Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps

[Reba]

Did yours have the flowers on it? I had a blue bathing cap for swimming with white daisies all over. Had 3 of them, 1 for the ocean, 1 for the lakes and 1 for the pool when we visited my grandmother. At those times, my hair was pulled into a ponytail using the rubber band around the newspaper and we had those plastic/vinyl square bottom bags that were see through that held our towels and such. And only Coppertone was available, but my grandmother used to put baby oil on me not being aware that I was allergic to it.

My cap was plain white. I usually wore it with my bangs hanging out. The rest of my hair was fairly short, so I just tucked it in, any old which way.

I had an Italian friend who insisted that olive oil was the best tanning lotion. The problem is, when the sun warmed her body she smelled like something was cooking from the hot olive oil that was slathered on.

You have a good memory. How did your ponytail feel all tucked in? Tight?

 

[Juli-terp-to-be]

My son who's 13 tells me about girls that wear clothes like that and how his friends will stare and make comments. He says that they make him feel uncomfortable, cause he wouldn't want anyone staring at me (his mom) like that. He will make a backhanded comment about one of the guys staring and take the attention off the scantily clad girls.

 

[jillio]

Did yours have the flowers on it? I had a blue bathing cap for swimming with white daisies all over. Had 3 of them, 1 for the ocean, 1 for the lakes and 1 for the pool when we visited my grandmother. At those times, my hair was pulled into a ponytail using the rubber band around the newspaper and we had those plastic/vinyl square bottom bags that were see through that held our towels and such. And only Coppertone was available, but my grandmother used to put baby oil on me not being aware that I was allergic to it.

I had a white one with blue flowers on it. What a coincidence! My waist length hair was braided, and then tucked under.

 

[Dixie]

I'm very sorry for what you had to go thru growing up. I'm glad that you have the insight to realize how not to continue that cycle with the next generation.

Of all things - it took an USDA Inspector to teach me this over a course of a year. Now she's a good friend and I'm glad to have her in my life. She just took to me for whatever reason and she just encouraged me in all sorts of things. Now she's given me the courage to try for USDA as a career if possible.

 

[Reba]

Of all things - it took an USDA Inspector to teach me this over a course of a year. Now she's a good friend and I'm glad to have her in my life. She just took to me for whatever reason and she just encouraged me in all sorts of things. Now she's given me the courage to try for USDA as a career if possible.

 

[jillio]

Of all things - it took an USDA Inspector to teach me this over a course of a year. Now she's a good friend and I'm glad to have her in my life. She just took to me for whatever reason and she just encouraged me in all sorts of things. Now she's given me the courage to try for USDA as a career if possible.

Friends like that are precious treasures.

 

[Dixie]

Friends like that are precious treasures.

Yes, and what's more unusual is that we are 40+ years apart in age, yet we get along extremely well.

 

[jillio]

Yes, and what's more unusual is that we are 40+ years apart in age, yet we get along extremely well.

There are advantages in the age difference, as well. I'm sure you already realize that her life experience is a benefit for you.

 

[Dixie]

There are advantages in the age difference, as well. I'm sure you already realize that her life experience is a benefit for you.

Absolutely. We both had similar experiences from our families growing up and had similar experiences with the church. She's been down the road I'm on and I generally take her advice on what big important decisions I should be making. It's funny that I can call her up and tell her of a situation but yet I can never go to my own mother and tell her the same thing. I just feel like my mother would judge me, scold me, and what not. I've had my own father scoff at me and tell me more or less that I did not know anything. I've also realized I'm overly 'domesticated' by my parents and that they've held me back for so long that I'm scared of failing if I go on my own. I just wish I could have their approval for SOMETHING. Anything I try to celebrate - to them it's 'whatever', with my friend she celebrates with me and tells me she's happy for me.

 

[KristinaB]

My cap was plain white. I usually wore it with my bangs hanging out. The rest of my hair was fairly short, so I just tucked it in, any old which way.

I had an Italian friend who insisted that olive oil was the best tanning lotion. The problem is, when the sun warmed her body she smelled like something was cooking from the hot olive oil that was slathered on.

You have a good memory. How did your ponytail feel all tucked in? Tight?

Extremely tight since my hair was down past my behind at that point.
It got cut off at 10 to my shoulders. Went to the beach and the rubber band got knotted in and the beautician could not get the knot out. Off came the hair and my older brother was the one in tears. He kept the ponytail for years and just in the last 5 years donated it to "Locks of Love". It was 30 inches long.

