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do you spank your child?
- Thread starter rjr2006
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I consider your post as a favoritism:
Your own word
"Cheri never said it was OK for a "partner" to strike a woman. Where did you get that idea?"
then again your own word
"I still stand by my post that Cheri never said or implied anything about accepting men disciplining women like children."
The same thing that I never said about children's accident as child abuse so I asked you - my own word "Anyway, why didn´t you said anything to Cheri that I never said or implied anything about children´s accident as child abuse?"
All what you said is your last word is "Because Cheri was right."
Is it fair?
This is favoritism.
This is not favoritism.
I do not see anything that I claimed that ADers grow up angry, rebellious and criminal.
Really?
Legal Adult Violence
Stop the Rod
Arguments against corporal punishment
Read this Argument #2, #6 #7 #9
ChildAdvocate.org - 10 Pro-Corporal Punishment Arguments and 10 Commonsense Answers
No, it's not neccassary because I know some ADers's ranted/vented posts over their bad experiences with parents in the past in different threads since 2004. Yes they stated that they suffered low esteem, despression, emotional, physical, drinking, etc. They accept their knowledge that they suffered but one thing is I am total surprised to see some ADers posted in several spanking threads and support spanking and use those word "I was spanked." (fact) "I'm fine." (opinion)" because I know their past posts. I kept quiet and said nothing.
Argument #3: "I HAVE to use corporal punishment, nothing else works!" (or "Time Outs don’t work!")
Answer: True discipline is about developing a trusting, mutually respectful relationship between child and caretaker. To inflict pain on a child as a means of control is a lazy way out of the work it takes to help a child understand and internalize proper behavior. If you have used corporal punishment on your child, it will take time and effort for new methods to work. Years of negative patterns can't be erased overnight with a simple solution. Nagging, yelling, threatening, controlling and punishing must stop before an effective relationship can be built and your child can trust you and understand the consequences of his/her behavior. People who use the argument "I’ve tried everything and nothing else works" often reveal that they haphazardly tried several techniques learned in various books, without actually committing to or following through consistently with one approach. The result is an unorganized set of chaotic rules or consequences that change often and confuse the child... and make the adult appear out of control. People dissatisfied with their lack of success with "time outs" tend to use "time out" in a punitive manner. These people may expect a tantruming child to comply with sitting in a designated chair for a set amount of minutes. This punitive method of "time out" generates powers struggles rather than compliance. A more effective method is to direct the child to quiet room in which to calm down, then allowing the child to rejoin you when he or she expresses readiness. There need be no time limit or nagging. The number of brief time outs can be increased until the child understands that he or she must regain control of him/herself. As an adult, how do you deal with adults who you can't seem to gain cooperation from? Do you hit your boss, employee, spouse or best friend when it appears that "nothing else works"?
ChildAdvocate.org - 10 Pro-Corporal Punishment Arguments and 10 Commonsense Answers
Anyway, please read through from Argument #1 to Argument #10
In fact, children who are physically punished have been consistently found to have higher rates of aggression, juvenile delinquency and disrespect for authority- the very behaviors people want to prevent in children! Instead, children who have strong, loving role models, receive consistent guidance, firm limits, opportunities for democratic communication, logical consequences and positive, non-punitive discipline are more likely to manifest self discipline, critical thinking skills, personal accountability, good social skills and respect and concern for others. A child who is hit, smacked, spanked, paddled and hurt learns to be do the same.
My comparison between children/partner's hurt by the parents and spouse/partner's hand was being denied and claim that my comparison is a :topic: which it's not because I am not only one who compared them.
The parents can teach children that there are consequences for not following the rules without spanking them.
Attack and Criticize are the same thing. This post, you made toward me is not belongs agree to disagree or opinion.
Good
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Wah, wah, go tell mommy!
You stated that children who are spanked will turn out angry, rebellious, and criminal. Many ADer's were spanked as children, so that includes us.
Did they suffer all that from normal spanking, or from abuse and neglect? The experiences that I read all told about awful abuse, not occassional swats on the behind.
It is true that many ADer's (including myself) turned out fine. Why do you doubt that?
