How do you resolve something...

Liza said:
Cheri, I found that it's always good to butt out of others' biz but to set your own value about what may have happened or what didn't happen. It does help when we can hold our opinions and let them work it out themselves....that is the highest level of love we can give anyone, IMO! No need to add to the fire by making posts where the parties involved would read, only to really reflect on it and learn from it where it is important for you. We are only responsible for ourselves, not others, after all. This is just wise, IMO.

I can clarify my post by referring to my own experiences of having had friendships on shaky ground because of misunderstandings. I felt that I needed to learn from it more.
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IMO ??? What is stands for ?
 
Liza said:
How do you resolve something that might've been a misunderstanding?
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They need to explain their views and ask each other why they believe the way they viewed it... on a calmly mannered. If they can't be calmed then they need to give each other space to cool off otherwise it'll stir up more problems. Do express true feelings and explain that it does hurt. That'll give each other something to think about. If they ran into a same problem then they have a problem. If they ran into a same problem, but a different problem then chances are that it can be fixed.


Liza said:
How do you know if there was a misunderstanding in the first place, unless you ask first?
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Usually a misunderstand occurs simply because someone did not ask an appropriate question. Lack of communication is the basis for almost all misunderstandings.
 
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Liza said:
Cheri, I found that it's always good to butt out of others' biz but to set your own value about what may have happened or what didn't happen. It does help when we can hold our opinions and let them work it out themselves....that is the highest level of love we can give anyone, IMO! No need to add to the fire by making posts where the parties involved would read, only to really reflect on it and learn from it where it is important for you. We are only responsible for ourselves, not others, after all. This is just wise, IMO.

I can clarify my post by referring to my own experiences of having had friendships on shaky ground because of misunderstandings. I felt that I needed to learn from it more.
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Liza, I understand your point but I also find Cheri´s opinion okay... She didn´t say anything against anyone but her own opinion to make the picture herself what she would do or wouldn´t do like what you post the thread: misunderstand etc - Discuss... It means that we share our opinion, feeling, imaginable, agree/disagree respectful.
I would make a picture to myself what I do when I were them when I look at somebody´s condition whom I´m disagree or agree with. I would say it´s only imaginable. I would say to myself: "I wouldn´t do or would do when I were you". Of course, I know every have their different views but it´s normal for us to look their views & make themselves imaginable.

Please explain if I understand you correctly or not. :D
 
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Sabrina said:
Yes exactly... I do not blame for this person to do her job. The moderator really prefers to do her job. We have to respect her wishes. It shows that she wants to stay in neutral. I can understand why, she rather not tells other people, who she is as a moderator. Obviously, she shows that she is a professional boundary. I applause her !!!

I think, other person is very childish and immature to be angry over a little thing. I would let her go if she pisses off at me because I am doing my right job as professional boundaries. We need to be behavior as adult as respect other people's wishes.

It is so sad two people who are best friends for a long time until she became a moderator then screw up that form because of different nickname due to dishonest herself for her own reason protection as professional.

I think, it is so ridiculous in that situation because it was not fair for rest of other members and the owner in that form. The form has to be shut down because of two people. Oh please !!

I can understand a member's boyfriend involved with that because he advocates his girlfriend. My opinion, he should back off to let both of two people to resolve themselves. If I have a problem with that person, I would rather not anyone to involve between of us. Obviously, he is very immature. Oh come on... Be grow up !! He can't defense his girlfriend, he knows, she did wrong. I would NEVER defense for my boyfriend or husband if he will do wrong in his behave or attitude. I would let him to think harder what he does to other people for improper behave and childish.

However, it is our decision how to deal ourselves to forgive or not. I can understand that she forgave her twice. Remember, we are nature human. We can't be perfect everyday in our lives !!

** sigh ** What a childish !!
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I´m total agree with you...
I would respect my friend´s reason for not tell anyone because she respect her boss´s decision & rules.
If a person who felt hurt/disagree then discuss with her/his boss directly instead of upset with anyone.
I also agree that Duty & privately stay strict separately.
I would share the open discussion calmly with a person when I were her/him....
 
Liza,

I agree about ' It's always good to butt out of others business to set your own value about what may have happened '...It's funni because some of you did not do that in Deaf lore but in here you have to say it to Cheri.....

I'm not trying to open wounds here....I just find it very strange that all the sudden you had to say this when you should have said this in another forum where WE got insulted , bashed , had to put up with the most humilating and dispiteful, hurtful feelings...which I lost many friends because of this...

