Is It Appropriate To .....

[Liebling:-)))]

Honestly, I wouldn't feel offended at all, she just wanted to let others know so they don't buy the same thing, it not like she asking you that you MUST buy something , she is just giving ideas of what she wanted as a gift that's only IF you were plan on getting her something....

Yes, I'm the same as you.

It doesn't bother me really... I appreciate their honestly very much then I will know what they wants.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

While it is nice to help the couple complete their dreams, if the couple would like to have money for their honeymoon, so what, if they would like selection of products for their home or new home, so what. It's not even consider rude, It's rude that you're invited to a wedding, when you know how expensive weddings are, the couples were so thoughtful to think of you and invited you, You as a guest attend to a wedding without a gift shows poor class of respect, You as a guest think you can go to a wedding drink all you want, eat all you want, dance your heart out all you want, and eat your cake and leave, and say "It's a nice wedding, Thanks for inviting me, see ya!" Don't you want those couples to treasure and cherish the gifts you got them? showing your thoughts, your caring, and your respect. I would want someone to like my gift that I gave to them, because it's something they will treasure for years and years ahead, and I do know how expensive weddings are also, So, show your respect and don't be a wedding guest bum.

That's way of your description is exact same as here in Europe.

I feel sick in my stomach to be present at their wedding without something in my hands and greed foods and drink... Its really ambarrassment and pain....

I will consider the people who attend my parties without something in their hands is bad manner and rude.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I understand where Liebling is coming from on this, It would makes her feel so uncomfortable if she came to a party or a wedding with an empty hands, she rather to bring something with her such as a card, gift, money or food etc, and I don't see anything wrong with that, since she is buying it with her money.....

Right

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I saying that the couple's real wish is to have a long, happy marriage. .

Yes everybody knows that our wish is long, health and happy marriage. So?

That's more important than any material things.

Ugh? your post sound that you beleive to attend any special occassion gratis to greed foods and drink gratis on bride and groom's expense because any material are not important? You beleive that bride and groom play for their guests... I consider it's very, very, very rude and bad manner. I would rather to marry in register office or oversea than let guests to greed foods and drink on my expenses for gratis and plus play for guests. ... I beleive that guests show their respect and honor bride and groom's wish because wedding is only once in forever... I feel sorry for Bride and Groom.

Honestly, when you were engaged, which was your most important wish? To have a long, happy marriage, or to make a big haul on your wedding day? That's what I mean.

Yes, that's right. That's why we don't have engagement party but just me and my hubby alone... but at wedding is a different. We were raised to know that we will have gifts and money from them... and know that bride and groom expect to have something from us. I ask automatic what they want for their wedding.

Do you mean "vitrine"?

Yes, thank you for correct my spelling...

I never said anything about your wedding being unhappy or untrue. I don't know where you're coming from on that.

You already said in previous post.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I guess that's a cultural difference.

In America, it would be bad manners not to show up at the wedding of a close friend or relative. We don't expect our guests to pay for their wedding refreshments with a gift. I can't imagine brides keeping track of who brought a gift, and calculating the value of the food compared to the value of the gift. If they do that, well, shame of them.

I do not consider bad manner if a person let bride and groom know that she/he can't make it few weeks or months for some reasons before wedding. It's bad manner if a person didn't let them know before their wedding day.

A lot of Americans copy European custom and agrees that what European custom did is in manner way. See the example of some ADers' posts here...

What you did is rude and bad manner. I would say it's shame of them to greed foods and drink for free... because they can't afford to pay a wedding gift... or don't have to pay gifts but greed foods and drink on bride and groom's expenses for free... Greedy, Rude, arrogant and Selfish...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Interesting link: Enjoy!


Whether you're planning a wedding, or attending one, gift-giving plays an important role in the "big day." Here are some guidelines to help answer some questions on this part of the wedding process.

For the wedding guest

Wedding tips, marriage advice So you've been invited to a wedding? Are you wondering what to do about the somewhat obligatory gift? Most brides and grooms have registered their gift wish list with a local department or specialty store. Does this mean you must select from this list? Not necessarily. While it is nice to help the couple complete their flatware selection or informal place settings, remember that a unique gift can be just as welcomed. With the convenience of shopping online, you can now purchase, gift wrap, enclose a personalized gift card and ship a gift to the couple without leaving your home or office.

Some things to keep in mind:

* Do not take a gift to the reception. You cannot be guaranteed that the bride and groom will ever see the gift, as there is generally no security at the reception (with the possible exception being if the reception is at the home of the couple or a family member). Gifts can easily be damaged or misplaced. Remember, the last thing on the couple's mind that night will be gathering up gifts. It could easily be left behind.
* Send the gift to the address on the registry or the RSVP address on the wedding invitation.
* Etiquette says that it is a nice gesture to send a gift whether or not you plan on attending.