Yeah, that describes me and Hubby (and many others) to a T. NOT! :roll:
Guess what? Parents who spank also use the above methods. Spanking is just one more method, not the only method that parents use.
Really? Then I guess you just attacked me. :roll:
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See? *shake my head sadly*
You fingerpointed ADers as an example, not me. I only pointed out about children in general and my own experience and also links, not use ADers as an example.
It´s spanking, I am referring to, not what you mentioned above. It´s not just physical and neglect but also spanking including, too. I guess that you miss it.
spanking (1)
Definition:
beating on buttocks: a beating with the flat of the hand on somebody's buttocks, given as punishment
spanking (1) definition - Dictionary - MSN Encarta
OR
slap
Definition:
1. transitive verb hit somebody with open hand: to hit somebody or something with an open hand or flat object
slapping definition - Dictionary - MSN Encarta[/COLOR]
You do not consider spanking as child abuse but correct their behavior when the parents beat/hit their child and causes bodily injury with their hand? Right?
The parents may have loved their children but they still beat and hit them. This is a fact.
I fail to understand why hurt a child is acceptable but hurt a spouse (for example) isn't. Why do parents have a right to hurt their children? As adults, if anyone hits us, then is an assault. Why have the people allows to hurt small children? Yes, the children deserve more protection from physical assault than adults do, not less!!!!
My point was that your experience of being spanked as a child led you to believe that it's OK to hit a child. This is a fact.
I have no doubt.
Oh I see, that the links, I provided are being ignored and denied...
Just attacked you? Huh? See yourself what you are saying here? wow... You denied to defend yourself that you criticized my post for Cheri, not debate with agree to disagree.
Your post show that you don´t want to admit that you did a favoristim and criticized (attacked) my post to defend Cheri.
I often admit when I realized that I made mistakes but you? wow!
*shake my head*
GarnetTigerMom
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Some people say that spanking is child abuse. Other people say that spanking is necessary. My parents spanked me and I turned out okay. Whether or not to spank their child is a tough call many new parents face when their angelic babies turn into limits-testing toddlers. While some parents don't see a problem with giving their little ones a pat or smack on the bottom, others think spanking should be avoided.
Discipline literally means to teach or instruct; usually referring to helping children learn self-direction and self-control. When parents speak of discipline, however, they often mean punishment — corporal punishment. More than 90 percent of parents report that they spank their children at least occasionally. Most parents were spanked when they were children. Spanking is often used to stop an undesirable behavior and hopefully to change future behavior.
Most studies have concluded that spanking, even when initially successful, decreases in effectiveness with subsequent use. It becomes less effective as children get older. Dealing with tantrums can feel bad, for everyone involved. Misbehavior in a public place is tough. Parenting with wisdom and control during such a time is tougher. Responding in a healthy way turns the situation around and takes us to a place where we feel like we did the right thing - and that really does feel good.
Everybody have different perspective on the spanking controversy, Spanking is not only potentially harmful to both parent and child, they say, but it also just doesn't work. While hitting provides a short-term fix, it creates long-term problems. Children who are spanked, these experts argue, are more likely to be aggressive, become withdrawn, or have behavior problems when they go to school. Repeatedly hitting a child with the intent of causing pain sounds like abuse to me. Hitting a child with belts or paddles could easily turn into abuse.
Discipline literally means to teach or instruct; usually referring to helping children learn self-direction and self-control. When parents speak of discipline, however, they often mean punishment — corporal punishment. More than 90 percent of parents report that they spank their children at least occasionally. Most parents were spanked when they were children. Spanking is often used to stop an undesirable behavior and hopefully to change future behavior.
Most studies have concluded that spanking, even when initially successful, decreases in effectiveness with subsequent use. It becomes less effective as children get older. Dealing with tantrums can feel bad, for everyone involved. Misbehavior in a public place is tough. Parenting with wisdom and control during such a time is tougher. Responding in a healthy way turns the situation around and takes us to a place where we feel like we did the right thing - and that really does feel good.
Everybody have different perspective on the spanking controversy, Spanking is not only potentially harmful to both parent and child, they say, but it also just doesn't work. While hitting provides a short-term fix, it creates long-term problems. Children who are spanked, these experts argue, are more likely to be aggressive, become withdrawn, or have behavior problems when they go to school. Repeatedly hitting a child with the intent of causing pain sounds like abuse to me. Hitting a child with belts or paddles could easily turn into abuse.