I apologize if I sound a bit cruel or opening any wounds...I had to say what I was feeling when I read your post...

:ily:
 
Professional Boundaries versus Friendship

Any professional relationship there is an imbalance in your job with colleagues or supervisor as your good friend. I can see, it is very difficult to do boundary the line to do your job in your area.

For example, my supervisor and I become good friends for while. I found a client played with the needle sticks in the basement when I was checking on him another side of room to make sure if he was all right in the shower. I found that he was not in the bathroom. I walked down in the basement, which the door was unlocked. I was perplexed to seeing him to shake the laundry bottle into another tall plastic red cup. I approached him really closer enough, which the basement was dark due to the bulb, broke. At first, I thought it was bunches of salt package from McDonald but I was wrong. It was bunches of alcohol paper with needle sticks. I was stunned and asked him, where did you get it? He did not response me at all because he has autism. I brought everything up to another staff. Other staff and I shocked because someone disposable the needle sticks in wrong place. We become very concern because that house becomes a violation because that client’s safety and right of individuals.

Of course, other staff stated to report to the Department of Health for violates safety. We need to stay a professional as we do our job to fill out the complaint against supervisor because she is the responsibility of that house’s safety.

Naturally, our friendship will end due to conflict interest because she broke violates. Therefore, the staffs have a fiduciary duty to act in the best interest of the client’s safety.

There are a number of areas in which one has to maintain boundaries, that is, draw a line. There are some typical areas that can be difficulties professional and friendship. I have been avoiding become a friend with anyone at my work place because it can become a dangerous if we do a wrong in our duty.

How would you feel telling a colleague about this? How would you feel telling a Director about my concern when you hired a job at agency? You found a staff whom did destroy your relationship with a finane’. Would you talk with a Director before you can start to work in that Group Home? Will you feel more comfortable with this person who did threaten you in the past with your finane’ ?

I went through in my bad experience because I worked at Group Home for the Deaf. A lady supposed to be braid maid in my wedding. Her husband supposed to be a Usher. Somehow, a lady’s best friend who really like my finane’ a lot. She encouraged breaking up between my finane and me. We cancelled our wedding. Last week, I found out that lady and her husband would work at same agency as me. Will I tolerate with them as professional draw the line ?

Should I talk with my Director about conflict interest in this field? I know, it is personal outside and professional inside the workforce separation. I feel, I become very awkward in this position.

I did not want to ruin in their agency because of us. It is not fair for the supervisor, director, colleagues and clients. I must resolve this situation before we can start to work together at the same agency.

How could you resolve this???
 
mmmhhhh!
My work colleague Rosemarie & I understand each other very well. She is interesting to learn DGS (German Sign languages). She doing it very well... BUT we didn´t mix between friendship & Duty...
We respect each other & have no problem to separate the Duty & privately.
We know each other that it´s our boss`s decision to tell us what to do etc.
We often discussed over work matter during Duty time but at lunch time or break time we laughed each other, cry each other on our shoulder when we have problems, chat etc.....
 
^Angel^ said:
Liza,

I agree about ' It's always good to butt out of others business to set your own value about what may have happened '...It's funni because some of you did not do that in Deaf lore but in here you have to say it to Cheri.....

I'm not trying to open wounds here....I just find it very strange that all the sudden you had to say this when you should have said this in another forum where WE got insulted , bashed , had to put up with the most humilating and dispiteful, hurtful feelings...which I lost many friends because of this...

I apologize if I sound a bit cruel or opening any wounds...I had to say what I was feeling when I read your post...

:ily:
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Okay, I have to say what I am FEELING about your post right now. It goes both way, Angel... I hope you realize that. It is not to be cruel, and it is all about respecting you enough to be blunt at this point. No, you didnt open any wounds for me at all. You only gave me an opportunity to talk about this more in depth. However, I am sorry if you felt hurt by some of what I said in this thread. I think Katzie hit it right on the head when she said:

"Usually a misunderstand occurs simply because someone did not ask an appropriate question. Lack of communication is the basis for almost all misunderstandings!"

