Legally Separated

Hi everyone, it doesn't mean that I ingored your posts when I quoted Freakcat's post because I know her and her posts well...

I'm sorry about your problem but all what I read that you all goes on well after divorce.. some legal separate... I think legal separate is better to think about either you can try to make your marriage work with him/her or not than just quick divorce.

I can understand it's different story if there're domestic volience in marriage...
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Oh dear... I'm very sorry to hear about this.. You both get married few months ago. What a sad because I thought you both are wonderful couple and have same belief.


Oh my dear... I hope everything goes well for you and your son... If you really love him then save your marriage with him.. try to make your marriage work... What do you think of this?
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me too.. but guess not... he cut the phone off so i cant go online as he doesnt trust me.. he lied to everyone that i was online all night.. i never was?>??? i dont know why he would lie like that?? i do still love him so much... but he doesnt love me anymore as he said that he fell out of love.. i think he never loved me in first place... he just dont want to be alone i guess.. and another thing is that his mom came to the house last saturday and told me that all pets MUST go... she also said it was HER house.. but she doesnt live in it? the way she made it like i am not welcome .. thats why i moved out... cuz i wont give my pets up... i had them long time before marrying david.. so no way i would give them up... so forget it.. plus hes not understanding when it come to menieres disease.. feeling sick and dizzy all times.. he have no patience for me being sick.. i cant help it??? sigh.. so it didnt work out for both of us.. i guess it was for best...
 
Do you ever tried a mentor before you decide to get a divorce? This will help you for less cost for the divorce settlement.
 
having been through a divorce myself, sometimes it just doesn't work out, and even a mentor or meditator won't help. sometimes you just fall out of love, or there are too many problems that can't be fixed.
 
Freaky Cat said:
me too.. but guess not... he cut the phone off so i cant go online as he doesnt trust me.. he lied to everyone that i was online all night.. i never was?>??? i dont know why he would lie like that?? i do still love him so much... but he doesnt love me anymore as he said that he fell out of love.. i think he never loved me in first place... he just dont want to be alone i guess.. and another thing is that his mom came to the house last saturday and told me that all pets MUST go... she also said it was HER house.. but she doesnt live in it? the way she made it like i am not welcome .. thats why i moved out... cuz i wont give my pets up... i had them long time before marrying david.. so no way i would give them up... so forget it.. plus hes not understanding when it come to menieres disease.. feeling sick and dizzy all times.. he have no patience for me being sick.. i cant help it??? sigh.. so it didnt work out for both of us.. i guess it was for best...
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How selfish of your husband and mother in law!! :rl: Divorce him immediately...he is not worth shit.
 
Freaky Cat said:
me too.. but guess not... he cut the phone off so i cant go online as he doesnt trust me.. he lied to everyone that i was online all night.. i never was?>??? i dont know why he would lie like that?? i do still love him so much... but he doesnt love me anymore as he said that he fell out of love.. i think he never loved me in first place... he just dont want to be alone i guess.. and another thing is that his mom came to the house last saturday and told me that all pets MUST go... she also said it was HER house.. but she doesnt live in it? the way she made it like i am not welcome .. thats why i moved out... cuz i wont give my pets up... i had them long time before marrying david.. so no way i would give them up... so forget it.. plus hes not understanding when it come to menieres disease.. feeling sick and dizzy all times.. he have no patience for me being sick.. i cant help it??? sigh.. so it didnt work out for both of us.. i guess it was for best...
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You know, this was one of the hardest things for me to come to grips with when I first got married. You're not marrying your spouse only. You're marrying their whole family. In my case, my wife's family is pretty nice, so it wasn't too hard, but it was still an adjustment. That's why it was good for us to move away from our home town. It forces a healthy separation.

I think a lot of young couples get messed up because their in-laws get too nosey and won't leave them alone. It's almost like both man and wife need to talk to their parents before getting married to set healthy boundaries.

I also think some young people don't have enough wisdom to keep their marriage problems away from their in-laws. If you've got problems in your marriage, I think you need to seek counselling. If both the husband and wife truly want to save the marriage, counselling will usually work. Don't bring your parents into the mix -- that just makes everything messy, because your parents will probably take your side on everything (even if you're wrong), and then you'll feel justified in treating your spouse like a jerk, and it all goes down hill. An independent counsellor can help each person see how they're making things hard, and give both sides things to work on.

All that said, sometimes one person's heart isn't into keeping the marriage together, and there's really nothing the other person can do.... but that's just life. You fall off, and get back on again later. That's how our character is revealed -- how we deal with setbacks.
 
yeah we did have counseling 3 times.. but not enough... my hubby still told his mom and mom butted in our marriage. my hubby need to learn to deal with it.. he is mommas boy.... no excuse.... :(
 
Freaky Cat said:
yeah we did have counseling 3 times.. but not enough... my hubby still told his mom and mom butted in our marriage. my hubby need to learn to deal with it.. he is mommas boy.... no excuse.... :(
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Oh brother! It sounds true. It looks that he is more trust with his mommy than his wife.