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Interesting link
10 REASONS NOT TO HIT YOUR CHILD
SPANKING
CNN - Study: Spanking kids leads to long-term bad behavior - August 14, 1997
Is your child at risk of smoking? - FamilyEducation.com
10 REASONS NOT TO HIT YOUR CHILD
SPANKING
CNN - Study: Spanking kids leads to long-term bad behavior - August 14, 1997
Is your child at risk of smoking? - FamilyEducation.com
You lists does not even match to some of us because we did not say we only uses the spanking method to discipline our children, we uses other methods of disciplines too. This link is only for those who commonly spanks their children on a daily basis.
Tousi
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The above seems to be the reason (PLUS your own parents treatment of you) for your opinion today. If your son didn't have that behavior and your parents didn't do what you said, I suppose you would have an opinion the same as most of us here, I'm assuming.......
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I'm not "fingerpointing" anyone. To "fingerpoint" means to accuse someone of wrongdoing. I made no accusations because there was no wrongdoing by ADers.You fingerpointed ADers as an example, not me. I only pointed out about children in general and my own experience and also links, not use ADers as an example.
Wrong.
I'm sorry that you can't grasp the concept of a parent using a spanking for disciplining a disobedient child. Like Tousi stated, our pasts can influence our viewpoints. If you had negative experiences with corporal punishment or even experienced physical abuse, then that could be coloring your viewpoint of spanking. But for those of us who don't have those kind of negative past experiences, we don't see spanking as abuse when done properly.
If you believe that parents never have the right to "hurt" their children then that would eliminate all kinds of discipline because it could "hurt" children's feelings. Some children cry when put in "time out", or when their favorite toy is taken away, or when they are put on restriction. Their emotional pain and their tears are real. Is that abuse? Some people might say so.
If the government and/or psychologist told you that restricting any of your child's attitudes or behaviors was "abusive" would you quit just because they said so? Or, do you as a parent believe you know your child better than the "authorities" do?
OK. All of my experiences were positive, so my viewpoint about spanking is positive. If your experience was negative, it's possible that your viewpoint is also negative. That's understandable. So, I have never told you that your form of discipline was wrong, have I? I've never criticized the way you discipline your sons, have I? I've never said that you should spank them, have I? No. Because I believe you raise your sons the way that is best for them. So, I expect you wouldn't criticize my way of child discipline either. That's fair, right?
How so? I read them and responded. Don't you see the red quote box?
Do you proofread what you post?
I can't believe you're still whining about that. I'd be dead by now if I fretted over every time someone posted a criticism of my posts or "favored" another poster. What's wrong? Am I not allowed to support other ADer's posts?
Is it "forbidden"? Ach!
Maybe Alex should get rid of the
smilie--it might convey favoritism.OK, you get a gold star.
Apparently you've missed my many "oops" posts. No big deal.
So, which mistake did I overlook that I need to admit to?
Maybe I need a spanking.
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Before I had ADD son, I born and raised in England and thought that spanking on children´s butt is okay, not like what and how my parents treated me because nobody positive parental´s discipline etc in England. I do not copied my parents´s negative discipline because I felt what they did is not right. If I still live in England and would of beleive that spanking as a form of discipline. I married and move to live Germany and realized how difference mentaliy between German and British children´s behavior and also social skills as well. We watch what and how my friends raised their children which total different as in England.
I was pregnant with my first child. My friends recommended me to attend parental conference and meet parents at family club. I did because I am open mind and want to know and want to develop my child to be loving and happy child.
I spanked my son´s butt........ (see my story in previous posts) - had problem with him... the reason is because my son had an ADD. A child physican send my son to therapy to correct his behavior, that´s how I received a lot of tips from them and began to study/focus in psyschology for 14 years since I learn that my son had ADD because I find it very interesting. I would say study/focus in psyschology is my hobby... and accept the fact that spanking doesn´t belong form of discipline but punishment.
