Always the elephant in the room...

blondon704 said:
I can't believe he wouldn't think a bite guard is sexy "meow" :)

These are the repsonses that make me feel nervous. I don't want to "push" oral or sign on my sons but how am I supposed to know what will be easier for them? Is it to early for me to be thinking like this? In your opinions do you have any comments? Keep in mind he is about to be 4 and my other son is 8 months.

But at the same time I don't feel like I am pushing either. I am just scared I will mess up with them.
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Your job as the mother is to be the one in charge. Oralism is never easier than ASL, as a general rule. Mainstreaming is not easy either, because the deaf child can't hear what's being said in the classroom and their deafness creates barriers socially-wise.

Not too early at all to be thinking about these things. Do you use sign with your kids right now? If not, how do you communicate with the 4 year old?
 
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It's not my place to say what to do, Blondon704, but I can share with you that in my own situation, 20/20 hindsight, my life would've been BEST learning both ASL and spoken language. I hear just enough sound to get away with spoken language in well-lit quiet environments, but it has been nothing but hardship not having other communication options handy. Sh*t happens: HAs break, sinus infections plug up your ears, can't wear HAs at waterparks/swimming, and forget about any middle of the night pillow talk. Signing would fill in those gaps for me.

HELL, I went to see President Obama speak a couple of years ago - monumental moment for me - and I couldn't hear a damn word he said. There was an interpreter standing right next to him!

Hopefully this does not ruffle anyone's feathers - to be clear, I am not advocating for any particular communication mode for anyone else, just saying what's best for myself.
 
I use sign with him and the other children as well. I still speak but I emphasize more on signs. We watch a lot of signing dvds and read a lot of books and I am trying my best to get it situated to where I can go to classes for it but right now I am stuck with learning on my own.

I like reading everyones experiences I am open to it all. I read your original post Abby about how you were a "faker" that made me so sad for you, as a parent, I don't ever want my children to hide their feelings or fake. I don't want to throw money at them like their hearing loss is a problem I need to fix, I don't want to fix it I want them to love who they are no matter what. I want to know that what I am doing is for them and their best interest.
 
You are an amazing parent. You have already surpassed my parents efforts by light-years, accomplished more with your children in a handful of years than my parents have in decades, so your children are well on their way to being happy and well-adjusted adults.
 
Abby Nicole said:
Oh yes, the patronizing "stop feeling sorry for yourself" mantra. Usually said by the very people who are unwittingly stacking the obstacles higher and higher right in front of you. Because you can't just abracadabra self-pity into happiness, you learn to suppress it and ignore your true feelings. Become numb.

Teeth clenching, been there still there. My dentist demanded that I use a bite guard at nighttime due to the damage done to my teeth. During the day, I actively work on not clenching, but at nighttime it can't be helped. My jaw feels much better in the morning with a bite guard. It's an upper guard, so it kinda pushes my upper lip out ever so slightly, Megan Fox style, so I always saunter into the bedroom puckering my enhanced upper lip to my hubby, haha - but nope, he still doesn't think the bite guard is sexy.
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My gf has a bite guard that she uses at night. I too do not find it sexy. But, once the lights go out, I totally forget it's there. :)
 
DeafCaroline said:
AD has been a huge help in validating my feelings and emotions about how I was raised. It's been great to learn that it wasn't just me and that what I went through, so did many others and that my anger problems wasn't because I was feeling sorry for myself as my parents used to say.
...
It's moments like that that contributes greatly to my becoming a happier and more relaxed person. I used to clench my jaw and grit my teeth a lot. Sometimes so much so that my jaw would ache but that hasn't happened in the past few months. :)
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What a strange coincidence. I used to have pain in my jaw as well before joining AD lately. Understanding myself and my hearing disability has eased the burden of how the views of others are projected on me. Having an own interpretation (or simply 'story' if you prefer) of who I am has made me relax quite a bit.

That is the second half. The first half was learning to stare away from the computer (look at a tree, a wall, the ceiling, a painting, or something) 30 s every 30 min. It makes my eyes relax. My optician taught me that.

