When expecting a child, would you want it to be deaf?

[yo2345678]

I wanted my children to be deaf one is and the other is hearing

 

[jazzy]

I am not fit to be a parent to raise a deaf child or any child with defect. I would have abort this baby if I find something wrong with it. After my life experience I would not want to put any deaf child like me to go or any child with birth defect to go thru.

 

[Rose Immortal]

I am not fit to be a parent to raise a deaf child or any child with defect. I would have abort this baby if I find something wrong with it. After my life experience I would not want to put any deaf child like me to go or any child with birth defect to go thru.

I'm sorry your experience was so bad as to make you feel like this.

If you want my 2 cents, I'd suggest adoption for you. If you're having your own child, you'll be taking your chances. You might change your mind if you were actually pregnant...but still, if you feel this strongly, it seems like you might be better off not having a biological child.

With an adoption, you can specify what kind of child you're willing to care for. Given any thought to this?

 

[Cloggy]

Sweethart, you mentioned this before:

.......... my doctor told my mom that its her choose if she STILL want me to get ci, he would respect but wanted to tell her the fact before too late, if I get a CI then I will become retard, I have alot of % to become retard if I get a CI. Then my mom thought deaf is good enough than being deaf and retard. ..........

and I asked before to get some more info on this because I have never heared about it. As I said before, this must have something to do with your illness. When you do not specify this?

You imply that a CI operation includes a chance of the patient becomming menatally disable and this is incorrect.

Worse that no information is WRONG information.

 

[Cloggy]

Gnarlydorkette, thanks for your reply. Really appreciate your input.

I..........I just want to asnwer Cloggy's question about why is it OK for a Deaf person to wish for a Deaf child but offensive when a Hearing person wish for a hearing child...
Let's switch-a-roo the shoes!
How would you feel if I give birth to a hearing child today.. and I am VERY disappointed to find out that the baby is hearing and I declare my wish for it be Deaf? Will you be offended?

Finally a question that makes sense..
I would sympathise with your feelings because we also went through the overwheliming feeling that the child is not as expected. I would be sad for a while because the child would not be able to share our hearing world, so I can sympathise that you would feel the same, that your child will not be able to share your world. Also we had a moment where we had the fear of the unknow about bringing up a deaf child. You described the same bringing up a hearing child. So I would be able to see where the feeling come from.
I also know that looking at your child - hearing for you, deaf for me, you know that you can handle this and know that it will be OK.

***NO FRIGGING PROTESTS ABOUT "BUT BUT BUT ITS HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ITS EARS!" I am letting Cloggy having HIS answer, nothing more! BACK OFF-- I DO BITE!***

Love it!! :Ohno:

Back to my scenario: Cloggy-- you, as a hearing person, probably would be VERY offended for me to wish my hearing child, already born, to be deaf.
Now... a deaf person will share the sentiments when they find out that you wish your already born Deaf child to be hearing.

The statement was... I wish for my unborn child that it can hear. Looking at your child that is hearing I can imagine that you think "I wish it was deaf" because then it would experience your deaf world. The deaf world holds beautifull things that can be experienced best when deaf.

However your THREAD is concerned about our WISHES for the baby before it is BORN.
In all honesty I will cross my fingers on the day my future child is being born that it will be Deaf. If my child turns out to be Hearing-- no biggie. it is a 50-50 chance... I will love it the same.

Exactly, we're on the same page. And I wish for you that you have a deaf child!

If you think about it, it is the same thing when people wants their babyt o be a girl or boy... Nobody is getting offended if the person mentions their wishes before thebirth... however after the birth, the child is being affected when their parents told the child that they wished the child to be the other gender. my mother told my brother, who is the firstborn, that she wished for a daughter to be first but got stuck with a son. People-- BE CAREFUL of what you said after the person is being brought into this world!!!!

Very good comparison - I agree.

Again, I enjoyed your post.

 

[Cloggy]

......... Cloggy, by saying that you wish your daughter was hearing, you're degenrating us....

"wish for her", but I know what you mean. But instead of attacking people you could explain.
I put a question in the last couple of pages that nobody seems to want to answer. It's OK to be offended when it is interpreted that "I wish a hearing child" but in the same sentence "wishing for a deaf child" is OK They should either both be OK or both should be condemed.

I believe that it is NOT OK to say "I wish for a hearing/deaf child" because that is a selfish wish. I believe it is OK to say that "I wish for my child that it is hearing/deaf" because that puts the child at the first place.

 

[Cloggy]

I am not fit to be a parent to raise a deaf child or any child with defect. I would have abort this baby if I find something wrong with it. After my life experience I would not want to put any deaf child like me to go or any child with birth defect to go thru.

Actually, based on what I just read, not knowing anything about you I would like to say this. I think you would be extremely fit to be a parent.

 

[jshumko]

I believe that it is NOT OK to say "I wish for a hearing/deaf child" because that is a selfish wish. I believe it is OK to say that "I wish for my child that it is hearing/deaf" because that puts the child at the first place.

