Will my daughter be accepted in the Deaf Community w/ a CI?

[Lexi's Mommy]

I am a hearing parent of a 1 year old daughter who is deaf. After a lot of thought and prayer, we have decided to get her a Cochlear Implant so that she may function more easily in the hearing community and with our family, which is all hearing. However, I still want her to learn ASL, as well as our immediate family, and whatever extended family is willing and able. I have just started taking an ASL college course, and am LOVING everything that I am learning about the Deaf community. And the more I learn of the language, the more sure I am that it is the right choice to still use this language, as it will always be more comfortable for my daughter than English. My concern is: Will she be accepted in the Deaf community if she has a CI? I know there is a debate over the surgery, and I would hate to have it keep her from the culture she was born into. What are your thoughts? Do I have anything to worry about?

 

[signer16]

I am so happy that you are looking into all your daughters available options, and are looking for what will be best for her. The fact that you are even taking an ASL class and learning about the deaf community is a very positive thing. It's rare with hearing parents who have deaf children, I applaud you for your efforts.
C.I.'s will probably always be very controversial in the deaf community, especially as technology improves and C.I.'s will give children more and more "hearing." I'm sure you already know that C.I.'s give children very technical- sounding hearing, much like a computer voice. But anyway, that's off the point.
I am currently a student at CSUN, which has a large deaf community, and I have deaf friends with C.I.'s, and many deaf friends without them. Almost all of the deaf CSUN students are accepting of people with CI's, and I've heard R.I.T and even Gally students are fairly accepting now too. The friends I have from R.I.T and Gally all have been, but I don't know enough people there to be able to actually say.
I think younger people are always more accepting of change, largely because it isn't as big a change to most of them...most deaf kids now see that many deaf kids have CI's, it's normal. By the time your child is an adult the majority of the deaf community will have grown up with exposure to CI's.
To make my point, most deaf people I know don't care if people have CI's, they care about a deaf person's deaf identity and signing ability. I think your child, who it seems will sign and speak, will be fine.

 

[deafdyke]

Ditto.............having a CI or not having a CI really doesn't matter....it's really the attitude towards Sign and Deaf culture that really matters. Some of the oral deaf folks who've had CIs have been really "high and mighty" about their oral abilty.....but you know.....1/2 of implantees are TCers......so eventually I think people won't really care about CIs....they are controversial, but I've seen them getting a lot more accepted lately.

 

[Tousi]

*Sarcasm mode on: Yeah, well, won't this Deafhood concept take care of that? Sarcasm mode off: The way Deafhood's going right now....from what I'm seeing around me and on blogs, it appears to speak(a lot) to inclusivity but is really exclusive. .. but maybe time will tell.......

 

[Lexi's Mommy]

C.I.'s will probably always be very controversial in the deaf community, especially as technology improves and C.I.'s will give children more and more "hearing." I'm sure you already know that C.I.'s give children very technical- sounding hearing, much like a computer voice. But anyway, that's off the point.

This is why I feel so strongly that our family needs to be fluent in ASL. I think the CI will help build bridges into the hearing world so that my daughter can interact with those hearing individuals who do not sign. However, it seems to me that no matter how positively the doctors try to spin it, it will not be easy for her to hear with the CI. I want her to be able to live as comfortably as possible, and the inclusion of ASL in our family seems to be the best way to accomplish this. But enough on that, not really the place for that discussion, is this?

So, in these responses and what I'm reading in other threads, it seems like as long as we try as a family to join the Deaf community whole-heartedly, her CI will not be looked at as a negative thing. Is this correct?

And wow, I just love ASL! It's a such a wonderful language! Everyday I'm so excited to get to class and learn more. I can't wait until I've learned enough to carry on a real conversation. Until then, I'll be practicing!

 

[deafdyke]

it seems like as long as we try as a family to join the Deaf community whole-heartedly, her CI will not be looked at as a negative thing. Is this correct?

Yes indeedy!!!! I think the mentality comes from "hoh kids aren't really deaf" but you know..........I am hoh, and have been hoh my entire life.....since conception acutally....I have never felt like I totally belong to the hearing world. I am not more hearing then deaf.
That's awesome that you're learning Sign.......what state are you in? Some states have programs where Deaf/CODA adults come to your house to serve as mentors, so the whole family can learn sign. I think your daughter will be very very well adjusted! She'll be able to develop some speech skills, but yet be able to function without her CI!
What kind of early intervention program is your daughter in? Have you contacted the School for the Deaf in your state?
Have you joined American Society for Deaf Children and Hands and Voices?