Now I am a bird with my own feathers and flying high in the sky.
 
blondon704 said:
Unfortunately the only deaf school in our state is located 7 hours away. He is in a deaf ed program but for this being a rural part of the state it is not my idea of what he should be getting. I keep in contact with the schoo, for future hope for him to go there and also a little selfish but because I am trying to get in to interpreting and they are offering volunteer work for me to do if I could ever get to the point where we could move up there.
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That's good that you're in contact with the school!!! And at least he's in a deaf ed program! There are a lot of good deaf schools out there...maybe it might be possible for you guys to move to there...
 
blondon704 said:
I can't believe he wouldn't think a bite guard is sexy "meow" :)

These are the repsonses that make me feel nervous. I don't want to "push" oral or sign on my sons but how am I supposed to know what will be easier for them? Is it to early for me to be thinking like this? In your opinions do you have any comments? Keep in mind he is about to be 4 and my other son is 8 months.

But at the same time I don't feel like I am pushing either. I am just scared I will mess up with them.
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He's four...he's still young. You need to offer him both. One thing that I think most if not all parents need to be aware of is that needs change over time. Like just b/c he speaks well, it doesn't mean that he may not need ASL for classroom instruction or beyond one on one .....Try not to be biased, but ALSO give him both!
 
Abby Nicole said:
Hi alldeaf.com,

Newbie here, I've been a long-time lurker and decided it's time to participate. It's refreshing to relate with others on topics I keep hidden or cannot successfully explain to family, friends, associates and strangers.

Short background: 30-something newlywed, unemployed, congenital severe-profound bilateral deafness. I wear Oticon BTEs, mainstreamed growing up ("won" an AG Bell award in 7th grade for being oral deaf), and have absolutely no exposure to ASL, Deaf culture, and the closest relation I have to others with deafness are my elderly grandparents. My family's response upon discovery of a deaf daughter was to throw money at it; I always have the best equipment on the market.

And oh, I'm an excellent faker. I've faked being a hearing person for so long, I've lost my sense of self and what makes me happy in life. This has been exacerbated by what I experienced as a BWW bride and twice laid-off job hunter these past few years. To add insult to injury, my hearing is worsening.

I want to change several areas of my life (ie, learn ASL), but it's hard to undo audist brainwashing and how I've set up my fake "hearing" life. As an example, embarrassed to admit this, I feel uncomfortable watching strangers sign yet I wish I could join them. There's a sign language school one mile from my home, yet I haven't walked in the door. Messed up, right?

Sidenote: I visited a therapist for a few years in my 20s, and he told me I wasn't actually depressed or needed meds, but that my life was challenging and I had a right to grieve and be angry. Of course, health insurance ran out after that little breakthrough session, so I'm perpetually aware of being an angry person grieving for the hearing I'll never have.

DH is my soul mate, and he tries his best to comfort and help on my bad days or bad experiences. But support and advice from those who share similar experiences is invaluable; I'm interested in making new friends and reading your different views and lifestyles. Hence, hello alldeaf.com, I'm looking forward to being a part of your community - thank you for reading.
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Wow! First, welcome. :wave:

Second thought is think probably trillions spent on therapists amongst the 'Oral' deaf alone! :laugh2:

Your post bring *SO* many memory back for me.

Also grow up 'pretend hearie' so understand, fully, where you are coming from. Grow up being told, in word and action, that being 'hearie' is superior to admitting deafness which was, in family, inferior. Feel ashamed about that now. Then realize not alone in that thought process which has, thankfully, CHANGED!!! Significantly!! *SO* proud to shout, in my unique accent, ;) that I am Deaf woman and don't fricking judge me on that!!!

Also feel *so* depressed, over the years, because *KNOW* deep inside fraud. That do not belong to hearie world but pretender amongst them. Why was it *SO* hard to ask them to accommodate me? I *still* wonder about that now. :roll:

Yes, it is hard to 'undo' audist upbringing. Heck, I start my own thread the other day because feel have audist daughter.

You are *not* alone in anything that you write here. We are same. Many of us same. :hug:

Write some time ago the following...

