It it really the deaf/Deaf community?

faire_jour said:
You honestly think that is what I said, or are you trying to provoke and start a fight?
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No I think that is how you feel. I am looking at it from the perspective of an older person who has been through a whole lot.

Lots was expected of me too.

It is my opinion that I love my kids for who they are and I don't look for a situation that could be worse to make me feel ok.

But if you want to fight, I am ok with that too.
 
Bottesini said:
No I think that is how you feel. I am looking at it from the perspective of an older person who has been through a whole lot.

Lots was expected of me too.

It is my opinion that I love my kids for who they are and I don't look for a situation that could be worse to make me feel ok.

But if you want to fight, I am ok with that too.
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My child nearly died. I picked out a coffin for her and dicussed where she would be buried. I am very thankful for every single moment I have with her. I would take her in any form, and am especially thankful that she is fine. She is smart and funny and beautiful and deaf and I thank God everyday for the medication that stole her hearing but saved her life.
 
jillio said:
Having a goal and working toward that goal are certainly admirable qualities in any parent. I think we all share the desire to make our children's lives better. However, we all also have to be careful that we don't become so involved with that one desire that we cease to see that we are using it to assuage our own guilty feelings over our child being deaf, and deafness being something we can't fix, but only deal with.
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My late uncle had the mental capability of 2 or 3 years old. If it is Down's Syndrome, I can only see just a little of that in his face. Did my grandparents accepted that he may have Down's Syndrome? No, I often heard the story how my aunt had dropped him when he was a baby and that caused his problem. That might be what my grandparents were using to assuage their feelings of helplessness.

That could be why so many parents choose the oral path for their deaf child as it seems that too many people equate intelligence with speech. That could be the reason why humans tend to look down on animals as lower forms. Some of the animals have far better senses than we do so why do we look down on them as inferior? No speech.

Research shows that Bi-Bi is the way to go. Just like back in the days of Laurent Clerc. The trouble is that deaf schools are so slow in changing.

If the hearing people want to understand why we are complaining about the Deaf Education, all they have to do is to imagine that the deaf people overtook hearing schools and replace the hearing teachers with deaf teachers and maybe even dumb down the quality of the education. They would be in uproar over this just because the hearing students can't or don't understand ASL. That is what happened to the deaf schools in Alexander Graham Bell's time.
 
One thing I wish the medical industry would back off on ...giving the impression that ASL would hinder their children's development especially in the speech area. If we are going to get mad at the Deaf community for rejecting or making nasty remarks about hearing parents' decision on how to raise their children, why doesnt anyone get mad at the medical industry for giving the parents a hard time about including sign language in their children's lives, especially the CI industry? I know it happens for a fact.
 
i'd never been a parent, yet i sometimes wonder what does parents feel when they have child, like do they hope one day this child will be a famous olympian? or a nobel prize winner? or maybe someone to make yourself look better than rest of your family? (seriously i do wonder, its like its there an existence of parent's pride (now there is such thing as false pride or over-proportionated pride that are often confused with arrogancy)

I guess faire_jour is admitting that sometimes we are forced to take the bad with the good. and i do understand (from getting an insight in parents fear from reading this thread) that the weight of responsibility facing a soceity that takes little or no consideration for children and adults with little or no hearing. it is fearsome!!

I, too understand throughtoutly Bottesini's staunch angle. I, too has been through a whole lot and hated just about every one of it set backs, barriers, put down, feigned 'compliments', lies, unwittingly lying to myself for decades, how it messed and made my inferior position in family Permanently, no matter what I say, they think this or that.

She is smart and funny and beautiful and deaf and I thank God everyday for the medication that stole her hearing but saved her life.

This could be looked in differently, like;

putting 'deaf' as the last in the description is a 'warning sign' that seems to hint you place 'deafness' as the burden (it is) but if you turn it around, from looking IN deafness, instead look OUT to challenges from society facing your girl's deafness. What im trying to say is dont let 'deaf' become a negative part of your girl, dont' work against deafness, work with it, love her, let her be, to sign, OK, if you want to choose CI as providing more options (but again beware then dangers of limiting to that as 'only option' that would be unfair to her, (you because you DO need to have her to be communicating well in relaxed state, not in that cruel, trying verbal state.)