You know that the parents including me often make mistakes when they thought the best for their child. That´s why we have parental conference because we are interesting to know how to develop our children into respect and loving and happy. Without share the tips, parental conference, family meeting, etc then I would of have problem to get respect from my children like what I withnessed my sister´s children. She received a lot of problem and stress with her children for their disrespectful behavior which total different as my boys.
I quitted spanked and positive my oldest son´s behavior since I took therapy´s tips and never spank my younger son. I can see the difference between oldest and young boys.
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Why do you use ADers as an example then?
Good
We are here to debate with agree to disagree since the thread creator asked us for our opinion, isn´t he?
I can agree to disagree without judge them here. All what I said is their view as same as I have my own view.
No, it has nothing do with this because I know myself how difference right or wrong. I know my parent´s negative discipline is not right and thought that just spanking on butt is okay and belongs form of discipline when I was in England. I would still thought the same when I still live in England. See my post toward Tousi.
No, time out or ground is not the same thing as spanking with hand.
Time out or ground hurts children´s feeling is normal because they don´t like it but spanking do not hurt children´s feeling but affect their good esteem, phyiscally, emotional, mentally. This is a difference.
I thank them for positive my son´s behavior and learn the tips from them because I want to help my son. Its about my son, not me. Without them, what will my son become when I thought spanking is okay? I realized that spanking is not okay and use positive disciplnie without spank to develop my son is right. It works pretty good... My both sons can talk anything to me without fear.. not like my sister´s children. I am open mind and like to collect many tips from them and also my friends as well. My friends, co-workers & I shares our tips/advices how to help our children. Its about our children, not us. We consider the parents as selfish for say that "Don´t tell me how to raise my child" because they think about themselves and think they are right and think they know their children better, not think how to help their children when they reconized their children have the problem or don´t want to see it. It´s common like that in England and children´s misbehavior goes worst in England as well. Yes, the parents often make mistakes when they thought the best for their children and look how kind of behavior their children are. Example: My Dad yelled at my adult nephew when he was about open the fridge to get a milk. It make my nephew blow his head. (keep your mind, he had ODD behavior.) I told Dad to calm down and please talk to my nephew normal and explain why he can´t have milk then my nephew´s reaction would be different... It took my brother and me long to calm our nephew down.
Okay you have your view as the same as I have my own view as well. It doesn´t mean that I disagree with you because you beleive what you think it´s right. I respect you for that.
Yes My experience was negative but it doesn´t mean that my viewpoint is also negative. I know from my experience because I study/focus for over 14 years and collect tips, advices, etc. parental meeting, school meeting, parental conference... etc since I was informed that my son had ADD. All what they said the same as what the websites said. I agree that spanking do not belong form of discipline but punishment. I choose to agree with them and thank to my open mind and good listen because I want to help my son to develop his positive ADD behavior and study/focus on children´s behavior to learn why and where their behavior comes from. With my younger son, I do not have any problem. Thanks to my work hard without spanking, when I look at my both boys. My soon to be 15 years old son´s ADD behavior doesn´t show anymore for long time now... They are good teenagers.
We debated with agree to disagree without criticized or judge anyone here which is good education for all of us? I showed my respect when they beleive firm that spanking belongs form of discipline and show their links to me when I doesn´t as the same they show respect on my view over spanking and my links. So?
How so? I read them and responded. Don't you see the red quote box?
Do you proofread what you post?
I can't believe you're still whining about that. I'd be dead by now if I fretted over every time someone posted a criticism of my posts or "favored" another poster. What's wrong? Am I not allowed to support other ADer's posts?
Is it "forbidden"? Ach!
Maybe Alex should get rid of the
OK, you get a gold star.
Apparently you've missed my many "oops" posts. No big deal.
So, which mistake did I overlook that I need to admit to?
Maybe I need a spanking.
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If the parents just spank their children for everything and dont show them love, guidance, or attention, then it would be abuse. If spanking was used once in a while for serious or dangerous behaviors by the children but the parents constantly shower their children with attention, love, affection, and guidance, then it is not abuse . That's my opinion.
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But you said in previous post that spanking is a reasonable disciplinary.
I do not see any links, I provided that it's for daily basis only but spanking as a negative form of discipline to correct children's behavior. It could be that I overlook it?