 

[Reba]

Extremely tight since my hair was down past my behind at that point.
It got cut off at 10 to my shoulders. Went to the beach and the rubber band got knotted in and the beautician could not get the knot out. Off came the hair and my older brother was the one in tears. He kept the ponytail for years and just in the last 5 years donated it to "Locks of Love". It was 30 inches long.

Wow!

 

[jillio]

Absolutely. We both had similar experiences from our families growing up and had similar experiences with the church. She's been down the road I'm on and I generally take her advice on what big important decisions I should be making. It's funny that I can call her up and tell her of a situation but yet I can never go to my own mother and tell her the same thing. I just feel like my mother would judge me, scold me, and what not. I've had my own father scoff at me and tell me more or less that I did not know anything. I've also realized I'm overly 'domesticated' by my parents and that they've held me back for so long that I'm scared of failing if I go on my own. I just wish I could have their approval for SOMETHING. Anything I try to celebrate - to them it's 'whatever', with my friend she celebrates with me and tells me she's happy for me.

You go to her because you trust her to not judge you and to put what is best for you as the primary issue. Unfortunately, because of past performance, you can't put that same kind of trust in your mother. It is a shame, because it is your parents who are missing out. A close, sharing relationship with your adult child is a true joy. But you have to lay the foundation when they are children.

Consider yourself blessed that this friend can serve as a mother figure for you. We can't choose our family members, and often they don't love us the way we need to be loved. You can, however, choose your friends, and you have chosen well in this situation. She gives you something that you need simply because she sees that you are a valuable person.

 

[Dixie]

You go to her because you trust her to not judge you and to put what is best for you as the primary issue. Unfortunately, because of past performance, you can't put that same kind of trust in your mother. It is a shame, because it is your parents who are missing out. A close, sharing relationship with your adult child is a true joy. But you have to lay the foundation when they are children.

Consider yourself blessed that this friend can serve as a mother figure for you. We can't choose our family members, and often they don't love us the way we need to be loved. You can, however, choose your friends, and you have chosen well in this situation. She gives you something that you need simply because she sees that you are a valuable person.

I don't know if my mother intentionally did it, but at least she didn't just flat out abandon me or throw me out. I know she loves me, but I just feel like she doesn't love me the way I want to be loved. I've completely given up on my father. He will never understand, I can argue with him until I am blue in the face but he will never understand. I'm the 'lesser' one I suppose and maybe I am. I just feel like they have more respect and love for my brother. I won't say it's my brother's fault because it's not. I just feel like I don't measure up to my parents like my brother does. I just wish they would support me and encourage me the way they do him. I can remember my parents being very involved in my brother's high school sports activities and they encouraged it. However my parents forbade me to participate until I had literally begged enough in grade 8 to finally be allowed to play basketball. I was a benchwarmer and my parents managed to make it to only 2 games during the 3 years I played before going to track and cross country full time in grade 11. Even then, they never once showed up for a single track or X-country meet. I had to be my own cheerleading squad so to speak. My parents NEVER missed a single football game or basketball game that my brother participated in. They allowed him to choose his own courses in high school. I would get to choose then my dad being a teacher there would find out that I had signed up for Algebra I or II (I was trying to take these courses to qualify for scholarships later on), and my dad would see my schedule and immediately go to the career counselor at the school and tell him I wasn't smart enough for these courses and demanded I take remedial courses. I felt like I had absolutely no control over ME or myself. My dad wants me independent yet he is always in my business and literally dictates every decision I should make. Even now as an adult child living at home - I can't make all of my own decisions. I know I'm not the smartest or the best, but for me better than being THE best is to simply know that I'm good enough. Right now I don't feel good enough for my parents.

Sorry to carry on and to go off topic.

 

[dogmom]

Dixie I offer you it is very hard when someone like a parent doesn't seem to accept/love you for who you are.

 

[dogmom]

as a older elementary school-age kid and older, I was in jeans and shorts/t-shirts most of the time. I had both one-piece and two-piece bathing suits as a kid. I've always hated dresses and currently don't have any formal clothes. As a younger kid my mom did dress me in sometimes more "formal" or more "covered-up" things.
no schools I went to ever had dress codes. My mom wore make-up, hose and dresses for her clothing jobs but in general my family has always dressed very casually around the house, and traditional clothing based on perceived gender was never enforced...things like gender "rules"/roles, religion, politics have always been very liberal or "Left" around our house.

that said, things like make-up and the degree of dress for the kid's age in that article - I do think there is an appropriate type of thing for young kids to wear for "every day".