I was raised orally, and I now find it hard to sign, imagine my frustration of nothing being able to link with the hearing world, AND the deaf world is severed, i try and try but it seems in this day of political boundaries, they've created another barrier for people like me, i don't like it either - having said that I kind of do understand parent's relunctence, as Some are utterly rude - I've seen it too. More so that ( i wont say here but there's is a number counted on the hand which where i come ro, don't deserve to be the executive board nor in 'frontline' working in 'Deaf offices'!
It's like this, sign language was stolen from me as this 'gave ' Deaf people permission to give me shit.
Dont let that happen to her, it was hard enough growing up in mainstream when hearing kids gave me untold shit too. But dont imagine CI is going to solve this either.

Either way you go, you're still going to be confronted hostility from both the hearing and deaf worlds, its not what you do, its how you do it.
Hearing professionals working in CI area are only interested in the technical aspect of medical assimilation and speech training is just hard work (granted I'm from the 1970's generation, it doesnt really matter timewise especially after the 1970's trajectory however) Likewise Deaf professionals arent without flaws either, be shrewd - get the best chances for her as you can, from both.

Just be wary of denying aspect 'deaf' of your girl, its not LAST thing to describe her, indeed it is the first, most prevailing feature of your child. So once again, dont fight it, work with it, but fight against anything that holds back any age-appropriate learning progress.

Best wishes
 
shel90 said:
One thing I wish the medical industry would back off on ...giving the impression that ASL would hinder their children's development especially in the speech area. If we are going to get mad at the Deaf community for rejecting or making nasty remarks about hearing parents' decision on how to raise their children, why doesnt anyone get mad at the medical industry for giving the parents a hard time about including sign language in their children's lives, especially the CI industry? I know it happens for a fact.
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Oh, but I do get angry at the medical industry, shel. I've said it time and again, but have had parents on this very forum state that their doctors or audis never placed any pressure on them one way or the other.:cool2:
 
Grummer said:
i'd never been a parent, yet i sometimes wonder what does parents feel when they have child, like do they hope one day this child will be a famous olympian? or a nobel prize winner? or maybe someone to make yourself look better than rest of your family? (seriously i do wonder, its like its there an existence of parent's pride (now there is such thing as false pride or over-proportionated pride that are often confused with arrogancy)

I guess faire_jour is admitting that sometimes we are forced to take the bad with the good. and i do understand (from getting an insight in parents fear from reading this thread) that the weight of responsibility facing a soceity that takes little or no consideration for children and adults with little or no hearing. it is fearsome!!

I, too understand throughtoutly Bottesini's staunch angle. I, too has been through a whole lot and hated just about every one of it set backs, barriers, put down, feigned 'compliments', lies, unwittingly lying to myself for decades, how it messed and made my inferior position in family Permanently, no matter what I say, they think this or that.

She is smart and funny and beautiful and deaf and I thank God everyday for the medication that stole her hearing but saved her life.

This could be looked in differently, like;

putting 'deaf' as the last in the description is a 'warning sign' that seems to hint you place 'deafness' as the burden (it is) but if you turn it around, from looking IN deafness, instead look OUT to challenges from society facing your girl's deafness. What im trying to say is dont let 'deaf' become a negative part of your girl, dont' work against deafness, work with it, love her, let her be, to sign, OK, if you want to choose CI as providing more options (but again beware then dangers of limiting to that as 'only option' that would be unfair to her, (you because you DO need to have her to be communicating well in relaxed state, not in that cruel, trying verbal state.)

I was raised orally, and I now find it hard to sign, imagine my frustration of nothing being able to link with the hearing world, AND the deaf world is severed, i try and try but it seems in this day of political boundaries, they've created another barrier for people like me, i don't like it either - having said that I kind of do understand parent's relunctence, as Some are utterly rude - I've seen it too. More so that ( i wont say here but there's is a number counted on the hand which where i come ro, don't deserve to be the executive board nor in 'frontline' working in 'Deaf offices'!
It's like this, sign language was stolen from me as this 'gave ' Deaf people permission to give me shit.
Dont let that happen to her, it was hard enough growing up in mainstream when hearing kids gave me untold shit too. But dont imagine CI is going to solve this either.

