do you spank your child?

[Cheri]

Spanking is not belong form of discipline.

If you don't think that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline, fine, but some people think spanking is acceptable form of discripline.


"Spanking, by today's definition, consists of striking the buttocks, usually as a physical punishment, with either an open hand or a suitable implement.

In the United States and Canada, all discipline applied to the posterior is usually known as spanking. In Britain and many Commonwealth countries smacking or whacking is used as the general term; with spanking usually referring to bare-handed discipline" spanking

Do you mean that shaken baby syndrome is not belong a form of abuse? Do I understand you correct?

No, You did not understood me, I said it is a form of abuse. babies do die from the result of being shaken.

 

[Reba]

...Woman and Child are being hurt by her spouse/partner and parent´s hand is an abuse because they choose to hurt them.

Woman and Child are being hurt by any accident. Nobody hurt them but their own accidents.

It mean that it´s okay for your partner to hurt you because you know that spanking only leave a red temporary mark...

Cheri never said it was OK for a "partner" to strike a woman. Where did you get that idea?

"Partners" and spouses don't raise women. Parents raise children. Adults don't raise other adults in a relationship.

Also, Cheri said this:

"And shaken baby syndrome is also a form of abuse."

You do Cheri a disservice by misrepresenting her posts. That's not fair.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Cheri never said it was OK for a "partner" to strike a woman. Where did you get that idea?

Excuse me please, I only questioned Cheri since Cheri started to compare children´s accident with child abuse as a form of abuse.

What I made a comparison over hurt by hand is the fact because Cheri said "spanking only leave a red temporary mark... "

"Partners" and spouses don't raise women. Parents raise children. Adults don't raise other adults in a relationship.

Yes, the some partners do raise women or men because they want women or men do what they want. If they don´t do what they want then they get hurt.

Also, Cheri said this:

"And shaken baby syndrome is also a form of abuse."

You do Cheri a disservice by misrepresenting her posts. That's not fair.

Excuse me, please. I asked her in manner way either I understand her correct or not because she wrote 2 sentences together. Is my question to her misrepresenting? This is a false accusation of you. Anyway, it´s her, I am asking, not you.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

If you don't think that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline, fine, but some people think spanking is acceptable form of discripline.

Yes, each parents have different form of discipline to their children. It doesn´t mean that we parents are bad that´s because we have different POV on form of discipline. Like every parents view spanking as a form of abuse or not...

spanking children as discipline


Spanking: It hurts more than you think - Toronto Public Health

"Spanking, by today's definition, consists of striking the buttocks, usually as a physical punishment, with either an open hand or a suitable implement.

In the United States and Canada, all discipline applied to the posterior is usually known as spanking. In Britain and many Commonwealth countries smacking or whacking is used as the general term; with spanking usually referring to bare-handed discipline" spanking

Thank you for interesting link. You know that Wikipedia is not alway accurate.

Spanking has been banned in some of the EU countries for a long time now.

No, You did not understood me, I said it is a form of abuse. babies do die from the result of being shaken.

for answer my question. I want to make sure first because you write 2 sentences together. Yes, that´s right shake the baby is a form of physical abuse.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Bear, I am sorry about your son but I am glad to know that your son is okay. You and I have different POV. Ok.

I did nice spank her cute butt when she was nasty I think did spank her twice since she is 6 years old now.. Mostly of time talking her!

cute spanking Yes, true - talking solve easier. I feel more easier when I solve with my boys with any situation that make them understand more and more. It make them also respect us more, too.

 

[jillio]

Liebling,

I had my son and myself both in seperate counseling sessions. One for him and one for me and then we had home based counseling too. Home based is where the counselors come to your home and observe the behavior at home.

The reason they couldnt offer any suggestions was because I was already doing everything they would have suggested that I do. I had him on a strict diet, a very rigid schedule, positive reinforcements, what they called the 9 steps- I was already doing it. I did everything I could to straighten him up.

I believe I should have spanked him and maybe just maybe it would have helped correct him more.

The school had trouble with him too Liebling. They would call me and ask me what to do. Im like I dont know and neither does the counselors but here is what I do at home.


We were in counseling for a total of 7 years Liebling. It started showing up when he was about 3 and then I seeked counseling for him when he was 5 an we continued with counseling till they day they took him out of our home.

BUT Liebling what speaks VOLUMES to me is that CHILDRENS SERVICES couldnt handle him either! And they were the so called experts! They decided to take him out of his foster home and put him somewhere tougher to deal with him! Liebling if they couldn't deal with him, these so called experts, then how was I to do so?