Angel, let me make something clear for you: I am not responsible for taking down the "bad guys" for you nor do I need to defend myself for something I did or what I did not do. Nobody should ever put another person in that position to choose sides. That is selfish to me, and it totally robs me of my energies. It is very annoying to say in the least. It is also another way of avoiding the real issues that has to do with why you view things the way you do. Trust me, I have been there before. Do you understand how that is totally offensive to me that you put me in a position where you expect me to do something for YOU or I'll be another bad guy to you? Have you ever asked me or anyone for our opinions of what we think happened? That's the thing about having unique views and opinions - AND setting our own values on the same thing. That's why it is important to me to agree to disagree where it is needed. Making others pick sides or feel bad based on your beliefs is not exactly a good approach to me. How would you feel if I told you were wrong for not voting for Bush? Wrong to be a Christian? Not that I really feel that way.. :) My point is that it's a good idea to make more room for each other's unique views and respect for our own boundaries - look into why you are upset about something, utilize the tools that you have learnt to deal with these issues (maybe your religion teaches you something about it), own it, and we can get along great!

It is clear to me that I need to explain once again WHY I started this thread.. it's not to talk about what happened in your views, or to blame others. I geninuely care about people (that means you too), and the kind of relationships they have to themselves - to find out what really works and what doesn't work where resolving conflicts go. We all evolve where our beliefs and approaches are concerned. How can I help you understand what I exactly mean by this? Do you want examples of this?

By setting values, I meant reflecting from any situation by ourselves alone - to see what we can learn from it. That in itself is a real gift. A learned lesson. It does not mean I have to announce it in public. It's something I'd put in a private journal, or tell a close friend. You know? Of course, you can always ask me anytime what I have learned from something. It is really difficult listening to another when you are pretty pissed off, right? I know. Like I refused to listen to my friend Sam's insight on my past relationship - the last ex was using me like a band aid, because I was too mad to listen to my friend.. but of course, he was right. I just didn't want to face these things yet. If they weren't true, then I wouldn't be angry in the first place. To be angry, you'd have to care first. Do you see what I mean now?

This thread is about resolving inner conflicts, more than it is about external conflicts. I figure, the external conflicts will solve themselves tomorrow if we focus on ourselves and where it really hurts. It's like what Buddha said about creating inner peace in order to get world peace. It doesn't create inner peace if we just jump around and blame others. That is a defense mechanism to keep us from facing our inner selves to resolve what really hurts us, IMO (In my opinion - fyi Sabrina). If we didn't make mistakes, we would not grow - that is, if we let ourselves grow beyond some limitations when the opportunity presents itself to do that. I do see conflicts as blessings in disguise because it helps us improve ourselves from the within, and grow as souls. It does suck while we're in middle of something awful, I know!

Hey, take care and hope you have blessings. Thanks for the opportunity to give a more deeper explanation :)
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Liza, I understand your point but I also find Cheri´s opinion okay... She didn´t say anything against anyone but her own opinion to make the picture herself what she would do or wouldn´t do like what you post the thread: misunderstand etc - Discuss... It means that we share our opinion, feeling, imaginable, agree/disagree respectful.
I would make a picture to myself what I do when I were them when I look at somebody´s condition whom I´m disagree or agree with. I would say it´s only imaginable. I would say to myself: "I wouldn´t do or would do when I were you". Of course, I know every have their different views but it´s normal for us to look their views & make themselves imaginable.

Please explain if I understand you correctly or not. :D
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Liebling - thanks for asking me!

It is not my intent to give Cheri or anyone the idea that they are not entitled to their opinions. This is discussion - meaning we get to cover all angles and views. The tricky part is being able to live with others different opinions, you know? It would be boring to have the same opinion in a discussion forum for sure! :thumb:

Agreeing to disagree is a good way to keep friendships intact, too. I do think I can learn a lot from this, too!
 
Liza,

Clearly I believe you have misunderstood me here, sitting here remembering the times when there were several members ( If I was blaming someone or others I would have named them...) bashing and insulting, even when they had disagreed with the thread that Cheri and I had created...no matter how many times I would respond back in nice ways, they kept up with the personal insults and attacks which was very very much uncalled for, people have no rights to be in the position to judge 'us' when we don't judge them....The point is not just about us, but it's about everybody...it really turns me off when members are acting immature and not caring about hurting others intentionally....

I did not personally ask you or anyone to jump in and get involved...I am not the type of person to go about in this way or to bluntly judge others for their opinions, etc..

