Adjustment to late onset deafness

It's more the latter. I've always been a homebody and I don't like to be away from my kids (especially the 8 YO). If there was an event that I really wanted to go to, I would go. I'm just not a cocktail party kinda girl. I prefer to have a few very close friends rather than a bunch of acquaintances.
 
I like to have few close friends, too - as opposed mass group. Like rich friendship, even if we don't see each other often, as opposed to superficial-ness
 
sallylou said:
It's more the latter. I've always been a homebody and I don't like to be away from my kids (especially the 8 YO). If there was an event that I really wanted to go to, I would go. I'm just not a cocktail party kinda girl. I prefer to have a few very close friends rather than a bunch of acquaintances.
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Well, my advice would be then, if it isn't causing a problem for you, then it isn't something you need be concerned with changing. I am not HOH, but I am much the same way as you regarding how I choose to spend my free time. I don't see this so much as isolating, as in just knowing what your preferences are and making a choice regarding that. As long as you are still attending those events that truly interest you, I don't see this as a problem. I can understand your concern, however.
 
Thanks for your support. :ty:

Sometimes, I feel like I should be more sociable. I know, my therapist says that I can't have "shoulds." ;)
 
dogmom said:
:ty: you same, CJB?

sally, it seems that you are very sociable on here:wave:
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Yes, I agree. Sallylou seems to be very sociable on here. That is why I suggested that perhaps she wasn't isolating, but just making a choice regarding her preferences. Some people are just, by nature, more introverted, in that they enjoy solitary activities or small gatherings more than large gatherings. Nothing wrong with that at all.
 
Like sallylou I enjoy being social and outgoing online. In person is another story. :giggle:
 
sallylou said:
Back to the topic of adjustments--let's talk about ISOLATION.

I've noticed that I've become more isolated. I've always been an introverted person. I prefer reading, working out and hanging out with my family. Recently, I had a chance to go to a dinner/dance. I thought about how difficult it would be to communication in that environment and I decided not to go. It's not so much this particular event because I didn't really want to go. It's a trend of isolation that I noticed.

Anyone notice that you have become more isolated? How do you cope with isolation? How can we prevent becoming isolated? TIA for any ideas you share.
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I Definately feel isolated. In the last few years I have stopped going out as much. I feel afraid that I look like an idiot because I don't know what is going on. My hearing loss has made me clumsy too, so I draw attention to myself. I used to love going out, but it's so much harder when you can't understand your friends.
 
quirkylibra said:
I Definately feel isolated. In the last few years I have stopped going out as much. I feel afraid that I look like an idiot because I don't know what is going on. My hearing loss has made me clumsy too, so I draw attention to myself. I used to love going out, but it's so much harder when you can't understand your friends.
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If there is one thing I hate about being deafblind, it's the fact that it is so isolating. It can be isolating to the bone.
 
CJB said:
If there is one thing I hate about being deafblind, it's the fact that it is so isolating. It can be isolating to the bone.
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I can only imagine. Sometimes my vision gets a little screwy, and I think, "Crap, I don't wanna be blind too!" My chances of permanently losing my vision any time soon are very low, about as good as the next guy. I just wouldn't know what to do with my life without it :)
 
CJB said:
If there is one thing I hate about being deafblind, it's the fact that it is so isolating. It can be isolating to the bone.
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I agree completely. That is why it is so important to develop a network that allows you to stay in touch with others in the same circumstances. Often times, one feels isolated even within their own family. A group of peers that can relate to your day to day experiences is a valuable asset.
 
I am involved also with forum for people with math LD. My mom, who I do enjoy spending time with as friend, does not believe I have LD and that I'm making it up<she has lots of her own past baggage to deal with, including abusive mother> ; my dad <whom I also enjoy spending time with as friend> kinda "gets" it - he and I just don't happen to talk about it much. So, having other forum <LD> is really useful for me because I can talk about how I may have had trouble understanding bus schedule and the person I was interacting with about that got mad, for example, or how clerk or someone in line with me at store got impatient because I was slow with the change. Or I mis-counted it. And it is good to share with someone else to whom same has happened, how it was to explain to a worker trying to get to my house for a repair, for example, that I would need to have this person talk to husband so my husband can explain to repair-person how to get to the house because I don't know North, South etc., nor most of the street names, I just know what it all LOOKS like and I know what street I live on. And I can discuss the times someone has said - oh, you seemed smart - when I say I have LD in relation to something in conversation. So, I understand about having a network to whom you don't always have to explain stuff, and someone could even add - yeah, in that same situation I did THIS....
 
I'm a very social person, but I have started avoiding many events, to be honest. A lot of sounds hurt, so going out to clubs or concerts is flat out. Going to the movies is iffy too -- most theaters seem to turn the volume WAY up!