Luckily now he is 16 and has grown out of the ADD. As typically happens with juvenile ADD children. More than likely your son just grew out of the ADD behaviour. Very rarely, * it does happen* but rarely does a child display ADD behaviour into adulthood.

I was spanked as a child with many different items, and I am fine today despite that happening. I grew up respecting adults and didnt really give my mother too much trouble growing up. I do not believe my mother abused me through spankings even when she used a switch. I mean sure it hurt but it sure got her point across also.

I used to be just like you though Liebling and not believe in spankings. But since then my mind is definitely changed.

Behavior modification is a great technique...when it works. Unfortunately, it doesn't work in all cases. And sometimes, the basic 9 steps need to be modified and adjusted for use with individual children. The steps are not written in stone, but are to be used as a starting point. Just as one psychotherapuetic technique will not work in with all counseling clients, one form of behavior mod will not work with all children. And sometimes, it is necessary to use punsihment as well as positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement.

 

[jillio]

If you don't think that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline, fine, but some people think spanking is acceptable form of discripline.


"Spanking, by today's definition, consists of striking the buttocks, usually as a physical punishment, with either an open hand or a suitable implement.

In the United States and Canada, all discipline applied to the posterior is usually known as spanking. In Britain and many Commonwealth countries smacking or whacking is used as the general term; with spanking usually referring to bare-handed discipline" spanking

Exactly. The very concept of punishment is an action taken to decrease an undesirable behavior. In order to decrease that undesirable behavior, the consequences need to be unpleasant, and something the child wishes to avoid. It is an accepted technique in behavior modification, and can be successfully combined with positive reinforcement, such as reward for good behavior.

 

[shel90]

I am sure I have spanked my daughter before but very rarely cuz she tends to listen to what I say.

With my son, if he gets into things he is not supposed to get into, saying "no" hasnt worked so we flick his hand and say "NO". So far, he is getting the message.

I have been spanked by the hand and by objects (belts or spoons) and I turned out fine. My mom only did that when my brother and I did something dangerous or destructive. We got the message right away cuz we never repeated those behaviors ever again.

 

[Bear]

Behavior modification is a great technique...when it works. Unfortunately, it doesn't work in all cases. And sometimes, the basic 9 steps need to be modified and adjusted for use with individual children. The steps are not written in stone, but are to be used as a starting point. Just as one psychotherapuetic technique will not work in with all counseling clients, one form of behavior mod will not work with all children. And sometimes, it is necessary to use punsihment as well as positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement.

Lol thank you Jillio! Wasnt sure if anyone would even know what the basic 9-steps were. LOL

It was funny though that the experts couldn't even come up with answers. I was like and you expect me to?

It might have helped him alot more though if I had lived in an area where there are behavior specialists that specialize in that type of behavior. Instead of working with child psychologists maybe?

 

[jillio]

Lol thank you Jillio! Wasnt sure if anyone would even know what the basic 9-steps were. LOL

It was funny though that the experts couldn't even come up with answers. I was like and you expect me to?

It might have helped him alot more though if I had lived in an area where there are behavior specialists that specialize in that type of behavior. Instead of working with child psychologists maybe?

I agree. The psychologists know the theories, but it is the counselors and the behavior specialists who actually practice it. Since they actually use the theories, they know how to make modifications based on indiviual needs.

 

[shel90]

I agree. The psychologists know the theories, but it is the counselors and the behavior specialists who actually practice it. Since they actually use the theories, they know how to make modifications based on indiviual needs.

Really? I didnt know that.

 

[shel90]

LOL I used to be like several of you and not believe in spankings and believed in positive reinfocements and other forms of discipline.

With my daughter that worked fine.

THEN my son was born. I learned quick to rethink my initial thought of how to raise him.

While he is in trouble for something he didnt do.


He was an ADD child and a HANDFUL. If I sent him to his room as punishment, he would wait till I was in the bathroom, then sneak out the door. If I put him in the corner for time out, he would wait till I had to do something and leave the room, out the door he goes. If I tried to talk to him about it he would just roll his eyes. I called the cops on him, and the cop did talk to him and the very next day he was right back to the same behaviour. I couldn't ground him at all, as the minute I went to the bathroom or turned my back on him to do something, out the door he would go. I took things away from him, that didnt bother him at all he would just sneak out the door.

