Is It Appropriate To .....

[Reba]

...We received an invitation to attend our friend´s birthday party this Saturday. It written that she don´t want gifts from us but just us. Do you think that we come to celebrate her party without something in our hands? No Way... I ignored her and will get something to surprise her this Saturday....

Whoa, wait a minute. I thought you said that it was important to respect the wishes of the person who was celebrating? If you ignore the wishes of your friend then you are contradicting what you said. If you show up at the party with a gift, and no one else brings a gift, that embarrasses your friend and everyone else.

You said "I want their wishes to be fulfilled." Your friend's wish is that no one bring gifts. You should fulfill her wish.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Believe it or not, 15 people were not giving the wedding gifts at all. They just showed up at the receiption with their children or friends. We invitied them but not expect more people were coming. They did not give us any wedding gifts or money at all. I know, it is very rude. There is nothing else, we can do about it.

The food was huge and expensive buffet. The receiption has view the lake with beautiful colorful autum trees. The wedding was such beautiful and successful. We were not worried about other people whom did not give us any gifts.

I´m sorry to hear how you feel like this. I cannot beleive that 15 people didn´t know how to behave manner. Yes I´m agree that it´s very rude of people to attend your wedding without something in their hands. They are not friend but come for foods and drink... *shake my head*

Mainly important to keep wonderful memory what you and your husband enjoy special day on your wedding...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Whoa, wait a minute. I thought you said that it was important to respect the wishes of the person who was celebrating? If you ignore the wishes of your friend then you are contradicting what you said. If you show up at the party with a gift, and no one else brings a gift, that embarrasses your friend and everyone else.

You said "I want their wishes to be fulfilled." Your friend's wish is that no one bring gifts. You should fulfill her wish.

Come on....

Do you really think we buy her a big and expensive gift ? :roll:

My friend is not only one and first but I often receive invitation to attend their small party like this. We always bring something in our hands... They are really pleased and said awwwww when they see something little cute gifts to show them how much we appreciate. I often invite my friends to attend small party at my house to ask them to not bring gifts... they still gave me little cute gifts... and something for my boys... It´s really nice thoughtful of them and know that they don´t like to bring nothing in their hands.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Why would you lie? There's no need to lie. You can truthfully tell them you appreciate the thought and effort. That's not a lie, is it?

Yes it´s truthfully that I appreciate very much of their thought and their present at my wedding. I said this to them. I didn´t say anything in "thank you" card about unwanted/unneccassary gifts but mentioned how much we appreicate their present at our wedding and appreicate their thoughtful and kind. That´s why I didn´t mentioned anything about gift in "thank you" card... I would feel bad if I wrote "I like your gift very much"... No Way.

Why is it sad? Do you really depend on "things" for happy wedding memories?

I´m sad because they waste of their money to buy unwanted/unneccassary gift for me which they thought I would be happy to have it... It´s sad to leave their gifts to Dad and his wife or leave it at attics... What a waste...

What truly is "a couple's wish" for their wedding? Isn't it a long and happy marriage? Isn't that the true wedding wish?

Excuse me, I don´t understand this question. What couple´s wish do with "unhappy and untrue" wedding? Do you mean that it will bring bad luck if couple´s wish should be fulfilled?

Well, we collect money or gifts from guests. With those money, we bought vatrine. vatrine still is in living room.. It brings us good memory when we look at vatrine. We mentioned that we got wedding money from guests to buy vatrine when my friends come to visit and look at vatrine and like it. Unhappy and untrue wedding??? For your information, we are happily married since 1985.

Putting "no gift" on an invitation is considered inappropriate because it implies that otherwise a gift would be expected. That's the reason nothing about money or gifts is ever printed on invitations.

Yes I agreed for put "no gift" or "money" on an invitation is bit skeptical... I would do something to get guest´s attention.

Just because you feel that you don't "need" a gift is no reason not to show appreciation for the person who used their time, effort and resources to get you a gift. You don't need to "lie" about that. Unless you feel that you are lying by saying you appreciate the thoughtfulness of your friends. If you really don't appreciate them as friends, maybe you shouldn't invite them in the first place. It almost seems like the only reason they were invited was to get gifts or money from them.


That's not the same as a formal invitation to an event.

Don´t twist my word...