What's more of a problem is finding spaces to hang out one-on-one with people -- like going out to dinner, or for a drink after work. I live in New York, and many of the restaurants here are just too loud for me to understand the conversation. And work socializing is an issue too -- I can talk one-on-one, but if it's a wine-and-cheese after a colloquium, there are lots of conversations going on and it gets to be too much.

I have started going to a sign meetup, which has other HOH/late-deafened adults there. That helps!
 
ms_redcat said:
I'm a very social person, but I have started avoiding many events, to be honest. A lot of sounds hurt, so going out to clubs or concerts is flat out. Going to the movies is iffy too -- most theaters seem to turn the volume WAY up!

What's more of a problem is finding spaces to hang out one-on-one with people -- like going out to dinner, or for a drink after work. I live in New York, and many of the restaurants here are just too loud for me to understand the conversation. And work socializing is an issue too -- I can talk one-on-one, but if it's a wine-and-cheese after a colloquium, there are lots of conversations going on and it gets to be too much.

I have started going to a sign meetup, which has other HOH/late-deafened adults there. That helps!
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When you say things are too loud, are you referring to a problem of recruitment or hyperacusis or something else? Just wondering. :ty:
 
CJB said:
If there is one thing I hate about being deafblind, it's the fact that it is so isolating. It can be isolating to the bone.
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I'm sorry, how do you deal with that? Do you find that people in your life have a hard time understanding? I am lucky that I am not blind, that must be so difficult. Losing your hearing is difficult enough, I can't even imagine.
 
ms_redcat said:
I'm a very social person, but I have started avoiding many events, to be honest. A lot of sounds hurt, so going out to clubs or concerts is flat out. Going to the movies is iffy too -- most theaters seem to turn the volume WAY up!

What's more of a problem is finding spaces to hang out one-on-one with people -- like going out to dinner, or for a drink after work. I live in New York, and many of the restaurants here are just too loud for me to understand the conversation. And work socializing is an issue too -- I can talk one-on-one, but if it's a wine-and-cheese after a colloquium, there are lots of conversations going on and it gets to be too much.

I have started going to a sign meetup, which has other HOH/late-deafened adults there. That helps!
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I agree that restaurants are very loud. I wouldn't say they hurt me, but I cannot understand the people/person I am with because of all the backround noise. Sometimes I just take my HAs out and try to make do. As far as the movies, I can't understand them at all, so I have to say no to friends who ask. Sometimes they get angry because they say the movies are so loud, how can I not hear. That makes me angry. I hear all the noise, just can't follow what is going on. I would like to learn asl, but I school has been really hard for me and I don't have much time. I guess when I do, it may be better for me.
 
quirkylibra said:
I'm sorry, how do you deal with that? Do you find that people in your life have a hard time understanding? I am lucky that I am not blind, that must be so difficult. Losing your hearing is difficult enough, I can't even imagine.
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:hmm: Well there are some other deafblind folks on this forum that will hopefully also answer this question to show we all deal with it differently.

I try to surround myself with people that are willing to sign, go to a quiet place to communicate, repeat themselves without getting impatient, and maybe even type to me on my computer. So far I've found a few people but I still feel isolated in most situations. At least there are those few instances of communication and feeling part of group that I can look forward to.

Another thing is deafblindness kind of forces you to entertain yourself a lot of the time since you're not getting much information coming in. I have taken up talking to myself and making myself laugh when I'm bored out of my mind. :giggle: :laugh2:

I also spend a lot more time on the computer because online there are no barriers or boundaries in communicating with other people and the only thing that separates me from anyone else is that I need transcripts with any videos. :)
 
CJB said:
I try to surround myself with people that are willing to sign, go to a quiet place to communicate, repeat themselves without getting impatient, and maybe even type to me on my computer. So far I've found a few people but I still feel isolated in most situations. At least there are those few instances of communication and feeling part of group that I can look forward to.

Another thing is deafblindness kind of forces you to entertain yourself a lot of the time since you're not getting much information coming in. I have taken up talking to myself and making myself laugh when I'm bored out of my mind. :giggle: :laugh2:
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Well, after I starting to lose my hearing, I noticed that people aren't as willing to work with me as I would have thought before. Have you noticed that? People in my family especially. They have no patience for me and "forget" that I do not hear very well.

Btw, I talk to myself and constantly laugh at myself too:giggle:
 
quirkylibra said:
Well, after I starting to lose my hearing, I noticed that people aren't as willing to work with me as I would have thought before. Have you noticed that? People in my family especially. They have no patience for me and "forget" that I do not hear very well.

Btw, I talk to myself and constantly laugh at myself too:giggle:
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Definitely noticed that. It's impossible not to. Most people just throw up their arms and give up. I really appreciate the rare individual that actually tries to communicate with me anyway.

My family always forgets I'm hard of hearing, and even sometimes that I'm blind. They forget to let me know what's going on. They've even been known to leave the house without telling me, let alone inviting me along with them.
 
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