing up (believe it or not that was a good thing for me!). It was later she voiced uncertainty and regret in pushing me so hard. I had to tell her it worked for me and I turned out okay. Sure, I had to pay a "price" for doing so and that it doesn't work for everybody either (both she and I had to learn that).

As like this post and some others, there are people who recognize the difficulties of being parents in difficult circumstances. There are many more who do not understand this for whatever reason and they need to get a grip on the facts of life. Parenting (those who put effort into it) is not for sissies...it is hard work trying to have the wisdom of Solomon where your child is concerned and forever second guessing yourself at times...

 

[IslandGal]

I am sorry but to me it is proof you do not understand at all.
What's the point of early intervention if you want to wait for the child to grow up to explain about it, only then it's too late for "early intervention"?

it just doesn't make sense.

Fuzzy

How dare you insult me? You need to work on your attitude, Audiofuzzy.
Not EVERONE have the same opinions on implanting babies with CIs. All I did was to express my opinions and feelings but yet you insult me that I do not understand. I have never bashed on anyone, have I?

Ages 0-3 is not too far away from ages 4 to 6 so there shouldn't be a big difference with the early interventions.

You make it sound like that a CI is the only hope to make deaf people more intelligent. Well, you are wrong. There are a lot of deaf people without a CI who are very successful. I have read stories about some deaf people who have made themselves a doctor, nurse, dentist, lawyer, teacher, actor, pilot and so on. Whether with a CI or not, a person can still be intelligent after he or she receives an excellent education.

 

[rockdrummer]

I just created new thread for Sweetmind because she's against on all parent that force to implant on toddlers and children. I just saw how's she feeling about CI would affect deaf culture and ASL but not most at time, implant on toddlers and children are affect them, not for adults that decide to get CI since their ASL is perfect.

Just discuss about parent issue, implant on toddlers and children are supposed be against by FDA, then postpone to after 18th Birthday. Parents are not supposed to forces their children or toddlers to get CI without any benefits with HA, Who want benefits for CI then wait until after 18th Birthday.

What about if CI is the last and only hope for a child?? How do you feel about that?

 

[rockdrummer]

Ages 0-3 is not too far away from ages 5 and up so there isn't a big difference with the early interventions.

Actually, according to studies, it makes a huge difference. Below is an excerpt from this article. I also believe this would be considered early intervention. http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/speechandlanguage.asp#mychild

The most intensive period of speech and language development for humans is during the first three years of life, a period when the brain is developing and maturing. These skills appear to develop best in a world that is rich with sounds, sights, and consistent exposure to the speech and language of others.

 

[IslandGal]

Actually, according to studies, it makes a huge difference. Below is an excerpt from this article. I also believe this would be considered early intervention. http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/speechandlanguage.asp#mychild

Didn't you notice that I edited my post before you posted this?

 

[Fragmenter]

What about if CI is the last and only hope for a child?? How do you feel about that?

This is what turned over my leaf.

 

[DefLord]

Ages 0-3 is not too far away from ages 4 to 6 so there shouldn't be a big difference with the early interventions.

You make it sound like that a CI is the only hope to make deaf people more intelligent. Well, you are wrong. There are a lot of deaf people without a CI who are very successful. I have read stories about some deaf people who have made themselves a doctor, nurse, dentist, lawyer, teacher, actor, pilot and so on. Whether with a CI or not, a person can still be intelligent after he or she receives an excellent education.

Honestly age 0-3 is where they really absorb most of the info that is when their brain does most of the explosion. And LANGUAGE is very crucial at that time, the later you wait the harder it is. Think about it - who do you think will be able to grasp the English language better? The 2 year old who came into the United States and hears the language and etc all the time or the 5 year old? Of course the 2 year old will - I have seen it often and alot (And this doesnt pertain to disability but an example). I see it here in Texas quite a bit.

Now as for stories you have read - I REALLY would LOVE to read those - I know of some lawyers - some still practice some dont. (I am targetting the PRO deaf deaf ones). But I am really interested in seeing some links on the successful deaf professionals. After all it would make it a better selling point. So can you please post me some links or some references.

 

[IslandGal]

Now as for stories you have read - I REALLY would LOVE to read those - I know of some lawyers - some still practice some dont. (I am targetting the PRO deaf deaf ones). But I am really interested in seeing some links on the successful deaf professionals. After all it would make it a better selling point. So can you please post me some links or some references.

