Always the elephant in the room...

Abby Nicole said:
That reeks of condescension. "Broken" - really???
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Totally.

My response was, "But the thing is... Their wings are not broken- they are just shaped differently".

That was the best I could come up with at 1 in the morning.
 
Wanna learn something funny? That broken butterflies analogy could never be applied to deaf children... Butterflies actually can't hear.
 
Abby Nicole said:
Ironically, my family is hyper-vigilant in accommodating their late-deafened elderly relatives? WTF?
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Ask them to explain that. I'm guessing that they are in denial about your hearing loss or at least the extent of your hearing loss and that this might force them to deal with the issue.

BTW, how often do they see their late-deafened elderly relatives?
 
Jazzberry said:
Ask them to explain that. I'm guessing that they are in denial about your hearing loss or at least the extent of your hearing loss and that this might force them to deal with the issue.

BTW, how often do they see their late-deafened elderly relatives?
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I have asked, and received an exasperated answer in the vein of, "It's a different situation."

Example: I've asked why the older relatives are given a cheerful free pass when they skip noisy family functions whereas if I ever hint the possibility that I will not attend due to crowd noise, I'm subjected to numerous lectures on the importance of being a part of la famiglia and showing support with physical presence. My mother is legendary with slinging around catholic guilt.

And yes, they are stubbornly camped in the land of denial.

They see the elderly relatives 5-6 times a month.
 
Csign, that post is disturbing. Why can't the people who post it see that?
 
Why are people so afraid to talk about deafness. I have often discussed my hearing with elderly people and they often are relieved to have someone to talk with as their family or friends don't like to discuss their hearing loss or communication needs.

This elephant has gotten way too big and won't fit through the doorway anymore. Time to slim it down and push It out the door so me can all have a little more breathing room.
 
Cheetah said:
Why are people so afraid to talk about deafness. I have often discussed my hearing with elderly people and they often are relieved to have someone to talk with as their family or friends don't like to discuss their hearing loss or communication needs.
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It's been polar-opposite responses from my two elderly relatives when I reach out.

When I offer help to my maternal grandfather in adjusting his HAs or just support in general, he changes the subject. It's been an ego-blow for him. I get the vibe that he doesn't like having an "affliction" in common with his "special needs granddaughter."

My paternal grandmother also doesn't want support, but she loves to have long one-sided conversations with me (her AARP HAs don't work so well), lamenting on how she now "gets it" how tough my life has been living in the hearing world. She doesn't share my severe-profound loss so she's asked why I can communicate better than her, I explain that I've had a head start in the lipreading department and better HAs. (Not bragging on that last point, just an attempt to convince her into purchasing better quality aids)

Yeah, deafness is definitely taboo.
 
Abby Nicole said:
I have asked, and received an exasperated answer in the vein of, "It's a different situation."

Example: I've asked why the older relatives are given a cheerful free pass when they skip noisy family functions whereas if I ever hint the possibility that I will not attend due to crowd noise, I'm subjected to numerous lectures on the importance of being a part of la famiglia and showing support with physical presence. My mother is legendary with slinging around catholic guilt.

And yes, they are stubbornly camped in the land of denial.

They see the elderly relatives 5-6 times a month.
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Well, FWIW, here's my theory as to why they treat you differently. You had a hearing loss while you were growing up and living with them and maybe they just weren't up to making all the accommodations necc. for you then because it was a 24/7 situation. It's a lot easier to accommodate someone that you only see a few times a month for a short period of time. And, while you were a child it was much easier to say you didn't need that kind of accommodation than admitting that they didn't want to deal with any inconvenience.

If they start accommodating you now, on a certain level they will realize that they should have accommodated you earlier and they just don't want to deal with the guilt.


That's my theory anyway.

My family is not so different than yours, I think.
 
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It's fairly common for older people to view hearing loss as a vulnerability that they don't want to acknowledge. As my grandpa said, "Aging ain't for sissies." He was really old and still used that word "sissies." lol
 
I like old people, they can be so interesting and a window into our past. (and a reminder how sometimes things don't change)
 
Abby Nicole said:
My paternal grandmother also doesn't want support, but she loves to have long one-sided conversations with me (her AARP HAs don't work so well), lamenting on how she now "gets it" how tough my life has been living in the hearing world. She doesn't share my severe-profound loss so she's asked why I can communicate better than her, I explain that I've had a head start in the lipreading department and better HAs. (Not bragging on that last point, just an attempt to convince her into purchasing better quality aids)

Yeah, deafness is definitely taboo.
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Abby does your grandma have old lady ITE aids? A lot of old people get the old person dinky aids b/c of cosemetic reasons, but the larger aids work WAY better.
Also I second the special needs glurg.....I have always hated it.....I mean just b/c a kid is deaf or blind or whatever it doesn't mean they're going to have a "oh woe is me, this is so horrible not having a healthy normal life" experiance. Here is an aritlce I wrote about the special needs glurg: Welcome to... A Typical Life?!? (and I have a disability!)
 
