Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list!

[Aimra]

Also would you find it distracting or rude if a hearing person uses some sign language while speaking to you. I am learning ASL but I am just starting so am far from fluent. In order to get better I practice but was wondering if in a conversation it was ok to use the limited signs I know or if that would confuse or annoy you.

I wonder about this too, Kris. I know I mentioned this before but it makes me nervous because I know so little. But I want to learn more so badly!

I do my best to sign whatever I say when I am with deaf people but sometimes I just don't know the word and my fingerspelling is still slow!

I always try to explain, upfront, that I am an ASL student and I don't know very much yet. I also figured out how to sign "please slow down" very early on! lol. My eyes are still slow to recognize signs and sometimes I get lost!

 

[Aimra]

Also guess what?! The childrens librarian in Sheridan Oregon
has asked me to teach a Baby Sign Class! Moms will be
there and I will be signing short childrens story books as well!
Any suggestions????!!!! The class will be one time a week
for five weeks. How many signs should I give to learn?
Which are the most important? All input welcome.

This seems like some really good questions, but I think it would probably be best to start a new thread for that topic.

 

[jillio]

My experience is that in SOME hearing cultures, it's rude to point. Hispanic and some Asian cultures seem to have the biggest problems with it. One of my best friends is from the Philippines, and she told me that instead of pointing with their fingers, they point with their lips! It's a bit difficult to describe, but now that she's said it, I see it happen a lot. They'll purse their lips towards the person they'd otherwise be pointing to, inclining their neck in that person's direction, as well.

I never used to give it much thought, until she told me that. Now that I'm learing ASL, it complicates things, due to ASL indexing, etc.

There is an island culture that points with their chin. I forget off the top of my head which one it is, though.

 

[shel90]

Another big issue is do not take over a situation that the deaf person is handling. This happened to me yesterday at my son's birthday party. My friend had to go so she left her kids with me at the party and her son was running in my in law's basement when he rammed his head in a nail (a small one) and cut it. He was bleeding out a lot so when he came up to the kitchen where I was I immediately took him in the bathroom. Once I got in there, my mother in law and husband came in and they were talking over each other and they took over. I was like "I got it...I will take care of him." They didnt hear or didnt listen to me cuz they were too busy talking to the others in the living room giving orders. So I screamed "I was fine taking care of him so get out of here!!" My husband said "There is no need to scream." but his mom wouldnt let me take care of MY friend's son whom I AM responsible for. I was soo pissed so I took all the kids, my daughter, son, and my friend's two kids home immediately without saying bye.

If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate.

Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene.

My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night.

 

[deafskeptic]

Another big issue is do not take over a situation that the deaf person is handling. This happened to me yesterday at my son's birthday party. My friend had to go so she left her kids with me at the party and her son was running in my in law's basement when he rammed his head in a nail (a small one) and cut it. He was bleeding out a lot so when he came up to the kitchen where I was I immediately took him in the bathroom. Once I got in there, my mother in law and husband came in and they were talking over each other and they took over. I was like "I got it...I will take care of him." They didnt hear or didnt listen to me cuz they were too busy talking to the others in the living room giving orders. So I screamed "I was fine taking care of him so get out of here!!" My husband said "There is no need to scream." but his mom wouldnt let me take care of MY friend's son whom I AM responsible for. I was soo pissed so I took all the kids, my daughter, son, and my friend's two kids home immediately without saying bye.

If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate.

Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene.

My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night.

:roll: I just bet they'll think you just threw a fit or something like that.

 

[shel90]

:roll: I just bet they'll think you just threw a fit or something like that.

If they think that, let them. I really do not care what they think but I am going to talk with both of them about it and not to do it again. If they dont like it, too bad for them.

 

[Kaitin]

If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate.

AGREE!

We had a party in our apartment in August. My (hearing) male roommate cut his hand with the kitchen knife. He bled so much all over. Everyone ran around, panicing about blood. I don't worry about blood, watched operations with my dad, and know First Aid. I tried to say "Don't panic. Put pressure on and hand above the heart." But everyone ignored me. Finally I grabbed his hand and took over. He saw I was calm and not worried - then he was calm and told everyone to go away. They listened to him, but not me. I was happy to help, but so frustrated that everyone didn't know First Aid and ignored me. (He went to the ER for stiches and is fine.)

Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene.

My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night.

I hope your husband understands. DeafSkeptic probably is right - they think you throw a fit. :roll: Why think deaf/HoH can't help? After your talk I hope your husband knows that you have knowledge and are responsible and needed "to scream" because they ignored you and not for a fit or nerves.

 

[shel90]

AGREE!

