Your identity Your attitude

Before going to sleep last night, I found my personal folder with a lot of my poetry and writings, since the 70's.....

My own personal journey wasn't an easy one, inasmuch and surely, there are others who have been through so much more.

When you hold onto the anger, it's like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone. But, you are the one that gets burned.

Success is not what you gain in life, or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others.....

I also noted, that in my younger years, and dealing with my deafness, disappointments, depression and being hurt....that my faith was even stronger then.... I never gave up.
 
rockin'robin said:
Before going to sleep last night, I found my personal folder with a lot of my poetry and writings, since the 70's.....

My own personal journey wasn't an easy one, inasmuch and surely, there are others who have been through so much more.

When you hold onto the anger, it's like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone. But, you are the one that gets burned.

Success is not what you gain in life, or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others.....

I also noted, that in my younger years, and dealing with my deafness, disappointments, depression and being hurt....that my faith was even stronger then.... I never gave up.
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I love it! You are so right about holding onto anger. It only hurts you.
 
I don't have a problem with anyone getting services to which they are entitled. That's why the services exist.

I think that most late-deafened people feel isolated and lost. You can see it when a new person who is late-deafened joins here. Look at the late-deafened thread. You'll see the relief that people express when they find "their own kind."

Most late-deafened people have no idea how to connect with the Deaf community. The internet has improved the situation, though. It takes courage to join a new community but it also offers growth opportunities.
 
My only problem is trying to go find a local community. Its not that I don't want to but I'm very nervous. I don't know where to begin.

One of my cousin told me to go to the local college and go through a asl class. I could be making new friends and it could be life changing for me.

Also I have to see if my boss would even work around me going to classes (doubtful but worth a shot to ask).
 
ladysolitary85 said:
My only problem is trying to go find a local community. Its not that I don't want to but I'm very nervous. I don't know where to begin.

One of my cousin told me to go to the local college and go through a asl class. I could be making new friends and it could be life changing for me.

Also I have to see if my boss would even work around me going to classes (doubtful but worth a shot to ask).
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ASL classes are always a good start. You may be able to schedule the classes around your work hours. Never know 'til you check it out.:wave:
 
I was born deaf due to German measles. My adoptive parents researched some schools in Ohio for me and decided on an oral school which they thought it was the best for me. I was struggled to accept my Deaf identity because, like Shel90, I was denied myself. Later on, I realized that Deafness is no big deal and I later embraced my Deafness. I quit wearing hearing aids when I was in the early 20's due to some headaches from wearing hearing aids.

I accept myself for who I am. If someone does not like me or my personality, then it is his or her problem, not mine. :wave:
 
rockin'robin said:
Before going to sleep last night, I found my personal folder with a lot of my poetry and writings, since the 70's.....

My own personal journey wasn't an easy one, inasmuch and surely, there are others who have been through so much more.

When you hold onto the anger, it's like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone. But, you are the one that gets burned.

Success is not what you gain in life, or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others.....

I also noted, that in my younger years, and dealing with my deafness, disappointments, depression and being hurt....that my faith was even stronger then.... I never gave up.
Click to expand...

i like it too, agreed with Jillio, and I must write this down, take it to my counsellor in town (for anger management - i only see them twice a year to self-review talk about life, more as a freind cuz i got not father figure now) its a great quote i think they should have it printed out and put on the wall - maybe id do that - 2 copies one for me in my office and one for them as a gift of quote)

Good one Rockn Robin! its really really clear :aw:
 
AJWSmith said:
This is a good thread. Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories so far :ty:

I'm still in the middle of working out my identity and attitude so I don't feel ready to write on the thread just yet. But I'm learning loads from it and see bits of my life in other peoples' stories here.
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i see bits of mine too, just because its only bits doesnt meant you're not the same, we are!, only different backdrops, different crowds, different family values, different personalities in the family and community in which we interact (or try to) affects us, some more severe, others more subtle, and other more subtles but lasting denial impacts and so on...

and indeed its not about destination its about journey, im not sure why this is the 'trend' in terms of placing a meaning in lifes anticipation i guess its more fitting yet it is more mysterious. destination is more a physical aspect, journey is more an abstract, but way we remembers sometimes are located with places...so its become harder to trace that journey - i guess thats why many people found using diary so useful ( i dont use one - and i should im too lazy for it)

Dare i say 'journey' sounds slightly too 'new ageist' by that i mean they speak alot of journey and reincaranation just something to point out - that's all, on the side of thats, its interesting to see how New Age seems to prevade to some point over the trend of 'life skills' i wonder why but thats off topic..

what struck me is that, hearing people needs to learn tolerance for our identity and our attitudes, not just us. if this tolerance grows so will our interactions in life with them will improve, i think like why does hearing people assume they have the superior hand in 'attitudes' they arent alot more sosphiscated as they'd like to think. I really think we've became far far more sosphiscated about communications and tolerances within the Deaf World.
 
authentic said:
I have noticed most of hoh or late deafened people are starting to get advantage of deaf benefits such as SSI, transportation discounts, get free education from VR, and so on and yet they don't act like they are deaf or socialize with deafies which they disgust me.
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Disgust is a harsh word, because these benefits are given to the deaf as part of the Disability ACT, and while I don't know your personal opinion, plenty of deaf people deny deafness as a disability.

