Interesting experience last night

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rain said:
I did read her post, and her eye rolling, ie:



...started when they told her there was someone who knew sign, and FJ (with her optimistic attitude!) was apparently 'psychic' enough to know that whoever knew sign was just a lame finger-speller.

Here's where "You are completely missing the point", there is a right way and a wrong way to respond to certain situations. If FJ felt that the mother could handle the situation, and kudos for thinking that, then she should have told the employee in a better, less condescending manner than "uhh, yeah, write it on the board and she'll answer you"

I know a lot of you are friends with FJ but you're doing her a big disfavor by telling her she's "right" when clearly she comes across as a 'you know what' in these situations.

Bebonang seems to understand how to handle this situation kindly, FJ is a big girl...and she should take notes.



What does studying ASL and handling situations in public have to do with eachother? Is that suppose to, somehow, invalidate what I'd said? Does it help to let you know that I speak 3 other languages?
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The whole point is that the employees were lloking for every opportunity to NOT communicate with the Deaf family. First they didn't want to write back and forth so they tried to pass it off to an employee who might know some sign (oh, and it was the mom who insisted on continuing to write because she knew the person wouldn't know sign, not me). And then when they discovered I was hearing, they AGAIN tried to avoid the Deaf family and talk to me, I wasn't having it.
 
faire_jour said:
Why does the host think they have the right to NOT talk to the Deaf adult and instead deal with me? That is above and beyond rude.
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She was asking for your help, how was she suppose to know she was asking an arrogant and snide customer?

Bottesini said:
No your three languages mean nothing. It does invalidate your position and comments that you know nothing about deaf people.

Go get involved in the community in real life before you start making judgments and telling everyone what to do.
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So what are you saying, people in the deaf culture are rude?

I mean you actually think that's a legitimate argument? That's like being told to "F off" by a bunch of German women at a park, telling your friends, and then having them say "Oh well that's just German culture! Don't criticize them what do you know!"

Rude is rude, whether it's deaf/hearing, big/small, black/white, man/woman, straight/gay, asian/mexican/arab/american/etc

faire_jour said:
The whole point is that the employees were lloking for every opportunity to NOT communicate with the Deaf family. First they didn't want to write back and forth so they tried to pass it off to an employee who might know some sign (oh, and it was the mom who insisted on continuing to write because she knew the person wouldn't know sign, not me). And then when they discovered I was hearing, they AGAIN tried to avoid the Deaf family and talk to me, I wasn't having it.
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Don't you get it, they're trying to make it EASIER for everybody.

I worked in these customer-service oriented jobs before, I know your type, and it's the kind that made me resent the job. People will often ask you for favors as to make everything run smooth, if you've ever had a job you may understand the psychology of making things EASY for your customer.

If you didn't want to help, just respond like a normal, kind human being would respond. Believe it or not, I'm doing you a favor, you're going to come across in life as a 'B----' to everyone who doesn't know you. I mean you were rolling your eyes and laughing at a 15 year old girl, is something psychologically wrong with you?
 
Wirelessly posted

Drop it, rain. I highly doubt she was rude in real life.

This is a life-long problem, and it's something hearing likes to impose on the deaf. Don't believe me? Watch how CODAs interact. Something is wrong when seven-years olds are forced to interpret for their parents by police and doctors. If you can't understand the privacy violated in the previous example, perhaps this thread is not worth debating on.
 
Wow...I totally understand both point of views.
 
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Stupid pager! Doube post
 
souggy said:
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Drop it, rain. I highly doubt she was rude in real life.

This is a life-long problem, and it's something hearing likes to impose on the deaf. Don't believe me? Watch how CODAs interact. Something is wrong when seven-years olds are forced to interpret for their parents by police and doctors. If you can't understand the privacy violated in the previous example, perhaps this thread is not worth debating on.
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lol, so the argument went from "Don't be rude to employees who are only there to help" to "you're trying to impose things on the deaf community"

I couldn't care less if she wanted to help or not, that's her prerogative, my problem lies in how she went upon handling the situation with a 15 year old girl who I GUARANTEE was doing nothing but trying to make things as best for the customers.

