How do you resolve something...

[Liza]

In my opition, The best way for everyones who really not necessary reilable on MODS or begging any kinds general what do you really request about. Advise the best way is... Talk and discussion further until find really necessary to solve the problem. Will be going back the normal. Depends on everyones who willing go forth solve the problem or step back as "netural". How can be find solve the problem as netural.. Might be helpful ? I doubt it.. May lead into worst become more increase ememies friendship ending.. Isn't worth for your life.. Go ahead and talk discussion until SOLVE.

I felt strongly I do agreed with Liza's comment fully of giving you beautiful advice tips.. would be same like her shoes..

In Real life: Isn't easy for someone who personaitities dislike and hard-headed and stubborn discussion with solve the problem with their friendship. As for me, One of person, I've already lost my trust and betrayed totally hurts me more awful lot and must accept move on as long doesn't want be "contact". "Let it go"

In Internet life: So many some of bogus talking or some being trust honestly chatt'n as long you feel more secure trust whom is trust. As long, Make up in your mind and right decision pick honestly friendship. I might be same thing too.. So.. I have not made ready become in friend by internet on line yet. Which in my past was horrible and destoryed one of person who feed them wrong information againist me.. Just Only once met person from internet line and attacking me.. In my mind, WTF.. That how not easy for everyones as long you have to be careful and find right person for 100% trust.

Thanks liz brings this topic thread.. Totally very helpful for everyones feedbacks pro vs con.

That's terrible about others hurt your feelings by spreading awful gossip and slander! They ought be shot for that. *seeing some flee for their lives* Hey, I agree, just move on... I hope you forgave yourself already if you think you are at blame for something in this case. I think it makes it easier to move on... That's good advice for me, too - as I am experiencing almost the same thing right now (nothing related to any of my deaf buddies, or in here at all - none of you know the people I am talking about, they are hearing). Thank goodness for my good deaf friend yesterday who was there to listen willingly after keeping this stuffed for about a year after having seen a thread with my name being mentioned after somebody told me about it the other day. I don't want to register up for that forum and correct these people, and then get sucked into their dramas.... let them believe whatever they want to (I already tried talking with one of them about a year ago, but enough already!). I changed my signature to define failure - how I do after I fall down... I'd rather get up again on my own terms. *winksa*

Wow, this thread came down to moderator issues already, too. Alright. I can see this being in general, right? I'm an admin and mod of another forum, and I don't play favorites either - but I treat everyone like they have their own mind, and I believe in self moderation strongly. Definitely, it's a bit difficult to wear the caps of friend/admin/mod... but I definitely don't feel like I'm babysitting my forum/friends and I am extremely grateful for that forever. It's very extremely important to have boundaries understood and be clear, IMO, as it is to maintain these boundaries with the right approaches. There's a fine line between enabling/caretaking and really doing my job as moderator/admin, right? I do realize everyone has different ways of dealing with something as a moderator, though! hey, whatever works...

 

[Angel]

I would be more than qualified to share a few thoughts to the extent of what a moderator can or can't do, for I was a moderator for another forum for four years....

I have had my share of seeing many different situations being developed in the course of my time observing fellow members with their posts, etc.,...Being a moderator IS being more than just a babysitter (what is a babysitter? someone who *watches*), a moderator is more of a peacemaker, stiftling and sorting out posts that unneccessarily don't fit in with the right 'tone' within the topic/thread...taking and removing posts that are obviously considered tarnishing another poster by ways of slandering, bashing, thrashing, etc...the list goes on and on...there are so many various of ways when coming across between a couple or more fellow posters in a heated debate with no end in sight, etc....by stepping in...(not only at the last resort) and doing the best by bringing to their attention of putting whatever debacle or dispiteful wordings that are uncalled for, etc., by putting an end to it however actions is suitable for that 'moment'....observing actions that are directed at another poster displaying disrespect or lack of disregard intentionally requires a bit of a 'babysitting' setting in the eyes of a moderator in order to present a fun, peaceful and enjoyable forum to post comments, ideas, jokes, debates handled in a constructive way and respectful views/opinions...also, when members came up to me requesting a removal of a post...I would take the time to follow up on their requests and acted accordingly with careful considerations upholding its worth of whether a specific post justifies an action of removal...also, there would be a few instances whereas a member would come up to me requesting a favor which I would firmly state it isn't feesible per rules and is not a common practice which I do not consider a proper and professional thing to do as it isn't like for me to do specific favors for someone's own purposes or satisfaction that may be hurtful to other members! Simply, I do not adhere or condone favoritism when I was a moderator...and if someone disliked me for not fulfilling a 'favor' or for any other reason, I didn't take it personally....