That said, why do HoH need to socialize with deaf people to begin with? They go thru extra lengths of economic hardships and unemployment, so they are just as entitled as anyone else eligible for these programs. These programs aren't designated for anyone that lives in any culture or anything. Independant of your social activities, these benefits are given if you satisfy physical or mental requirements.
 
sallylou said:
I don't have a problem with anyone getting services to which they are entitled. That's why the services exist.

I think that most late-deafened people feel isolated and lost. You can see it when a new person who is late-deafened joins here. Look at the late-deafened thread. You'll see the relief that people express when they find "their own kind."

Most late-deafened people have no idea how to connect with the Deaf community. The internet has improved the situation, though. It takes courage to join a new community but it also offers growth opportunities.
Click to expand...

Very good points.

When I lost the remainder of my hearing due to surgery there was no Deaf mentor, no books on how to suddenly accept deafness. When you become deaf later in life you do not wake up magically knowing asl. Even if you did wake up knowing asl no one around you does know it. I go to family, they dont understand. I go to friends and they are suddenly awkward and distant. They dont have time to write notes to communicate.

The job skills that transfer? In the eyes of your employer or any potential employer those qualifications as well as your IQ seem to drop as fast as your audiogram.

The audiologist wants to see you a lot. They love you, your insurance money and the sales. The audiologist is very happy to tell you that there is something WRONG with you and that hearing is a happy place and deaf is a bad thing. The doctors like passing you around as long as you have insurance. (maybe this surgery or that surgery?)

Oh, and lets not forget those speech skills. Because late deafies can talk they are often ridiculed with statements like "How can you talk - you are deaf". We are often scoffed at, ignored, and share many other heinous experiences because we have to learn to be deaf. I have been hit by a truck (not hurt), hit by a shopping cart by a rude person who hit me when I did not move after she said "excuse me". Grrr

Deafies shun us because we are late deaf or not deaf enough, hearies shun us because we are deaf.

It took a decade to find a nice Deaf group, a deaf church, and only 5 years to learn of VR. They are awesome. They are the ones who contacted a local deaf person and introduced me around. I did meet a nice lady here on alldeaf. We formed a deaf social (sadly fail) and I met others there.

It took quite a long time to accept the loss. Imagine suddenly losing a leg or an eye. Get it now?

I now do passably well with asl as long as I am not judged too harshly. My family never did learn asl, but I do know that they love me and support me.

Now here is the kicker. I like being deaf. I do not take money from any agency other than my employer. I have stuck it out with a very abusive boss who should have been taken to task for her horrible jokes, tricks and meanness about my deafness. I earned my pay. Yet, if I were to lose this job I am not really going to get a job here. How do I know? 4 of the 12 deaf friends I have now work. No one else can find a job. How bout that?

I still like being deaf. I wasnt born deaf, but I do believe I have earned my capitol D. :deaf:

One of the nicest bits is that I have fewer but much nicer friends, both really and virtually. You guys here are just rockin and one of the many means of education and support that I have used over the years.

I also learned to roll my eyes at my audiologist and the doctor. Ohhh yeah, and VR can also help you deal constructively with a mean, prejudiced boss. haha!

Your stories are great, and thank you for sharing. :ty:
 
That said, why do HoH need to socialize with deaf people to begin with? They go thru extra lengths of economic hardships and unemployment, so they are just as entitled as anyone else eligible for these programs.
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Exactly.
Deaf benefits is just a social monetary and other ASSISTANCE in daily living due to just a disability, not deaf culture disability, for crissake.

Besides, the deaf community is not exactly so welcoming toward HoH and late deafened who can barely sign. Certainly not HoH,
and if one still values hearing - forget it! gets the boot! how do you even EXPECT these people to "socialize" in your exclusive club?

Fuzzy
 
Im deaf in both ears and do not know ASL. I wasnt allow to learn ASL b/c I am only one deaf in my family so I lip read with them b/c I have voice. That is all I have to say. I am lazy to type more. :beer:
 
I wasnt allow to learn ASL b/c I am only one deaf in my family
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oh, that's too bad. aren't you angry, though? I would be...
however, you write like you would sign...?
not exactly proper written English :hmm: :dunno2:

Fuzzy
 
Audiofuzzy said:
This is terrible, I am so very sorry. I wonder, though, why didn't you went back to school for the deaf, then?
Surely you wouldn't have to suffer all this anymore?

btw- what an excellent thread. Your stories are very moving!

