Dear Friends,
I have been thinking about sharing some thoughts and explaining some things with all of you. At times, I was against the idea of sharing because I know how critical a lot of you have been of me and my way of life. But I have decided to go ahead and share because it will give you more insights and explain some things about me and then you can understand a bit more of why I believe in the things that I believe in.
As I said before, I am a first generation American. I have a younger sister and when we entered school we did not know a single word of English. Both of my parents had a good command of English but they felt that they should each teach us their native language and that the schools would teach us English. It was easier for me to learn English then it was for my sister. She had to repeat kindergarten. My mother was a teacher in Mexico. Although she had some college education she did not graduate. My father finished high school back in Hungary. My parents were very dedicated to us. My parents worked hard and were able to live the American dream. My father before he passed away would sit with us everyday and help us with our homework. He did not work the last 3 years of his life so his sole purpose was taking care of my sister and me. My father passed away when I was 9 years old. It was hard for my mother because she was a single parent in a country where she did not have any family members close by.
I haven’t wanted to admit this to you and I don’t admit it to a lot of people but you have been right, my writing skills are not good. I speak perfect English and almost perfect Spanish but when it comes down to my writing skills, they are not where most people who have a master’s degree are. I have to put a lot of focus on it and even focusing at times it is still very hard. I am so passionate about the topics we talk about here that I have not put the focus I would need to in order for my English to be at the standard it should be at. When I am posting things I am trying to get my thoughts across in a fast manner. Jillo has made fun of me using the wrong word. She is right I do use the wrong word at times. It is hard for me to sometimes think of the right word to say. I have several languages going on in my head. I usually get it right but I have been known to use the wrong word. Most of the time people are patient with me but on this site since I go against what most people think they sort to making fun of my skills. It is OK, if it makes you feel better to make fun of me more power to you. It is not going to change who I am, what I stand for, and what I do for a living.
It seems unfair to me that several people on this site criticize my English skills although I have noticed many other members including educators, their skills are also not where they should be. I wonder why I am being held to a higher standard, is it because I am an educator or an oralist. I strongly believe it is because I do not believe in some of the members’ philosophy. If I believed in your philosophy, I know you would not criticize my grammar skills. The times that you most criticize me is when you are wrong and instead of focusing on the issue you focus on my weak grammar skills. I think over 99% of the time you know what I am trying to say and I am not writing for my supervisors, students’ parents, or college professors so why should I focus and spend so much time on editing when I have seen almost everyone else on this site make grammar errors. Even if my grammar skills were good most of you would find some other reason to criticize me or make fun of me. It just seems unfair to me but maybe it makes you feel better that my grammar skills are not good. Maybe you think that proves your point. I do apologize for my weak grammar skills. I know that at times I get words mix up and what I am trying to say sometimes gets confused or when I use the wrong word it changes the meaning completely.
I do have the capacity of writing English in the correct form it just takes me a lot longer to get it in that format. I have to first write it, edit it then I have to leave it alone for awhile and go back and edit it. Honestly, it is not worth my time to go through this process because my time is limited and I know you will find some other reason to criticized me. In college, I did very well but my hardest class was college composition. I received my only C in that class and it was the class that I worked the hardest in. I love to read and read all the time so any class that the tests were based on readings, I received A’s. I also did overall well in short essays. It just when there were papers that I had to write it took more effort. For my Master’s project I work on it for 6 months. It was a lot of work but I did get an A on it. As you know there are many state tests that teachers have to take, I have taken them all and passed them on the first time. I know of many teachers that struggle with these tests but they are still amazing, caring, and wonderful teachers. We are all humans and make mistakes.
I know how you are thinking and you might just say that a teacher shouldn’t be teaching if they have my type of grammar skills. The only reason you are thinking this is because I am an oral teacher of the deaf, if I was a signing teacher and believed in your philosophy you wouldn’t be saying this. When I am writing a report or an IEP, my emotions are not as involved as they are when I am posting something on all deaf. When my emotions and beliefs are involved my grammars skills suffer even more. And if you truly are concern about my grammar skills don’t worry I teach preschool so I am not teaching grammar skills. I personally would never put myself in a position of teaching English/grammar skills to students because I know that is not my strength and I am not doing a service to those students. I have also always told my supervisors that my grammar skills are weak. My grammar skills have never been an issued in securing a contract. Since I do speak Spanish fluently my supervisor love having me on staff, being able to speak Spanish is such an amazing skill to have in southern California.
I have also been criticized about saying that someone needs to be in the home that speaks English if a child is to get an implant and they reside in the United States. From personal experience, I know how hard it is to learn English later on in life. I know you have your research papers but you can find a research paper to support almost any point of view. What I am talking about is personal experience both from a standpoint of learning English as a 2nd language and from raising 2 implanted oral deaf teenagers. Someone needs to be at home supporting the child with the language being taught at school. I was lucky my parents both spoke fluent English so when we came home with homework they were able to help us. And even with this help it was still very hard. How do you think a child with an implant is going to succeed with oral language if there is no one in the home to help support the child? Also this is where most of you have no personal experience in those beginning years of getting implant. Yes, you have your research papers but do you have the personal experience to know what needs to be in place in the beginning when the child is just implanted. I am not saying someone has to be fluent, I am just saying someone has to be willing to learn English with that child who has an implant. Yes, children with an implant can acquire language naturally but they have to have direct instruction also. It is a combination of things. I can understand where Jillo has to deal with college age kids that haven’t had much success with the implant or Shel, who has to deal with the kids that transfer from other programs, it is hard for them. The difference is I get to work with children as soon as they get implanted. I know what needs to be in place if a child is to have as much success as possible with the implant.
I have also been criticized for not exposing my children to the Deaf culture, more. I honestly could care less if you think I need to do more. We do what we feel comfortable with. We are not doing this to please anyone. Honestly, people like Jillo are the reasons why I am careful to what type of people in the Deaf culture I expose my children. I do what feels comfortable to me and my children.
What I ask of you instead of focusing on my bad grammar skills focus on what I am saying. I can assure you that I will try to focus more on my grammar but at times mistakes will happen especially when you are criticizing me or when I do not have the time to edit.
I also owe a big apology to Tousi. I was embarrassed. I did not want to admit my weakness because so many of you had already criticized me so much. I do think it was wrong and weak of Tousi to wait until he/she thought I was off the site to make the comments about my grammar skills. I am sorry to Tousi and to all of you for saying it was an experiment. It was not. It was me trying to hide my weakness.