The bottom line in this whole thing is what I was trying to say in the first place is about what you said to Cheri about no one shouldn't be in other people's business or creating more problems between those two<<<< That's when I said why didnt you say that in another forum....When one or two members started attacking us, more got involved...get the picture? When it should be left between the two of them not having more members jumping into this and creating more and more problems with those two members....but not one of them ever jump in and put an ' End ' to it...but allowing them keep going on and on.....that is exactly what I am trying to say here...The way I see it or how I feel is friends always side by each others...Sad isn't it?....Instead of staying in a forum where there's no way out of this whole dispiteful mess it was better to just leave and move on.....It has really offended me when members can't come across in a MORE nicer way ....We all are consenting adults here, We can do better by acting much more civilized and conduct our attitudes without belittling or hurting others no matter what anyone's opinions is...

When someone created a personal thread about whatever happen in their lives, I expect them to be a bit more supportive and courteous regardless how other members may feel since what ever that person lived through, we don't exactly have been IN their shoes...It's sure upset me to see a few members have to bashed out by saying its a pity or by implying that this personal experience(s) doesn't belong in here, etc...when someone shares a personal experience, with hopes of helping others that might be in similiar situations and do not have the strength or encouragements to 'act' before its too late...yet, the point of being able to share personal experiences WITHOUT having to be 'put down' considerably with insults, or using harsh words to an extent where you no longer feel the couragement to 'help' others by our own experiences and leave...leaving 'friends' behind and the others that seemed to know-it-all with their continuous tirade or mockings...now that's very very sad, isn't it...well, I lived through that and it does hurt very much when I have the desires to share my personal experience with others AND hoping to help others, enabling them to take the steps that needed....*tears*

I wanted to add one more thing before I press submit, The thing that turns me off the most is when I see that some members in other forums or anywhere which is talking about another forum/owners or SMC ---They're human beings and they do have feelings, it seem that no matter what rumors they hear, it keeps going on and on and bigger....Most of us haven't even met those people in real life....but quickly judge them and go behind their back by posting things about them....I am starting to get really fed up with that....We should be a bit more considerate of others and stay out of it....I mean look at is this way, How would anyone feel if someone said about ' You ' (that's anyone!)...I know I would be hurt and already have lived through it...

I admit I have had my share of mistakes myself by going behind SMC's back....but I have learned from those mistakes from someone who once told me ' what if it was you ? ' that's sure hit me and made me realized that this person was right and have matured and grown with much respect for others!

I hope this will clear up any misunderstanding...Please do have a great day!... ;)
 
^Angel^ said:
Liza,

Clearly I believe you have misunderstood me here, sitting here remembering the times when there were several members ( If I was blaming someone or others I would have named them...) bashing and insulting, even when they had disagreed with the thread that Cheri and I had created...no matter how many times I would respond back in nice ways, they kept up with the personal insults and attacks which was very very much uncalled for, people have no rights to be in the position to judge 'us' when we don't judge them....The point is not just about us, but it's about everybody...it really turns me off when members are acting immature and not caring about hurting others intentionally....

I did not personally ask you or anyone to jump in and get involved...I am not the type of person to go about in this way or to bluntly judge others for their opinions, etc..

The bottom line in this whole thing is what I was trying to say in the first place is about what you said to Cheri about no one shouldn't be in other people's business or creating more problems between those two<<<< That's when I said why didnt you say that in another forum....When one or two members started attacking us, more got involved...get the picture? When it should be left between the two of them not having more members jumping into this and creating more and more problems with those two members....but not one of them ever jump in and put an ' End ' to it...but allowing them keep going on and on.....that is exactly what I am trying to say here...The way I see it or how I feel is friends always side by each others...Sad isn't it?....Instead of staying in a forum where there's no way out of this whole dispiteful mess it was better to just leave and move on.....It has really offended me when members can't come across in a MORE nicer way ....We all are consenting adults here, We can do better by acting much more civilized and conduct our attitudes without belittling or hurting others no matter what anyone's opinions is...

When someone created a personal thread about whatever happen in their lives, I expect them to be a bit more supportive and courteous regardless how other members may feel since what ever that person lived through, we don't exactly have been IN their shoes...It's sure upset me to see a few members have to bashed out by saying its a pity or by implying that this personal experience(s) doesn't belong in here, etc...when someone shares a personal experience, with hopes of helping others that might be in similiar situations and do not have the strength or encouragements to 'act' before its too late...yet, the point of being able to share personal experiences WITHOUT having to be 'put down' considerably with insults, or using harsh words to an extent where you no longer feel the couragement to 'help' others by our own experiences and leave...leaving 'friends' behind and the others that seemed to know-it-all with their continuous tirade or mockings...now that's very very sad, isn't it...well, I lived through that and it does hurt very much when I have the desires to share my personal experience with others AND hoping to help others, enabling them to take the steps that needed....*tears*

I wanted to add one more thing before I press submit, The thing that turns me off the most is when I see that some members in other forums or anywhere which is talking about another forum/owners or SMC ---They're human beings and they do have feelings, it seem that no matter what rumors they hear, it keeps going on and on and bigger....Most of us haven't even met those people in real life....but quickly judge them and go behind their back by posting things about them....I am starting to get really fed up with that....We should be a bit more considerate of others and stay out of it....I mean look at is this way, How would anyone feel if someone said about ' You ' (that's anyone!)...I know I would be hurt and already have lived through it...