I had him in counseling, I went to parenting classes, I went to counseling and NO ONE had any answers on how to deal with him.

MAYBE just MAYBE if I had spanked him while he was growing up, he may not be in the trouble he is in today.

ANYONE can say what they want about spankings, but UNTIL they raise a true problem child, I would say they know next to nothing about how valuable and useful a few swats on the but could be.

Have a child like my son was and then get back to me.


I find it funny though that when my son was in the foster home, these so called experts couldnt control him either! Their only answer was to lock him up in a detention facility.He would have been better off with me at home, than with them. At least I was trying to correct his behaviour. Not shove it off on someone else.

When I was growing up, we were spanked with belts, switches *anyone remember that? Having to go out and cut a switch off the tree?* and many other items. And we had paddlings in school, and was told you get in trouble at school, you get it at home too!

We also grew up having respect for our parents, ourselves, and our elders. We sure didnt get into trouble like these kids are today. Look it up and see how many school shootings there were back then! Look it up and see how much juvenile crime there was back then!

I challenge you to actually see for youselves the differences in our children then and now!

I also challenge you to try raising a son like mine was.

Luckily, my son is older now and realizing just how destructive his behaviour was for him.

Bear, I can relate somewhat but nothing close to what you have experienced.


My dad and my stepmom went through a similar experience with their oldest son (my hearing brother) . They have 3 boys together and their oldest one was very destructive growing up. I remember when I was 17 years old and I was babysitting both of my brothers (he was 18 months old and my other one was like 4 months old), I saw my brother pick up a pencil and ran to his baby brother to try to stab him with the pencil. Luckily, I was sitting next to the baby so I stopped him. Most people would have passed it off as jealousy but there was something in his facial expression that gave me the feeling that something wasnt right. I informed my dad and my stepmom..they told me that I was imagining things. As a teenager, I took their word for it. Well, problems started popping up and he was diagnosed with ADDHD later.

From that time on, my dad and my stepmom tried different discipline approaches from spanking, time-outs, loss of priveledges, and even sending him away...nothing worked.

Problems got seriously worse when he entered puberty. Some situations led him getting arrested a few times and one even had him near death out in the desert in which a helicopter had to be dispatched. My dad and my stepmom spent thousands and thousands of dollars on therapy and different programs but nobody could work with my brother.

Finally, at the age of 17, he got referred to a well-known specialist in that fiedl and he was diagnosed with bipolar. Since the diagnosis, things have improved and now my brother is is 19 years old and working on putting his life back together.

Even spanking didnt work..when a child has a mental illness, the common practices of disciplines usually do not work that I know of.

It was very very stressful on my dad, his wife and their other 2 boys and it almost tore the family apart a few times. However, one of the good things that came out of this was that my dad finally sought therapy for himself to work on his anger and management issues. Finally, my dad admitted that he had anger issues and is now more even tempered. His blood pressure has finally returned to normal and his marriage with my stepmom is much stronger now.

I have seen a lot of the situations involving my brother when I visited them and some of them were frightening so I appluad u, Bear, for standing strong.

 

[jillio]

Really? I didnt know that.

Yeah, in the field of developmental psychology (child oriented psychology) the psychologist usually does the testing and makes reccomendations, but the others actually carry it out. That's why I went for my PhD in counseling education rather than in psychology. Educational and developmental psychology are my fields, but I wanted hands on with the clients, not just testing and research.

 

[jillio]

Bear, I can relate somewhat but nothing close to what you have experienced.


My dad and my stepmom went through a similar experience with their oldest son (my hearing brother) . They have 3 boys together and their oldest one was very destructive growing up. I remember when I was 17 years old and I was babysitting both of my brothers (he was 18 months old and my other one was like 4 months old), I saw my brother pick up a pencil and ran to his baby brother to try to stab him with the pencil. Luckily, I was sitting next to the baby so I stopped him. Most people would have passed it off as jealousy but there was something in his facial expression that gave me the feeling that something wasnt right. I informed my dad and my stepmom..they told me that I was imagining things. As a teenager, I took their word for it. Well, problems started popping up and he was diagnosed with ADDHD later.

From that time on, my dad and my stepmom tried different discipline approaches from spanking, time-outs, loss of priveledges, and even sending him away...nothing worked.

Problems got seriously worse when he entered puberty. Some situations led him getting arrested a few times and one even had him near death out in the desert in which a helicopter had to be dispatched. My dad and my stepmom spent thousands and thousands of dollars on therapy and different programs but nobody could work with my brother.