Above all, the satisfaction I've gotten from being a moderator was being able to strive as a place for others to be able to truly enjoy and exchanging thoughts, comments, views and even making 'new' friends peacefully!!

Well Said Honey!....

 

[Fly Free]

let them believe whatever they want to (I already tried talking with one of them about a year ago, but enough already!).

i agree Liza and thats also my philosophy as well -- ive been down that road too myself

 

[Maria]

Exactly, CR. Although I am no longer a moderator here, during my time here as a moderator, I have had people trying to get favours from me only to learn that they cannot do it with me. And now I am disliked for it. Oh well, can't please everyone. A moderator is not a babysitter, and should be used as a LAST RESORT to butt into people's problems. It is good idea to keep your grudges off-forum.

kuifje75...

Thanks for sharin' your experience. Yeah, I've seen enough lately when a 3rd party involved. And, of course there's another tellin', too. It's in "nominations" where Vampy made the threads for ADers to vote. I stopped votin' in "nomination" threads after I voted the first time in Forum I. I am glad that you posted to share your sayin'. Thanks, kuifje75.

Brian,

Yeah, I can understand what you mean. I don't blame ya. I even try to cut down my visitation to AD. I am glad that you shared your experience with me. Thanks, Brian.

 

[javapride]

lately it seems it goes on and on, the last two weeks i have deicded to make some admends in life and change some choices i had made previously, now this one choice is cutting off all infos from someone and not allowing this person to get to me, a new chapter has open for myself and i know i ll be in the middle of the new world for myself and my fiancee, some comments made here and there i chose to ingore, they do not know the wholeness of myself and my fiancee, we are an open book, and i see nothing wrong with this. sharing the experince is a good thing. and expressing is another good thing and knowing when and how much to express is a postive thing. some poeple can't moderate thier lines when it comes to crossing it, I for one, am a moderator in another forum and have told the admin i go there to check things out at night and SHE KNOWS i ll be out of town for a couple of days and knows we work well together.... the slandering that was spread abt this admin was beyond ridculous and i see us working really well together i have had to remove two threads in the time frame and explain reasons and they saw the point in it ... some i had to remove to question the thread and ask what this purpose was abt??? and then they pm me back replying thier reason and if its suitable i ll post it back in there its abt decorum and respect and i can see the aspect of it, its all abt communicating and we know we can't always be on the net 24/7 and we do have a life and relationships
and yes i am irraiated to see poeple who just basically haven't respected others those i chose to ingore. and those will have to think abt thier action if they ever reconize it. I know that i respect myself everyday everynight and know that i respect the poeple and i do communicate and am glad i can vent out when i needed to

I know one thing is this resolving, it can work or not work, depending on who's willing. I know i m willing to resolve anything once my disgusting feeling or anger feeling has dimisish why be angry ALL the time? theres no need it ll eat ur life away! i chose to be happy and this is what i am today

 