It´s unwanted and unnecassary gift, I´m talk about. I feel bad to "lie" them that I like their gift... No way... I didn´t mention gift in "thank you" card but thank them for value their friendship with us and appreciate their present at our wedding.

Sorry, but I'm getting very frustrated because there seems to be a big misunderstanding about the difference between a printed invitation, and friends personally asking friends what they would like.

I understand you prefectly... I know the difference between invitation card and ask friends what they wish. I already stated my POV in my 1st and 2nd post of 1st thread about invitation. I would consider them the same because its about person´s wish, not us.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Guests shouldn't be expected to give gifts of any kind, period. It is in poor taste to expect them to do so. It is completely up to them if they want to bring a gift or not. Not everyone can afford to buy a gift for a wedding. I think that their presence should be enough.

Do you think it´s nice to attend any speical occassion without something in their hands? To me, it´s poor taste to attend their wedding without something in their hands.

To European custom, if we can´t afford to buy a wedding gift then don´t go their wedding. They will think I´m greedy and rude to go their wedding for foods and drink gratis if I go their wedding with empty hands but just grab their foods and drink.. I don´t want that. It´s bad manner to go there without something in their hands.

 

[JeepGirl]

wow.. this has gone too far. Reba, you're basically thinking we must follow the rules of the etiquettes.. Maybe that's the way things were back then but What Rules are you talking about? *looking around* The first time in my life, I've actually heard of "the rules of the etiquettes" but who cares about the rules? You'd think that's what we're suppose to do but nowadays its not like that anymore. I do know that when given an invitation, there's no "gimmicks or wannas". As for a wedding, she's got to give out more than 100 invitations and felt that it would be more appropriate to ask for "money" than gifts so they could go on a honeymoon. Not that she was going to ask for money, she's just asking not to give gifts but to pitch in some so they can go on a honeymoon. I would think its appropriate to announce no gifts given but to give "money" to them for their trip. that would be their wish, wouldn't it?

I mean come on, there's no rules in the 2000's. Seriously.. its the book of rules.. and that's old.


I agree that we should do it more appropriate by inviting them to come but to put down no gifts but money can be offered for their honeymoon.

CAN BE OFFERED.. its not a must. its just for those who's actually going to SPEND their money on a gift.. instead she just asked for money to be given. so I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Most of the time people do ask what they want or need.

Nowadays, there are sooo many items, technologies, electronics, accessories, etc that just about everyone has! She just reccommended to have money than any of the gifts.


I just got married and I asked not to give us any gifts but money also.. and they all understood because we want to go on a honeymoon and we have everything we need at home. We really don't need anything else.. so instead we got money.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Really? I thought an invitation meant that people wanted to share a celebration together with each other's presence. You mean the presents are more important than the presence? How sad.

I consider it as rude and bad manner to attend any special occassion without something in hands.

So if the paper is beautiful, the content doesn't matter. :roll:

I mean a nice word to touch your feeling... ,not just beautiful piece but word.

I would really hate to think that one of my relatives or friends didn't show up just because they couldn't afford a present. That would hurt.

Yes I know it´s hurt but it´s nice to inform couple that a person can´t make it. Of course it will hurt couple feeling and will ask a person why she can´t make it... a person explain them why she can´t make it because she can´t afford to acheive a gift for them. Of course couple will say... Ohhhhh noooo.... I´m glad that you share your feeling with me... Noooo you don´t have to give me a gift but I´m happy to have you be present at my wedding... Your present at my wedding mean me alot.

 

[Humblegirl]

fews years agos my brother married 2 nd time. both asked request no gifts please as put down on wedding invitation.its his small wedding no formal anything cuz of they married by court.i am not used alike this cuz of i used normal nice wedding invitation with no write down no gifts or else on it . so i repect my brother and 2 nd wife s wishes so i gave them some money.

 

[shel90]

Angel...I wouldnt write it down on the invitation that u wish to have money. Some people may not think a big deal but others may so to avoid that risk, maybe best not to write anything about gifts on the invitation. My friend got married 5 years ago and I remember she wrote on her invitations that they want only household items as gifts and to pls communicate with the other guests so they wont get the same thing. I was very offended by that as well as many others.

 

[LuciaDisturbed]

Do you think it´s nice to attend any speical occassion without something in their hands? To me, it´s poor taste to attend their wedding without something in their hands.