Either way you go, you're still going to be confronted hostility from both the hearing and deaf worlds, its not what you do, its how you do it.
Hearing professionals working in CI area are only interested in the technical aspect of medical assimilation and speech training is just hard work (granted I'm from the 1970's generation, it doesnt really matter timewise especially after the 1970's trajectory however) Likewise Deaf professionals arent without flaws either, be shrewd - get the best chances for her as you can, from both.

Just be wary of denying aspect 'deaf' of your girl, its not LAST thing to describe her, indeed it is the first, most prevailing feature of your child. So once again, dont fight it, work with it, but fight against anything that holds back any age-appropriate learning progress.

Best wishes
Click to expand...

Well said, Grummer.
 
Grummer said:
i'd never been a parent, yet i sometimes wonder what does parents feel when they have child, like do they hope one day this child will be a famous olympian? or a nobel prize winner? or maybe someone to make yourself look better than rest of your family? (seriously i do wonder, its like its there an existence of parent's pride (now there is such thing as false pride or over-proportionated pride that are often confused with arrogancy)

I guess faire_jour is admitting that sometimes we are forced to take the bad with the good. and i do understand (from getting an insight in parents fear from reading this thread) that the weight of responsibility facing a soceity that takes little or no consideration for children and adults with little or no hearing. it is fearsome!!

I, too understand throughtoutly Bottesini's staunch angle. I, too has been through a whole lot and hated just about every one of it set backs, barriers, put down, feigned 'compliments', lies, unwittingly lying to myself for decades, how it messed and made my inferior position in family Permanently, no matter what I say, they think this or that.

She is smart and funny and beautiful and deaf and I thank God everyday for the medication that stole her hearing but saved her life.

This could be looked in differently, like;

putting 'deaf' as the last in the description is a 'warning sign' that seems to hint you place 'deafness' as the burden (it is) but if you turn it around, from looking IN deafness, instead look OUT to challenges from society facing your girl's deafness. What im trying to say is dont let 'deaf' become a negative part of your girl, dont' work against deafness, work with it, love her, let her be, to sign, OK, if you want to choose CI as providing more options (but again beware then dangers of limiting to that as 'only option' that would be unfair to her, (you because you DO need to have her to be communicating well in relaxed state, not in that cruel, trying verbal state.)

I was raised orally, and I now find it hard to sign, imagine my frustration of nothing being able to link with the hearing world, AND the deaf world is severed, i try and try but it seems in this day of political boundaries, they've created another barrier for people like me, i don't like it either - having said that I kind of do understand parent's relunctence, as Some are utterly rude - I've seen it too. More so that ( i wont say here but there's is a number counted on the hand which where i come ro, don't deserve to be the executive board nor in 'frontline' working in 'Deaf offices'!
It's like this, sign language was stolen from me as this 'gave ' Deaf people permission to give me shit.
Dont let that happen to her, it was hard enough growing up in mainstream when hearing kids gave me untold shit too. But dont imagine CI is going to solve this either.

Either way you go, you're still going to be confronted hostility from both the hearing and deaf worlds, its not what you do, its how you do it.
Hearing professionals working in CI area are only interested in the technical aspect of medical assimilation and speech training is just hard work (granted I'm from the 1970's generation, it doesnt really matter timewise especially after the 1970's trajectory however) Likewise Deaf professionals arent without flaws either, be shrewd - get the best chances for her as you can, from both.

Just be wary of denying aspect 'deaf' of your girl, its not LAST thing to describe her, indeed it is the first, most prevailing feature of your child. So once again, dont fight it, work with it, but fight against anything that holds back any age-appropriate learning progress.