Some of you just keep making excuses for FJ and you're doing her a big disservice, like when someone said "it gets tiresome" - the point is that is NO excuse to be rude to people. ANYONE who's experience unnecessary discrimination, and I guarantee many of you have, will understand what I'm saying.

If you're just going to disagree with me because I'm new to ASL and new to the forums, then you're just being dishonest.
 
Here's my MAIN PROBLEM with this ENTIRE situation and MAYBE people can see where I'm coming from.

If you read the original post, FJ said the employees wrote on the board "If you need anything, let us know" - this tells me a couple things, one of which THEY [the EMPLOYEES] were trying to HELP.

Now FJ says:

faire_jour said:
She walks up to me and says "Can you ask them if they want the pizza boxed up?" and I say back "Yeah, you can write that and she'll answer you." The party host looked dumbfounded, but wrote it on the board.

The mom and I just laughed! I am sure the poor 15 year old has no idea why I wouldn't speak and make this easier for her, but if the mom had wanted me to interpret, she would have asked me (she has in the past) and really, she grew up totally oral, so if she had wanted to speak, she would have done it herself!
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...instead of laughing and rolling her eyes, why didn't she tell the 15 year old WHY she wouldn't interpret?

That's my problem with this, it's not that she refused to interpret, it's that she acted like a snobbish child and found it funny to 'dumbfound' a 15 year old girl trying to do her job.
 
ouch.

rain and FJ - both of you have a good point.
 
Wirelessly posted

One problem:

You're relying on written anecdotes; you can interpret a person's word anyway you would like. I don't see anything OUTWARDLY rude with her posts; but rather, her internal thoughts. Since you revealed you have had worked in the services industry, maybe you are taking things too personally and making mountains out of molehills by taking out your frustrations with consumers on someone else?
 
souggy said:
Wirelessly posted

One problem:

You're relying on written anecdotes; you can interpret a person's word anyway you would like. I don't see anything OUTWARDLY rude with her posts; but rather, her internal thoughts. Since you revealed you have had worked in the services industry, maybe you are taking things too personally and making mountains out of molehills by taking out your frustrations with consumers on someone else?
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It's been 4 years since I worked in the service industry, so there are no internal grievances I'm trying to take out. And yes, we may be relying on written anecdotes but I have a pretty good idea of the situation when it went from:

"She walks up to me and says "Can you ask them if they want the pizza boxed up?" and I say back "Yeah, you can write that and she'll answer you." The party host looked dumbfounded, but wrote it on the board."

TO

"The mom and I just laughed! I am sure the poor 15 year old has no idea why I wouldn't speak and make this easier for her"
 
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Jiro said:
ouch.

rain and FJ - both of you have a good point.
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There's too many details that are open to interpretation.

Like "laugh," the ASL-silent laugh, the behind-the-back sneer? Eye contact and smiling or upright thunderous full-sound belly-laugh?
 
souggy said:
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There's too many details that are open to interpretation.

Like "laugh," the ASL-silent laugh, the behind-the-back sneer? Eye contact and smiling or upright thunderous full-sound belly-laugh?
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Right, I highly doubt the employee was openly derided.
 
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rain said:
Here's my MAIN PROBLEM with this ENTIRE situation and MAYBE people can see where I'm coming from.

If you read the original post, FJ said the employees wrote on the board "If you need anything, let us know" - this tells me a couple things, one of which THEY [the EMPLOYEES] were trying to HELP.

Now FJ says:

faire_jour said:
She walks up to me and says "Can you ask them if they want the pizza boxed up?" and I say back "Yeah, you can write that and she'll answer you." The party host looked dumbfounded, but wrote it on the board.

The mom and I just laughed! I am sure the poor 15 year old has no idea why I wouldn't speak and make this easier for her, but if the mom had wanted me to interpret, she would have asked me (she has in the past) and really, she grew up totally oral, so if she had wanted to speak, she would have done it herself!
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...instead of laughing and rolling her eyes, why didn't she tell the 15 year old WHY she wouldn't interpret?

