My GF still hangs out with her ex

[Jiro]

Because talking to someone everyday is an open admission of guilt. I talk on here every single day maybe your SO should be weary of me, oh and I talk to my girlfriends everyday the ones who are married maybe their husbands should be worried that we are going to fall in love with each other. Smh

talking to girlfriends everyday = not a problem
talking to ex everyday = not a problem
talking to MARRIED ex everyday = a big problem

if a spouse tells you to back off... you back off. period.

I'm not interested in trivial details like you don't call him baby or it's "strictly friendship". you back off. period. Marriage is not a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. It's a very expensive, serious relationship on whole another level. Divorce is extremely ugly and costly. Why you wanna do that to them?

You should move on and make new friends.

 

[LoveBlue]

WOW! Every day, Ember???...do you call your other friends "every day"? If my friends called me "every day"...it would become aggravating!....

and BTW, one of my ex's is married now, and we were together 5 years....if I called him "every day", then it's a sure FACT that I want him back!..But I don't do that...and I don't call him at all....if I see him with his wife somewhere, I do wave or say "Hello" and make small talk.

I do believe you know where this is going, whether you won't admit it or not. And if I were the wife, and my husband would not put a "STOP" to those daily phone calls....then I would do it in person.

They were friends before they dated and are still friends. And did she say SHE calls him every day. Maybe he calls her too. It should be no different if he talks to a male friend every day and hangs out with a male friend every so often.
If he's not spending enough time with the wife, then that's a problem within the marriage and not with how he's spending his time away from her.

 

[LoveBlue]

no one needs to tell others if they are wrong if they still to talk to other ex's. It's none of my business. One of those days, one of them will lead to the consequences and no one is happy or not.

Life is so short.

 

[Frisky Feline]

talking to girlfriends everyday = not a problem
talking to ex everyday = not a problem
talking to MARRIED ex everyday = a big problem

if a spouse tells you to back off... you back off. period.

I'm not interested in trivial details like you don't call him baby or it's "strictly friendship". you back off. period. Marriage is not a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. It's a very expensive, serious relationship on whole another level. Divorce is extremely ugly and costly. Why you wanna do that to them?

You should move on and make new friends.

Don't tell anyone what to do if anyone is married. it's married people's problem who allows the problem rolling on and will have the consequences. the single person who talk to the married person will get hurt eventually and if the single person ends up with the married guy who got divorced and then marry the single person. then the single person will be insecure wondering if he will look at other chica , just like what she did with him.

its called "the consequences." so Let it be.

 

[ember]

WOW! Every day, Ember???...do you call your other friends "every day"? If my friends called me "every day"...it would become aggravating!....

and BTW, one of my ex's is married now, and we were together 5 years....if I called him "every day", then it's a sure FACT that I want him back!..But I don't do that...and I don't call him at all....if I see him with his wife somewhere, I do wave or say "Hello" and make small talk.

I do believe you know where this is going, whether you won't admit it or not. And if I were the wife, and my husband would not put a "STOP" to those daily phone calls....then I would do it in person.

That's your problem not mine and yes I talk to my close group of friends everyday not long conversations not even phone calls maybe and this includes him maybe some days it's just text messages. I have talked to him everyday in some manner letters when he was in Afghanistan emails text or phone almost everyday for 17 years so you are right and 10 of those years were post relationship if we wanted to be together there has been enough time passed for it to happen. I am sorry it is hard for you to believe it is headed no where that I do not have one romantic feeling for the man and we are just friends. Some people are capable of healthy platonic relationships.

 

[Jiro]

Don't tell anyone what to do if anyone is married. it's married people's problem who allows the problem rolling on and will have the consequences. the single person who talk to the married person will get hurt eventually and if the single person ends up with the married guy who got divorced and then marry the single person. then the single person will be insecure wondering if he will look at other chica , just like what she did with this person.

its called "the consequences." so Let it be.

can i call you everyday?

 

[Frisky Feline]

can i call you everyday?

it's your call because i will ignore your call everyday.

 

[Jiro]

That's your problem not mine and yes I talk to my close group of friends everyday not long conversations not even phone calls maybe and this includes him maybe some days it's just text messages. I have talked to him everyday in some manner letters when he was in Afghanistan emails text or phone almost everyday for 17 years so you are right and 10 of those years were post relationship if we wanted to be together there has been enough time passed for it to happen. I am sorry it is hard for you to believe it is headed no where that I do not have one romantic feeling for the man and we are just friends. Some people are capable of healthy platonic relationships.

so you don't have any consideration for his wife?

 

[rockin'robin]

talking to girlfriends everyday = not a problem
talking to ex everyday = not a problem
talking to MARRIED ex everyday = a big problem

if a spouse tells you to back off... you back off. period.

