My GF still hangs out with her ex

[Steinhauer]

Just would like to hear your feedback...

Knowing how small the deaf population, deaf people values each other's presence makes it harder for people to go separate ways.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and we’re crazy over each other. However, she still hangs out with her ex. She tells me that she does not possess any romantic feelings toward to her ex. What bothers me is that she continues to hang out with her ex at events or alone.

Few weeks ago, her ex threw a tantrum and, in result, it put her at a breaking point then she asked her for a break from each other. So, they went on for almost a month without hanging out but solemnly text to each other. Recently, she told me that she misses his company (I don’t know if I should be worried or not). I asked her what if her ex begs you to go back with him, what would you say to him? She told me that she will tell him to try to move on. Now they are hanging out again and recently went out to eat alone. She knows that this still bothers me a little, but I never asked her to stop hanging out… nor bring myself to do that in first place.

Now, the question is… am I overreacting or should I be worried? Should I be the “bad person” and give her the ultimatum?

Thanks for your feedback!

One post?


Tell her how you feel. If she makes you feel as if your being controlling and manipulative, drop her and R-U-N. Trust me, your much better off without all that drama.

 

[cool scary guy]

ultimatums don't work. tell her, with out yelling that she's hurting you and why. If she knows that she it is hurting you, and keeps doing it then find some one new.

and when she calls you "jealous" say Yes I am.

on a side note: an ex is not a best friend.

 

[deafbajagal]

Put a stop to it. She's being a rude, inconsiderate bitch. I don't care how small the deaf community is - even we deaf people have boundaries.

Good luck.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I think you should tell your GF how you feel about her hanging out with her ex, and if she still want to hang out with her ex, I would say it time to find a new GF. If she really cared about you she would stop seeing her ex for good! When I starting dating my husband I was still in touch with an old boyfriend. My husband to me told he how he felt about my old boyfriend writing to me , so I told my old boyfriend to not write to me anymore. When you are really crazy about someone you care about their feeling.

 

[ember]

Don't know really how to say this....the OP said "his girlfriend" hung out with her ex......
But you're hanging out with ur ex and he is now married with children. IF ur ex boyfriend & his wife got along famously, I would foresee no problem with it...but unfortunately that's not the case! The wife is upset and jealous, has a reason to be so....

Seeing/waving/short talking with ur "ex" at public gatherings, grocery store, etc., is fine...but hanging out with him during the day, even in public without his wife?....His wife feels "threatened"...and is a cause of unrest in the marriage and they have children. I would not do this!

She has the option to come along if she wants but she chooses not too. I would agree the wife is upset and jealous but she has no reason to be. If I had rekindled a relationship with him after quite some time as if I were a blast from the past, then maybe I would agree with you but she has felt like this from the beginning of their relationship before there was a marriage and kids. She married him and had kids with him knowing about me and the relationship he and I have so I would measure the whole thing to being more of a control issue than anything else. If my presence in his life was that big of an issue why did she marry him, hell I was invited to the wedding.

True she feels like I am a threat because his family still adores me. His grandmother has pics of us in her house of us together back when we were in high school and his sister talks to me often, again, all this happened during the 2 years they dated after they got married and had the kids and she knew this.

I don't know how to explain our relationship other than we are the greatest of friends and love each other very much, but a romantic relationship just would not work out for us after we got older we both wanted different things in a relationship we fight like cats and dogs but apart we are great and have chosen to stay that way. He is my oldest and dearest friend and since we had this relationship well before, completely and all the way thru their courting period and now after the marriage I see no reason for it to end, but rather she should let go of her controlling issue and see the relationship for what it truly is.

 

[Frisky Feline]

OP posted one so far. mmm

 

[Reba]

She has the option to come along if she wants but she chooses not too.

Are you sure about that? Is that what she told you?

I would agree the wife is upset and jealous but she has no reason to be.

In your opinion. How does she really know what goes on if she isn't present?

If I had rekindled a relationship with him after quite some time as if I were a blast from the past, then maybe I would agree with you but she has felt like this from the beginning of their relationship before there was a marriage and kids. She married him and had kids with him knowing about me and the relationship he and I have so I would measure the whole thing to being more of a control issue than anything else. If my presence in his life was that big of an issue why did she marry him, hell I was invited to the wedding.

Sounds like you're doing a lot of rationalization for your actions.