Sure I will. I think I will create a thread about deaf professionals but it will have to wait until I have some free time as I have to step out right now to run some errands. See you later

 

[Audiofuzzy]

I am sorry Butterflygirl I am so not trying to insult you - I am trying to convey my point to you, since by your replies I can see you don't get it. I am just telling you HOW I know it.

You wrote:

Ages 0-3 is not too far away from ages 4 to 6 so there shouldn't be a big difference with the early interventions.

The ages might not be far away from ecah other but look what the graph shows and proves it makes a BIG difference!

See how up to the age three 0-3 the column is tall, and and at the age 7-10 is SO much shorter! and you want to wait until six, which is closer to the column of age 7 -10.
This is what your child will most likely understand with CI when implanted at age six- closer to the low column of age 7-10.

I suppose after the age three the ability to recognize sounds falls down drastically. Age 4 will be probably halfway between age 3 and 7.

Being deaf and intelligent has NOTHING TO DO with CI preformance according to the age.

If you buy a new car its best performance will always be when it is new not when it is older. It has nothing to do with the quality, engine size, horsepower etc - in other words - a car's "intelligence".
Merely with AGE.

Fuzzy

 

[lovezebras]

i dont know if im taking a swing in the dark here for replying just because i havent been hoh for long and i wasnt born hoh and as of right now have no listening devices and im only 17. But here is my opinion: I think anyone and everyone should respect a parents decision to implant their children at a young age if they think there children are in need of it (if hearing aids are no longer an option). If you think about it the doctors tell you the patient or parents of the patient that he/she would benefit from a CI. So if a doctor is saying they would benefit from it then why not do it. Wouldn't you feel kinda bad for your kid(s) later on if they were behind their age group in language skills and social interaction, just because you thought when they are older they can make the decision themselves. It's like any other surgery. If your kid would benefit from having say a surgery for their spine, but it wasnt totally needed but suggested to make their life much better in the long run or they could be disabled in the future. Would you think o well they may regret it later because of the big scar they would have that might make the self concious.

If the child decides that they really dont like the CI anymore they can ask to have it removed and if hearing aids are still no longer an option then i guess they are choosing asl. Which to parents should not matter at that point because if your child is telling you and talking to you about how their CI is making them feel REALLY uncomfortable then so be it. But if u deprive them of actually trying it from a young age and actually learning their a,b,c's whether in a mainstream school or deaf school then your being ignorant to the fact that YOU are hurting your childs chances at a possibly better life.

Right now im going thru possibly getting hearing aids and my mom is in a positive/negative mode because she thinks that people will look at me much different etc and she is worried that i will get hurt from other peoples ignorance. Us "kids" get to know when we are older that you are always trying to help us out and make the right decisions.

If a CI is necessary and hearing aids no longer work then i say, hey why deprive a kid of hearing better then not being able to hear at all?! You may be thinking about your kid's short term future, but look at the long term. Parents take a chance everyday in regards to their kids health, sometimes it turns out good sometimes bad, but with the technology today devices can be tried out and if you don't like it then you dont. But u have to give it a chance. Also im not saying it would be easy to just remove a CI, but it's probably not impossible.

So instead of the HUGE arguments, maybe respect peoples opinions. If some people are really against CI's then maybe there is a reason behind it (maybe they had an experience or a family member had one and their responses were negative). All im saying is that you never know people's situation unless you really know them or ask.

Im not trying to start another argument, just trying to end some small ones on here, if i help the situation then great. If you think i just wasted some space on here then thats ok too, cuz its my opinion, my post, and im pretty sure my right as a registered Member to voice my personal opinion.

 

[Fragmenter]

 

[Victorias mom]

Good post!!

You have every right to post your opinion. You (and your parents) should be very proud of yourself... you sound very smart. Good luck with your hearing aids, or whatever you decide to do. I hope all your experiences are positive!

i dont know if im taking a swing in the dark here for replying just because i havent been hoh for long and i wasnt born hoh and as of right now have no listening devices and im only 17. But here is my opinion: I think anyone and everyone should respect a parents decision to implant their children at a young age if they think there children are in need of it (if hearing aids are no longer an option). If you think about it the doctors tell you the patient or parents of the patient that he/she would benefit from a CI. So if a doctor is saying they would benefit from it then why not do it. Wouldn't you feel kinda bad for your kid(s) later on if they were behind their age group in language skills and social interaction, just because you thought when they are older they can make the decision themselves. It's like any other surgery. If your kid would benefit from having say a surgery for their spine, but it wasnt totally needed but suggested to make their life much better in the long run or they could be disabled in the future. Would you think o well they may regret it later because of the big scar they would have that might make the self concious.