Who should receive a gift?

The Bride and Groom - One of the oldest wedding-gift traditions is the exchange of gifts between the bride and the groom. While this custom is followed by many couples, it is not mandatory. But why not give each other something that reflects your commitment? It's best to find something that is lasting, and if appropriate, engrave it with each of your initials and your wedding date. Ideas: A picture frame, a poem, an elegant desk clock, a collectible, jewelry.



Wedding gifts

It's same as Europe as well... I don't understand why some ADers keep saying that this is American custom to attend special occassion without something in their hands... I realized now after read your post that it's people themselves have the problem to understand how behavor in manner way. I must say that the people who beleives to not pay wedding gift is their shame. I feel bad for Kalista after read her post here.

I was raised to beleive to ask bride and groom what they wish accord wedding tradition.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I'm afraid you've been sadly misinformed.

No, RebelGirl is correct.

We follow our heart what we really wish instead of follow this "rules" and do what the rules say and respect guest and play for guests. It's about Bride and Groom, not us because it's their wedding, their choice, their decision. It's our duty to respect and honar Bride and Groom on their special day.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Cash would go to their wishing goal list, if it's honeymoon or a brand new house, it's still a something they can treasure and cherish knowing you help made their dreams come true.

No, You don't required to, because that is an old fashion way, this is 2007 a brand new year, a brand new change. I don't even follow etiquettes, how would guests know what you want? I rather to do it my way, give the couple what they want, their wish goals, even if it's money forward a dream, I shall help them with that dream.

Right

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yeah, there's another thread about her wantin' to go to Hawaii as well. She mentioned that she wishes to go to Hawaii on her honeymoon after weddin'. Not just what DreamDeaf posted about " Game " thread. From what I recalled that Angel have always wanted to go to Hawaii since she was a child. That was one of her dreams.

Yes, we know Angel's dream wish... So? What's your problem?

I can't see the sense why anyone make panic over Angel and Roadrunner's honeymoon wish. :roll: I see no problem to fulfill Angel's and Roadrunner's dream wish... because I beleive their dream wish come true.. It's their wish, not anyone. She collect money from guests then she decide together with her husband what they do with wedding money. It's their business, not ours.

 

[Maria]

Yes, we know Angel's dream wish... So? What's your problem?

Do you call this problem ? I am just tellin' the truth from what I recalled by readin' her post in another thread. It is NOT the problem. I don't try to hide one of the ADers from it.

I can't see the sense why anyone make panic over Angel and Roadrunner's honeymoon wish. :roll: I see no problem to fulfill Angel's and Roadrunner's dream wish... because I beleive their dream wish come true.. It's their wish, not anyone. She collect money from guests then she decide together with her husband what they do with wedding money. It's their business, not ours.

It's NOT panic. Some of ADers includin' me agreed with Reba about " rude " over writin' on the invitation cards requestin' for money. I've never heard of any one could ever ask that.

 

[VamPyroX]

I don't know if it's appropriate, but I would be a bit offended if someone invited me to a birthday party and expected money instead of gifts. Gifts are supposed to be from the heart. Money is just a "filler" and should be left as a last resort if a person didn't have time to shop for a gift or didn't know what to get that person.

For instance, I didn't know what to get my sister for Christmas... so, I got her a gift card to Best Buy cuz I knew she liked music CDs.

I went to a baby shower once. All gals were sorority sisters of the mother-to-be. All (but 2; me and another guy) guys were fraternity brothers of the father-to-be. Almost all the gals (including me) brought gifts because the mother-to-be had a registry at several different stores. All the guys simply pooled in their cash for their fraternity brother and stuck it in an envelope for the mother-to-be. Of course, she was kinda disappointed because she felt that the guys were just there to get drunk and stoned... and didn't care much for the baby shower itself. Yep, they had a keg party in the basement and a weed party upstairs... involving only the fraternity guys (except me and one other guy who was not associated with that fraternity).

Sure, it would be nice to have some extra cash... but it won't have me feeling good knowing that it wasn't from the heart. If someone got me a video game, I could simply tell them that I've been playing their game making them know that their game was worthwhile... than them giving me cash and me telling them that I spent it on dinner "last night".

 

[Liebling:-)))]

i would BE VERY OFFENDED if someone told me that he/she didn't like my gift/s... ...