I'm not interested in trivial details like you don't call him baby or it's "strictly friendship". you back off. period. Marriage is not a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. It's a very expensive, serious relationship on whole another level. Divorce is extremely ugly and costly. Why you wanna do that to them?

You should move on and make new friends.

Well said!

 

[Banjo]

That's your problem not mine and yes I talk to my close group of friends everyday not long conversations not even phone calls maybe and this includes him maybe some days it's just text messages. I have talked to him everyday in some manner letters when he was in Afghanistan emails text or phone almost everyday for 17 years so you are right and 10 of those years were post relationship if we wanted to be together there has been enough time passed for it to happen. I am sorry it is hard for you to believe it is headed no where that I do not have one romantic feeling for the man and we are just friends. Some people are capable of healthy platonic relationships.

You're missing the point. It's not about how you feel about the man, it's how you are being inconsiderate toward the wife.

 

[Jiro]

it's your call because i will ignore your call everyday.

oh snap.....

 

[Frisky Feline]

You're missing the point. It's not about how you feel about the man, it's how you are being inconsiderate toward the wife.

Or was that the husband being inconsiderate toward his wife, either?

Indeed, that sucks!

 

[TWA]

Hmm, I think you've all made your points. We're just kicking a dead horse here. And I mean, like, really kicking the shit out of it. If you all know where you stand on this issue, that's great. I don't think there's anything else that can be said that is going to change anyone's mind.

Now, back to the OP: look, this is the type of shitstorm that awaits you if you don't just end this thing now. End it, buddy. End it.

 

[Jiro]

No, I'm just saying that I can see why the wife would have a problem with that.

that wife lives with him everyday in a same house. can you imagine the bickering and hostility everyday in the house?

that shit ain't good.

ember - you don't live with him everyday. his wife does. since you talk to him everyday, I take it that you're his good friend. so if you still want to be a good friend for him, then please respect his wife's wish. let them have a happy long marriage. and his wife would respect you too and wouldn't mind letting him hang out with you for a whole day once in a while.

 

[SummerMom]

Dump her and find another gf that'll not run back to her ex. It's obvious that she's cheated on you dude. Sorry for being blunt but its true.

 

[Jiro]

Hmm, I think you've all made your points. We're just kicking a dead horse here. And I mean, like, really kicking the shit out of it. If you all know where you stand on this issue, that's great. I don't think there's anything else that can be said that is going to change anyone's mind.

Now, back to the OP: look, this is the type of shitstorm that awaits you if you don't just end this thing now. End it, buddy. End it.

why are you still kicking a dead horse, man?

 

[Reba]

I know she knows she could come because I invited her and told her she was welcome to come anytime she wants to and he chooses not to come because she doesn't understand how and why we are such good friends.

Why do you think she would enjoy "hanging out" with you?

I find no need to rationalize or justify my actions because I have not, never have, and never will fo anything wrong, I was just simply trying to give a background and description of our friendship.

But you are trying to rationalize by your very posts.

Like I said before we were friends all along and she knew that so now I'm the selfish one because I remain friends with someone who u have been friends with for over a decade because his wife who knew about me as his girlfriend can't trust him... Oh ok whatever.

It really doesn't matter if you aren't doing anything wrong. If the wife perceives it as wrong, and it's causing disharmony within the marriage, why would you want to continue? If he's your friend, why do you want to cause trouble? That doesn't seem very "friendly."

Whether people can accept it or not there is such a thing as men and women just being friends.

People can accept such a thing as men and women being friends. That's not the problem. It's when wives don't accept certain women as being friends with their husbands. It's specific situations.

 

[Reba]

I disagree. The wife has a problem, but it's not Ember. It could be self-confidence, jealousy of anyone/anything, etc, that takes her husband's attention away from her, "control freak", etc.

Do we know that the wife has a problem with all women friends or just that one?

I don't believe 3rd parties can break up a marriage that is strong. If a marriage breaks up because of "someone else", the marriage already had problems.

I don't believe third parties have any right to tempt problems in a weak marriage (if that's truly the case). If the marriage already has problems, why exacerbate them? That doesn't seem like something a true friend would do.

 

[Reba]

As long as one is not smothering their spouse.
The wife may be more jealous of the fact that her husband can "go off and have fun with a friend" while she's stuck at home with the kids. In this case, it's not Ember that she's jealous of, but the fact that she's stuck at home while he's out having fun.

We don't know if that's the situation; that's speculation.

Even if it is true that the wife is "stuck at home while he's out having fun" do you not see what's wrong with that picture? Why can't the wife leave the kids with hubby and go out with her friends? Or, better yet, the couple should get a sitter and go out together for some fun.

Duh!

 

[ember]

Here are the truest words said to me I did not ask for anyones opinion or advice about my friendship with my friend I was responding to the OP so keep your thoughts and your advice to yourselves and as Alex said respond to who really wanted or cared to know what you think.

That is all