[TweetyBird]

lately it seems it goes on and on, the last two weeks i have deicded to make some admends in life and change some choices i had made previously, now this one choice is cutting off all infos from someone and not allowing this person to get to me, a new chapter has open for myself and i know i ll be in the middle of the new world for myself and my fiancee, some comments made here and there i chose to ingore, they do not know the wholeness of myself and my fiancee, we are an open book, and i see nothing wrong with this. sharing the experince is a good thing. and expressing is another good thing and knowing when and how much to express is a postive thing. some poeple can't moderate thier lines when it comes to crossing it, I for one, am a moderator in another forum and have told the admin i go there to check things out at night and SHE KNOWS i ll be out of town for a couple of days and knows we work well together.... the slandering that was spread abt this admin was beyond ridculous and i see us working really well together i have had to remove two threads in the time frame and explain reasons and they saw the point in it ... some i had to remove to question the thread and ask what this purpose was abt??? and then they pm me back replying thier reason and if its suitable i ll post it back in there its abt decorum and respect and i can see the aspect of it, its all abt communicating and we know we can't always be on the net 24/7 and we do have a life and relationships
and yes i am irraiated to see poeple who just basically haven't respected others those i chose to ingore. and those will have to think abt thier action if they ever reconize it. I know that i respect myself everyday everynight and know that i respect the poeple and i do communicate and am glad i can vent out when i needed to

I know one thing is this resolving, it can work or not work, depending on who's willing. I know i m willing to resolve anything once my disgusting feeling or anger feeling has dimisish why be angry ALL the time? theres no need it ll eat ur life away! i chose to be happy and this is what i am today

java, i agree with u what u say in post here... u are right abt that...

 

[Liza]

I enjoy reading your inputs. Keep it up!

 

[GalaxyAngel]

Everyones,
Do you willing "move on" and look forward contuines friendship no scarsuim?

I do willing move on and stay alive friendship depend on trust person.

 

[Cheri]

I don't feel I am jumping at you Cheri. I only am sharing my opinion like anyone here, and what I feel to be right. I didn't even say YOU - only saying how I feel about certain behaviors, not the person. So who's wrong here?

Nobody - cos it's more interesting to have different opinions anyway!

Ok Liza, I Thought u made this thread for a Certain reason and that is What I did brought the Situation I was not trying to start up fire or anything. I did not mean any Harm. I apology if you thought I was.

 

[Kalista]

well for one thing, i dont think any monitors/moderators should withhold thier identity because it is deceiving, in my opinion. I think the forum owners should appoint a person who is NEW to the forum so there will be no favoritism and all. I hope you understand what im trying to say..
As for misunderstandings with others, its best to sit down and discuss what is bothering us and try to resolve..if that person refuses to cooperate or even compromise, then it will be no use to try to get that person to rationalize..you have tried on your part,thats the main thing..If a person that did something unforgiveable to me, then he/she is no friend, period!

Yes exactly, I certainly agree with you. Defee Important to stay in bourdaries draw the line between friendship and do on their job as monitor/moderator.

It is really sad when you have a good friend on the line for years until he/she becomes a moderator. Friendship end then hurtful each other. It seems not fair because our lives need to be focus on draw line. I know, it is so so HARD... I went through myself at the Mental Health. Wow, I learned alot how to draw the line to do my job and outside friendship.

 

[Kalista]

Everyones,
Do you willing "move on" and look forward contuines friendship no scarsuim?

I do willing move on and stay alive friendship depend on trust person.

Oh Dear Bully mOm !!

It is very difficult to answer your question. Would we trust with this person again when he/she hurts you as friendship ?

We do forgive each other years ago. I saw them last fall at Deaf Expo. We do exchange our emails and tel numbers. They never email or call me at all. I can understand how much they were angry at my ex husband.

When you become really HURT by end of good friend. It tore your heart really bad. Your heart would be difficult to heal to be friends again. Friends will be not the same as before. At once you really hurt yourself by someone else. Your feelings would be not the same !

 

[pinkster]

Everyones,
Do you willing "move on" and look forward contuines friendship no scarsuim?

I do willing move on and stay alive friendship depend on trust person.