Best wishes
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:gpost:
 
Buffalo said:
My late uncle had the mental capability of 2 or 3 years old. If it is Down's Syndrome, I can only see just a little of that in his face. Did my grandparents accepted that he may have Down's Syndrome? No, I often heard the story how my aunt had dropped him when he was a baby and that caused his problem. That might be what my grandparents were using to assuage their feelings of helplessness.

That could be why so many parents choose the oral path for their deaf child as it seems that too many people equate intelligence with speech. That could be the reason why humans tend to look down on animals as lower forms. Some of the animals have far better senses than we do so why do we look down on them as inferior? No speech.

Research shows that Bi-Bi is the way to go. Just like back in the days of Laurent Clerc. The trouble is that deaf schools are so slow in changing.

If the hearing people want to understand why we are complaining about the Deaf Education, all they have to do is to imagine that the deaf people overtook hearing schools and replace the hearing teachers with deaf teachers and maybe even dumb down the quality of the education. They would be in uproar over this just because the hearing students can't or don't understand ASL. That is what happened to the deaf schools in Alexander Graham Bell's time.
Click to expand...

:)
Yes, Buffalo, that very well could have been the case with your uncle.
 
Grummer said:
i'd never been a parent, yet i sometimes wonder what does parents feel when they have child, like do they hope one day this child will be a famous olympian? or a nobel prize winner? or maybe someone to make yourself look better than rest of your family?

She is smart and funny and beautiful and deaf and I thank God everyday for the medication that stole her hearing but saved her life.

This could be looked in differently, like;

putting 'deaf' as the last in the description is a 'warning sign' that seems to hint you place 'deafness' as the burden (it is) but if you turn it around, from looking IN deafness, instead look OUT to challenges from society facing your girl's deafness. What im trying to say is dont let 'deaf' become a negative part of your girl, dont' work against deafness, work with it, love her, let her be, to sign, OK, if you want to choose CI as providing more options (but again beware then dangers of limiting to that as 'only option' that would be unfair to her, (you because you DO need to have her to be communicating well in relaxed state, not in that cruel, trying verbal state)

Just be wary of denying aspect 'deaf' of your girl, its not LAST thing to describe her, indeed it is the first, most prevailing feature of your child. So once again, dont fight it, work with it, but fight against anything that holds back any age-appropriate learning progress.

Best wishes
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I completly disagree. Her deafness is not her defining feature. She is many many things, and one of them is Deaf.
She can be anything in this world including an athelete or nobel prize winner. I do not see her deafness as a burden, but as part of the million little things that make her the awesome person she is. Why should one "weakness" be the key to her whole exsistance? If my child was autistic I would say "She is 5, has brown hair, loves kittens, and has autism". I would never make it the entire focus of everything. It is simply a part of her.
 
sorry , you got the wrong idea.
ofc your child, or indeed any child do bcome what they want. al i was saying is sometimes placing high expectations can lead to dissapointment. im sure you are wise to know this anyway.

and apparently i agree deafness doesnt have to be a defining aspect, for the record, im not "Deaf" , just deaf, i have various interests which defined my life, deafness is not 'small part of it' though because of the barriers i experienced, it had riled me up the wall and more.
Just looking at what i said, i may have chosen my words poorly sorry to come across like that to say 'your child is deaf, she must be Deaf" that was not my intention at all, all i was trying to point out is do let and encouage her to every success at any one you and she come across, not let deafness be the issue and don't let anyone use her deafnes as an excuse to exclude her chances.
That is the sort of message i was trying to convey. my apology for choosing my words poorly, as yet i was simply also trying to (in a soft way) help you to be aware not to deny that deafness will be picked on (not neccessary herself as a child in classrooms) i meant like someday you might end up saying 'she's deaf, she ben through all that, and now i understand what other deaf people were saying, its not they like being deaf (we do, we get used to it in one way or another) but we dont like what happens to us.)
It's just a different perspective, you may not fully appreciate it now, nevertheless go for it, let it be. you have my full hope given here to you, best of luck.
 