To European custom, if we can´t afford to buy a wedding gift then don´t go their wedding. They will think I´m greedy and rude to go their wedding for foods and drink gratis if I go their wedding with empty hands but just grab their foods and drink.. I don´t want that. It´s bad manner to go there without something in their hands.

This is America, Liebling. Not Germany. Not Europe.

 

[moonflower]

i would recommend gift cards from everywhere you wanted from i am sure they have gift cards everywhere smile

i LOVE gift cards cuz then i can pick whatever i wanted and pay from gift cards best than cash cuz cash is easy to be stolen gift card is easy to replace no plm

 

[Angel]

This is America, Liebling. Not Germany. Not Europe.

I find Liebling's post very interesting, and I'm learning a lot about her country ,alot of you had said pretty much all you want, so I'm allow Liebling to have her say in this too....

 

[TweetyBird]

I find Liebling's post very interesting, and I'm learning a lot about her country ,alot of you had said pretty much all you want, so I'm allow Liebling to have her say in this too....

yea true u are right abt that

 

[TweetyBird]

wow.. this has gone too far. Reba, you're basically thinking we must follow the rules of the etiquettes.. Maybe that's the way things were back then but What Rules are you talking about? *looking around* The first time in my life, I've actually heard of "the rules of the etiquettes" but who cares about the rules? You'd think that's what we're suppose to do but nowadays its not like that anymore. I do know that when given an invitation, there's no "gimmicks or wannas". As for a wedding, she's got to give out more than 100 invitations and felt that it would be more appropriate to ask for "money" than gifts so they could go on a honeymoon. Not that she was going to ask for money, she's just asking not to give gifts but to pitch in some so they can go on a honeymoon. I would think its appropriate to announce no gifts given but to give "money" to them for their trip. that would be their wish, wouldn't it?

I mean come on, there's no rules in the 2000's. Seriously.. its the book of rules.. and that's old.


I agree that we should do it more appropriate by inviting them to come but to put down no gifts but money can be offered for their honeymoon.

CAN BE OFFERED.. its not a must. its just for those who's actually going to SPEND their money on a gift.. instead she just asked for money to be given. so I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Most of the time people do ask what they want or need.

Nowadays, there are sooo many items, technologies, electronics, accessories, etc that just about everyone has! She just reccommended to have money than any of the gifts.


I just got married and I asked not to give us any gifts but money also.. and they all understood because we want to go on a honeymoon and we have everything we need at home. We really don't need anything else.. so instead we got money.

yea true i agree with u abt that... *amen*

 

[AngelWolf]

Well, to me, not matter!!!! Really, that word "proper (sp?)" has bothered me so often that I can't stand it!! Just that, I can't understand why must formal for everything like those stars and Bush alike...etc... made me puzzles lately cuz why formal??? I mean, I have noticed a lot of ppl hate wearing formal but have to for that stupid thing.... Myself, I HATE FORMAL!!! I simple like to be more casual or more comfortable wearing that can make u ease... more relax and have fun (not that kind of wild one, no way, lol.. I don't appprove for that reason but formal??? Sheexh...) I am very sorry but I am not that kind for that sort of things which was so damn uncomfortable to wear things like that!! I love only causal anything that make u more comfortable, PEROID!!!!!!!! That is important that stupid formal!! So what Angel wants to know if it was bad manner or good manner abt what she like to have ONLY MONEY, that is her choice!!! To me I would rather take money than nothing at all!! Cuz some ppl been giving away some same items all the time that I have seen over my cousins' weddings as well as my friends......same thing all the time so best MONEY what is worth better than having two or 4 the same items, if u know my meaning....

That how I felt abt "formal and manner" I am very good manner and well respect but that bsides well point (not that way in english, I thinik??? sorry bad English!) but that is who I am and always been that way! I respect to no matter what they ask for or whatever! Sighs I am sorry but just that I am angry of having hearing abt formal drove me nuts!! I really hate it! Pls forgive me!! Do what u want is fine and that is prefect idea, Angel!!! That is ur life and that is ur wedding that is ur deciceion! sp? Sorry, my bad and stupid and dumb speller!

