How do you resolve something...

Liza

Liza

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finding value from conflicts

How do you resolve something that might've been a misunderstanding? How do you know if there was a misunderstanding in the first place, unless you ask first? Like I said in my other post about finding out if there's really nothing to be forgiven. It would suck if two friends hated each other for years based on a misunderstanding or something minor.

Discuss! :D

((edited by user: thread subject to give better meaning for this discussion))
I wanted to make additions to this - thanks guys for the opportunity of honing this thread! Inner peace is the value I set on when resolving conflicts...
 
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My style of resolving something is to just confront the other person if I have an issue with her or him directly. I prefer to be direct - and it's muchhhhh harder if you know your loved ones are at war with each other, and you have nothing to do with it - and can't intefere directly to try get the situation resolved.

IMO, I don't feel doing the silent treatment solves anything... because that person is not going to get it, until you put him or her on the carpet about it. Nobody is a mindreader, nor should they be expected to walk on cracked eggshells around you when you hope they'll *get* it through hints and such.
 
Liza,

You and I are a lot alike, then! You're right, no one is a mindreader, but by way of human nature, a lot of us wish we wouldn't have to explain ourselves to friends or to family members that we are having a conflict with. You know..."He/She knows me so well, why should I have to clarify why I'm so mad? Why can't he/she figure it out for themselves?"

I can be a real pain in the ass when I know someone is mad at me. I need to have things worked out as soon as possible...because well, I don't function well in the day when in the back of my head, I can't help but wonder if I couldn't have handled something better. So I'm in their face, asking what is wrong, what can I do to fix it?

Too many friends are lost with misunderstandings. You're kinda stuck with family, but even then, it's best to know what's going on! TALK about your issues and resolve them as quickly as you can...because eventually it becomes too late and you might not even remember what it was that you were fighting about in the first place. Sad, because then you'd have lost something far more important than the issue misunderstood upon.

Pretty good thread, Liza... :)

Malfoyish
 
Malfoyish said:
Liza,

You and I are a lot alike, then! You're right, no one is a mindreader, but by way of human nature, a lot of us wish we wouldn't have to explain ourselves to friends or to family members that we are having a conflict with. You know..."He/She knows me so well, why should I have to clarify why I'm so mad? Why can't he/she figure it out for themselves?"

I can be a real pain in the ass when I know someone is mad at me. I need to have things worked out as soon as possible...because well, I don't function well in the day when in the back of my head, I can't help but wonder if I couldn't have handled something better. So I'm in their face, asking what is wrong, what can I do to fix it?

Too many friends are lost with misunderstandings. You're kinda stuck with family, but even then, it's best to know what's going on! TALK about your issues and resolve them as quickly as you can...because eventually it becomes too late and you might not even remember what it was that you were fighting about in the first place. Sad, because then you'd have lost something far more important than the issue misunderstood upon.

Pretty good thread, Liza... :)

Malfoyish
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exactly!! I like you :laugh2:
 
That would usually depend on the situation. It also depends on the people involved. I've seen two people who are complete assholes that they are too damn stubborn to listen to each other. In that case, we're better of leaving them alone. There could be some hope if you were able to talk to one of them during a later time then the other afterwards. In most cases, most problems can be discussed. Sometimes, it helps to have a 3rd person as a neutral person to hear both sides of the story then investigate the issue itself. It also helps of both try to understand what's going on then come to a compromise on something.
 
Hi Liza,

Well,

It would be like depending on the situation because, there just some things that can not be forgotten but can be forgiven....

When there's a misunderstanding going on between the 2 people how can we make this work?...how can we move on to something that is horrible to forget?..Once we are able to work out the miunderstanding between the two of us, Will I be able to trust this person again?....That's I am not so sure about....

That's just too sad for those who judge people so quickly and don't give them a chance to know them personally.... :confused:
 
Liza said:
My style of resolving something is to just confront the other person if I have an issue with her or him directly. I prefer to be direct - and it's muchhhhh harder if you know your loved ones are at war with each other, and you have nothing to do with it - and can't intefere directly to try get the situation resolved.

IMO, I don't feel doing the silent treatment solves anything... because that person is not going to get it, until you put him or her on the carpet about it. Nobody is a mindreader, nor should they be expected to walk on cracked eggshells around you when you hope they'll *get* it through hints and such.
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liza the last paragraph u had mention is exactly what im going thru, and its sad when they don't confront the issues and solve it it would reduce the burden on the stress and help them move on in every issues, once u solve and agree the incident shouldn't have happened AND not only that learn that in life theres gonna be screw ups of communications. So why not make an effort to make sure theres no miscommunications, EVEN if it has to be repeated, SOME people have slow minds and some poeple just usually get stubborn but in life we all have to communicate at some point or another. Its in the best intrest and to reduce any burdens of stress!
I 'd give to make resoultion rather than ingoring the others on a basis of BS and miscommunication and misconcept.... its not an easy thing and its sometimes can go too far and some other poeple themselves also have noticed a change in others so it s taking a toll so i only hope that this resolution would be forthcoming someday. i wouldn't run i would be there to listen and to make resoultion no matter what the outcome is. as along as we can forge forward without putting anyone down for not solving.
 