If the child decides that they really dont like the CI anymore they can ask to have it removed and if hearing aids are still no longer an option then i guess they are choosing asl. Which to parents should not matter at that point because if your child is telling you and talking to you about how their CI is making them feel REALLY uncomfortable then so be it. But if u deprive them of actually trying it from a young age and actually learning their a,b,c's whether in a mainstream school or deaf school then your being ignorant to the fact that YOU are hurting your childs chances at a possibly better life.

Right now im going thru possibly getting hearing aids and my mom is in a positive/negative mode because she thinks that people will look at me much different etc and she is worried that i will get hurt from other peoples ignorance. Us "kids" get to know when we are older that you are always trying to help us out and make the right decisions.

If a CI is necessary and hearing aids no longer work then i say, hey why deprive a kid of hearing better then not being able to hear at all?! You may be thinking about your kid's short term future, but look at the long term. Parents take a chance everyday in regards to their kids health, sometimes it turns out good sometimes bad, but with the technology today devices can be tried out and if you don't like it then you dont. But u have to give it a chance. Also im not saying it would be easy to just remove a CI, but it's probably not impossible.

So instead of the HUGE arguments, maybe respect peoples opinions. If some people are really against CI's then maybe there is a reason behind it (maybe they had an experience or a family member had one and their responses were negative). All im saying is that you never know people's situation unless you really know them or ask.

Im not trying to start another argument, just trying to end some small ones on here, if i help the situation then great. If you think i just wasted some space on here then thats ok too, cuz its my opinion, my post, and im pretty sure my right as a registered Member to voice my personal opinion.

 

[jag]

As like this post and some others, there are people who recognize the difficulties of being parents in difficult circumstances. There are many more who do not understand this for whatever reason and they need to get a grip on the facts of life. Parenting (those who put effort into it) is not for sissies...it is hard work trying to have the wisdom of Solomon where your child is concerned and forever second guessing yourself at times...

I've always stated on different lists when people are criticizing because of a choice that a parent has made,

Hey we do the best we can and just hope we don't screw up to much. My older kids have turned out pretty good so I guess with them I didn't screw up to much. Now the younger one with the hoh and the down syndrome, that one is much more challenging and both my husband and i do have 'regrets' about some of the decisions we've made, but we go on and just try to make up for those mistakes. anyone who thinks they are perfect and knows all the answers on how to raise children is really deluding themselves. If they've never had children and tell everyone what needs to be done based on their limited experience growing up they are also deluding themselves. (imo of course) even the so called 'experts' in child raising don't have all the answers tho they can give you ideas that might work with your family....or not. So parents will continue to do the best they can, look for answers and ways to help their deaf children communicate in a HEARING world and they will make those decisions and hope they don't screw up to much...that they didn't wait to long... etc etc etc.

Life isn't perfect, we as parents will screw up, but i'm sure that if a child is implanted at an early age and only given an oral approach it would become very apparent within a few years if there needs to be a change or addition to the communication mode. Immersion into a sign language enviroment at a later age seems to be much easier then immersion into the hearing world via CI at the same later age, one middle school child transferred into my daughters school with no ASL, by CHristmas she was doing very well with it. I'm sure she had alot more to learn but she was learing. She has an advantage over her peers who are only getting ASL tho, she can better communicate out in the hearing world since that's what she had done up to coming to this school.


The oral approach gives children a chance to interact with their extended families and not just the deaf culture, the deaf world is very small compared to the hearing world. And if a CI can enhance that communication, go for it.

 

[jag]

Im not trying to start another argument, just trying to end some small ones on here, if i help the situation then great. If you think i just wasted some space on here then thats ok too, cuz its my opinion, my post, and im pretty sure my right as a registered Member to voice my personal opinion.

Oh I enjoy a good debate on issues. this has for the most part been a pretty good debate. have any of us gotten the no side to actually look at facts (like EI in language...or any delay helps the child more then waiting) I don't know. I would base my decision on facts, not worrying about how my small child might feel a few years down the line, the time lost from EI can never be made up.

In a way I've btdt with a fairly crappy EI program for my youngest who has down syndrome. That time can never be made up where we listened to the so called educated teachers rather then really looking at the FACTS that we saw. sigh. (see I do think I screwed up, but we do continue to move on making better decisions...is part of parenting. )

Tell your mom that my dd number 3 got HA's in 4th grade and never had a problem with her friends. Didn't really have problems with anyone else either. They just excepted the fact that she could finally hear. You true friends will just except it an move on, since you except it your friends will except it. for the rest well they aren't true friends so who needs them anyway.