Babyblue
New Member
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2007
- Messages
- 12,187
- Reaction score
- 7
Exactly.. Parents that allows a minor to dress like little ho's is not teaching their child to respect and value their bodies.
Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps
- Thread starter saywhatkid
- Start date
Exactly.. Parents that allows a minor to dress like little ho's is not teaching their child to respect and value their bodies.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2006
- Messages
- 45,078
- Reaction score
- 335
Girls that young who are treated like sex objects are at higher risk for becoming promisicous and end up with STDs or early pregnancy. When that happens and the parents get upset, they have nobody to blame but themselves for allowing their child dress that way.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2006
- Messages
- 13,367
- Reaction score
- 3
I have a simple dress code for my DD who is 7 herself - if she cannot wear it at school or church, she cannot wear it period. Yes she will wail, stomp, and pop her knees at me when we are at the store and she sees spaghetti strap tops and super short shorts that she wants and I won't budge in letting her have them. I do allow her to wear a bikini - but I keep it age appropriate - a 'sporty' stop and 'boy shorts' bottoms. It covers the same amount of area as a sports bra would and bike shorts. When she is older she will want skimpier bikinis but I will tell her she has two options - either find one that covers you appropriately or wear a wet t-shirt over your skimpy bikini.
As for myself - I grew up in a very judgmental family. I wasn't allowed to wear bikinis and daisy dukes but I was made fun of being called 'orca' by my mother, 'shamu' by my brother, and my dad told me constantly if I kept eating I would blow up like a blimp. Add to this the pressures of my daily hell at school, and I think this just contributed to the many 'triggers' of my struggle with anorexia/depression. I went from 175 down to 104 in less than a year. It was to the point I was collapsing during track practice. To this day I still struggle with my self image.
So I just wanted to say that I do agree that allowing young girls to dress and act like they are 20-something prostitutes is very detrimental to their overall well-being, I think it can also happen the other way by the parents being so ashamed of their daughter's body shape that they force her to hide it in very baggy old - fashioned clothes and reminding her daily of her weight. Parents need to find that right balance between encouraging it and being ashamed of the way their child's body looks.
I hope that I encourage my child to not be so ashamed of her body that she feels she must hide it, but at the same time I don't want her flaunting it either. These days it's a very delicate balance I think and parents just really need to trust their instincts or their guts and ask themselves - is this really age appropriate?
As for myself - I grew up in a very judgmental family. I wasn't allowed to wear bikinis and daisy dukes but I was made fun of being called 'orca' by my mother, 'shamu' by my brother, and my dad told me constantly if I kept eating I would blow up like a blimp. Add to this the pressures of my daily hell at school, and I think this just contributed to the many 'triggers' of my struggle with anorexia/depression. I went from 175 down to 104 in less than a year. It was to the point I was collapsing during track practice. To this day I still struggle with my self image.
So I just wanted to say that I do agree that allowing young girls to dress and act like they are 20-something prostitutes is very detrimental to their overall well-being, I think it can also happen the other way by the parents being so ashamed of their daughter's body shape that they force her to hide it in very baggy old - fashioned clothes and reminding her daily of her weight. Parents need to find that right balance between encouraging it and being ashamed of the way their child's body looks.
I hope that I encourage my child to not be so ashamed of her body that she feels she must hide it, but at the same time I don't want her flaunting it either. These days it's a very delicate balance I think and parents just really need to trust their instincts or their guts and ask themselves - is this really age appropriate?
jillio
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2006
- Messages
- 60,232
- Reaction score
- 22
Somehow, I feel the need to apologize to you for the treatment you endured. No one should have to go through that, and espcecially not from family members. I am truly sorry that you did.
Yeah, it's incredibly cruel of the family especially the parents. Unbelievably cruel.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2006
- Messages
- 13,367
- Reaction score
- 3
No need to apologize, it wasn't your fault, though I know you mean well. Somehow I managed to survive until now. I just wished they would come to me and tell me they are sorry for the words they said to me instead of pointing fingers at each other and somehow arguing over who said the most hurtful thing. Truth is, all of it hurt, and still does when they don't apologize. My mom even told me a couple of weeks ago "you make it sound bad, but it really wasn't."