Depends on my feelings towards with other Deaf peepz who had made betrayed. Uneasy for me to accept forgive that person again.. Too much forgave that person trillion times.. and decide to stop forgave that person ever again.
 
If Two People have a Misunderstanding They need to work it out on their own without having anyone Involved. It is Depends on the Situation how bad it is and If they been friends for a long time and One Person Made a Mistake, There is a chance of working it out because they been friends too long to hate eachother over a misunderstanding. Remember Nobody is Perfect, Everyone Makes Mistakes in their Life all they can do is ask for Forgivings for what Action they did and Learn from their Mistakes and not repeated it again.

I know One person did not tell anyone that she is a montior and Kept her Id a secert, I would say I agree with what she did because Friends of her can bid her for not removing their Posts even if it breaks the forum's rules. If you become a Monitor Its ur Duty to follow the Rules and Put Friends Onside. Some People do not follow that Step and Put their Friends First before their Managing of being a Monitor. And It can cause a big Blow Up...People need to understand that U have a job as Monitoring and Its their Job to follow what Promised and Be Equally with everyone.
 
Exactly Cheri,

I would calm down myself then confront a person directly & give her/him the chance to explain me clear why or if it´s true or not instead of jump the gun on them after listen the rumours because I know the rumour cause often misunderstand.

It´s very very hard to forgive who betray our friendship like what I stated on other thread. It would take a long time to forgive them but I would never befriend with them as before.

I would forgive when there´re little misunderstand, insult etc because I know nobody is prefect BUT the situation between Duty & friendship has an absolulately nothing do with betrayal because a person only doing the job to follow his/her boss´s rules. Remember, it´s boss´s decision! Somebody should confront to their boss directly how they feel or disagree instead of jump the gun to hurt a person who were choose to doing her/his job to accord her/his boss´s decision.

I know it´s very hard because of friendship BUT a person must see the fact that Duty & friendship must be separately.

There´re alot of different reasons to forgive/give the chance to explain clear but with betrayal is a different story.
 
Cheri said:
I know One person did not tell anyone that she is a montior and Kept her Id a secert, I would say I agree with what she did because Friends of her can bid her for not removing their Posts even if it breaks the forum's rules. If you become a Monitor Its ur Duty to follow the Rules and Put Friends Onside. Some People do not follow that Step and Put their Friends First before their Managing of being a Monitor. And It can cause a big Blow Up...People need to understand that U have a job as Monitoring and Its their Job to follow what Promised and Be Equally with everyone.
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Cheri, I found that it's always good to butt out of others' biz but to set your own value about what may have happened or what didn't happen. It does help when we can hold our opinions and let them work it out themselves....that is the highest level of love we can give anyone, IMO! No need to add to the fire by making posts where the parties involved would read, only to really reflect on it and learn from it where it is important for you. We are only responsible for ourselves, not others, after all. This is just wise, IMO.

I can clarify my post by referring to my own experiences of having had friendships on shaky ground because of misunderstandings. I felt that I needed to learn from it more.
 
javapride said:
liza the last paragraph u had mention is exactly what im going thru, and its sad when they don't confront the issues and solve it it would reduce the burden on the stress and help them move on in every issues, once u solve and agree the incident shouldn't have happened AND not only that learn that in life theres gonna be screw ups of communications. So why not make an effort to make sure theres no miscommunications, EVEN if it has to be repeated, SOME people have slow minds and some poeple just usually get stubborn but in life we all have to communicate at some point or another. Its in the best intrest and to reduce any burdens of stress!
I 'd give to make resoultion rather than ingoring the others on a basis of BS and miscommunication and misconcept.... its not an easy thing and its sometimes can go too far and some other poeple themselves also have noticed a change in others so it s taking a toll so i only hope that this resolution would be forthcoming someday. i wouldn't run i would be there to listen and to make resoultion no matter what the outcome is. as along as we can forge forward without putting anyone down for not solving.
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Sometimes it is love to just let go, and focus on ourselves instead... after all, you can save yourself not the other person. Nobody is responsible for you, but you. I think the only thing you can do in your situation is to find the value in this conflict and live with it - it doesn't make you a less special person.. you are a special person already! I don't think going through a conflict would make you any less better as a soul. What do you think?
 