That's my problem with this, it's not that she refused to interpret, it's that she acted like a snobbish child and found it funny to 'dumbfound' a 15 year old girl trying to do her job.
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they had written back and forth just fine UNTIL the employee figured out that i could hear. She then wanted to talk to ME instead of the mom, because it was easier for her, not easier for the mom. I made it clear that she should write, and then the mom caught my eye and we both smiled.

tell me what i should have done instead.
 
souggy said:
There's too many details that are open to interpretation.

Like "laugh," the ASL-silent laugh, the behind-the-back sneer? Eye contact and smiling or upright thunderous full-sound belly-laugh?
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now that's just funny....

thunderous full-sound belly-laugh
images
 
faire_jour said:
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they had written back and forth just fine UNTIL the employee figured out that i could hear. She then wanted to talk to ME instead of the mom, because it was easier for her, not easier for the mom. I made it clear that she should write, and then the mom caught my eye and we both smiled.

tell me what i should have done instead.
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you did do what you should have done IMO. I was thinking the employee WAS trying to take the easy way out after she found out you could hear even before you posted this. RAIN leave FJ alone on this she did the right thing here. i despise it when someone tries to bypass me and go to someone else when they get tired of dealing with me not hearing. that employee probably learned a lesson too.
 
I agree too!

If there's anything I would have changed it might be what FJ said (the laugh part, etc.) since that put rain on her high horse. Maybe if FJ had said something like "you can communicate with the mom." instead of "go write it to her", etc. that might've been different. But it doesn't change the idea that FJ didn't let the employee make the mom become dependent on FJ. I think all of us deafies appreciate that.
 
shel90 said:
Wow...I can understand both sides. :hmm:
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it's a bit tricky situation because yes I can hear/talk and sign so what to do if I'm with deaf group in hearing environment? :hmm:

I gathered a group to go see new King Tut museum at Times Square few months ago. I told the desk that we're deaf and they said - yes we have CC so it's not a problem. The guide led us to this room for a brief introduction before we enter the museum. He was speaking - "Welcome to King Tut museum.......".

My group looked to me and I was little dumbfounded :ugh3: . The guide was dumbfounded too because he stopped talking and was not sure what to do. Now - I could either choose rain's route or FJ's route.

rain's route - I could terp for them or....
FJ's route - I tell the guide: "Yeah, you can write to us and we can read"

neither is wrong nor rude but I'm sure this was a learning experience for the employee and he will probably be better prepared for next time he encounters deaf people :)
 
faire_jour said:
Wirelessly posted

The whole point is that the employees were lloking for every opportunity to NOT communicate with the Deaf family. First they didn't want to write back and forth so they tried to pass it off to an employee who might know some sign (oh, and it was the mom who insisted on continuing to write because she knew the person wouldn't know sign, not me). And then when they discovered I was hearing, they AGAIN tried to avoid the Deaf family and talk to me, I wasn't having it.

they had written back and forth just fine UNTIL the employee figured out that i could hear. She then wanted to talk to ME instead of the mom, because it was easier for her, not easier for the mom. I made it clear that she should write, and then the mom caught my eye and we both smiled.

tell me what i should have done instead.
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This is exactly what I read it to mean...... :ty: for explaining anyway. Maybe it's different and some people understood the scenerio differently because we have lived it? I have worked in customer service too and been the one laughed at by deaf families for not understanding (long before I started losing hearing) but never took it personal like this whole thread went. Yeah we all get rude customers... its life. You tell the funny stories to your friends (for instance here) without the threat of condemnation, and move forward. Because that helps us get on with life. Or at least we hope thats how it works. I do not think F_J would have intentionally been directly rude to the girl... but the girl was rude to go around the mother in that situation. She may not have known it was rude to do so, but it was pointed out and next time she think about it. Maybe? I know I did as a teen working.......:hmm:
 
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