I admit I have had my share of mistakes myself by going behind SMC's back....but I have learned from those mistakes from someone who once told me ' what if it was you ? ' that's sure hit me and made me realized that this person was right and have matured and grown with much respect for others!

I hope this will clear up any misunderstanding...Please do have a great day!... ;)
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It sure does! Thanks for taking the time to explain. Guess we both needed to be more clear about our points? :)

It is sure tough to learn something from these situations when we're involved in them personally.... and I do agree people shouldn't get involved between two opposing parties. What do you think about also giving those two opposing parties the safe space? Like you would want others to give you some?

What value do you find in every conflict? for me, it's growing more as a person!
 
Liza said:
It sure does! Thanks for taking the time to explain. Guess we both needed to be more clear about our points? :)

It is sure tough to learn something from these situations when we're involved in them personally.... and I do agree people shouldn't get involved between two opposing parties. What do you think about also giving those two opposing parties the safe space? Like you would want others to give you some?

What value do you find in every conflict? for me, it's growing more as a person!
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:lol: ....Yes, I agree we both needed to be more clear about our points !...

I sure agree that's it is a hard thing to learn in situations when we're involved in personally....

In most conflicts or problems, what I value the most is the learning and growing to care for others while being supportive however I am able to!.....

Another thing, two opposing parties...giving them ALL the space they could use to resolve their own issues or conflicts...yes yes!! *making room for them who needs the space to vent!*....

I'm glad that you were able to clearly understand me now and hope we'll be able to move forward with a renewed understanding and respect for each other and for anyone else for that matter.... :)
 
Now look at Angel and Liza... perfect example! You guys went from misunderstood to understood! Brava!! Brava!!

Okay... the two friends as Liza mentioned would need to do this. Clarify the questions to each other so they'd understand each other better!

Hope everything goes well between the two friends.

:ily:
 
Liza said:
Cheri, I found that it's always good to butt out of others' biz but to set your own value about what may have happened or what didn't happen. It does help when we can hold our opinions and let them work it out themselves....that is the highest level of love we can give anyone, IMO! No need to add to the fire by making posts where the parties involved
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How am I being Harsh???? I only said how I Looked at in the Situation and Second of All I did not names name... Remember If I did not name names then No reason to Jumped at me. I have no problem saying the Honest truth how I feel and what I posted is what I am Going to say...Now I Am not being Harsh or Rude. I am only stating what I seen and what I would do and what Monitors are Responiable to do. Beside I am in Florida at this Moment So I felt like I had to Posted cuz I think you are going way off jumping at me because I only stated what i feel is right.
 
Great post, Liza! This advice can be applied to everyone in this forum, and I could name a few who are habitual offenders of this. However, Liza, do you think that once an issue between two person is disclosed on a public forum, it becomes "public" and enables members to butt into their problems? I agree this to be in poor taste, but it happens. The best thing is to keep it in PM and resolve it internally. Some members are stubborn and refuse to give up until they think they have "won," when in fact they beat around the points so much that it gets redundant and boring to read. There is no need for more members to join into these tedious discussions and make it painful to read.
 
kuifje75 said:
Great post, Liza! This advice can be applied to everyone in this forum, and I could name a few who are habitual offenders of this. However, Liza, do you think that once an issue between two person is disclosed on a public forum, it becomes "public" and enables members to butt into their problems? I agree this to be in poor taste, but it happens. The best thing is to keep it in PM and resolve it internally. Some members are stubborn and refuse to give up until they think they have "won," when in fact they beat around the points so much that it gets redundant and boring to read. There is no need for more members to join into these tedious discussions and make it painful to read.
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Thanks Kootchie!... aye, I agree that it's quite tedious at time with the games being played by the "fans" on the sidelines. Reckon we all set our own values on these things eh? Pretty much what we can do, anyway... lol
 
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