Is It Appropriate To .....

[IslandGal]

hey hun!!!... don't let this gets to ya!!! (don't hit me now)

Yea, I am now sorry that I popped in this thread. All I did was to give her my opinion to her question. I thought she wanted our opinions but I can see that it is not working.

 

[Angel]

hey hun!!!... don't let this gets to ya!!! (don't hit me now)

Okay...sorry...

 

[Angel]

Yea, I am now sorry that I popped in this thread. All I did was to give her my opinion to her question. I thought she wanted our opinions but I can see that it is not working.

I did not ask nothing about Hawaii...

 

[Canuckian_Chick]

Okay...sorry...

Hun don't be Sorry!!!

 

[shel90]

If people ask, no it is not rude. Good luck!!!

 

[Mistyrose]

I did not ask nothing about Hawaii...

Nobody said you gonna go to Hawaii, Angel..
Honeymoon is honeymoon no matter where you go, period.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes, they do leave a registry card in the invitation weather it's bridal shower nor wedding invitation. I've been to many weddings and have seen it.

Yes me either.

I often receive invitation cards... They wrote in beautiful emotion how they wish for their wedding, birthday, anniversaries, etc... Example one invitation card enclosed a beautiful letter with pattern paper... to get our attention what they really wish... I love those description they made... Just add "collect money for....." or money wish is bit skepical and unemotional. I would not add "money" on the card but do something to get guests´attention like what I suggest in my 1st and 2nd post of 1st thread.

You think guests should go to the wedding and eat free food, and not leaving a gift? I would consider that rude. :thumbd:

AGREE!!!! I would feel bad if I attend their wedding with empty hands... Its really tooo embarrassment to attend their wedding and take anything gratis... If I have no money then stay at home and send a beautiful card to bride and groom and let them know that I can´t attend their wedding. Of course they will ask me why I can´t make it... I would answer their question that I don´t want to go their wedding without my hands because I have no money to fillful their wishes. Of course they would say... Oh nooooo you do not need to buy anything for me but I´m happy to have you at be present at my wedding... Your friendship mean me alot.

You can call it whatever you want a "bonus" but really those couples wouldn't even use it, it'll be hide in a storage, or in an attic. I would felt bad if someone didn't like my gift, that's why I always ask for their wishing list, what they would like to have for their home, or if they want cash, gift card. I would want them to like my gift, not be like this: "Oh, that's nice, Thanks!!" probably might never invite me again.

EXACTLY... I´m the same as you... I alway ask people what they wish or read their letter enclosed invitation card.

 

[Angel]

Nobody said you gonna go to Hawaii, Angel..
Honeymoon is honeymoon no matter where you go, period.

Again what does honeymoon have to do with this thread?

 

[Mistyrose]

Again what does honeymoon have to do with this thread?

Oh, dear Angel, please reread your post #9..you said
on one line "Collect money for Honeymoon"............
so it does say a lot for this thread, Angel.

 

[DreamDeaf]

DD, perhaps if you could do a search on it then you will find a post somewhere that Angel and RR did mention that they wanted to go to Hawaii on their honeymoon. I could lead you to that thread but I am sure you can find it on your own.

Defee - you are correct and I was wrong - however it WAS in the What is your wish for xmas? thread, and has nothing to do with this thread.

This is Angel's orginal posting - and the basis for this thread.

ask for money instead of gifts by writting it on the birthday or wedding invitations by letting your friends or families know what you prefer to get?...OR is it unappropriate to do that as being rude?...

Nowhere does it say money for a Hawaiian honeymoon. This thread is getting out of hand, focused on only one subject: Honeymoon and Hawaii.

Let's pull ourselves together and get back to the original topic.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I never said that. I think it's rude to expect a gift in exchange for reception food. Why not just sell tickets to the event? :roll:

It´s normal that everyone knows automatic when they received an invitation then they get something for their wedding, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Its about manner...

I would consider it as bad manner when you just come to celebrate to any special occassions without hands.... I was being raised to know that that we as guests alway have something in our hands when we attend their parties, special occassion, etc. When I visit my friend´s house and alway get flowers and bottle of wine and candies for their children. It´s German custom. When I stay at friend´s house then I alway bring something with my hands to thank them for accept us... If we meet often.. then we will agree each other to not bring flowers, bottle wine, etc. unless there´re special occassion.

You are correct to ask the couple what they want. That's fine. That's not the same as listing a request on the invitation.

Like what I suggest in my 1st and 2nd post of 1st thread to get guests attention... Just get piece of beautiful paper to enclosed invitation card.