 

[jillio]

I'm so happy to see that you are embracing ASL and the Deaf community for your daughter's sake. You are about to embark on a wonderful journey of discovery! Twenty years ago, I took the same road with my own son (only no CI) and have never once regretted my decision.

You are correct in your approach to the Deaf community. Approach them as though they have many things they can teach you (which they can) and you will be accepted. My attitude was that I had never been a deaf child, the professionals I dealt with had never been a deaf child, and the only people who could explain to me what it meant to be a deaf child, and what that child's needs are is the Deaf community. I was accepted with warmth, and have had many positve experiences and made many wonderful friends as a result. And my son has grown up healthy, happy, and well adjusted.

Just do what your heart tells you is right for your child, as you obviously are already doing. There may be rough spots, but you'll get through them, and learn many things to enrich your life along the way. Good luck to you and your family!

 

[Lexi's Mommy]

We live in Utah. We have signed up for the Deaf Mentor program, but there is a waiting list in our area, so we just have to be patient. We are working with early intervention through the school for the Deaf. We have not registered with the third thing on your list, though. I should do that.

Thank you all for your wonderful feedback. I feel like there is so much positicity in the Deaf community, from what little I've learned so far. It's seems sad and unusual now when someone has a bad experience in this community. My ASL professor is great and is always emphasising exact and precise signing so we will all look good in the Deaf community, and so that she, as a member of the Deaf community, will not look bad for teaching sloppy sign! I'm glad she works us so hard, I think it will really pay off.

 

[Chrysanthe]

wow!

HI ya Lexi's Mommy

Wow... you are a one brave lady! I admire your efforts for your daughter. Uhm...I was a former Utah Valley resident and was a member of the Deaf ward. There are a lot of children are using CI in that church.

I admit that I didn't like the idea of parents were getting their children to get CI then I took some classes at UVSC and my teacher taught us abou CI, Deaf Culture and etc... I later learned to respect the parents with deaf children as long as they are participating in the Deaf Community.

I feel it is crucial for deaf children to get involve in the deaf community to learn their deafness, languages and culture. That goes for the the Parents of deaf children so they can understand their children better.

Truth is, when Hearing Aid first came out, everyone was being controversal about it. The controversal died.... the hearing aids were later accepted as long as the children were using ASL and involving in the Deaf community. So...when CI came out, it came out the same reactions with Heairng aid.

What I am seeing what you are doing, I see there is no problem. You are being a great mom. I am impressed with you!!

Hang in there, Lexi's Mommy!!!

 

[Interpretrator]

The way Deafhood's going right now....from what I'm seeing around me and on blogs, it appears to speak(a lot) to inclusivity but is really exclusive. .. but maybe time will tell.......

Don't worry. Apparently Nesmuth is going to fix it.

 

[Passivist]

I feel sad this topic even exists, but it does show how apprehensive many parents can feel at the prospect of their child and deaf culture inclusion. The 'community' really does need to adfdress the negative image it has, of a an introspective and decibel/sign led group with an 'entrance' exam or qualification required before you can enter it.

I could only say the child itself needs to accept what they are, and be encouraged to build on that. 'To thine own self be true', the rest will follow anyway... It's not the end of the world if a culture won't accept you, it could well be the start of a whole new one that suits you. What sector of people will reject someone because they can hear a bit ? Would they reject someone with glasses ? I'd be happy to be well out of that group personally...

 

[Cloggy]

I am a hearing parent of a 1 year old daughter who is deaf. After a lot of thought and prayer, we have decided to get her a Cochlear Implant so that she may function more easily in the hearing community and with our family, which is all hearing. However, I still want her to learn ASL, as well as our immediate family, and whatever extended family is willing and able. I have just started taking an ASL college course, and am LOVING everything that I am learning about the Deaf community. And the more I learn of the language, the more sure I am that it is the right choice to still use this language, as it will always be more comfortable for my daughter than English. My concern is: Will she be accepted in the Deaf community if she has a CI? I know there is a debate over the surgery, and I would hate to have it keep her from the culture she was born into. What are your thoughts? Do I have anything to worry about?