Another issue, I am trying to figure out what is going on our country. Many people are married and moved far away from their parents and brothers/sisters. Yet, they come to see their parents at a hospital due their old age. The more they come to see them and the more they spend on traveling to see them before their parents die. Then, later on, the marriage starts to fragile because of their loss parents. This is pretty common nowadays.

I thought that it would be the best way for them is to live in a near town or a few hours away so that they can visit their own parents. I think that makes sense to me because the families are nearby that make their life easier without having a marriage problem. I understand that the marriage is still not perfect, and a job location is a tough decision.
 
Freaky Cat and Kira's mommy...I am so sorry to read about your situations. It is no fun when shit like this happens. I know what it is like cuz out of the blue, my ex husband told me that he wanted a divorce. He told me the day before we were to move to our new place so it was so out of the blue cuz everything had been normal with us. Yea, we had our ups and downs but nothing out of the ordinary. I was so devastated and lost like 30 pounds in a month from all the crying and stress. I spent that night in the bathtub crying and crying and he didnt even come to comfort me. That was the worst ever but I got stronger and got back on my feet and became single for the first time since I became an adult. It was so great to experience being on my own and it taught me that I can rely on myself and dont need a f*cking man to make me whole.

Now, I am married to my 2nd husband but I am not afraid to be alone again cuz I already know that I can do it.

I am sure both of u can do it ..will be hard but time heals all wounds so hang in there.

:hug:
 
shel90 said:
Freaky Cat and Kira's mommy...I am so sorry to read about your situations. It is no fun when shit like this happens. I know what it is like cuz out of the blue, my ex husband told me that he wanted a divorce. He told me the day before we were to move to our new place so it was so out of the blue cuz everything had been normal with us. Yea, we had our ups and downs but nothing out of the ordinary. I was so devastated and lost like 30 pounds in a month from all the crying and stress. I spent that night in the bathtub crying and crying and he didnt even come to comfort me. That was the worst ever but I got stronger and got back on my feet and became single for the first time since I became an adult. It was so great to experience being on my own and it taught me that I can rely on myself and dont need a f*cking man to make me whole.

Now, I am married to my 2nd husband but I am not afraid to be alone again cuz I already know that I can do it.

I am sure both of u can do it ..will be hard but time heals all wounds so hang in there.

:hug:
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i am not afraid to be alone again as i have been single for MANY YEARS. this was my first marriage... i was only with him for almost 7 1/2 months.. yet he is still mommas boy... argh... i know i will be fine without him.... i am tuff than i look.. i got alot of things to focus on instead of sulking over losing him.. hes not worth crying over.. hes just a jerk.. he got alot to learn.... but dont think he will ever learn....

i went thru alot of hardships like being shunned by the community due to my dad having AIDS.. then losing twin boys and my daughter.. being a single mother to my son TJ and having job.. and living on my own .. it was HARD.. but i managed it without any help from anyone.... then my mom got sick.. so moved back home to help her.... then moving away... now back home and my mom is glad im home to take care of her as my sister didnt take good care of her.. so all is good...so u can see that i will be fine! :)
 
Freaky Cat said:
i am not afraid to be alone again as i have been single for MANY YEARS. this was my first marriage... i was only with him for almost 7 1/2 months.. yet he is still mommas boy... argh... i know i will be fine without him.... i am tuff than i look.. i got alot of things to focus on instead of sulking over losing him.. hes not worth crying over.. hes just a jerk.. he got alot to learn.... but dont think he will ever learn....

i went thru alot of hardships like being shunned by the community due to my dad having AIDS.. then losing twin boys and my daughter.. being a single mother to my son TJ and having job.. and living on my own .. it was HARD.. but i managed it without any help from anyone.... then my mom got sick.. so moved back home to help her.... then moving away... now back home and my mom is glad im home to take care of her as my sister didnt take good care of her.. so all is good...so u can see that i will be fine! :)
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awww..u lost your twin boys and daughter...hope u dont mind me asking what happened?
 
shel90 said:
awww..u lost your twin boys and daughter...hope u dont mind me asking what happened?
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no i dont mind.. i will be glad to tell you.. well i lost the twin boys when i was 5 1/2 months gestation with them as i was at work lifting boxes and water broke... so had to go to hospital.. then they said the cause is charioamniotitcs (infection of the sac) thats how i lost the boys...if they didnt died.. they would have been 12 this year.

then my daughter.. i was 5 months gestation with her when i had UTI.. i was real sick with fever of 103.. then water broke then next day she was a stillborn and i gave birth to her... if she had not died.. she would have been 5 yrs old this year... now you know..

believe it or not.. i almost lost my son TJ when i was 6 1/2 months gestation cuz of bladder infection and dr ordered bed rest so i stayed in bed for the rest of the pregnancy... and tj was born... im so glad he is ok :)
 