Could you please paste part where it written that it's for daily basis only because I didn't find it?
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correct my grammar and add something.
Correction:
Okay, this is your POV as the same I have my own POV as well. It doesn't mean that you are wrong when I disagree with you for beleive spanking is a positive. I respect you for that.
Liebling's previous posts is remain but I would like to add something to:
I am total surprised that you think my POV is a negative. Those links support my positive POV about spanking issues. Anyway I disagree with you on this. The people's experiences were also negatives, too but they beleive in spanking as a positive form of discipline and also consequences
See yourself
UNICEF ranks well-being of British, U.S. children last in industrialized world - USATODAY.com
See thick bond mean is I add it.
Yes My experience was negative but it doesn´t mean that my viewpoint is also negative because I know what positive and negative. I know from my experience because I study/focus for over 14 years and collect tips, advices, etc. parental meeting, school meeting, parental conference... etc since I was informed that my son had ADD. All what they said the same as what the websites said about spanking as a negative discipline to expose children. I agree that spanking do not belong form of discipline but punishment and negative consequences . I choose to agree with them and thank to my open mind and good listen because I want to help my son to develop his positive ADD behavior and study/focus on children´s behavior to learn why and where their behavior comes from. With my younger son, I do not have any problem. Thanks to my work hard without spanking, when I look at my both boys. My soon to be 15 years old son´s ADD behavior doesn´t show anymore for long time now... They are good teenagers.
Correction:
Okay, this is your POV as the same I have my own POV as well. It doesn't mean that you are wrong when I disagree with you for beleive spanking is a positive. I respect you for that.
Liebling's previous posts is remain but I would like to add something to:
I am total surprised that you think my POV is a negative. Those links support my positive POV about spanking issues. Anyway I disagree with you on this. The people's experiences were also negatives, too but they beleive in spanking as a positive form of discipline and also consequences
See yourself
UNICEF ranks well-being of British, U.S. children last in industrialized world - USATODAY.com
See thick bond mean is I add it.
Yes My experience was negative but it doesn´t mean that my viewpoint is also negative because I know what positive and negative. I know from my experience because I study/focus for over 14 years and collect tips, advices, etc. parental meeting, school meeting, parental conference... etc since I was informed that my son had ADD. All what they said the same as what the websites said about spanking as a negative discipline to expose children. I agree that spanking do not belong form of discipline but punishment and negative consequences . I choose to agree with them and thank to my open mind and good listen because I want to help my son to develop his positive ADD behavior and study/focus on children´s behavior to learn why and where their behavior comes from. With my younger son, I do not have any problem. Thanks to my work hard without spanking, when I look at my both boys. My soon to be 15 years old son´s ADD behavior doesn´t show anymore for long time now... They are good teenagers.
Last edited:
Yes it's a reasonable discipline, if a child did something so wrong, or if you repeated to your child to stop and does not listen, spanking can be an option.
I wrote daily basis in my own words because I read the whole link, and I see a line that got my attention.
Many parents occasionally hit their kids when they are frightened(the child has done something dangerous), or from sheer stress, frustration, or fear of having no other options.
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You have a negative view of spanking. That's all it means.
Spanking was not discussed in the linked story.
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Brother_Trucker
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When I was little boy, I was a troublemaker (good memories hehe) anyway, when I got mad at my 2 brother when they teasing me I used to fight with my brothers. My dad told my brothers and me to stop fighting. I didn't listen to my dad. My dad got mad and took me to the garage. My dad told me to sit down.... he said " Do you know where you came from?" I told him where I was born in name of city. My dad said " No, you are from my balls and you listen what I said once, not few times!" he slapped my ass hard enough I obey him after what he said to me.... today I'm thankful my dad taught me to be a good man. Today kids in high school is completely diffrent than my high school years. Punk, gothic, gangs, many stupid kids gets involves in gang such as straight edge, juggalo, and diffrent names
Do you know why those kids won't listen to parent anymore because the school been preaching the kids that parent CAN'T spank and whatnot.... now my question is how the fuck can I discipline my kid??
Do you know why those kids won't listen to parent anymore because the school been preaching the kids that parent CAN'T spank and whatnot.... now my question is how the fuck can I discipline my kid??