My GF still hangs out with her ex

ember said:
Here are the truest words said to me I did not ask for anyones opinion or advice about my friendship with my friend I was responding to the OP so keep your thoughts and your advice to yourselves and as Alex said respond to who really wanted or cared to know what you think.

That is all
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well - you opened a can of worm yourself in your post #11 and #25 so....
 
LoveBlue said:
And the husband shouldn't be the one to say back off? If he doesn't care enough about his wife's feelings, then there's already problems in the marriage.
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Of course, the husband should quit seeing the "friend." But just because he's giving into pride (wow, two women want me I'm so hot) doesn't make it OK for her continued play.

Also, guess what? Every husband who fools around says he has a wife who "doesn't understand me the way you do." Ha!

If Ember and her ex are more than just friends she should back off. And if her ex tells her to cool it and she doesn't, then she is a problem.
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Why does she need to wait for the guy to say cool it? Can't she do the right thing without his prompting?

If she doesn't cool it even after he does tell her to do so, then that's called stalking.
 
Reba said:
Why can't the wife leave the kids with hubby and go out with her friends? Or, better yet, the couple should get a sitter and go out together for some fun.
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I agree. Is the hubby willing to help take care of the kids so she can go out? Or get a baby sitter. Again, it's up to the hubby to help work out the solution. Everyone wants to blame the "other woman". It always seems like the man is never to blame.

Back to the OP....
 
ember said:
I will ask not to be compared to a situation that is not mine. I don't call him baby nor does he call me any pet names. We are not and have not been intimate since the last time we were in a relationship which was over 10 years ago. It's not like that at all between us we are friends why that us so hard to understand I don't know. Not friends with benefits not well we cuddle now and then no none of that we are FRIENDS. We had been friends outside of a relationship for years before they even met. Does she not like it yes am I causing them enough distress that thy are headed for divorce NO! I could careless if the kids came it's not like we do things that the whole damn family couldn't do, she just doesn't want him around me period for an unjustified reason, we have never given her any reason to think otherwise. So dont compare me to a situation that is not my own. If I did still have those type of feelings for him I am woman enough to say so but I don't at all and havent for years it wasn't a bad break up it wad mutual and healthy. Far be it from me why it is that we ate suppose to hate each other and never speak when we had a true friendship we weren't just fuck buddies. But if you want to label me a home wrecker because it makes you feel better so be it. I know what is true and so does he and whether she will ever admit to it or not she knows nothing is going on thy have been together long enough now that if she really felt there was something then she would have left. Oh and by no means do I feel our friendship comes before his marriage never said I did nor has she ever threatened to leave him because of me, she just catches an attitude with him every now and then about it and he tells her he is going out with me, he tells her he is my friend and she has to accept that I don't force my presence in his life and I would be happily be her friend too if she were open to it. So once again do not compare me to your own lives.
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The point is, she doesn't need a reason. He is married to his wife, not you. She should be his priority no matter how pure you are.

Married couples with small children have very little personal time for each other, especially if they have jobs and/or school in addition to family responsibilities. That time is precious. It should be spent with each other as much as possible. Not to the total exclusion of other interests or activities but as much as reasonably possible.

The truth is, no matter innocent the activities, the time that he spends with you is time that he is neglecting his wife.
 
LoveBlue said:
I agree. Is the hubby willing to help take care of the kids so she can go out? Or get a baby sitter. Again, it's up to the hubby to help work out the solution. Everyone wants to blame the "other woman". It always seems like the man is never to blame.

Back to the OP....
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I'm not blaming the other woman (who doesn't even see herself as "the other woman"). Since we don't have a post by the husband we can't discuss his responsibility with him. We do have posts from Ember, so we can discuss the situation with her.

If the guy posts here, I'll be glad to share my advice with him. :)
 
Reba said:
I'm not blaming the other woman (who doesn't even see herself as "the other woman"). Since we don't have a post by the husband we can't discuss his responsibility with him. We do have posts from Ember, so we can discuss the situation with her.

If the guy posts here, I'll be glad to share my advice with him. :)
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You're on a roll! :popcorn:

I agree with you 100% and ember just doesn't realize it.