Hi Lexi's Mommy,
You have come to an excellent place on the internet to ask these kind of questions. I'm sure you'll get excellent responses from all sides.
Here in Norway, Deaf community is not big. Having 4 million people living here, spread out over a large area, doesn't help. Also, attitude towards CI is acceptance, not reluctance over here.
We have contact with deaf people, but our focus has now shifted towards hearing for our daughter. When she's older and wants to explore her deaf side, we will support her 100%. We made sure that sign is in place. It will become dormant, but it's there to be woken up later. Now, we have to focus on her being able to hear, listen and speak.

You are in the same situation as we were 3 years ago. Our daughter was also diagnosed to be deaf. HA's were tried to no effect, and for us CI was the way to go. We started sign as well and enjoyed it tremendously, learning a lot due to the way parent-education is set up here. (Norway) Sign gave us the means to start real communication with our daughter, and we still use it.
But you have to remember that once she hears by CI, this willl be her means of communication.. Our daughter uses now (2 years after she started hearing) 95% speech and the rest sign. By her own choice. She and we as well, still use sign when the message is not understood, but communication starts off with speech nowadays.
Regarding the way CI sounds - nobody can give you an answer. Inititially it sounds like a metallic sound but for people that became deaf later, the brain adjusts it into normal sounds.
For my daughter, I don't know what it sounds like. But then again, I don't know if your "pling" of the microwave is the same as mine. Perhaps you hear a "plong" when I hear a "pling". My daughter has her own experience of sound. If I ask her to say "apple" she'll repeat "apple". It doesn't matter that she hears it differently compared to me.

But I understand your enthousiasm for sign language. It's really beautiful. Also within our "home-"family (all hearing) we still use it. It's very "handy" at times.
But even though we bought books on sign language for our family and relatives, we never expected them to learn it.
Learning a language is quite an effort, and think about it this way.. Learning sign is like learning hungarian. It might be the natural language for your child, it is not so for the rest of the world.

We have seen how communication with other people, has improved for our daughter since she started hearing. Not just immediate family and friends, but also complete strangers. The happiness in her face when she said "hi" for the first time to a stranger and that person said "hi" back. Pure bliss.

I would advise you and your closest family to learn as much sign as possible. It will benefit tremendously for the communication between your daughter and you. Before CI but also when she has to learn to hear, speak and listen. Sign will help her make sense from all the input.
But don't expect everyone else to learn sign. It's not fair to them. In order to learn it, one needs to practice it continously - like any foreign language - and for people that do interact frequently with deaf people - that's difficult.

Anyway.... feel free to have a look at our daughter... just click the link in my signature....

 

[Cloggy]

............. I later learned to respect the parents with deaf children as long as they are participating in the Deaf Community.

I feel it is crucial for deaf children to get involve in the deaf community to learn their deafness, languages and culture. That goes for the the Parents of deaf children so they can understand their children better.........!

Pitty your respect is depending on participation in Deaf community. What if there is no community around. You would not respect them??

When the choice has been made for CI, parents will focus on speech, hearing, listning. Deaf culture is not relevant in that case. It definitely is not crucial for the childs development.
When, later in time, the child wants to explore Deaf culture, then parents ahould help and get involved as well. But for a 2-year old, Deaf culture is not crucial.

 

[Chrysanthe]

Pitty your respect is depending on participation in Deaf community. What if there is no community around. You would not respect them??

When the choice has been made for CI, parents will focus on speech, hearing, listning. Deaf culture is not relevant in that case. It definitely is not crucial for the childs development.
When, later in time, the child wants to explore Deaf culture, then parents ahould help and get involved as well. But for a 2-year old, Deaf culture is not crucial.

All I m gonna say to you... you are the parent of deaf child, but you re hearing. I don't expect you to understand.

If there is no deaf community around, then we would be isolated. Then again, I wouldn't expect you to understand. Thank you. Let's leave at it because I am here to respect Lexi's mommy and to support her. I am not here to bash. Thanks!