Under normal circumstances, I usually forgive people. I like to think of myself as a forgiving person. If you do something trivial like spill something on me, thats not a big deal. But there have been instances where I had been hurt so deeply that I really couldnt bring myself to forgive the person. I may not dwell on the incident in which ruined my trust with someone, but its like respect, respect takes years to earn, and seconds to destroy. (Along with reputation, friendships, relationships, etc.) Once destroyed, it is very hard to earn back. We may become friends again but I would never forget. I dont know whether that is healthy or not, but I would never be the same if i were completley betrayed by someone, or mistreated badly. You can't always be 100% forgiving, IMO, part of living means to look out for yourself. If you don't, you end up being a walking mat, and everytime you forgive someone who has hurt you badly, you are telling them it's OK that they did it. Which in turn will tell them they can do it again. Personally, I used to be like that, and now Im doing it less and less. Which is probably why I have few friends

 

[Mistyrose]

Under normal circumstances, I usually forgive people. I like to think of myself as a forgiving person. If you do something trivial like spill something on me, thats not a big deal. But there have been instances where I had been hurt so deeply that I really couldnt bring myself to forgive the person. I may not dwell on the incident in which ruined my trust with someone, but its like respect, respect takes years to earn, and seconds to destroy. (Along with reputation, friendships, relationships, etc.) Once destroyed, it is very hard to earn back. We may become friends again but I would never forget. I dont know whether that is healthy or not, but I would never be the same if i were completley betrayed by someone, or mistreated badly. You can't always be 100% forgiving, IMO, part of living means to look out for yourself. If you don't, you end up being a walking mat, and everytime you forgive someone who has hurt you badly, you are telling them it's OK that they did it. Which in turn will tell them they can do it again. Personally, I used to be like that, and now Im doing it less and less. Which is probably why I have few friends

Yes you are exactly right!! If the person who hurts or betrayed me is no longer a friend to me..thats how i feel. If that person apologizes to me thats fine but i will never feel comfortable around that person again.
What irks me the most, is when people say things they dont mean, why they even SAY it?? It pisses me off to no end when people say things then turn around and say "Oh i dont mean it" well, why SAY IT if you dont mean it?? You know what i mean? I just hate that grrrr!

 

[Liza]

Ok Liza, I Thought u made this thread for a Certain reason and that is What I did brought the Situation I was not trying to start up fire or anything. I did not mean any Harm. I apology if you thought I was.

Sure, no harm done!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Under normal circumstances, I usually forgive people. I like to think of myself as a forgiving person. If you do something trivial like spill something on me, thats not a big deal. But there have been instances where I had been hurt so deeply that I really couldnt bring myself to forgive the person. I may not dwell on the incident in which ruined my trust with someone, but its like respect, respect takes years to earn, and seconds to destroy. (Along with reputation, friendships, relationships, etc.) Once destroyed, it is very hard to earn back. We may become friends again but I would never forget. I dont know whether that is healthy or not, but I would never be the same if i were completley betrayed by someone, or mistreated badly. You can't always be 100% forgiving, IMO, part of living means to look out for yourself. If you don't, you end up being a walking mat, and everytime you forgive someone who has hurt you badly, you are telling them it's OK that they did it. Which in turn will tell them they can do it again. Personally, I used to be like that, and now Im doing it less and less. Which is probably why I have few friends

It´s exactly how I feel!!
I would forgive anything but betrayal? It´s very hard to forgive anyone who betray me... I would accept their forgive but the friendship wouldn´t stay the same as before...

 

[Deaf258]

How can you resolve something when someone is being extrememly hypocritical, manipulative and malicious?

 

[Mistyrose]

How can you resolve something when someone is being extrememly hypocritical, manipulative and malicious?

You cant! If that person wont change his/her ways..then he/she aint no friend period! Its best to just ignore that person..

 

[Fly Free]

i agree Defee! i do the same way with some members here ignoring them and that has worked very well

Deaf258 -- i know it can be extremely frustrating -- but like Defee has said, its just best to ignore the member(s) -- they would eventually get the idea that theyre being ignored and disliked and who knows mebbe would cause them to make some cyberadjustment in cyber attitude qq but thats my possible thoughts to how it can be improved

 

[Cheri]

i agree Defee! i do the same way with some members here ignoring them and that has worked very well

Ignoring me?

 

[Mistyrose]

You silly goose, Cheri..no not you..just the ones who are extremely hypocritical, malicious, manuplative or just plain pain in the azz...not you, you are a sweetie..now dry up your tears!...hugs!