Buffalo said:
That could be why so many parents choose the oral path for their deaf child as it seems that too many people equate intelligence with speech. That could be the reason why humans tend to look down on animals as lower forms. Some of the animals have far better senses than we do so why do we look down on them as inferior? No speech.
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I think this is what the hearing parents fears the most and why speech is so important to so many hearing parents. I've had a lot of hearing tell me how much more intelligent I am than my deaf peers. My peers always had worse speech, come to think of it. I think my IQ is only average despite my English skills and speech skills.

You ever notice that in popular culture, brutal people are alway shown as inarticulate? They're usually thought to be less intelligent than the average.

Whenever I came home from deaf school, I always ended up doubting my own intelligence. When I've been around hearing too long, this always happens to me.
 
Grummer said:
sorry , you got the wrong idea.
ofc your child, or indeed any child do bcome what they want. al i was saying is sometimes placing high expectations can lead to dissapointment. im sure you are wise to know this anyway.
.
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Excellent advice here.
I think all parents would do well not to put unrealistic expectations on deaf children or to expect them to do the impossible...

It's not healthy to have parents scream at the child every single night as the child struggles homework despite having no support at school nor is it healthy to tell them they're not working hard enough. That's a sign all isnt' well and it will put a strain on future relations with your child. Nor is it healthy to have parents do the homework for the child.

Not every child wants to be a poster child nor should they be expected to excell in everything. I keep thinking that I have to be better than most in everything in order to have a decent chance. That is unrealistic as everyone has strengths and weakness; I excell in English and Art but I'm not very good at math for example. At times I felt like I was a performing animal and I'm sure there are some hearing children who feel the same way from parents who expect them to go to Harvard.
 
Grummer said:
sorry , you got the wrong idea.
ofc your child, or indeed any child do bcome what they want. al i was saying is sometimes placing high expectations can lead to dissapointment. im sure you are wise to know this anyway.

and apparently i agree deafness doesnt have to be a defining aspect, for the record, im not "Deaf" , just deaf, i have various interests which defined my life, deafness is not 'small part of it' though because of the barriers i experienced, it had riled me up the wall and more.
Just looking at what i said, i may have chosen my words poorly sorry to come across like that to say 'your child is deaf, she must be Deaf" that was not my intention at all, all i was trying to point out is do let and encouage her to every success at any one you and she come across, not let deafness be the issue and don't let anyone use her deafnes as an excuse to exclude her chances.
That is the sort of message i was trying to convey. my apology for choosing my words poorly, as yet i was simply also trying to (in a soft way) help you to be aware not to deny that deafness will be picked on (not neccessary herself as a child in classrooms) i meant like someday you might end up saying 'she's deaf, she ben through all that, and now i understand what other deaf people were saying, its not they like being deaf (we do, we get used to it in one way or another) but we dont like what happens to us.)
It's just a different perspective, you may not fully appreciate it now, nevertheless go for it, let it be. you have my full hope given here to you, best of luck.
Click to expand...

I knew what you meant...it is like you are saying that one doesnt have to make the deafness a defining factor but at the same time, dont deny nor ignore it. That was what happened to me growing up and as a result, I thought my deafness was something to be hidden or to be ashamed of.

I guess I understood your point the first time becuase I am deaf myself or have 30 plus years of experience with deafness?
 
Grummer said:
sorry , you got the wrong idea.
ofc your child, or indeed any child do bcome what they want. al i was saying is sometimes placing high expectations can lead to dissapointment. im sure you are wise to know this anyway.

and apparently i agree deafness doesnt have to be a defining aspect, for the record, im not "Deaf" , just deaf, i have various interests which defined my life, deafness is not 'small part of it' though because of the barriers i experienced, it had riled me up the wall and more.
Just looking at what i said, i may have chosen my words poorly sorry to come across like that to say 'your child is deaf, she must be Deaf" that was not my intention at all, all i was trying to point out is do let and encouage her to every success at any one you and she come across, not let deafness be the issue and don't let anyone use her deafnes as an excuse to exclude her chances.
That is the sort of message i was trying to convey. my apology for choosing my words poorly, as yet i was simply also trying to (in a soft way) help you to be aware not to deny that deafness will be picked on (not neccessary herself as a child in classrooms) i meant like someday you might end up saying 'she's deaf, she ben through all that, and now i understand what other deaf people were saying, its not they like being deaf (we do, we get used to it in one way or another) but we dont like what happens to us.)
It's just a different perspective, you may not fully appreciate it now, nevertheless go for it, let it be. you have my full hope given here to you, best of luck.
Click to expand...