I think to say "I wish for my child (or any person) to be hearing/deaf." is ok to say IF the person him/herself wishes to be that way. To wish for a child to hear when the child has no clue about either world is implying that you think it is better to hear than to be deaf. To wish for a child to be deaf is implying you think it is better to be deaf than to hear. At least this is the impression I get from this ridiculous thread.

Before I met my husband and had no clue about Deaf Culture or had known any deaf people, I probably would have wished for my child to be hearing. My husband has helped me become more aware of not only his deaf world, but also more aware of my hearing world. Frankly, I'm not impressed with the hearing world right now, and think many of my hearing friends need to get some sense knocked into them.

When my husband wanted a cochlear implant because he wanted to hear, I wished for him that it would work and he could hear, because HE wanted it. The device did not work for him and it was a blow for him. He had to come to terms once and for all that he was always be deaf. I let him know that I loved him just the same.

Knowing what I know now about both worlds, if I did have a child who is deaf, I would leave her be, and if she wanted to hear, I would help her and educate her in the best way I can. I wish for my child to be happy.

 

[Angel]

I think to say "I wish for my child (or any person) to be hearing/deaf." is ok to say IF the person him/herself wishes to be that way. To wish for a child to hear when the child has no clue about either world is implying that you think it is better to hear than to be deaf. To wish for a child to be deaf is implying you think it is better to be deaf than to hear. At least this is the impression I get from this ridiculous thread.

Before I met my husband and had no clue about Deaf Culture or had known any deaf people, I probably would have wished for my child to be hearing. My husband has helped me become more aware of not only his deaf world, but also more aware of my hearing world. Frankly, I'm not impressed with the hearing world right now, and think many of my hearing friends need to get some sense knocked into them.

When my husband wanted a cochlear implant because he wanted to hear, I wished for him that it would work and he could hear, because HE wanted it. The device did not work for him and it was a blow for him. He had to come to terms once and for all that he was always be deaf. I let him know that I loved him just the same.

Knowing what I know now about both worlds, if I did have a child who is deaf, I would leave her be, and if she wanted to hear, I would help her and educate her in the best way I can. I wish for my child to be happy.

Well said!!

 

[jazzy]

I'm sorry your experience was so bad as to make you feel like this.

If you want my 2 cents, I'd suggest adoption for you. If you're having your own child, you'll be taking your chances. You might change your mind if you were actually pregnant...but still, if you feel this strongly, it seems like you might be better off not having a biological child.

With an adoption, you can specify what kind of child you're willing to care for. Given any thought to this?

U are still young and alot to go on with your life. I am already live my life half way so I do know what it is alike raising children. U don't know what it is alike being amother till u in their shoes. It is different with each child, if I have this child with many problem, it hurts me alike hell. I won't give them up for adoption but perfer them to be aborted than for them to go thru the life of being not able to have a full quality alike everyone else have. If I got preggy and got measles, I would abort it than see it going thru a life with being deafness.

 

[jazzy]

Actually, based on what I just read, not knowing anything about you I would like to say this. I think you would be extremely fit to be a parent.

Well thank u, I am mother for last 23 years. I love my kids very much and did very well with them but I do still have this guilt of not able to help my youngest son struggling with his learning disablitiy. It breaks my heart.


It upsets me sometime with many deafies in my community, many time they told me they wish they have deaf child because they feel deaf child is alike them and feel alikeness. Easier to communicate, think alikeness, feel alikeness, experience alikeness and so on. I think that is very selfish for them to wishing like that. Of course many deaf parents happen to have deaf children, many deafies are envy of them because they have deaf child and they don't except having hearing children.

 

[Angel]

It upsets me sometime with many deafies in my community, many time they told me they wish they have deaf child because they feel deaf child is alike them and feel alikeness. Easier to communicate, think alikeness, feel alikeness, experience alikeness and so on. I think that is very selfish for them to wishing like that. Of course many deaf parents happen to have deaf children, many deafies are envy of them because they have deaf child and they don't except having hearing children.

Why is this only point to the deaf parents? what about the hearing parents wishing for a hearing child? Isn't that being selfish also?....

 

[Angel]

U are still young and alot to go on with your life. I am already live my life half way so I do know what it is alike raising children. U don't know what it is alike being amother till u in their shoes. It is different with each child, if I have this child with many problem, it hurts me alike hell. I won't give them up for adoption but perfer them to be aborted than for them to go thru the life of being not able to have a full quality alike everyone else have. If I got preggy and got measles, I would abort it than see it going thru a life with being deafness.

Why do you feel that abortion is the only options than giving up for adoption? I don't mean to jump on you, but some parents been in your situation, and it's not easy being a parent, sometimes it takes alot of stress and emotionally to get the help for your child, and beside there are many families out there who can not bear to have children of their own, and what do you really mean by a child not having full quality of life like everyone else have?...Why is it important for a child to be the same as others? What is so wrong of having a deaf child?....