I'm not a religious person but your post made me think of the story of Moses. Born to a culture that he never felt like he belonged to. He just felt 'different' from the Egyptians. It was only when he discovered that he was a Jew did he *finally* understand his heritage and culture and embraced it. Like a light went on for him.

For me, I was the same. Once I found *my people* I knew I was home but I didn't know I was looking for them until I found them.
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My wish for you is that you *also* find your *home.* :hug: When read your post feel like reading *my* first post here. Then start to understand *SO* many things that were just not right in my upbringing by sharing in friendship with my own people. Their experiences. Their heartaches. The one thing discover, since arrive here, the Deaf community will support you like no other community out there. My goodness we are blunt bunch but we are a very supportive bunch, too.
 
Abby Nicole said:
That's true, Jazzberry - the big parties will not end/not in my control. I will try a pen/paper, see how that goes down. Just wish it didn't have to come down to that.

The noise is horrible! Even with great hearing aids, the crowd noise makes me feel disoriented and dizzy. Well... the excessive social drinking makes me dizzy, too. Forgot to mention that - the big parties drive me to drink heavily so I don't go postal. :(
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OMG! Are you my long lost twin? :laugh2:

Have post-election get together tonight at pub with colleagues. Decide, depending on who is elected, will drink 'very' much or drink *VERY* very much. Cannot stand crowds but will bring pen/paper and boyfriend.
 
"They have the freedom to be who they are. Now give yourself permission to do the same."

Never cease to amaze me how you say such profound things Jillio. Things that go straight to mind and make me say, "WOW! How does she *do* that?" :hug: :ty:
 
I found a FB post that, while not directly related to hearing, seems to apply here.

creepymomthing.jpg


This post struck me as creepy. First, the mother is so needy and self-absorbed. It falls into the "all about me" category. The mother seems to put the son into a spouse roll. Yuck! Interestingly, the mom in question is divorced.

Second, the idea that a person is a thing from God to use as a friend is disturbing. Children are not things, and children do not come to be our friends. This point hits home when mom has to make a decision unpopular with her teen son.

I can't imagine this applying to a well-adjusted mom and her son. A mother/adult son relationship between two adults is not based on this. This is an example of a parent who uses a child to satisfy her own needs rather than meet the needs of the child. It's more obvious because the child is an adult and the idea is very inappropriate.

Maybe deafness/HOH is similar. The child may become a thing to meet the parent's needs to parents who are less than well-adjusted. It happens.
 
Cheetah said:
Sadly even if I wanted to, I could not afford to fly Alldeaf members in from around the world. But it would be awesome if I could! :D Besides, such a wedding date is still a year or more away.
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How about a private online wedding????
 
Rebecca, I read your thread about your daughter, it's a familiar sting when it feels like your own family at times is your worst enemy. Well, "enemy" is too strong of a word, but hopefully you get my gist. It's easy to shrug off strangers' ignorance or insensitivity, but not so with your own flesh and blood.

At times, I wonder if I'm a masochist? I've consciously chosen to stay close with my family, and no matter how often I patiently explain "I can't hear you calling me from another room", "No, my hearing battery is not going dead", "Yes, again, your favorite restaurant is too loud for me to be conversational", these simple lessons are continually lost on them. The effort is not there, it seems. It's exhausting being the constant educator.

Ironically, my family is hyper-vigilant in accommodating their late-deafened elderly relatives? WTF?
 
Wirelessly posted (Backberry)

Buffalo said:
Cheetah said:
Sadly even if I wanted to, I could not afford to fly Alldeaf members in from around the world. But it would be awesome if I could! :D Besides, such a wedding date is still a year or more away.
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How about a private online wedding????
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That's ummm, I like that idea! :) I will keep this idea in mind.
 
Here is another one Sallylou-
"Children with disabilities are like butterflies with broken wings. They're just as beautiful as other children, but they just need a little help to spread their wings. Repost this if you know LOTS of beautiful butterflies."

I saw that and couldn't help but laugh at the ignorance of the post.
 
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