Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps

Dixie said:
No need to apologize, it wasn't your fault, though I know you mean well. Somehow I managed to survive until now. I just wished they would come to me and tell me they are sorry for the words they said to me instead of pointing fingers at each other and somehow arguing over who said the most hurtful thing. Truth is, all of it hurt, and still does when they don't apologize. My mom even told me a couple of weeks ago "you make it sound bad, but it really wasn't." :shock:

I believe they've forgotten the things they said, but it's stained in my memory unfortunately. It was always "We love you, but you're getting fat/ you have a big butt, you are blowing up like a blimp, you're an orca/shamu/whale, just plain FAT." I've never felt comfortable talking to them about anything because I'm constantly being criticized, these days it is most especially by my father. Nothing I do is ever enough so I just give up. I doubt I will ever see him utter the words "I'm proud." or "I approve." He doesn't like my friends, he doesn't like my haircut and heaven forbid if he ever found out I was gay I guarantee you he would throw me out of the house immediately and likely disown me. With no money and nowhere to go presently, I've just kept this part of me bottled up living two separate lives. The one I live at home and the other I live away from home. But never quite feeling comfortable in my own skin. I want to be securely established financially before coming out to my father knowing he will cut me off for sure, this is part of the reason why I want this USDA position. Once I get established at a good job such as that, I feel like there's security in knowing I'm employed with the government. I won't have to depend on gov't assistance to raise my DD independently. My dad would absolutely be even more ashamed of me if I were drawing foodstamps or some other form of government aid.

I just wish I could fly into the sky and take my DD with me and get out of the shitstorm and finally feel happy.

I don't want my DD having to deal with the same problems I did growing up - and I can already see some of the same things creeping up and honestly it scares the shit out of me for my DD. I hope she doesn't end up with the same esteem issues I do. I just try my best to fake it - plaster a smile on and pretend everything's ok for her sake.
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One of my good friends told her 9 year old daughter that she is fat. Yes, she was diagnosed with childhood obesity by the doctor so I told my friend that it doesnt do any good to do that. She said that her mom calls her fat and I told her that yes, that's true but your mom called you fat as an adult. She was skinny growing up and gained a lot of weight after giving birth. I told her that it is different with children. She doesnt get it but after we returned from OC to my house on Wed, her daughter told my husband that her mom calls her fat and my husband yelled at her for doing that. It caused her to cry and she expressed that she was having difficulty controlling her daughter's out of control eating habits. Oh boy....

My friend really did not have parents who were good role models to her and her brother.
 
Oceanbreeze said:
Let's not forget the kids' themselves. They want to be cool like so and so, and they beg their parents for this designer jean or that designer tennis shoe.

My parents never bought into it. We were dressed appropriately for school (read: conservatively). Nowadays, most schools have uniforms, so this shouldn't be an issue.


Outside of school, it's still up to the parent to make sure the kid is dressed appropriately. Unfortunately, each parent's idea of appropriate is probably the problem here.
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I bugged my mom to death about buying me Guess? jeans in high school but my mom kept refusing saying that they were ridiculously expensive. I gave up and 20 years later, I have never owned a pair of Guess? jeans. LOL!
 
Reba said:
Yeah, too much designerism going on. I don't understand why kids feel that they are entitled to so much.

When I was a kid and a teen, I would sometimes say that I liked a certain clothing item. Usually I didn't get it. After my parents divorced, my mom couldn't afford many clothes for us, so I never pressed the issue. Once she made me a poncho because I liked the one Hayley Mills wore in a movie. (With the scraps, she made a matching one for my Barbie.) That meant a lot to me.

I guess kids nowadays would scoff at that. Sigh....

My dad's philosophy about clothing was, if you were covered and not raggedy, that was good enough. Fashion was a non-issue. Clothes were for function only (he was an electrical engineer, after all). The one thing he made sure about was that my brother and I always had good shoes. He grew up on an Indiana farm during the Depression, and was literally one of those kids who went to a one-room school house wearing overalls and either no shoes, or shoes that didn't fit. He hated that experience and didn't want that for us.

When I was really young, a lot of my play clothes were boy's clothes so they could be passed down to my younger brother. (Passing down dresses wouldn't cut it.) :lol:
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I think the problem lie with my generation as parents. I noticed that we carry values that make us suck at parenting skills. Now, our generation's kids are becoming teenagers and it looks a lot worse with all the gadgets that are available out there. Oh well.
 
Berry said:
It is more than telling a young girl what they can and cannot wear. Example counts.

Daddy cannot come home from the bar with a fly that makes the local prossie look modest, yell at his daughter for dressing like a tramp because her belly button shows and expect to become Mary Poppins in ten years.

Won't happen.

Examples are more powerful than words or orders.
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I guess you are right...My parents were casual dressers so I never felt the need to dress like a whore growing up. However, due to my mom constant comparing herself to her wealthy sisters, it gave me the impression that having expensive clothes made one worthy. It didnt help when my good friend whom I grew up with across the street had parents who had money. She got a freaking '88 Camero for her 16th birthday in 1987. Imagine that.
 
saywhatkid said:
Of course, there is the driving need to push their kids to be the best at everything. Nowhere is that more obvious than at sporting events for kids, where parents get into scuffles with referees, other parents, etc. Since the kids are being pressed to "make Mom and Dad look good" by being the captain of the football team, they in turn expect to be pampered. After all, they feel they have earned it.