If their marriage end, she'll be a contributing factor to it.
 
Ember is not the damn other woman and all of you gave them maritial problems on the brink of divorce I never said they were. I am not aloof or an idiot I am not the other damn woman!!!!
 
Must be something wrong with me. There is no one that I call every day. I guess my life isn't that interesting. :lol:
 
ember said:
Ember is not the damn other woman and all of you gave them maritial problems on the brink of divorce I never said they were. I am not aloof or an idiot I am not the other damn woman!!!!
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His wife did tell you to back off, correct?

Respect that and be considerate. She sees you as the "other woman" and is trying to put a stop to it and work on her own marriage.
 
Banjo said:
You're missing the point. It's not about how you feel about the man, it's how you are being inconsiderate toward the wife.
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I agree with Banjo. However, let's give ember the benefit of a doubt. Let's be fair.

Ember, in one of your posts, you mentioned about how you and your ex were not giving any reason for his wife to be jealous. You are attempting to implicate that her fears are unfounded. You mentioned your ex husband and yourself as "WE are not giving HER any reason to be jealous ..."

You and your ex are not a couple. His wife is not a jealous control freak manipulative type - it is quite possibly that HE is. If he refuses to listen to his wife and continues in the same manner, it will not be too long before she takes the kids and files for a divorce.

Then ... you can come in and pick up all the peices. I certainly wouldn't be saying this if I hadn't a) experienced the same thing first hand b) seen this happen to many of my friends and c) know this is how those situations transpire.

You are playing with fire.

I mean that in the most respectful way.
 
Reba said:
Must be something wrong with me. There is no one that I call every day. I guess my life isn't that interesting. :lol:
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I've seen in some tv shows where some daughters say that they call their moms/sisters everyday for decades.

what do you think about that? IMO - it's emotionally unhealthy :dunno:
 
lanapoo said:
His wife did tell you to back off, correct?

Respect that and be considerate. She sees you as the "other woman" and is trying to put a stop to it and work on her own marriage.
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See there you go adding on to the story I said she didn't like me or our friendship I never said they were in turmoils and needed "work on their relationship or save their marriage"
 
ember said:
See there you go adding on to the story I said she didn't like me or our friendship I never said they were in turmoils and needed "work on their relationship or save their marriage"
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You're turning a blind eye to the whole situation then.
 
ember said:
See there you go adding on to the story I said she didn't like me or our friendship I never said they were in turmoils and needed "work on their relationship or save their marriage"
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So, how do you know she doesn't like you or your friendship? If she made that pretty clear, then I would say she tried to send you a message to start with.
 
Reba said:
Must be something wrong with me. There is no one that I call every day. I guess my life isn't that interesting. :lol:
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The only person I call every single day is my wife. I do call my parents quite often but that's because I have a very healthy relationship with them.
 
Banjo said:
The only person I call every single day is my wife. I do call my parents quite often but that's because I have a very healthy relationship with them.
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I talk to my dad nearly every day, and have dinner with him twice a week. HE is my best friend.
 
When did we start meaning "couple" we as in him and me or him and I. We as a couple is assumed because the assumption is being made that I see us as a couple and I do not at all.

Steinhauer said:
I agree with Banjo. However, let's give ember the benefit of a doubt. Let's be fair.

Ember, in one of your posts, you mentioned about how you and your ex were not giving any reason for his wife to be jealous. You are attempting to implicate that her fears are unfounded. You mentioned your ex husband and yourself as "WE are not giving HER any reason to be jealous ..."

You and your ex are not a couple. His wife is not a jealous control freak manipulative type - it is quite possibly that HE is. If he refuses to listen to his wife and continues in the same manner, it will not be too long before she takes the kids and files for a divorce.

Then ... you can come in and pick up all the peices. I certainly wouldn't be saying this if I hadn't a) experienced the same thing first hand b) seen this happen to many of my friends and c) know this is how those situations transpire.

You are playing with fire.

I mean that in the most respectful way.
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:lol:

There are very few people that I'd talk to daily. I do need breaks from my bestfriends occasionally!
 
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