Pls do not listen to me with my vent! But do what the best for u, honey... u have a right to ask.........BECAUSE TODAY IS DIFFERENT AND EVERYONE HAVE BEEN INGORE EVERYTHING THAT WAS RULE BY WHATEVER THAT IS!! We too have that same thing but also my bro and his wife was in common in law for more than 11 yrs so finally they called themselves as married under the God's Eye or something what mom told me lol.... so that was just simple one!! JUST SIMPLE.....FREEDOME, honey... that is what we are for... cuz that is our life.... sighs... things dont make like use to be.... I prefer just be common in law more frexable than sorry!! CUZ OF STUPID MONEY for diovrce whatever that damn spell!

Shheesh, pls forgive me... I am now stopping.... me thinkg I am somehow!! sorry!

Mods, if u think that is too.... umm whtever that word for it, u have a right to remove this post ok? Thanks!

 

[Angel]

.... My friend got married 5 years ago and I remember she wrote on her invitations that they want only household items as gifts and to pls communicate with the other guests so they wont get the same thing. I was very offended by that as well as many others.

Honestly, I wouldn't feel offended at all, she just wanted to let others know so they don't buy the same thing, it not like she asking you that you MUST buy something , she is just giving ideas of what she wanted as a gift that's only IF you were plan on getting her something....

 

[Cheri]

While it is nice to help the couple complete their dreams, if the couple would like to have money for their honeymoon, so what, if they would like selection of products for their home or new home, so what. It's not even consider rude, It's rude that you're invited to a wedding, when you know how expensive weddings are, the couples were so thoughtful to think of you and invited you, You as a guest attend to a wedding without a gift shows poor class of respect, You as a guest think you can go to a wedding drink all you want, eat all you want, dance your heart out all you want, and eat your cake and leave, and say "It's a nice wedding, Thanks for inviting me, see ya!" Don't you want those couples to treasure and cherish the gifts you got them? showing your thoughts, your caring, and your respect. I would want someone to like my gift that I gave to them, because it's something they will treasure for years and years ahead, and I do know how expensive weddings are also, So, show your respect and don't be a wedding guest bum.

 

[Angel]

Whoa, wait a minute. I thought you said that it was important to respect the wishes of the person who was celebrating? If you ignore the wishes of your friend then you are contradicting what you said. If you show up at the party with a gift, and no one else brings a gift, that embarrasses your friend and everyone else.

You said "I want their wishes to be fulfilled." Your friend's wish is that no one bring gifts. You should fulfill her wish.

I understand where Liebling is coming from on this, It would makes her feel so uncomfortable if she came to a party or a wedding with an empty hands, she rather to bring something with her such as a card, gift, money or food etc, and I don't see anything wrong with that, since she is buying it with her money.....

 

[Reba]

...Excuse me, I don´t understand this question. What couple´s wish do with "unhappy and untrue" wedding? Do you mean that it will bring bad luck if couple´s wish should be fulfilled?

There is no such thing as "bad luck".

I saying that the couple's real wish is to have a long, happy marriage. That's more important than any material things.

Honestly, when you were engaged, which was your most important wish? To have a long, happy marriage, or to make a big haul on your wedding day? That's what I mean.

Well, we collect money or gifts from guests. With those money, we bought vatrine. vatrine still is in living room.. It brings us good memory when we look at vatrine. We mentioned that we got wedding money from guests to buy vatrine when my friends come to visit and look at vatrine and like it.

Do you mean "vitrine"?

Unhappy and untrue wedding??? For your information, we are happily married since 1985.

I never said anything about your wedding being unhappy or untrue. I don't know where you're coming from on that.

It´s unwanted and unnecassary gift, I´m talk about. I feel bad to "lie" them that I like their gift... No way... I didn´t mention gift in "thank you" card but thank them for value their friendship with us and appreciate their present at our wedding.

That's fine.

 

[Reba]

...To European custom, if we can´t afford to buy a wedding gift then don´t go their wedding. They will think I´m greedy and rude to go their wedding for foods and drink gratis if I go their wedding with empty hands but just grab their foods and drink.. I don´t want that. It´s bad manner to go there without something in their hands.

I guess that's a cultural difference.

In America, it would be bad manners not to show up at the wedding of a close friend or relative. We don't expect our guests to pay for their wedding refreshments with a gift. I can't imagine brides keeping track of who brought a gift, and calculating the value of the food compared to the value of the gift. If they do that, well, shame of them.