We had a party in our apartment in August. My (hearing) male roommate cut his hand with the kitchen knife. He bled so much all over. Everyone ran around, panicing about blood. I don't worry about blood, watched operations with my dad, and know First Aid. I tried to say "Don't panic. Put pressure on and hand above the heart." But everyone ignored me. Finally I grabbed his hand and took over. He saw I was calm and not worried - then he was calm and told everyone to go away. They listened to him, but not me. I was happy to help, but so frustrated that everyone didn't know First Aid and ignored me. (He went to the ER for stiches and is fine.)




I hope your husband understands. DeafSkeptic probably is right - they think you throw a fit. :roll: Why think deaf/HoH can't help? After your talk I hope your husband knows that you have knowledge and are responsible and needed "to scream" because they ignored you and not for a fit or nerves.

My husband knows better not to do something like that. When he is around his mom, he is a little different. Had that happened at my house, he would have helped me instead of taking over. That is something I will need to address too but the point is his family has no clue about my deaf needs. There is another example at the party yesterday. My friend (before she left) and I were chatting in the kitchen and it started to get dark outside in which made it hard for us to see each other so I turned the lights on. My father in law yelled at me about turning the lights on...I told him that I needed it to be able to see. He was like "What do u need to see for?" I said "For communication." He still didnt get it and was bitching about the lights..I ignored him and just continued with my conversation with my friend. They have so much to learn..wow. His mom also expressed that I never call her..well when I do, she says "yes" "no" cuz she is nervous about talking to the relay so I told her that it is better to chat in person. Yet, she brings up about me not calling her...oh boy.

 

[jillio]

This is what makes me nervous! I don't know many signs and I feel embarrassed to talk to many deaf people because I think they'll be very annoyed with me or be offended.

Its been my experience, Aima, that deaf signers are neither annoyed nor offended if you are truly making an attempt to communicate with them in their language. Quite the opposite, they are very patient and will go out of their way to help you learn and correct your mistakes. No need to be nervous.

 

[Kaitin]

My husband knows better not to do something like that. When he is around his mom, he is a little different. Had that happened at my house, he would have helped me instead of taking over. That is something I will need to address too but the point is his family has no clue about my deaf needs. There is another example at the party yesterday. My friend (before she left) and I were chatting in the kitchen and it started to get dark outside in which made it hard for us to see each other so I turned the lights on. My father in law yelled at me about turning the lights on...I told him that I needed it to be able to see. He was like "What do u need to see for?" I said "For communication." He still didnt get it and was bitching about the lights..I ignored him and just continued with my conversation with my friend. They have so much to learn..wow. His mom also expressed that I never call her..well when I do, she says "yes" "no" cuz she is nervous about talking to the relay so I told her that it is better to chat in person. Yet, she brings up about me not calling her...oh boy.

:jaw:

Wow. They need education. I hope your husband understands and then teaches his parents.

 

[shel90]

:jaw:

Wow. They need education. I hope your husband understands and then teaches his parents.

My husband understands my deaf needs just fine..he yelled at his dad about the lights and his dad stopped. I dont let them get to me cuz they are not really educated about a lot of things in life anyway. Important I have my deaf friends and job for a healthy balance. If I was in that kind of environment 24/7, I wouldnt enjoy life much.

 

[jillio]

Another big issue is do not take over a situation that the deaf person is handling. This happened to me yesterday at my son's birthday party. My friend had to go so she left her kids with me at the party and her son was running in my in law's basement when he rammed his head in a nail (a small one) and cut it. He was bleeding out a lot so when he came up to the kitchen where I was I immediately took him in the bathroom. Once I got in there, my mother in law and husband came in and they were talking over each other and they took over. I was like "I got it...I will take care of him." They didnt hear or didnt listen to me cuz they were too busy talking to the others in the living room giving orders. So I screamed "I was fine taking care of him so get out of here!!" My husband said "There is no need to scream." but his mom wouldnt let me take care of MY friend's son whom I AM responsible for. I was soo pissed so I took all the kids, my daughter, son, and my friend's two kids home immediately without saying bye.

If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate.

Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene.

My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night.

Since you have 2 children of your own, I'm sure you already knew that head cuts, even very small ones, always bleed alot. So you did what you should have done....took him into the bathroom and cleaned him up to see how bad the cut really was. Your hubby and your mom-in-law not only insulted you, but by their noisy intrusion and taking over, they probably upset a kid that was already upset by being hurt even more. They were both out of line. You are a teacher, for god's sake...you are responsible for other people's children 5 days a week. And I'm sure if your friend didn't trust you to take care of her chidlren, she would not have left them with you!

I'm sorry that the situation had to interfere with your son's birthday party. That is a shame. If they had just let you get your friend's son cleaned up, and kissed the boo-boo, he most likely would have been right back downstairs playing with the other kids in 10 or 15 minutes, and the whole crisis would have been over and forgotten.

I hope you can get them to understand exactly how innappropriate their behavior was.