I agree that deafness does nothave to define an individual, and should never be used to limit their opportunities as an individual, I also see that it is a very real part of an individual's self concept and identity, whether they identify themselves as deaf or Deaf. If deafness was not a very real part of not just an individual's self concept and identity, we would not have deaf message boards where deaf people come together. We would not have deaf gatherings where people come together. The fact that deafness, in and of itself, creates social opportunities to come together with other deaf people, and to relate the sameness of experience, despite the variety of backgrounds, personalities, educational levels, and daily lives of the individuals that come together based on their commonalitiy.

It is also a sad but true fact that society, as a whole, will often use an individual's deafness as the defining characteristic of the individual, especially in situations that do not require extended contact with the deaf person. In educational situations, deafness will be a defining characteristic in deciding accommodation and placement. In employment situations, the same is true.

While deafness in no way defines the whole individual, it is indeed a part of the whole. We cannot ignore it, nor can we fail to take it into account. We cannot minimize it. It is a part of the whole that makes up the complete person that we see standing before us, and as a child grows, it will become an increasingly significant part. My recommendation to hearing parents is to see it, recognize it, embrace it, and share it with their child.
 
deafskeptic said:
Excellent advice here.
I think all parents would do well not to put unrealistic expectations on deaf children or to expect them to do the impossible...

It's not healthy to have parents scream at the child every single night as the child struggles homework despite having no support at school nor is it healthy to tell them they're not working hard enough. That's a sign all isnt' well and it will put a strain on future relations with your child. Nor is it healthy to have parents do the homework for the child.

Not every child wants to be a poster child nor should they be expected to excell in everything. I keep thinking that I have to be better than most in everything in order to have a decent chance. That is unrealistic as everyone has strengths and weakness; I excell in English and Art but I'm not very good at math for example. At times I felt like I was a performing animal and I'm sure there are some hearing children who feel the same way from parents who expect them to go to Harvard.
Click to expand...

Well said, deafskeptic. It creates a situation where a deaf child is constantly put in the position of feeling they have to prove that they are just as capable, just as intelligent as a hearing child. To a child, this is interpreted as a value judgement, and internalized as a feeling that they have to constantly prove that they are just as "good" as everyone else in spite of their deafness. It actually places more focus on the deafness, and less on the child as a complete and whole person who happens to be deaf. To minimize a child's deafness...or an adult's for that matter...means that the individual is not free to be deaf, but must constantly strive to keep it buried and hidden as a factor in who they are. This can lead to very damaging and self destructive behavior. A child placed in this position will not ask for help in the classroom when they have missed something because they will see that as "using their deafness as an excuse." They will not ask a friend to repeat or clarify when they have missed something because it will call attention to the fact that they are not the same (e.g. as good as) everyone else. As adolescents, they will very, very often egage in risky and self destructive behaviors as they try to act out the message they have internalized from early childhood...deafness is not a part of me.

The key is to embrace the deafness, to help that child become comfortable with that deafness, and to provide them with an atmosphere that allows them to be deaf, just as we allow them to be a boy or a girl, athletic or intellectual, outgoing or shy. In that way, they learn to love all parts of themselves, and to be confident enough as adults to advocate for themselves.

How many times have we heard deaf adults state that they were never comfortable with who they were or with their deafness until they found the deaf community and the support it provided it allowing them to admit and accept their own deafness? Why did they not find it until they were adults? Because, during their childhood years, it was minimized instead of embraced. Let's start giving that sense of security, that sense of being okay, that sense of deafness as a very real and special part of who they are, to them as children. Let's not make them wait until they are adults, and force them to find it outside their own family.
 
shel90 said:
I knew what you meant...it is like you are saying that one doesnt have to make the deafness a defining factor but at the same time, dont deny nor ignore it. That was what happened to me growing up and as a result, I thought my deafness was something to be hidden or to be ashamed of.