True she feels like I am a threat because his family still adores me. His grandmother has pics of us in her house of us together back when we were in high school and his sister talks to me often, again, all this happened during the 2 years they dated after they got married and had the kids and she knew this.

Of course, you're not discouraging any of this. Sounds rather smug to me.

I don't know how to explain our relationship other than we are the greatest of friends and love each other very much, but a romantic relationship just would not work out for us after we got older we both wanted different things in a relationship we fight like cats and dogs but apart we are great and have chosen to stay that way. He is my oldest and dearest friend and since we had this relationship well before, completely and all the way thru their courting period and now after the marriage I see no reason for it to end, but rather she should let go of her controlling issue and see the relationship for what it truly is.

If you truly care about the guy you wouldn't do anything that would cause friction in his marriage. To continue as you've been doing is selfish.

 

[BecLak]

She has the option to come along if she wants but she chooses not too. I would agree the wife is upset and jealous but she has no reason to be. If I had rekindled a relationship with him after quite some time as if I were a blast from the past, then maybe I would agree with you but she has felt like this from the beginning of their relationship before there was a marriage and kids. She married him and had kids with him knowing about me and the relationship he and I have so I would measure the whole thing to being more of a control issue than anything else. If my presence in his life was that big of an issue why did she marry him, hell I was invited to the wedding.

True she feels like I am a threat because his family still adores me. His grandmother has pics of us in her house of us together back when we were in high school and his sister talks to me often, again, all this happened during the 2 years they dated after they got married and had the kids and she knew this.

I don't know how to explain our relationship other than we are the greatest of friends and love each other very much, but a romantic relationship just would not work out for us after we got older we both wanted different things in a relationship we fight like cats and dogs but apart we are great and have chosen to stay that way. He is my oldest and dearest friend and since we had this relationship well before, completely and all the way thru their courting period and now after the marriage I see no reason for it to end, but rather she should let go of her controlling issue and see the relationship for what it truly is.

To be brutally honest, you are crossing the boundaries, girl. His wife has every right to be jealous of you. He is HER husband and the father of their children. My advice, back off before you are sorry or you will be paying the consequences and they won't be pretty.

 

[Barbaro]

Have we met, haven't we, OP? Nah.

My friend is in the same position. I have to say that her situation is far more complicated than yours. She still feels uncomfortable with her boyfriend being around his ex. She told him repeatedly how she felt, but he had disregarded her feelings and thought it was no big deal. She is upset by the ex the way she comes on to him, keeps texting him constantly, and follows him around. He kept telling her it was just "hang out". My friend even tried to propose him, and he told her he wasn't ready. That wasn't only one reason she asked him. She was knocked up.

 

[TWA]

Have we met, haven't we, OP? Nah.

My friend is in the same position. I have to say that her situation is far more complicated than yours. She still feels uncomfortable with her boyfriend being around his ex. She told him repeatedly how she felt, but he had disregarded her feelings and thought it was no big deal. She is upset by the ex the way she comes on to him, keeps texting him constantly, and follows him around. He kept telling her it was just "hang out". My friend even tried to propose him, and he told her he wasn't ready. That wasn't only one reason she asked him. She was knocked up.

Lol, now that sounds a whole shitstorm if you ask me. Just based on that little paragraph, your friend is a complete fool if she doesn't break up with this guy immediately.

 

[ember]

Are you sure about that? Is that what she told you?


In your opinion. How does she really know what goes on if she isn't present?


Sounds like you're doing a lot of rationalization for your actions.


Of course, you're not discouraging any of this. Sounds rather smug to me.


If you truly care about the guy you wouldn't do anything that would cause friction in his marriage. To continue as you've been doing is selfish.

I know she knows she could come because I invited her and told her she was welcome to come anytime she wants to and he chooses not to come because she doesn't understand how and why we are such good friends.

I find no need to rationalize or justify my actions because I have not, never have, and never will fo anything wrong, I was just simply trying to give a background and description of our friendship.

Like I said before we were friends all along and she knew that so now I'm the selfish one because I remain friends with someone who u have been friends with for over a decade because his wife who knew about me as his girlfriend can't trust him... Oh ok whatever.

Whether people can accept it or not there is such a thing as men and women just being friends.

 

[ember]

To be brutally honest, you are crossing the boundaries, girl. His wife has every right to be jealous of you. He is HER husband and the father of their children. My advice, back off before you are sorry or you will be paying the consequences and they won't be pretty.