I recall getting B's and C's at some subjects, only to be met with derisive feedback from Dad because I should be getting A's. I mean, I might be good at some things, but not everything. Did not matter to Dad; he was convinced I could do better.

For some kids, the best they can do is a C. I imagine the microscope is stronger now. Of course, the advertising industry has its' tentacles into all aspects of life. When did we need to start Christmas advertisements on the day Halloween candy goes discount? :shock:
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**nodding**
 
Beowulf said:
What's to stop the girls from changing clothes once they arrive at school? It all depends on the strength of their relationships with their parents, I suppose, and teen years are tumultous times.
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Exactly. And to be honest, it is their job to rebel and try to get away with things at this time in their life. It is a developmental stage that they have to go through in order to become reasonable adults.
 
shel90 said:
One of my good friends told her 9 year old daughter that she is fat. Yes, she was diagnosed with childhood obesity by the doctor so I told my friend that it doesnt do any good to do that. She said that her mom calls her fat and I told her that yes, that's true but your mom called you fat as an adult. She was skinny growing up and gained a lot of weight after giving birth. I told her that it is different with children. She doesnt get it but after we returned from OC to my house on Wed, her daughter told my husband that her mom calls her fat and my husband yelled at her for doing that. It caused her to cry and she expressed that she was having difficulty controlling her daughter's out of control eating habits. Oh boy....

My friend really did not have parents who were good role models to her and her brother.
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It makes me absolutely nuts when I hear parents talk to a child that way. I want to drag them out back and give them what for!
 
Reba said:
My dad always wore a suit to work (not his choice--it was required). At home, his idea of casual clothes was slacks and a white t-shirt (in the olden days, t-shirts were undershirts; there were no pictures or words on them) or a short-sleeve sport shirt. He never owned or wore a pair of jeans in my lifetime, even when he was a biker. When hist suit pants became worn, they became casual slacks or work pants. He saw no reason to buy new pants just to do yard or automotive work in. :lol:

When I was growing up, my mom wore house dresses and aprons at home. Once in a while she wore slacks. In her later years, she wore mostly polyester pants with her outfits.

When my mom and dad rode the motorcycle, they wore jodhpurs pants, like horseback riders wore.
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Yep. My dad never owned a pair of jeans, either. The closest he came to jeans were pleated and cuffed Khaki trousers...pressed, of course! Same with my mom as yours, too. We have a couple of pics of my mom in bermudas and sleeveless top when we were on vacation, and it didn't even look like her!:lol:
 
Berry said:
It is more than telling a young girl what they can and cannot wear. Example counts.

Daddy cannot come home from the bar with a fly that makes the local prossie look modest, yell at his daughter for dressing like a tramp because her belly button shows and expect to become Mary Poppins in ten years.

Won't happen.

Examples are more powerful than words or orders.
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Always! "Do as I say, not do as I do!" just doesn't cut it.
 
jillio said:
Exactly. And to be honest, it is their job to rebel and try to get away with things at this time in their life. It is a developmental stage that they have to go through in order to become reasonable adults.
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My way of rebelling was ditching class.


Which would have been better...dressing like a tramp or ditching class?
 
jillio said:
It makes me absolutely nuts when I hear parents talk to a child that way. I want to drag them out back and give them what for!
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My friend wasnt raised well by her parents. She grew up very spoiled in Puerto Rico with her dad being a heart surgeon and her mom being a Vice President of a bank. She grew up with values about having a good image.
 
They should probably get some reasonably fashionable clothes. My father believed three changes of clothing enough, plus one pair of sensible shoes.

Hence my extensive Converse collection as an adult.
 
shel90 said:
My way of rebelling was ditching class.


Which would have been better...dressing like a tramp or ditching class?
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Now you know I would be wrong to tell you that either one was okay!:lol:

Personally, I would rather a daughter of mine ditched class. That is a pretty socially acceptable thing for teens to do at some point. Lessons can be made up while you are grounded!:giggle:

The damage that is done by teaching a young girl that her most valuable asset is her body, and she needs to use it to get attention is far worse than a skipped day of school, IMO.
 
Bottesini said:
They should probably get some reasonably fashionable clothes. My father believed three changes of clothing enough, plus one pair of sensible shoes.

Hence my extensive Converse collection as an adult.
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Did you have to wear saddle shoes, too? Dang, those things were hard to wear out. They lasted for-freaking-ever!
 
shel90 said:
My friend wasnt raised well by her parents. She grew up very spoiled in Puerto Rico with her dad being a heart surgeon and her mom being a Vice President of a bank. She grew up with values about having a good image.
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That's a shame. Maybe suggest a parenting class or two for her. Obviously, she wasn't taught how to parent by her parents.
 
jillio said:
Exactly. And to be honest, it is their job to rebel and try to get away with things at this time in their life. It is a developmental stage that they have to go through in order to become reasonable adults.
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It is the teen job, yes. But not toddlers. If toddlers are rebelling, some help is required. Perhaps the parents could use more pointers in their upbringing of the children.
 
jillio said:
That's a shame. Maybe suggest a parenting class or two for her. Obviously, she wasn't taught how to parent by her parents.
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I can but I doubt she would . Hispanic pride is very hard to get through.
 
Beowulf said:
It is the teen job, yes. But not toddlers. If toddlers are rebelling, some help is required. Perhaps the parents could use more pointers in their upbringing of the children.
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Oh, agree 100%.

Not just pointers in parenting, but a little help with their own obvious self esteem issues.
 
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