When expecting a child, would you want it to be deaf?

No! It not expecting that happened I become deaf when I was 2 yrs old. I angryed at my mom when she wasn't fit mother. My left is hard of hearing and right deafness. I forgave my mom what caused I am deaf.
 
Malfoyish said:
Okayyyyy...this is sticky...VERY sticky...and by this I'm not referring to forum terms meaning "important." :)

I think I do understand what Cloggy is trying to say - and I've looked at all perspectives here.

Most of you already know - I am expecting in just three months. I will have to admit that I've wondered many, MANY things about my unborn little girl. First off, I wondered if she'll have brown hair like mine or blonde curls like her sister and brothers did when THEY were babies...I wonder if she'll have my husband's smile, and I wonder whether or not she'll be a soccer player like my five year old...(something's gotta come out of all that kicking she's doing in utero!)...I wonder whether or not she'll be born before, on or after her due date, I wonder SO MANY THINGS...and yes, I also did wonder whether or not she'll be hearing impaired or have normal hearing. I wondered the very same thing about my son when I was pregnant with him mainly because there IS always a possibility and as a deaf person myself, I was worried that if he couldn't hear something, then...well...neither could I. I believe it to be a common anxiety...and additionally, I think that regardless of whether or not the inquisitive parent-to-be is deaf him or herself, that is always going to be one of the general questions.

Now - that being said...I'll admit that growing up deaf was NOT easy on me. I was picked on, abused, tortured by kids in school, I often went home crying because they'd play monkey-in-the-middle with my hearing aid in the schoolyard. It was almost ALWAYS about my deafness and my peers' inability to be sensitive towards me.

So, no, I really wouldn't wish that my child go through some of the same issues I did. This is not an embarrassment issue at all - for if my child is deaf, then her father and I will still love her, nurture her, respect her and care for her all the same. It is unconditional, and that's the way a parent's love should be. It's not something we have a choice in anyway...once that egg is fertilized...well...that's it...there's a set of rules established for this baby that we have no influence on - for example, gender, race, future eye color, genes, etc. Other congenital birth defects, too...the list is truly endless.

Hope this helps a little. :)
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I second that!! I understand Cloggy's perspective...most of you misunderstood Cloggy's perspective...I personally DONT want my child to be deaf! I want my child to be hearing! Because, I dont want my child to suffer like I suffered growing up....But, if I happen to have deaf child, I would love my child no matter what...
 
Gemtun said:
I think that most people took offense at your question, Cloggy, because it implies that we will put a label on our children. We are tired of living with labels. We want to be known as ME! I want people see me and see GEMTUN, not a deaf woman.

I dont care about whether my baby is deaf or not - I will NOT give them labels but look at their NAMES. I see my two daughters and I dont see them being hearing but their names and personalities.

Most deaf people are tired of being looked at in this way - they want to be seen as who they are, not a defining disability.

Dialogue of how I used to feel while growing up:

Mom: Look at my deaf baby!
Me: Mom, look at me as Gemtun!
Mom: Look at my deaf baby! Waahhh
Me: Sighing, cant you see it is me? Dont look at my deafness - look at ME
Mom: Goes off crying and dialing many different doctors and teachers to find a solution to "fix me"
Me: Mom, I am already me! I dont need to be fixed. See me as who I am and I will thrive under your unconditional love. Just give me all tools but don't "fix" me and expect me to conform to your own society. Accept the fact I am me and will not be a member of your society and that it is not a flaw.
Mom: still crying and still dialing
Me: withdraws
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good one! i like that! never thought of it...
 
coloravalanche said:
I second that!! I understand Cloggy's perspective...most of you misunderstood Cloggy's perspective...I personally DONT want my child to be deaf! I want my child to be hearing! Because, I dont want my child to suffer like I suffered growing up....But, if I happen to have deaf child, I would love my child no matter what...
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Just want to add that I agree with you.

I don't have the experience "growing up deaf" so that is not a motivation for me. But I grew up hearing.

I want for her to be able to hear. Not for me, but for her to experience beautiful sounds.
 
coloravalanche said:
I second that!! I understand Cloggy's perspective...most of you misunderstood Cloggy's perspective...I personally DONT want my child to be deaf! I want my child to be hearing! Because, I dont want my child to suffer like I suffered growing up....But, if I happen to have deaf child, I would love my child no matter what...
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OMG! You think deaf people are the ONLY ones that suffers when they grow up? Buzz! One will find a way to bullied other kids, not only deaf people. You think nobody will mocked those who wear CI? Guess again, You think nobody would mocked the hearing people? Guess again, My boys happen to be hearing and they both already got bullied in school. Rebelgirl's daughter got bullied and she is also hearing. :whistle:
 
Cheri said:
OMG! You think deaf people are the ONLY ones that suffers when they grow up? Buzz! One will find a way to bullied other kids, not only deaf people. You think nobody will mocked those who wear CI? Guess again, You think nobody would mocked the hearing people? Guess again, My boys happen to be hearing and they both already got bullied in school. Rebelgirl's daughter got bullied and she is also hearing. :whistle:
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Good post and spot on! I agree with you that bullying is a universal phenomenon.
 
