That's it, that's it, that's Effing it!!!!!!!

Beach girl said:
That's a lot if he does that night after night.
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About 96% of all cases of domestic violence and family abuse involve alcohol. I had no idea that the percentage was that high until I did an internship with a domestic violence coalition.
 
Dixie said:
I will see what my options are in the morning when I talk to M. I may not actually move until after school is out for the summer (another 3 weeks I believe), but I know the only way to peace is to move completely out of this town. If I live nearby my father will be at my door constantly wanting to badger me about something. To me, it's not worth it. If I lived further out in some place he doesn't even know, he'll have a hard time bugging the piss out of me.
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If he shows up at your door, you have alternatives. That is what is so restricting about your situation now. He has taken all of your alternative away from you.

Please keep in mind, Dixie, this type of violence is all about control. If he feels that he is loosing control the violence will escalate. I'm not trying to be a pessimist, I just want you to be on your toes.
 
Dixie said:
Not night after night but it's generally 2-3 nights a week. I wouldn't call him a heavy drinker but a regular one.
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I don't care if he only drinks once a month. He has a problem with alcohol. That much is obvious.
 
Honey, that IS being a heavy drinker, if he does that several times a week. Really.

I hope you can get yourself and your daughter out of there asap.

And it is you, isn't it, up for that USDA job?
 
One member of my family tends to go thru at least 1 24 pack of of beer everyday. A 24 of beer per day at the beach is not my idea of a fun vacation.

Another goes thru 1 or 2 bottles of whiskey per week. That seems like a lot to me.

I cut way down on drinking when I started to get the shakes from drinking and now I rarely drink.
 
Bottesini said:
Maybe he has Alzheimer's or some kind of dementia. One of the first signs is often losing inhibitions and saying horrible stuff to and about your relatives.
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Yes, I recall vividly. :(

If this behaviour is a big deviation from the norm, it is very possible.
 
deafskeptic said:
One member of my family tends to go thru at least 1 24 pack of of beer everyday. A 24 of beer per day at the beach is not my idea of a fun vacation.

Another goes thru 1 or 2 bottles of whiskey per week. That seems like a lot to me.

I cut way down on drinking when I started to get the shakes from drinking and now I rarely drink.
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Good for you. The shakes are a sign that your body is not tolerating the alcohol.
 
jillio said:
If he shows up at your door, you have alternatives. That is what is so restricting about your situation now. He has taken all of your alternative away from you.

Please keep in mind, Dixie, this type of violence is all about control. If he feels that he is loosing control the violence will escalate. I'm not trying to be a pessimist, I just want you to be on your toes.
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Jillio it was very violent when I was 17-18 years old. It wasn't unusual to see us screaming at each other and he'd have me by the throat or slapping me in my face. That's a lot of the reason why I left so abruptly when I was 18 - 3 days into my freshman year at ATU.
 
deafskeptic said:
One member of my family tends to go thru at least 1 24 pack of of beer everyday. A 24 of beer per day at the beach is not my idea of a fun vacation.

Another goes thru 1 or 2 bottles of whiskey per week. That seems like a lot to me.

I cut way down on drinking when I started to get the shakes from drinking and now I rarely drink.
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As for the beer drinker, I winced inwardly when one of my relatives said to me he'll drink it all up and then pass out later tonight last thanksgiving.
 
saywhatkid said:
Yes, I recall vividly. :(

If this behaviour is a big deviation from the norm, it is very possible.
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It could easily be a contributing factor, but one would have to get the alcohol out of his system in order to find out.
 
I'm not trying to be a pessimist, I just want you to be on your toes
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So, so true. (Please mark this day on your calendar: Jillio and I agree on something!! Two things, if you count this and the Italian insult sign. ;-))

Anyway: The most dangerous time for someone getting out of a domestic abuse situation is just at that point of moving out. This is where that domestic violence coaltion organization, whatever it is, can help you. They no doubt have a step-by-step process they can suggest to you to keep yourself safe.
 
Dixie said:
Jillio it was very violent when I was 17-18 years old. It wasn't unusual to see us screaming at each other and he'd have me by the throat or slapping me in my face. That's a lot of the reason why I left so abruptly when I was 18 - 3 days into my freshman year at ATU.
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You are in a dangerous situation, Dixie. He has already shown that he can be even more violent and escalate into physical attacks. You don't need to be risking your safety or your DD's safety like that.
 
shel90 said:
Have you thought about applying for jobs in any states that have large deaf communities?
........
A town in Minnesota........
The reason I said this is where there is a large deaf population, it is more likely these places have more job opportunities and more understanding of deaf needs.

Just an idea..
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The town might be Faribault. That is where the MSAD is located.
 
Beach girl said:
So, so true. (Please mark this day on your calendar: Jillio and I agree on something!! Two things, if you count this and the Italian insult sign. ;-))

Anyway: The most dangerous time for someone getting out of a domestic abuse situation is just at that point of moving out. This is where that domestic violence coaltion organization, whatever it is, can help you. They no doubt have a step-by-step process they can suggest to you to keep yourself safe.
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And there is something else we agree on...the most dangerous time is when the victim decides to leave. And that is when you need the coalition. They know how to handle these situations in the safest way possible.
 
Perhaps this is a bit off topic but what if the domestic victims can't afford stuff like car insurance or health insurance and the controlling member of the family is paying for this? How will they take care of these expenses?
 
Safety first. Money later. There are organizations that can help. Never let someone else's money control your life.
 
Beach girl said:
Safety first. Money later. There are organizations that can help. Never let someone else's money control your life.
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Very well. I'm in a similar situation though not as voilent as Dixie. I did try to get help a year or so ago but then backed out. I'm not baking out this time. Something that member of my family did earlier this spring was the last straw. As soon as my leg heals, i'm getting out.
 
deafskeptic said:
Very well. I'm in a similar situation though not as voilent as Dixie. I did try to get help a year or so ago but then backed out. I'm not baking out this time. Something that member of my family did earlier this spring was the last straw. As soon as my leg heals, i'm getting out.
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In the meantime, I'm buying a file cabinet that I can lock up so no one else go thru my bills
 
jillio said:
You are in a dangerous situation, Dixie. He has already shown that he can be even more violent and escalate into physical attacks. You don't need to be risking your safety or your DD's safety like that.
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I know, and I feel bad for it. He's never gone after her, but he's threatened me and so forth. After I moved back in, I thought we had settled our differences for the most part, but now it's just getting back to like it was before.

Now I can't hit back because he would call the police out and have me arrested for assault, I'm just not going to take that risk. That's why if I feel like it's going to get physical I just grab my DD and head out of the house for a few hours.

Tonight he threatened to bust the windows out in my truck, just because I locked it. This guy is nuts. Hopefully M will call me in the morning. This is getting ridiculous.

In the last month or so it's really gone downhill. I don't know why and I don't know what I've done.
 
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