Finally, at the age of 17, he got referred to a well-known specialist in that fiedl and he was diagnosed with bipolar. Since the diagnosis, things have improved and now my brother is is 19 years old and working on putting his life back together.

Even spanking didnt work..when a child has a mental illness, the common practices of disciplines usually do not work that I know of.

It was very very stressful on my dad, his wife and their other 2 boys and it almost tore the family apart a few times. However, one of the good things that came out of this was that my dad finally sought therapy for himself to work on his anger and management issues. Finally, my dad admitted that he had anger issues and is now more even tempered. His blood pressure has finally returned to normal and his marriage with my stepmom is much stronger now.

I have seen a lot of the situations involving my brother when I visited them and some of them were frightening so I appluad u, Bear, for standing strong.

Wow! What a tough situation! It used to be common practice not to diagnose bi-polar in children. They used to consider it an illness that only could be diagnosed once a child reached adulthood. A lot of kids were diagnosed with ADHD or conduct disorder. Its really a shame that he had to wait until he was 19 to get the help he needed.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

It might have helped him alot more though if I had lived in an area where there are behavior specialists that specialize in that type of behavior. Instead of working with child psychologists maybe?

Behavior specialist called Occupational therapy. German word is Ergotherapie - I searched the google and found right word for English is Occupational therapy = Ergotherapie. That therapy, we accompanied our ADD son there for few years.

Life Skills 4 Kids. Occupational Therapist. Helping kids with Autism, sensory processing disorders, sensory integration, sensory integration dysfunction, ADD, ADHD, mental health issues, STICKIDS, sensory diets, wheat bags, weighted blanket, weighted

They are specialist for children and adult behavior.

Child Physican send my son to Occupational therapy. Healthcare cover the cost for his treatments.

I read your posts and surprised to know that US and German system how to help ADD/ADHD etc children different.

Yes I know it´s not very easy to help ADD/ADHD children but work hard to improve their behavior is worth than give them medicine.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

wow, Shel90... they found out at last that your brother had bi bolar disorder at age 17. It´s long... I can image it must be really work hard for long years to help him until they found what really he is at last... wow...

Even spanking didnt work..when a child has a mental illness, the common practices of disciplines usually do not work that I know of.

Yes, that´s right. Spanking at problematic child doesn´t work... I spanked my ADD son few times.. Occchhhh... he is sooo wild and aggressive.... and jumped and scream with full red face everywhere in dining room... I never forget it. I told therapy what happened... Therapy stopped me and gave me tips... It took us over 2 years to work on his behavior. Therapy said if I carry on spank him then he will turn into aggressive and volience when he hit teenage/puberty... Talk to him is best... it belongs good patience. I did what therapy said... it work pretty good.

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Bipolar is not related to spanking topic. Bipolar is a mental illness that affected millions americans today.

 

[Angel]

....I spanked my ADD son few times.. Occchhhh... he is sooo wild and aggressive.... and jumped and scream with full red face everywhere in dining room....

huh? I thought you never spanked any of your children cause you believe spanking is a form of an abuse?


Now, I'm lost

 

[deafskeptic]

Yes I know myself because my oldest son also was an ADD, too. I noticed my son was hyper when he was over 6 months old. I check with child physican. He said it´s normal and wait few years time. Few years later, - very aggressive, hyperactive ,wild, disrespect, ... He was so wild when I spanked him... Also at first school, so worst... The child physican confirmed that he has an ADD what I suspected an earlier so he send him to therapies to train to improve his behavior..... I accompanied him to there for over 2 years. I received alot of tips there to improve my son´s behavior. Now my son is teenager and show not very much of his ADD behavior.





I am total surprised that nobody advised or gave you tips how to take care of ADD children. I recieve a lot of tips and advise how to deal with my ADD son from therapies. All what I do is change his diet. - no sweets after 2 pm, no junk foods, foods with addifical, chemistry... list of addifical, chemsitry... Break from TV or computer games one hour before bedtime, sport to get out of aggressive... A thread creator created a thread about ADD children. I posted and shared the information how to help ADD children there somewhere in 2004. I am sure some ADers know that I have an ADD child.

It does improve his behavior now & more better than before.... He respect me more & more than before... He does very well at school. He´s the best student in the class... He is a class speaker. I´m proud to say this ... He´s very calm teenager and doesn´t break public law. He is a very sporter. love bicycle. Respectful teenager. He can talk anything open with me without fear.