Well, hopefully they won't have another wedding again anyway; hopefully they will stay married to each other.

Seriously, what kind of friend would decide to invite or not invite someone to an event based upon what kind of gift they will get? Do you really want that kind of a person for a friend? Do you really want to bribe your way into their celebrations?

I consider it as rude and bad manner when you come to celebrate at speical occassion without something in your hands.

I would feel bad when I attend special occassion without something in my hands... No Way...

Invited guest bring uninvited guests to attend special occassion is a mainly RUDE and bad manner....

 

[Canuckian_Chick]

I consider it as rude and bad manner when you come to celebrate at speical occassion without something in your hands.

I would feel bad when I attend special occassion without something in my hands... No Way...

Invited guest bring uninvited guests to attend special occassion is a mainly RUDE and bad manner....

I always have something in my hand even if I'm going over to my dad's for dinner or my aunt/uncle's place always bringing something like a bottle of wine or an appetizer or dessert... you are so right... it makes you feel good as well the receiving end as well ...

 

[IslandGal]

Nowhere does it say money for a Hawaiian honeymoon. This thread is getting out of hand, focused on only one subject: Honeymoon and Hawaii.

Let's pull ourselves together and get back to the original topic.

Well, all I did was to give my opinion to Angel's post #9. She did ask a question if it was appropriate to ask for money to cover her honeymoon. A honeymoon is a honeymoon whether or not it is in Hawaii.

 

[Mistyrose]

Well, all I did was to give my opinion to Angel's post #9. She did ask a question if it was appropriate to ask for money to cover her honeymoon. A honeymoon is a honeymoon whether or not it is in Hawaii.

and it is still not appropriate to ask for money to finance the
honeymoon, period.

 

[Angel]

Seem you and Defee misunderstood my post number 9, I respond to Liebling when she said to put something else on the ivitation and I said this to her as an example

I understand where you're coming from Liebling, so if I were to put "collect money for a honeymoon ", instead of just putting " money " on the invitations ?

but it seem it got carried away to the point where you both assume that I'm asking for money to cover up a honeymoon...You two don't even know me personal instead of sitting here and assume this is why I'm asking this question...

 

[DreamDeaf]

I understand where you're coming from Liebling, so if I were to put "collect money for a honeymoon ", instead of just putting " money " on the invitations ?

This is what you were referring to, I know... and FYI, this was an example. It did not mean that Angel was planning to put that on her invitations - she was curious as to what was proper or not proper to say on invitations. This was in response to Liebling's post - and Angel wanted to understand what Liebling was saying.

To my opinion, I do not feel like to put "money" on the card ... I feel odd and would consider "sort of rude" when I put "money" on the card... I know it's my wishes but I do something different to get the people's attention in nice way that I wish to collect the money instead of put "money" on the card.

I gave you an example what we did Invitation cards to friends to attend my hubby's 50th birthday in New Year Eve at 2 years ago.

I added my hubby's birthday wishes in invitation card...

"My birthday wishes is Mountain bike".

Friends and relatives know straight way that my hubby want to collect money to buy mountain bike. He collect money to fulfill his wishes.

We often do with Invitation cards without write "money" in card in past years.

You can add your wedding wish in invitation card...then we will know that you want to collect money to fulfill your dream wish.

That's all what I have in my opinion.

In other words, this thread is going off track by insisting on saying Hawaii, honeymoon and Hawaiian honeymoon. The real question is the propriety of what to put on a BIRTHDAY or WEDDING invitation, or not.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

i

she knew i was in the middle of exams and a A FEW DAYS away from graduation... i SACRAFICED my studies for two days to go to her wedding... what is more? i didn't have money at all... but i wanted to go to her wedding because i wanted to be there for her and share the special day with them too- even though i was OVERLY TIRED AND STRESSED OUT WITH THE EXAMS AS GRADUATION WAS A FEW DAYS AWAY..... i got her a "thoughtful" gift.. not something that she "registered" for.... know what she wrote to me (for thank you)??? she said... thanks for coming to our wedding.. blah blah... but we didn't like your gift.. it is not what we wanted from the registry (sp?)... we spent SO MUCH MONEY ON OUR WEDDING! this is not appropriate! blah blah!!! .....
MAN!!! that BLEW MY MIND!!! i was FLABBERGASTED BY THIS WHOLE THING.... :thumbd:

I´m sorry how you feeling like this. I know it´s too harsh to hurt your feeling for tell you that they don´t like your gift. I thought they would tell you that your present at their wedding mean them a lot. It look like that they didn´t want you but your gift which is not right.

another friend threw her hubby a birthday party 31 (she gave him one last year too)... she said in the invitation to please give money... it TURNED US OFF.. because he already had a 30th birthday bash last year...