 

[jillio]

My husband knows better not to do something like that. When he is around his mom, he is a little different. Had that happened at my house, he would have helped me instead of taking over. That is something I will need to address too but the point is his family has no clue about my deaf needs. There is another example at the party yesterday. My friend (before she left) and I were chatting in the kitchen and it started to get dark outside in which made it hard for us to see each other so I turned the lights on. My father in law yelled at me about turning the lights on...I told him that I needed it to be able to see. He was like "What do u need to see for?" I said "For communication." He still didnt get it and was bitching about the lights..I ignored him and just continued with my conversation with my friend. They have so much to learn..wow. His mom also expressed that I never call her..well when I do, she says "yes" "no" cuz she is nervous about talking to the relay so I told her that it is better to chat in person. Yet, she brings up about me not calling her...oh boy.

Me thinks hubby needs to sit down with mom and dad and give them a wake up call.

 

[shel90]

Since you have 2 children of your own, I'm sure you already knew that head cuts, even very small ones, always bleed alot. So you did what you should have done....took him into the bathroom and cleaned him up to see how bad the cut really was. Your hubby and your mom-in-law not only insulted you, but by their noisy intrusion and taking over, they probably upset a kid that was already upset by being hurt even more. They were both out of line. You are a teacher, for god's sake...you are responsible for other people's children 5 days a week. And I'm sure if your friend didn't trust you to take care of her chidlren, she would not have left them with you!

I'm sorry that the situation had to interfere with your son's birthday party. That is a shame. If they had just let you get your friend's son cleaned up, and kissed the boo-boo, he most likely would have been right back downstairs playing with the other kids in 10 or 15 minutes, and the whole crisis would have been over and forgotten.

I hope you can get them to understand exactly how innappropriate their behavior was.

Yea, that is why I am not too crazy about going over to his parents' house. They are not willing to learn about my deaf needs. My son signs to them and they keep sayign that signing is interfering with his ability to talk and keep asking us when will he start talking. I said "NEVER!!!!" hahahahaha..They are nice people but VERY IGNORANT about a lot of things in general.

 

[jillio]

Yea, that is why I am not too crazy about going over to his parents' house. They are not willing to learn about my deaf needs. My son signs to them and they keep sayign that signing is interfering with his ability to talk and keep asking us when will he start talking. I said "NEVER!!!!" hahahahaha..They are nice people but VERY IGNORANT about a lot of things in general.

That has got to be frustrating for you! Next time they ask you when Nathan is going to talk, ask them, "When are you going to listen?" He is talking.....they jsut don't understand what he is saying!

 

[shel90]

That has got to be frustrating for you! Next time they ask you when Nathan is going to talk, ask them, "When are you going to listen?" He is talking.....they jsut don't understand what he is saying!

Good one..LOL! It doesnt frustrate me cuz I know that he will be fine but it frustrates them and if they want to make it their problem, they can but I wont make it my problem. I got other problems to worry about like the water leaking thru the foundation walls in my basement. Now, that is a problem I have to worry about first! GRRRR

 

[jillio]

Good one..LOL! It doesnt frustrate me cuz I know that he will be fine but it frustrates them and if they want to make it their problem, they can but I wont make it my problem. I got other problems to worry about like the water leaking thru the foundation walls in my basement. Now, that is a problem I have to worry about first! GRRRR

Exactly! If they can't understand him, then they need to do something so they can. Like maybe learn a little sign, duh! Wow....you ahve got a lot of things to deal with lately! Hang in there, girl!

 

[Aimra]

Its been my experience, Aima, that deaf signers are neither annoyed nor offended if you are truly making an attempt to communicate with them in their language. Quite the opposite, they are very patient and will go out of their way to help you learn and correct your mistakes. No need to be nervous.

Jillio. I've been trying to get up my nerves to go to a local deaf church. They have a community ASL night every Friday. I think maybe I'll try to go this week or next week!

I just need to practice signing things like "slow down please" or "I don't know a lot"!

 

[jillio]

Jillio. I've been trying to get up my nerves to go to a local deaf church. They have a community ASL night every Friday. I think maybe I'll try to go this week or next week!

I just need to practice signing things like "slow down please" or "I don't know a lot"!

Sorry, don't understand. Again, please. All those were very helpful phrases when I was learning!

 

[VanG]

One time, somebody grab something sharp object and threw at my table when I was working with poor dog. It startled me and that dog. That person said I was trying to get your attention so what do you like to eat for lunch. I was like What the heck!!!! I reported to Dr. J and explained to her about my deaf cultures. She doesn't accept that person throwing object at people. She added the policy that it is not acceptable to throw object at person while on clock. If someone did that, will take it into written up. I am glad Dr. J respected Deaf culture anyway.

DO NOT: Throw sharp object at person.

DO: go to that person and get attention.