Fuzzy
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It was my personal choice for the better education. No offense but not many Deaf schools have the same education as public hearing schools do.
 
Audiofuzzy said:
oh, that's too bad. aren't you angry, though? I would be...
however, you write like you would sign...?
not exactly proper written English :hmm: :dunno2:

Fuzzy
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That was why ASL is a big no-no. No,Im not angry b/c I really dont need it but people need to know I am legally deaf. I do not like it that people who are confused about my condition.
 
Grummer said:
my school days was rough just like yours too, unlike some deafies i know here are far more lucky to have gone to a high school with a Deaf unit on the other side of town...teachers,parents,family just lied to me flatly saying im too good and hearing school is best thing for me (sic) but like they know anything ofc its not like they would not understood any of it from my side. Yet the worst thing i did to myself was to have believed them and believed that they understood. All this changed when I got older that I begin to see the differences with maturity which also brought to me that it is clear they clearly knew squat as I became more able to think for myself. In retrospect its hurts to see that they were just plain selfish to worry about their own lives counting money, leaving me behind, like how cruel was that to dupe me? to this day, i find it REAL hard to Not be jealous of hearies whos made it better than i do now when whereas in school i was better than them!, hate to say it left me quite bitter for a long long time. Only recently had I stopped worrying and moving forward.
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Yeah, know what? I used to dream so often about pulling a bloody massacre -- Columbine-like massacre on my high school. It took me about 10 years to forget all about it (the dream) after the graduation day. Hell, believe it or not I saw some faces that were still reminded me of what they did to me in school and off campus in my hometown and they asked me for forgiveness. Some of them and I became friends, added one another on Facebook as well to keep in touch in inbox messages.

Oh, by the way, yeah I had to re-paint my old bedroom's white wall thrice some years ago to cover everything that was being written on the wall. It was about 150 names on the list in black marker ink of the students at my middle/high school I wished to kill. Oy Vey!
 
Yeah, know what? I used to dream so often about pulling a bloody massacre -- Columbine-like massacre on my high school.

Oh, by the way, yeah I had to re-paint my old bedroom's white wall thrice some years ago to cover everything that was being written on the wall. It was about 150 names on the list in black marker ink of the students at my middle/high school I wished to kill. Oy Vey!
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Katz4life-
While i get it that you wanted receive good quality education -
jesus, the abuse you suffered there must have been horrible!
I am actually terrified at what you wanted to do, thinking that maybe you were just a hairline from thinking to doing :eek3:

have you ever talked to anybody about your ordeal at school while it was happening? teachers, counselors? even your family?
did anybody helped you?
My gosh, I am so sorry I'm in tears for you!


What is however very encouraging, how some of the people realized years later how bad and traumatic their behavior toward you was,
and seeked your forgiveness. even became your friends! :)

I hope that helped you to realize that kids are just cruel, and quite often they later grow into thoughtful adults
who are sorry for their former behavior.
9 times out of 10, as kids they don't have good example at home, their parents doesn't teach them good values, offer no guidance -
you know the drill.

I am so sorry for your ordeal, and hope you can rise above old traumas,
and have a happy life now, forget about your past schools suffering.

Deaf Tim - but you do realize you have every right to deaf culture and
chose whatever means of communication you think you prefer?
You and only YOU decide.
Not your parents, not your priest, or rabbi,
or whoever your spiritual guide is, not your friends, neighbor, doctor, policeman, etc -nobody. Just YOU.

I hope by now, you found your true identity :)

Fuzzy
 
I am in same situation just like everyone else here.

Your stories are great and :ty: for sharing it with us.

It's a good thread, FF.
 
katz4life said:
It was my personal choice for the better education. No offense but not many Deaf schools have the same education as public hearing schools do.
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That is a misperception. Most follow the state mandated educational curriculum that the public schools have to follow.
 
katz4life said:
Yeah, know what? I used to dream so often about pulling a bloody massacre -- Columbine-like massacre on my high school. It took me about 10 years to forget all about it (the dream) after the graduation day. Hell, believe it or not I saw some faces that were still reminded me of what they did to me in school and off campus in my hometown and they asked me for forgiveness. Some of them and I became friends, added one another on Facebook as well to keep in touch in inbox messages.

Oh, by the way, yeah I had to re-paint my old bedroom's white wall thrice some years ago to cover everything that was being written on the wall. It was about 150 names on the list in black marker ink of the students at my middle/high school I wished to kill. Oy Vey!
Click to expand...

my god!! I am glad that you did not kill someone out of revenge!! I am glad that some people asked you for forgiveness..that's a start.

For me, I draw the line on some people who hurt me.
 
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