I'm not offend if anyone told me that they don't like my gift because I appreicate their honestly. I rather to listen them directly than learn from someone else. I like friends who are honset with me. I really HATE people who play flattery and 2 face to me... and tell me "awww your gift is beautiful" and then complaint to someone about my gift. Its' my pet peeves.

I learn my own lesson for next time then I will ask them what they wish.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

every country has their own customs.. whenther it be germany, the US, wherever.. And every country has separate rules of good manners.

There're no rules but follow heart. Our good manners has nothing do with rules. We are being raised to learn about manners.

Yes I'm agree that therer'e different wedding tradition in the world but I have seen a lot that bride and groom receive gifts or money from guests everywhere in the world.

Angel.. if you want money as gifts for your wedding, that's up to you.

Yeah, I see no problem if Angel want money.

..... it's up to the Bride and Groom how they want to do their wedding. Some people think it's rude to put "please give money instead of gifts" on an invitation.. and others may think it's rude to give money at a wedding... That's the person's personal opinion... Frankly, If the bride and groom don't have a registry, and they prefer cash, it's their choice.

Yes I'm agree.

Remember each person is different but I follow my heart what I really want, not listen them or follow the rules.

And We're not going to change their minds... Who cares how they spend the money, it's a gift to them.

Exactly

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Do you call this problem ? I am just tellin' the truth from what I recalled by readin' her post in another thread. It is NOT the problem. I don't try to hide one of the ADers from it.

It's NOT panic. Some of ADers includin' me agreed with Reba about " rude " over writin' on the invitation cards requestin' for money. I've never heard of any one could ever ask that.

Yes, I see the problem is you brought the subject over "Hawaii" up to add this thread here to remind us about Angel's posts at other threads which is not really necassary after saw Angels' question toward me how to add the word on the invitation card without add "money" on invitation card. I gave her an example how to get guests' attention instead of add "collect money for a honeymoon" on the invitation card. To me, I would put something on the invitation card. Remember each person is different.

I see no problem for have you to agree with Reba because I know each person have their own POV. I beleive to fulfill Bride and Groom's wish instead of follow the "rules".

I'm surprised that you never heard that anyone ask for money. Oh yes, everyone in the world do like that. Oh yes, I answer money and explain why I want money instead of gift when the guests ask me for wedding list... or didn't see registry card in invitation card.

 

[Kuifje75]

I didn't know there was an expiration date on good manners.

Me too...

The whole points of this are:

- to keep your gift wishes separate from the invitations
(mainly because you want them to be there to share the beautiful day with you.)

- you can communicate your gift wishes in a different way through the word of mouth or emails in a tactful manner.

- it is very appropriate to not expect fancy presents from your guests. It shows high class where you are attached to your friends, not their gifts.

- even if you don't expect presents from your guests, it is likely that they will give you presents anyway. (We never said that they wont. There is no need to overreact about this.)

- if you consider your guests to be greedy to eat your food, then sell some tickets. One of my friends wanted a fancy wedding once, but was afraid that she could not afford it. She limited the amount of people and talked with them verbally about her wishes. Ultimately, everyone offered to pitch in to eat in this fancy restaurant by paying for tickets.

- it is appalling to see members here being overly concerned about gifts. If I had guests flying from Germany, Africa or Japan during the high season (summer), each ticket could cost more than 1000 dollars. I would feel very honoured by their presence at the wedding, and insist that they not give me anything.

- whatever happened to the Bhuddist ideology of painful attachments? Is your attachment to the idea of receiving presents too powerful to a point that it blinds the real essence of the wedding day? Why not cancel the wedding, and announce that you all are married, and ask for cash presents? I would rather see my friends and family than to have high expectations about presents.

 

[Mistyrose]

Yeah, there's another thread about her wantin' to go to Hawaii as well. She mentioned that she wishes to go to Hawaii on her honeymoon after weddin'. Not just what DreamDeaf posted about " Game " thread. From what I recalled that Angel have always wanted to go to Hawaii since she was a child. That was one of her dreams.

Yes, i remembered that too.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes, i remembered that too.

So?

 

[Mistyrose]

It's NOT panic. Some of ADers includin' me agreed with Reba about " rude " over writin' on the invitation cards requestin' for money. I've never heard of any one could ever ask that.

EXACTLY!! thats the point of the WHOLE thing!! its just RUDE and
TACKY to ask for money in the wedding invitation, period.
Its just plain common sense.

 

[Mistyrose]

So?

what do you mean so?
that isnt nice.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

what do you mean so?
that isnt nice.

Who brought this subject about Hawaii in first place to cause the "drama" here is the one who is not nice.