I would want the best for my child.... No I "DON'T" wish my kid was deaf........ Heck no what kind of parent would you be...... ?????


Here I want the best for my child. sorry
 
Cassbugs said:
I would want the best for my child.... No I "DON'T" wish my kid was deaf........ Heck no what kind of parent would you be...... ?????


Here I want the best for my child. sorry
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Why is hearing the best for your child? The world is full of loud people and other headache-inducing noise.
 
Cheri said:
OMG! You think deaf people are the ONLY ones that suffers when they grow up? Buzz! One will find a way to bullied other kids, not only deaf people. You think nobody will mocked those who wear CI? Guess again, You think nobody would mocked the hearing people? Guess again, My boys happen to be hearing and they both already got bullied in school. Rebelgirl's daughter got bullied and she is also hearing. :whistle:
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You keep your opinion to yourself and I keep my opinion to myself...:whistle:
 
gnulinuxman said:
Why is hearing the best for your child? The world is full of loud people and other headache-inducing noise.
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Sure, you can focus on some annoying sounds. For some people many sounds are annoying.
I recall that you have audism. Perhaps sounds, or sudden sounds are not the best to have around.
But, for the rest of the world, sounds make you part of the world. Sure you can live without sound, but in a world full of sound, hearing makes a big difference.
 
I would not get surgery to change my baby. I rather leave my child's choice. He/She will have my support, no matter what.
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True.. Once a baby is born, we support and care what a baby is. Either deaf or hearing. All babies are cutie mostly of the time.
 
I would not get surgery to change my baby. I rather leave my child's choice. He/She will have my support, no matter what.
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WhoKnows said:
True.. Once a baby is born, we support and care what a baby is. Either deaf or hearing. All babies are cutie mostly of the time.
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You know WhoKnows;
Ideally the child should make it's own choice. Unfortunately, the child can do that at a later age. So the parents has to make the choice.

But making the choice has nothing to do with accepting the child. Like you say, they are all cuties. They should allway have the support of the parent. All this has nothing to do with surgery.
 
Cloggy said:
Sure, you can focus on some annoying sounds. For some people many sounds are annoying.
I recall that you have audism. Perhaps sounds, or sudden sounds are not the best to have around.
But, for the rest of the world, sounds make you part of the world. Sure you can live without sound, but in a world full of sound, hearing makes a big difference.
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just spelling correction... he has autism not audism :)
 
Boult said:
just spelling correction... he has autism not audism :)
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Thanks for the spelling correction--I do in fact have autism, not audism... (I put this in my profile.)

Boult said:
:zzz:
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You're lucky to be able to sleep with all this noise. I can't turn my ears off. :laugh2:
 
Cloggy said:
Sure, you can focus on some annoying sounds. For some people many sounds are annoying.
I recall that you have audism. Perhaps sounds, or sudden sounds are not the best to have around.
But, for the rest of the world, sounds make you part of the world. Sure you can live without sound, but in a world full of sound, hearing makes a big difference.
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The problem: Most sounds are too loud for me. I don't know how "normals" perceive sound, but for me, a lot of it seems too loud.

This snippet really bothers me, though:
Cloggy said:
But, for the rest of the world, sounds make you part of the world.
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Are you trying to tell me that my deaf friends are aliens or ghosts?? I don't like the way you worded that.
 
Oh yeah, and Cloggy, for future reference, my sweetheart, deaflinuxgeek, is a DEAF autistic, and I, gnulinuxman, am a HEARING autistic. (Yup, we both have autism.)

Just thought I'd make this clear.
 
gnulinuxman said:
The problem: Most sounds are too loud for me. I don't know how "normals" perceive sound, but for me, a lot of it seems too loud.

This snippet really bothers me, though:
Originally Posted by Cloggy
But, for the rest of the world, sounds make you part of the world.
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Are you trying to tell me that my deaf friends are aliens or ghosts?? I don't like the way you worded that.
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Like boult said... spelling-mistake....
But I think you allready know the answer to your question. Isn't it fun to take a sentence which you understand and then give it a twist to ask a question of which you allready know the answer.

So: if you know the answer, I don't need to answer it. If you don't know the answer, it might be yes.
 
Cloggy's first language is not English (I am guessing it is Norwegian?), so I think a spelling mistake can be excused, even if it is confusing when it becomes another word! :)

You know, I have thought of another approach to this. If I am not able to have children of my own, I want to adopt a deaf child. Not only because many potential adopters don't want to adopt a deaf child (some adoption agencies see a deaf child as "special needs") but because I would not mind having a deaf child, and I am prepared to raise my child as bi-bi anyway.
 
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