I know it´s bit skepical to add "money" on the invitation card. I personally would not do that but I really don´t mind if some people add "money" on invitation card... I´m person who alway accept what others are because I know that each person is different.

this kind of situation also happened to a friend's friend who had a baby shower for the 2nd time??? because she WANTED MORE MONEY... and my friend was very upset about it because she didn't feel appreciated by her friend, etc

Why should your friend be upset about this... Simple is not go their 2nd shower to save much hassle and anger on a person who want to celebrate baby shower for 2nd time. If a person want to have 2nd baby shower then let her... I don´t go... this is a simple.

my bf's grandfather had a big 90th birthday bash a few months ago... and he DIDN'T WANT GIFTS AT ALL... people didn't respect his wishes... they gave him lots of gifts (unwanted/or unnecessary ones).. he wasnt pleased about it because he didn't need them and also he lives in a very tiny 1 bedroom apt... where could he put all of his gifts???

I know those feeling when I do not need unwanted or unnecassary gifts...

so MY POINT IS... the "THOUGHT" of any gifts given should always count (because they took their time to go shopping, pick out what they thought would suit you (thought of you) ) ... no matter what... and you guys should show appreciation... regardless...

To me, I would ask for their wishes because I want their wishes to be fulfilled. I want they enjoy to have nice gifts or whatever from me.

We received an invitation to attend our friend´s birthday party this Saturday. It written that she don´t want gifts from us but just us. Do you think that we come to celebrate her party without something in our hands? No Way... I ignored her and will get something to surprise her this Saturday.

remember i mentioned what etiquette books were??? i suggest you to get them... they are VERY USEFUL AND CAN BE VERY HELPFUL especially giving out delicate tips in situations like this... INSTEAD OF FEELING STUCK/TRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYONE'S OPINIONS!!!-- IT WILL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN AND STRESS YOU OUT MORE AND MORE... it is JUST WORTHLESS! they don't cost a lot of money... i am sure you can afford one or your sister can get you one as a "sisterly love gift"... (i got some from my sister, aunts, etc)....

To me, follow my heart to see what I really want is important than worry what everyone says. It´s great when I need your tips, feedback, etc. because it helps me with my decision.

 

[Reba]

It´s normal that everyone knows automatic when they received an invitation then they get something for their wedding, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Its about manner...

Really? I thought an invitation meant that people wanted to share a celebration together with each other's presence. You mean the presents are more important than the presence? How sad.

... Just get piece of beautiful paper to enclosed invitation card.

So if the paper is beautiful, the content doesn't matter. :roll:

I consider it as rude and bad manner when you come to celebrate at speical occassion without something in your hands.

In America, most wedding gifts are given during the bridal showers, or sent to the couple's new home. They aren't supposed to be brought to the wedding itself, unless people are traveling from out of town and don't have any other option. Giving presents at the wedding is distracting and risky (they might get misplaced or broken in all the excitement). Also, the guest doesn't want to feel "show-offy" by bringing the present to the wedding.

So, at the wedding, who would even know whether or not someone brought something? Is someone keeping tabs?

I would really hate to think that one of my relatives or friends didn't show up just because they couldn't afford a present. That would hurt.

Invited guest bring uninvited guests to attend special occassion is a mainly RUDE and bad manner...

Right. The bride or hostess might not have enough chairs or food!

 

[Tousi]

Registries are good ONLY IF, ONLY IF the attendee is planning on getting a gift. Registries help the giver, especially if the giver doesn't know the couple real well, narrow down the choices of what to get.

I would never mention or suggest the expectation of a gift or money in a printed invitation.

Some people, especially older ones sometimes ask for no gifts nor money at all because he/she just want your presence, company, love, friendship.

In a nutshell, I believe this answers the ORIGINAL question.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Best way is informal spreading the word since people will see that the invitations did not have "official" wedding gift registery from your favorite department store. People will then notice no registery then that is when they will ask you and you will be pleased to tell them you only need the money to cover the expenses of the wedding, honeymoon, moving, etc. They cost quite a bit these days!

Yes, that´s good suggestion.

I hope the guests will know what they are doing... is ask bride and groom what they wish instead of just buy gifts without know what bride and groom really wish.