Jazzberry said:
Well, FWIW, here's my theory as to why they treat you differently. You had a hearing loss while you were growing up and living with them and maybe they just weren't up to making all the accommodations necc. for you then because it was a 24/7 situation. It's a lot easier to accommodate someone that you only see a few times a month for a short period of time. And, while you were a child it was much easier to say you didn't need that kind of accommodation than admitting that they didn't want to deal with any inconvenience.

If they start accommodating you now, on a certain level they will realize that they should have accommodated you earlier and they just don't want to deal with the guilt.


That's my theory anyway.

My family is not so different than yours, I think.
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There's a lot of logic to your theory, Jazzberry. Guilt is a difficult emotion to face straight on, and perhaps the family's resistance to accommodating me is simply the aftereffect of their desire to keep possible guilty feelings buried. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
 
deafdyke said:
Abby does your grandma have old lady ITE aids? A lot of old people get the old person dinky aids b/c of cosemetic reasons, but the larger aids work WAY better.
Also I second the special needs glurg.....I have always hated it.....I mean just b/c a kid is deaf or blind or whatever it doesn't mean they're going to have a "oh woe is me, this is so horrible not having a healthy normal life" experiance. Here is an aritlce I wrote about the special needs glurg: Welcome to... A Typical Life?!? (and I have a disability!)
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I've noticed those old people now getting cute tiny BTE's these days.

One old guy showed his off to me, and they were camo!
 
deafdyke said:
Abby does your grandma have old lady ITE aids? A lot of old people get the old person dinky aids b/c of cosemetic reasons, but the larger aids work WAY better.
Also I second the special needs glurg.....I have always hated it.....I mean just b/c a kid is deaf or blind or whatever it doesn't mean they're going to have a "oh woe is me, this is so horrible not having a healthy normal life" experiance. Here is an aritlce I wrote about the special needs glurg: Welcome to... A Typical Life?!? (and I have a disability!)
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Oh yeah - she's got those crazy mail order HAs, lol! I keep working on her, but fact is, she's 98 years old and generally doesn't like people by principle, so a social life isn't her priority. Also a Depression-era survivor, she nearly choked when I shared the cost of my HAs, and said she'd rather keep that money to "pass down".

I'm going to read your glurg now...
 
Abby Nicole said:
Oh yeah - she's got those crazy mail order HAs, lol! I keep working on her, but fact is, she's 98 years old and generally doesn't like people by principle, so a social life isn't her priority. Also a Depression-era survivor, she nearly choked when I shared the cost of my HAs, and said she'd rather keep that money to "pass down".

I'm going to read your glurg now...
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Isn't that wonderful your Grandma is 98!! Make sure you ask her all the questions about your family history before you can't ask her anymore. I'd he willing to bet you'll find out some interesting stories :)

My Grandmother passed away in June, God rest her soul... She was 88 years old and my last surviving Grandparent. She too lived through The Depression, which had a lasting effect on her. Even though my Grandfather and her were well to do with money in the bank, she still kept money in a shoebox just in case. I think until the day she died, she never fully trusted the banks.
 
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Elephant has left the building! :applause:
 
Abby Nicole said:
There's a lot of logic to your theory, Jazzberry. Guilt is a difficult emotion to face straight on, and perhaps the family's resistance to accommodating me is simply the aftereffect of their desire to keep possible guilty feelings buried. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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Or perhaps simply they just don't want to think that they weren't right. Similar to not wanting to feel guilty but a little different.

I admit that I didn't come up with this on my own. Years ago someone gave me her opinion that often in many families the dynamics don't change because everyone has a vested interest in "being right."

Her opinion really clicked with me; I think there is a lot to it -- unfortunately.
It would be nice if more people were open to change and being more flexible.
 
deafdyke said:
Abby does your grandma have old lady ITE aids? A lot of old people get the old person dinky aids b/c of cosemetic reasons, but the larger aids work WAY better.
Also I second the special needs glurg.....I have always hated it.....I mean just b/c a kid is deaf or blind or whatever it doesn't mean they're going to have a "oh woe is me, this is so horrible not having a healthy normal life" experiance. Here is an aritlce I wrote about the special needs glurg: Welcome to... A Typical Life?!? (and I have a disability!)
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I was given the poem welcome to holland by the ski hi prgram which was incidentally sent to me by the state school for deaf and hoh. I read the poem looked at the lady and told her that the poem had nothing to do with my children, that I thought it was inappropriate and misguiding. I may be overstepping there but I am not to sure who would say something like that about their child.
 
I think we would be great friends! Im a newlywed who is realizing that my hearing is getting worse. Ive always been HOH I have been " mainstreamed" my entire life, Im pretty sure that half of the time my family "forgot" about my hearing loss and/or chose to ignore it. This would explain why Im also a fantastic faker (I relied on lipreading growing up, but more times than not I found myself just smiling and nodding because I had no idea what was going on around me) and have never really been exposed to ASL or deaf culture. Unfortunately now that my hearing is getting worse I am starting to test out hearing aids again, which has been diffecult and even embarassing. Its akward when people I know ask why I need them " you hear just fine"they all say, right.... If they only knew. I guess sometimes I just feel like a total outsider and so I am very grateful that I found this site!!
 
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