I guess I understood your point the first time becuase I am deaf myself or have 30 plus years of experience with deafness?
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You are a perfect example of what I have written about in the above 2 posts.:) And there are many, many more...not just on this board but walking around IRL, that are perfect examples, as well. People keep saying that 90% of deaf children are born to hearing parents. That means that 90% of the people in the deaf community are from families of hearing origin, yet they all come together in the larger deaf community. Those deaf children of hearing parents grow up to become deaf adults of hearing parents. And they are finding the deaf community, and becoming a part of it. Why is it so necessary for them to wait until they are adults? Why is it that we cannot give them that when they are children, and, as hearing parents, share it with them?
 
jillio said:
Well said, deafskeptic. It creates a situation where a deaf child is constantly put in the position of feeling they have to prove that they are just as capable, just as intelligent as a hearing child. To a child, this is interpreted as a value judgement, and internalized as a feeling that they have to constantly prove that they are just as "good" as everyone else in spite of their deafness. It actually places more focus on the deafness, and less on the child as a complete and whole person who happens to be deaf. To minimize a child's deafness...or an adult's for that matter...means that the individual is not free to be deaf, but must constantly strive to keep it buried and hidden as a factor in who they are. This can lead to very damaging and self destructive behavior. A child placed in this position will not ask for help in the classroom when they have missed something because they will see that as "using their deafness as an excuse." They will not ask a friend to repeat or clarify when they have missed something because it will call attention to the fact that they are not the same (e.g. as good as) everyone else. As adolescents, they will very, very often egage in risky and self destructive behaviors as they try to act out the message they have internalized from early childhood...deafness is not a part of me.

The key is to embrace the deafness, to help that child become comfortable with that deafness, and to provide them with an atmosphere that allows them to be deaf, just as we allow them to be a boy or a girl, athletic or intellectual, outgoing or shy. In that way, they learn to love all parts of themselves, and to be confident enough as adults to advocate for themselves.

How many times have we heard deaf adults state that they were never comfortable with who they were or with their deafness until they found the deaf community and the support it provided it allowing them to admit and accept their own deafness? Why did they not find it until they were adults? Because, during their childhood years, it was minimized instead of embraced. Let's start giving that sense of security, that sense of being okay, that sense of deafness as a very real and special part of who they are, to them as children. Let's not make them wait until they are adults, and force them to find it outside their own family.
Click to expand...


That's the story of my life and I discovered that I wasnt the only one who endured these struggles. Many of my friends went thru the same thing too. The ones who didnt go thru that are those who went to Deaf schools or from Deaf families.
 
shel90 said:
That's the story of my life and I discovered that I wasnt the only one who endured these struggles. Many of my friends went thru the same thing too. The ones who didnt go thru that are those who went to Deaf schools or from Deaf families.
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**nodding**. Only by first accepting the deafness and understanding that it is a very real part of who the individual is, can they go on to achieve anything they want to. It just becomes a part of them, rather than something they must always, always fight against. Trying not to make it an issue actually creates the problems. That is why I asked for honesty in this thread.

I will never, ever state that deaf is not a part of who my son is, and a part of who he always has been. It is a very real fact of his life, his identity, and his self concept. Does that mean that his deafness limits him? No, it doesn't. It doesn't limit him because he does not have to fight against it, or achieve in spite of it. He is free to embrace it. Everything he does, he does as a deaf man. It is a part of him, a part of his way of seeing, feeling, believing, learning, and communicating. There is not a single part of his life that it does not touch. I don't want him to deny his deafness, or have to prove that he is as capable as anyone else despite his deafness. Only by recognizing and accepting his deafness can it not come to matter. Only then can it become incidental. Until then, it will always be seen as an obstacle to be overcome, not as a part of who he is that needs to be integrated not just into his life, but into the lives of those that love him.
 
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