I feel sorry for deaf children out there cause they feel unwanted cause of their disablity, that's sad...If I had alot of money, I would adopted them all, all they need is love and supports and no one said life is easy, children are innocent in this, and it seem some parents rather a perfect baby that could hear.... :shaking my head in shame:

 

[deafdyke]

Precisely.....physical disabilites are not crippling. When dealing with physical disabilites, the focus should not be on the defict, but rather how the person affected can adapt to and live with their "difference" Physical disabilites can be adapted to, and we shouldn't sit in a corner whining that we can't see/hear/walk or whatever!

 

[Cloggy]

Why is this only point to the deaf parents? what about the hearing parents wishing for a hearing child? Isn't that being selfish also?....

Hearing parents in general have no idea that the child might be born deaf - like me. So, generally there is no "wish" for the child to be hearing.
In the case of deaf parents, they realise that the child can be deaf or hearing, so a wish can immerge.
But in both cases, if you wish for YOU that the child will be hearing/deaf, it is selfish.

 

[quiet gal]

Originally Posted by CutePommie
.. you are very sad person .. you should learn to find out for yourself instead to keep asking us .. as if i care !!



By Liebling
Well, I see different as you.

We need to open our mind when any questions comes. We answer anyone's questions what we can. You said that Cloggy should find out himself. Yes, he have! Look what Cloggy did HERE!!!!! Cloggy is here to find out and collect his experiences where he registered few deaf forums. I like Cloggy's honest and open mind when the questions comes.

I believe that Cloggy just wanted some input. I rather have him ask us (deaf people) than making his own decision for his deaf child and think it is best for this child. He is asking for information what is best for this deaf child with lots of options, which he already did by learning sign langauge. IF he didnt ask us anything what is best for this child, it would be oppression (audism). I just jump with JOY because there is one less audism out there!

Thanks Cloggy !!!

 

[gnulinuxman]

Don't assume? What do you call this thread? This thread is one example of being judgemental. I wondered how your child would feel about that when they see you all talking about "wishing". Isn't that the same thing what my mother had done? Oh yeah It is. My mother was just like some of you here who would want a hearing child.

TOTALLY AGREED!!!!!!!!!!

I find Cloggy's tone to be offensive and rude. I wouldn't care whether I had a deaf or hearing kid, but no matter which, I want the kid to be healthy, and I would not try to fix the kid's deafness if it was deaf. I would use ASL with the kid either way, too--make sure the kid is bicultural.

 

[gnulinuxman]

!

Hearing parents in general have no idea that the child might be born deaf - like me. So, generally there is no "wish" for the child to be hearing.
In the case of deaf parents, they realise that the child can be deaf or hearing, so a wish can immerge.
But in both cases, if you wish for YOU that the child will be hearing/deaf, it is selfish.

Um.... WHY?! Parents should be prepared for either case. In mine, I know how to sign already, so I'd be prepared for a deaf child. What bothers me is this total ignorance of many hearing parents, and I've NEVER understood why hearing parents think having a deaf child is some sort of punishment to them or the child.

Oh yes, and to expect to have all hearing children is selfish too. And so is considering the deafness a punishment or a defect that must be fixed. I don't know what it's like to be physically deaf, but I do know what it's like to be CULTURALLY "Deaf", and Deaf Culture is nothing to be ashamed of!

 

[Cloggy]

Um.... WHY?! Parents should be prepared for either case. In mine, I know how to sign already, so I'd be prepared for a deaf child. What bothers me is this total ignorance of many hearing parents, and I've NEVER understood why hearing parents think having a deaf child is some sort of punishment to them or the child.

Oh yes, and to expect to have all hearing children is selfish too. And so is considering the deafness a punishment or a defect that must be fixed. I don't know what it's like to be physically deaf, but I do know what it's like to be CULTURALLY "Deaf", and Deaf Culture is nothing to be ashamed of!

The chance of a baby being deaf is very small. Deafness is not something that the general public comes in contact with. I never had any contact with the deaf world, or a real notion about deafness.
Why should parents be prepared for it? Then, they should be prepared for Downs Syndrome, Siamese twins, etc. When expecting a child one expects a heallthy child.
Obviously, this is for MOST people. My child was born deaf so now I know it can happen. You are in contact with deafness, so you know there's a chance.
But.. do you say to every pregnent woman that she should realise that the child can be deaf? I don't think so.

So NO, normally parents do not expect a deaf child.

 

[Cloggy]

I believe that Cloggy just wanted some input. I rather have him ask us (deaf people) than making his own decision for his deaf child and think it is best for this child. He is asking for information what is best for this deaf child with lots of options, which he already did by learning sign langauge. IF he didnt ask us anything what is best for this child, it would be oppression (audism). I just jump with JOY because there is one less audism out there!

Thanks Cloggy !!!

:Oops: - blushing