I have nothing to be worried about nor am I worrying about paying any consequences. I dont know another way to say I am not crossing any lines nor am I doing anything wrong. We are just friends in every sense of the word.

 

[Banjo]

I have nothing to be worried about nor am I worrying about paying any consequences. I dont know another way to say I am not crossing any lines nor am I doing anything wrong. We are just friends in every sense of the word.

Ember, if the wife has a problem with you, you are interfering with their marriage.

Can't really put it any simpler than that.

 

[LoveBlue]

Ember, if the wife has a problem with you, you are interfering with their marriage.

I disagree. The wife has a problem, but it's not Ember. It could be self-confidence, jealousy of anyone/anything, etc, that takes her husband's attention away from her, "control freak", etc.

I don't believe 3rd parties can break up a marriage that is strong. If a marriage breaks up because of "someone else", the marriage already had problems.

 

[Banjo]

I disagree. The wife has a problem, but it's not Ember. It could be self-confidence, jealousy of anyone/anything, etc, that takes her husband's attention away from her, "control freak", etc.

I don't believe 3rd parties can break up a marriage that is strong. If a marriage breaks up because of "someone else", the marriage already had problems.

It doesn't matter, if there is a problem, you have two options, you confront it or you back off. If you cannot resolve it, then you have no choice but to back off.

 

[rockin'robin]

When a couple gets married, then each other are the 1st priorities in their lives. Friends come second. Wives & husbands always are first....

You're saying the wife could come and hang out with you and her husband...like a "second wheel"??... And she has 2 children to care for. I don't get it!

 

[Banjo]

You're saying the wife could come and hang out with you and her husband...like a "second wheel"??... And she has 2 children to care for. I don't get it!

Right. That makes the whole thing awkward.

 

[LoveBlue]

When a couple gets married, then each other are the 1st priorities in their lives. Friends come second. Wives & husbands always are first....

As long as one is not smothering their spouse.
The wife may be more jealous of the fact that her husband can "go off and have fun with a friend" while she's stuck at home with the kids. In this case, it's not Ember that she's jealous of, but the fact that she's stuck at home while he's out having fun.

 

[lanapoo]

As long as one is not smothering their spouse.
The wife may be more jealous of the fact that her husband can "go off and have fun with a friend" while she's stuck at home with the kids. In this case, it's not Ember that she's jealous of, but the fact that she's stuck at home while he's out having fun.

No. I was in a relationship similar to the OP so I know what he's going through

I'm telling you that what ember is doing is wrong. I was in a relationship with a man who still hung out with his ex every weekend. I was cool with it at first, but then they started crossing the lines. They clearly still had feelings for each other and wouldn't let each other go. The girl he hung out with had the same mentality ember did. I told her to back off, she went off on me saying I was the jealous one. She was definitely interfering with our relationship. She even still called him "baby" and they were intimate with each other. Thank god I dumped his ass. I've had enough with him and I put up with too much that I didn't deserve. The OP shouldn't have to go through what I went through. Sounds like what happened to my relationship and the best thing he can do is to get out of it ASAP before it gets worse.

Exes can still be friends, but hanging out with each other all the time is a big no no. There are boundaries to be set especially if the couple is married. If the wife tells you to back off, it means back off because you are interfering with their marriage. She's not jealous, she's just letting you know that you are crossing the line. Don't play the pity card saying that she doesn't understand. YOU don't understand.

 

[rockin'robin]

No. I was in a relationship similar to the OP so I know what he's going through

I'm telling you that what ember is doing is wrong. I was in a relationship with a man who still hung out with his ex every weekend. I was cool with it at first, but then they started crossing the lines. They clearly still had feelings for each other and wouldn't let each other go. The girl he hung out with had the same mentality ember did. I told her to back off, she went off on me saying I was the jealous one. She was definitely interfering with our relationship. She even still called him "baby" and they were intimate with each other. Thank god I dumped his ass. I've had enough with him and I put up with too much that I didn't deserve. The OP shouldn't have to go through what I went through. Sounds like what happened to my relationship and the best thing he can do is to get out of it ASAP before it gets worse.

Exes can still be friends, but hanging out with each other all the time is a big no no. There are boundaries to be set especially if the couple is married. If the wife tells you to back off, it means back off because you are interfering with their marriage. She's not jealous, she's just letting you know that you are crossing the line. Don't play the pity card saying that she doesn't understand. YOU don't understand.