Hiiii

If it continues to bother you, the best way to resolve this is to have an open-heart discussion with the other person...get it out of the way for once and all.

DD
 
DreamDeaf said:
If it continues to bother you, the best way to resolve this is to have an open-heart discussion with the other person...get it out of the way for once and all.

DD
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I second that like what I stated that I confront a person directly to give the chance to explain me exactly why etc... I like that open discussion to show how we feel each other how/why/what etc.
 
DreamDeaf said:
If it continues to bother you, the best way to resolve this is to have an open-heart discussion with the other person...get it out of the way for once and all.

DD
Click to expand...

i agree DreamDeaf -- sometimes even they dont work -- ive been down that road myself and all it ended up doing was a repeat -- same old thing crops up over n over and in the end i give up trying to make myself clear but seems to be ignored i guess :dunno:

i guess there may be some ppl out there in the world that a person just simply cannot find the best solution that actually works with others that he/she may have a conflict with over misunderstandings or otherwise and no other further issues bringing up past issues that should have already been settled -- if i came up with the best solution that ACTUALLY work i would be happy with that -- so far ive not found the solution after attempting so many times with different methods even getting suggestions from friends on how to better approach the issue and find the solution and attempted those as well with no real results *sigh* :-/ so i feel that this situation may never be resolved -- only God would know
 
Avoiding and repeation plms seems u don't want to solve and maybe the person didn't see or didn't understand your point of veiw, and avoiding doesn't solve plms in any aspects, but then again if they want to avoid, then thats on them not on the person who belives she hasn't done anything wrong but communicated and confronted the issues. again life goes on. Sigh ....... all u can do is try and have closures so u can have peace of mind and the conflict would soon be clear and in better understanding as far as im concerned... and being able to let go is another good thing too liza and i do agree i have let go but im hearing more plms surfacing for no reason when don't know what the hell's going on... :( i know i haven't done anything wrong which perplexes me for all reasons!
 
im no hater unless if they hate me, let them be cos they dont want to know u...
me-true?
my conscience- yup!
me- ah :o
 
Cheri said:
If Two People have a Misunderstanding They need to work it out on their own without having anyone Involved. It is Depends on the Situation how bad it is and If they been friends for a long time and One Person Made a Mistake, There is a chance of working it out because they been friends too long to hate eachother over a misunderstanding. Remember Nobody is Perfect, Everyone Makes Mistakes in their Life all they can do is ask for Forgivings for what Action they did and Learn from their Mistakes and not repeated it again.

I know One person did not tell anyone that she is a montior and Kept her Id a secert, I would say I agree with what she did because Friends of her can bid her for not removing their Posts even if it breaks the forum's rules. If you become a Monitor Its ur Duty to follow the Rules and Put Friends Onside. Some People do not follow that Step and Put their Friends First before their Managing of being a Monitor. And It can cause a big Blow Up...People need to understand that U have a job as Monitoring and Its their Job to follow what Promised and Be Equally with everyone.
Click to expand...

Yes exactly... I did not reveal my name Sabrina in the DeafChat when I was a monitor because I want to stay a neutral. There is no reason for a person got pissed off because she wants to use different nickname as her job to do moderator as neutral instead of favoritism to criticize other people's offense or improper avatar in that form.

I do not blame for this person to do her job. The moderator really prefers to do her job. We have to respect her wishes. It shows that she wants to stay in neutral. I can understand why, she rather not tells other people, who she is as a moderator. Obviously, she shows that she is a professional boundary. I applause her !!!

I think, other person is very childish and immature to be angry over a little thing. I would let her go if she pisses off at me because I am doing my right job as professional boundaries. We need to be behavior as adult as respect other people's wishes.

It is so sad two people who are best friends for a long time until she became a moderator then screw up that form because of different nickname due to dishonest herself for her own reason protection as professional.

I think, it is so ridiculous in that situation because it was not fair for rest of other members and the owner in that form. The form has to be shut down because of two people. Oh please !!

I can understand a member's boyfriend involved with that because he advocates his girlfriend. My opinion, he should back off to let both of two people to resolve themselves. If I have a problem with that person, I would rather not anyone to involve between of us. Obviously, he is very immature. Oh come on... Be grow up !! He can't defense his girlfriend, he knows, she did wrong. I would NEVER defense for my boyfriend or husband if he will do wrong in his behave or attitude. I would let him to think harder what he does to other people for improper behave and childish.

However, it is our decision how to deal ourselves to forgive or not. I can understand that she forgave her twice. Remember, we are nature human. We can't be perfect everyday in our lives !!

** sigh ** What a childish !!
 
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