Without therapies´s tips, what happened to him? Perhaps rebel, crime, alochol, disrespectful? I thank therapies for positive my son´s ADD behavior.






Noooooooooooooo - Never spank problematic child. I am glad that you did not spank him. I spanked my ADD son when he was a little. Therapy told me to not do that and give me positive tips. She explained that it create a huge problem when problematic child (ADD, ADHD, different disorders) become teenager or hit puberty. Aggressive, Volience, etc.

I stop to spank him after learn from therapy.

My younger son don´t have ADD as his oldest brother. I took therapy´s tips to use form of discipline my younger son without spank him. Now he is 11 years old. I really have NO problem with him and his respectful behavior. It belong good patience to positive my both sons behavior.




I myself has a ADD child... NO, I disagree with you.




No need, I already deal with ADD son... His ADD behavior did not show very much at his teenage time which is great... Yes work hard to improve his behavior but worth...



I am sorry to say that I am surprised that Experts said this to you? It look like that they don´t enjoy their job to deal with problematic children or what? If the people who want to become Expert to help ADD or any disorder children then job is right for them.




Yes I remember. I never, never, never forget how I had been suffer being spanked with belt, padding, brush, hands... Horrible... I am really glad that caption and phyiscal punishment are banned in many EU countries.





Can you explain how well-being child come from without spanking when spanking banned in many EU countries?http://www.alldeaf.com/current-events/38977-usa-second-worst-place-raise-kids.html




Again, I raise an ADD son either. I know what it alike... Thank God that his ADD behavior is gone... perhaps a very little... not really very much...

Sure, our children are no angel but it´s great to positive their behavior.

Speaking for myself, I don't support spanking at all. My parents spanked me with a belt and all it did was create rage and fear.

According to families stories, I was a bad child. BTW, I didn't know I had ADD till I was 27. I have wondered for years if I had ADD though because when I read about those kids with it, they always reminded me of myself.

 

[deafskeptic]

Bear, I can relate somewhat but nothing close to what you have experienced.


My dad and my stepmom went through a similar experience with their oldest son (my hearing brother) . They have 3 boys together and their oldest one was very destructive growing up. I remember when I was 17 years old and I was babysitting both of my brothers (he was 18 months old and my other one was like 4 months old), I saw my brother pick up a pencil and ran to his baby brother to try to stab him with the pencil. Luckily, I was sitting next to the baby so I stopped him. Most people would have passed it off as jealousy but there was something in his facial expression that gave me the feeling that something wasnt right. I informed my dad and my stepmom..they told me that I was imagining things. As a teenager, I took their word for it. Well, problems started popping up and he was diagnosed with ADDHD later.

From that time on, my dad and my stepmom tried different discipline approaches from spanking, time-outs, loss of priveledges, and even sending him away...nothing worked.

Problems got seriously worse when he entered puberty. Some situations led him getting arrested a few times and one even had him near death out in the desert in which a helicopter had to be dispatched. My dad and my stepmom spent thousands and thousands of dollars on therapy and different programs but nobody could work with my brother.

Finally, at the age of 17, he got referred to a well-known specialist in that fiedl and he was diagnosed with bipolar. Since the diagnosis, things have improved and now my brother is is 19 years old and working on putting his life back together.

Even spanking didnt work..when a child has a mental illness, the common practices of disciplines usually do not work that I know of.

It was very very stressful on my dad, his wife and their other 2 boys and it almost tore the family apart a few times. However, one of the good things that came out of this was that my dad finally sought therapy for himself to work on his anger and management issues. Finally, my dad admitted that he had anger issues and is now more even tempered. His blood pressure has finally returned to normal and his marriage with my stepmom is much stronger now.

I have seen a lot of the situations involving my brother when I visited them and some of them were frightening so I appluad u, Bear, for standing strong.

My niece is also bipolar and my brother and my sister in law are trying to figure how to deal with that. She has missed her HS graduation because of it.

Dunno about my sister in law's family but there's no history of bipolar in my family though there's a long history of depression on both sides of my family.


I'm not bipolar myself though I did think I was bipolar for a while. Others who have worked with bipolars have told me I'm clearly not bipolar.

No one thought I had ADD because I was a rubella child when I was growing up and they thought I had brain damage because of it even though I've been tested for it and there's no sigh of brain damage via MRI or CT.