I believe they've forgotten the things they said, but it's stained in my memory unfortunately. It was always "We love you, but you're getting fat/ you have a big butt, you are blowing up like a blimp, you're an orca/shamu/whale, just plain FAT." I've never felt comfortable talking to them about anything because I'm constantly being criticized, these days it is most especially by my father. Nothing I do is ever enough so I just give up. I doubt I will ever see him utter the words "I'm proud." or "I approve." He doesn't like my friends, he doesn't like my haircut and heaven forbid if he ever found out I was gay I guarantee you he would throw me out of the house immediately and likely disown me. With no money and nowhere to go presently, I've just kept this part of me bottled up living two separate lives. The one I live at home and the other I live away from home. But never quite feeling comfortable in my own skin. I want to be securely established financially before coming out to my father knowing he will cut me off for sure, this is part of the reason why I want this USDA position. Once I get established at a good job such as that, I feel like there's security in knowing I'm employed with the government. I won't have to depend on gov't assistance to raise my DD independently. My dad would absolutely be even more ashamed of me if I were drawing foodstamps or some other form of government aid.
I just wish I could fly into the sky and take my DD with me and get out of the shitstorm and finally feel happy.
I don't want my DD having to deal with the same problems I did growing up - and I can already see some of the same things creeping up and honestly it scares the shit out of me for my DD. I hope she doesn't end up with the same esteem issues I do. I just try my best to fake it - plaster a smile on and pretend everything's ok for her sake.
StSapphire
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2011
- Messages
- 1,524
- Reaction score
- 4
According to my mom, my grandmother did the same thing to her younger sister. Sorry to hear you had to deal with that crap too, Dixie. That sounds like an incredibly shitty position to be in. Glad to hear that it sounds like you've since realized that your self worth is better than what they're willing to admit.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2004
- Messages
- 54,899
- Reaction score
- 1,518
I'm very sorry for what you had to go thru growing up. I'm glad that you have the insight to realize how not to continue that cycle with the next generation.
Oceanbreeze
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2004
- Messages
- 9,973
- Reaction score
- 5
Let's not forget the kids' themselves. They want to be cool like so and so, and they beg their parents for this designer jean or that designer tennis shoe.
My parents never bought into it. We were dressed appropriately for school (read: conservatively). Nowadays, most schools have uniforms, so this shouldn't be an issue.
Outside of school, it's still up to the parent to make sure the kid is dressed appropriately. Unfortunately, each parent's idea of appropriate is probably the problem here.
Oceanbreeze
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2004
- Messages
- 9,973
- Reaction score
- 5
My parents did, and, my sister and I listened. Granted, my parents led with a iron fist as it were, and I won't lie and say I wasn't afraid of Dad growing up. I was (nor do I condone some of the ways in which we were disciplined). But, I don't see anything wrong with enforcing a set standard of how you want your kid to act. This goes to how they dress as well.
If we leave kids up to their own devices, we'd have even more of a mess on our hands than we already do.
Oceanbreeze
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2004
- Messages
- 9,973
- Reaction score
- 5
I have to say I also grew up in a very shamed based household as well. It didn't carry over into how I dressed (I don't think or remember), but I was called names because I was overweight. Like Dixie, this also helped set me up for an eating disorder, but not anorexia. I went more towards compulsive overeating and bulimia.
I have to say I agree with Dixie on all points. You've done well with your daughter, Dixie. I applaud you.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2004
- Messages
- 54,899
- Reaction score
- 1,518
Yeah, too much designerism going on. I don't understand why kids feel that they are entitled to so much.
When I was a kid and a teen, I would sometimes say that I liked a certain clothing item. Usually I didn't get it. After my parents divorced, my mom couldn't afford many clothes for us, so I never pressed the issue. Once she made me a poncho because I liked the one Hayley Mills wore in a movie. (With the scraps, she made a matching one for my Barbie.) That meant a lot to me.
I guess kids nowadays would scoff at that. Sigh....