 

[Passivist]

If there is no deaf community around, then we would be isolated. Then again, I wouldn't expect you to understand. QUOTE]

Acquired deaf have faced this issue since there have been deaf who acquire it, we build bridges or try to, between ourselves and the hearing community, there is no option for people like us, who either choose not to/or are unable to enter a signing world, or are 'not acceptable' to them. You move on or you fall. It's a life lesson to learnt, fitting into a deaf world isn't the be-all, or end-all, there are alternatives, acquired and deafened live them every day.

Perhaps Mom is looking to the wrong area for advice ? Acquired/HI/Deafened sign too, with little or no conatct with the established BSL/ASL community, amazingly we still survive ! If deaf people live far from the deaf community it does NOT mean only isolation can exist, what it means, is a lot more effort has to be put in so hearing and deaf will mix, perhaps the signing community could actually LEARN from that ? Make a change from forever complaining they have no ID or whatever, we all have one, it doesn't need to reflect anyone else's. we are what we are, no point being what others want.

 

[SxyPorkie]

Lately there are more children with CI... I assume that other children are accepting children with CI...

 

[Chrysanthe]

If there is no deaf community around, then we would be isolated. Then again, I wouldn't expect you to understand. QUOTE]

Acquired deaf have faced this issue since there have been deaf who acquire it, we build bridges or try to, between ourselves and the hearing community, there is no option for people like us, who either choose not to/or are unable to enter a signing world, or are 'not acceptable' to them. You move on or you fall. It's a life lesson to learnt, fitting into a deaf world isn't the be-all, or end-all, there are alternatives, acquired and deafened live them every day.

Perhaps Mom is looking to the wrong area for advice ? Acquired/HI/Deafened sign too, with little or no conatct with the established BSL/ASL community, amazingly we still survive ! If deaf people live far from the deaf community it does NOT mean only isolation can exist, what it means, is a lot more effort has to be put in so hearing and deaf will mix, perhaps the signing community could actually LEARN from that ? Make a change from forever complaining they have no ID or whatever, we all have one, it doesn't need to reflect anyone else's. we are what we are, no point being what others want.

True... it is all up to us for who we were and are now. But Lexi's Mommy is concerned for her daughter's acceptance in the deaf community. Where she comes from, I am in the same community as she is. The people in Utah are starting to accept children with CI (as long as they are using ASL). They believe that sign language is very important for children to communicate with their parents and other people. I am just stating for Utah people. Most of us are liberal about it and welcoming them in the community. It is a good relief for Lexi's mommy and her daughter, right?

 

[Passivist]

True... it is all up to us for who we were and are now. But Lexi's Mommy is concerned for her daughter's acceptance in the deaf community. Where she comes from, I am in the same community as she is. The people in Utah are starting to accept children with CI (as long as they are using ASL). They believe that sign language is very important for children to communicate with their parents and other people. I am just stating for Utah people. Most of us are liberal about it and welcoming them in the community. It is a good relief for Lexi's mommy and her daughter, right?

It's MORE important you are accepted for you, not for what mode you use or what aid you wear, I think that is the real goal. 'Fitting In' sounds so defeatist, accept me as I am, sounds a LOT Better.

 

[deafdyke]

Pitty your respect is depending on participation in Deaf community. What if there is no community around. You would not respect them??

When the choice has been made for CI, parents will focus on speech, hearing, listning. Deaf culture is not relevant in that case. It definitely is not crucial for the childs development.
When, later in time, the child wants to explore Deaf culture, then parents ahould help and get involved as well. But for a 2-year old, Deaf culture is not crucial.

I think he meant that hearing parents need to be openminded about Deaf culture.....VERY openminded. They shouldn't reject it just b/c some "expert" thinks its a "crutch" or b/c they think that ASL is only for kids who can't hear and speak. It's very rare that there's no Deaf community around. What he is talking about are parents who outrightly reject the Deaf community b/c they want their kids to assimulate into the hearing world.
I definitly think that a kid who is functionally hoh, and just has SOME expressive language issues, or is otherwise only a little behind doesn't need ASL and Deaf culture outright. It's OK to gradually introduce it when they are in first or second grades.....however most other implanted kids could significently benfit from ASL and Deaf culture.

 

[LuciaDisturbed]

Don't worry. Apparently Nesmuth is going to fix it.