Freaky Cat said:
no i dont mind.. i will be glad to tell you.. well i lost the twin boys when i was 5 1/2 months gestation with them as i was at work lifting boxes and water broke... so had to go to hospital.. then they said the cause is charioamniotitcs (infection of the sac) thats how i lost the boys...if they didnt died.. they would have been 12 this year.

then my daughter.. i was 5 months gestation with her when i had UTI.. i was real sick with fever of 103.. then water broke then next day she was a stillborn and i gave birth to her... if she had not died.. she would have been 5 yrs old this year... now you know..

believe it or not.. i almost lost my son TJ when i was 6 1/2 months gestation cuz of bladder infection and dr ordered bed rest so i stayed in bed for the rest of the pregnancy... and tj was born... im so glad he is ok :)
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Wow, I am sorry. I cant say that I know how u feel cuz I have never experienced that but I almost lost both of my kids during both of my pregnancies so I remember feeling so scared.
 
shel90 said:
Wow, I am sorry. I cant say that I know how u feel cuz I have never experienced that but I almost lost both of my kids during both of my pregnancies so I remember feeling so scared.
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yeah alot of scary moments then grief and confusion... why why?? thats another story that my hubby doesnt undy what im going thru.. he told me i SHOULD move on... and live my own life without them .. but how can i ??? they are my flesh n blood? they r always in my mind and my heart... he just dont undy... sigh...

the group that i belong to.. called Beraved parents of USA chapter said people dont undy how the mothers n fathers who lost their child/children may be going thru periods of whys and etc.. some never fell out of grief phase maybe forever... depend on individuals.. i was like thats interesting... they also said that its ok to cry when u are sad... several told me to stop be obessive and move on already... they are wrong to say that to me.. its just that they dont understand what im going thru... so its kinda hard for them to grasp that. just like AIDS scare.. same concept you know?? thinking one person got AIDS mean its contiagous and everyone will get it.. but no they are wrong about that. same as grief losing the kids... im still sad about my kids.. but the pains had lessen over time.. but on their bdays its still so hard for me.... i will never forget them as long as i live...
 
Freaky Cat said:
yeah alot of scary moments then grief and confusion... why why?? thats another story that my hubby doesnt undy what im going thru.. he told me i SHOULD move on... and live my own life without them .. but how can i ??? they are my flesh n blood? they r always in my mind and my heart... he just dont undy... sigh...

the group that i belong to.. called Beraved parents of USA chapter said people dont undy how the mothers n fathers who lost their child/children may be going thru periods of whys and etc.. some never fell out of grief phase maybe forever... depend on individuals.. i was like thats interesting... they also said that its ok to cry when u are sad... several told me to stop be obessive and move on already... they are wrong to say that to me.. its just that they dont understand what im going thru... so its kinda hard for them to grasp that. just like AIDS scare.. same concept you know?? thinking one person got AIDS mean its contiagous and everyone will get it.. but no they are wrong about that. same as grief losing the kids... im still sad about my kids.. but the pains had lessen over time.. but on their bdays its still so hard for me.... i will never forget them as long as i live...
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I agree with u..they shouldnt be telling u how to grieve. U are the only one who knows yourself and knows what's right for u. Not anyone else.


I honestly dont know what I would do if something like that happens to me. I do not even want to think about it so I dont. Probably cuz if I do, I would get too paranoid everytime my kids are out there. That's the worst thing a parent could ever go thru..the loss of their child or children.

I am sure that makes TJ so much more precious to u and I am sure u hug him a lot. :)
 
Freaky Cat said:
i am not afraid to be alone again as i have been single for MANY YEARS. this was my first marriage... i was only with him for almost 7 1/2 months.. yet he is still mommas boy... argh... i know i will be fine without him.... i am tuff than i look.. i got alot of things to focus on instead of sulking over losing him.. hes not worth crying over.. hes just a jerk.. he got alot to learn.... but dont think he will ever learn....
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You go girl! Sounds like you got all the equipment (mentally) to move on... Go for it! I wish you tons of luck. Keep us posted.
 
shel90 said:
I agree with u..they shouldnt be telling u how to grieve. U are the only one who knows yourself and knows what's right for u. Not anyone else.


I honestly dont know what I would do if something like that happens to me. I do not even want to think about it so I dont. Probably cuz if I do, I would get too paranoid everytime my kids are out there. That's the worst thing a parent could ever go thru..the loss of their child or children.

I am sure that makes TJ so much more precious to u and I am sure u hug him a lot. :)
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thats right! :) yesss i do hug tj alot and kiss him... i even spoil him with toys .. i shouldnt but hes my only child.. only one toy a month... lol..

SuziMaria said:
You go girl! Sounds like you got all the equipment (mentally) to move on... Go for it! I wish you tons of luck. Keep us posted.
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Thanks! :) i sure will!
 
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