My dad's philosophy about clothing was, if you were covered and not raggedy, that was good enough. Fashion was a non-issue. Clothes were for function only (he was an electrical engineer, after all). The one thing he made sure about was that my brother and I always had good shoes. He grew up on an Indiana farm during the Depression, and was literally one of those kids who went to a one-room school house wearing overalls and either no shoes, or shoes that didn't fit. He hated that experience and didn't want that for us.
When I was really young, a lot of my play clothes were boy's clothes so they could be passed down to my younger brother. (Passing down dresses wouldn't cut it.)
jillio
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2006
- Messages
- 60,232
- Reaction score
- 22
Yeah, too much designerism going on. I don't understand why kids feel that they are entitled to so much.
When I was a kid and a teen, I would sometimes say that I liked a certain clothing item. Usually I didn't get it. After my parents divorced, my mom couldn't afford many clothes for us, so I never pressed the issue. Once she made me a poncho because I liked the one Hayley Mills wore in a movie. (With the scraps, she made a matching one for my Barbie.) That meant a lot to me.
I guess kids nowadays would scoff at that. Sigh....
My dad's philosophy about clothing was, if you were covered and not raggedy, that was good enough. Fashion was a non-issue. Clothes were for function only (he was an electrical engineer, after all). The one thing he made sure about was that my brother and I always had good shoes. He grew up on an Indiana farm during the Depression, and was literally one of those kids who went to a one-room school house wearing overalls and either no shoes, or shoes that didn't fit. He hated that experience and didn't want that for us.
When I was really young, a lot of my play clothes were boy's clothes so they could be passed down to my younger brother. (Passing down dresses wouldn't cut it.)
Understand where you are coming from completely. You know, dealing with older adolescents and college age kids as much as I do, I have been amazed over the last few years regarding their sense of entitlement about all areas of life. I have often wondered if it is not the end result of having spent more than a decade telling our kids how very special they are.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2004
- Messages
- 54,899
- Reaction score
- 1,518
That's probably part of it.
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2006
- Messages
- 7,618
- Reaction score
- 27
Of course, there is the driving need to push their kids to be the best at everything. Nowhere is that more obvious than at sporting events for kids, where parents get into scuffles with referees, other parents, etc. Since the kids are being pressed to "make Mom and Dad look good" by being the captain of the football team, they in turn expect to be pampered. After all, they feel they have earned it.
I recall getting B's and C's at some subjects, only to be met with derisive feedback from Dad because I should be getting A's. I mean, I might be good at some things, but not everything. Did not matter to Dad; he was convinced I could do better.
For some kids, the best they can do is a C. I imagine the microscope is stronger now. Of course, the advertising industry has its' tentacles into all aspects of life. When did we need to start Christmas advertisements on the day Halloween candy goes discount?
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2004
- Messages
- 54,899
- Reaction score
- 1,518
School dress code.
Berry
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2006
- Messages
- 2,022
- Reaction score
- 2
It is more than telling a young girl what they can and cannot wear. Example counts.
Daddy cannot come home from the bar with a fly that makes the local prossie look modest, yell at his daughter for dressing like a tramp because her belly button shows and expect to become Mary Poppins in ten years.
Won't happen.
Examples are more powerful than words or orders.
Daddy cannot come home from the bar with a fly that makes the local prossie look modest, yell at his daughter for dressing like a tramp because her belly button shows and expect to become Mary Poppins in ten years.
Won't happen.
Examples are more powerful than words or orders.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2004
- Messages
- 54,899
- Reaction score
- 1,518
My dad always wore a suit to work (not his choice--it was required). At home, his idea of casual clothes was slacks and a white t-shirt (in the olden days, t-shirts were undershirts; there were no pictures or words on them) or a short-sleeve sport shirt. He never owned or wore a pair of jeans in my lifetime, even when he was a biker. When hist suit pants became worn, they became casual slacks or work pants. He saw no reason to buy new pants just to do yard or automotive work in.
When I was growing up, my mom wore house dresses and aprons at home. Once in a while she wore slacks. In her later years, she wore mostly polyester pants with her outfits.
When my mom and dad rode the motorcycle, they wore jodhpurs pants, like horseback riders wore.