Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list!

shel90 said:
Good one..LOL! It doesnt frustrate me cuz I know that he will be fine but it frustrates them and if they want to make it their problem, they can but I wont make it my problem. I got other problems to worry about like the water leaking thru the foundation walls in my basement. Now, that is a problem I have to worry about first! GRRRR
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Couldn't help noticing the issue about the basement walls; since you guys "recently" purchased this house, look into what buyer's warranty came with the house. In the meantime, what are you doing about this seepage?

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming....
 
Hmm, there's one comment that annoy me a lot coming from hearing people.

It's "I have always wanted to learn sign language."

I was like "Huh? Why tell me? Just go and do it." (Of course I did not tell them that, I just nod and ignore that comment afterward.)

They have not realized that I have heard that comment so many time before...it's annoying since 80-90% of them are not being serious about it. They say it but it does not mean they will do it.

I also find that comment weird since so many Americans have never met deaf person, and yet they acted like they always wanted to learn sign language like it's something they wanted to learn their whole life.
 
Tousi said:
Couldn't help noticing the issue about the basement walls; since you guys "recently" purchased this house, look into what buyer's warranty came with the house. In the meantime, what are you doing about this seepage?

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming....
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Yes, we bought a warranty..ok I will look into it! Thanks..been a busy weekend. My husband and I havent had the chance to discuss what we are going to do cuz we have been so busy. It has stopped raining so the leaks have stopped. I spent the day drying the basement out..it is fine now. It is unfinished so that's a good thing!
 
My son signs to them and they keep sayign that signing is interfering with his ability to talk and keep asking us when will he start talking.

My relatives thought it was cool that I was teaching my kids sign
language but always worried that it would delay their speech.

1. no it does not. If anything it improves their speech!

2 AND with all the noise hearing kids make anyway, why
wouldnt you want them to sign instead of yaking all the time?
Geeeez! Of course this is a comment comming from someone
with 7 kids :giggle: I like the quiet

Shel, here is my experiance, whenever I tried to relate my
opinion to my husbands family about any issue, they would
always discount it. BUT when ever an issue came up, if I
had any type of written material about it they would read
it and go over it and discuss it later. Just a weird thing about
my family. 6 years ago I told my nephew that his newborn
son had food alergies and it was probably gluten. I gave
my reasons for this diagnoses and they just blew me off.
a year ago I gave them supporting documentation and they
took off with the information and his health problems
cleared up. I told them what the problem was 6 years ago
and six years he suffered with broken skin and skin infections
and awful stuff. Tottally unnecessary. Grrrrrrrr. I don't expect
people to just take my word, but as a parent you own your
child to search out and do everything you can for them. Why
do people get so lazy and not learn anything new?
 
Cheri said:
I don't like it when someone throws an object at me to get my attention, that's rude and disrespectful. If someone trying to get my attention, it's more polite and respectful to come up and tab me on the shoulder.

I don't mind if anyone flick the lights to get my attention or stomp their feet.

I do not like when someone yells or shout while communicating with me, It's not gonna make me hear any better.

I don't like door slamming either, It annoys me.
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agree!:ty:
 
Silentwolfdog said:
Hmm, there's one comment that annoy me a lot coming from hearing people.

It's "I have always wanted to learn sign language."

I was like "Huh? Why tell me? Just go and do it." (Of course I did not tell them that, I just nod and ignore that comment afterward.)

They have not realized that I have heard that comment so many time before...it's annoying since 80-90% of them are not being serious about it. They say it but it does not mean they will do it.

I also find that comment weird since so many Americans have never met deaf person, and yet they acted like they always wanted to learn sign language like it's something they wanted to learn their whole life.
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Yes, I agree. That can be a very patronizing comment. Its like telling an Oriental person, "Oh, I just love Chinese food!", or telling a Latino, "I always wanted to learn Spanish!" All they are really doing is looking for a way to appear to be empathetic and understanding, but it comes across as patronizing.
 
Hmm, interesting view, but I disagree a little bit.

I say this kind of thing, but then again, I am a language lover and a food junkie. If I say something like, "I want to learn X" then it's because I do, it's usually a way of saying "Teach me some of the language you speak", and if I say "I love Chinese food", I'm usually hinting at something like "Teach me how to cook wontons". :D

You can't always rub people off under the same bush. There is a chance they are being sincere. A lot of the time they're just hinting, as they might think it seems rude to say 'can you teach me (something)?', although I might just try saying that from now on.

If it's someone who's just saying it to be "nice" though, yes. They deserve a slap. :D

I've learned a lot from this thread, and I can't wait to hear what else people say.
 
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InnocentOdion said:
Hmm, interesting view, but I disagree a little bit.

I say this kind of thing, but then again, I am a language lover and a food junkie. If I say something like, "I want to learn X" then it's because I do, it's usually a way of saying "Teach me some of the language you speak", and if I say "I love Chinese food", I'm usually hinting at something like "Teach me how to cook wontons". :D

You can't always rub people off under the same bush. There is a chance they are being sincere. A lot of the time they're just hinting, as they might think it seems rude to say 'can you teach me (something)?', although I might just try saying that from now on.

If it's someone who's just saying it to be "nice" though, yes. They deserve a slap. :D

I've learned a lot from this thread, and I can't wait to hear what else people say.
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Agreed, not all. But those who are truly interested in learning a new skill will put forth the effort to do so when the opportunity is presented. That is where the weeding out process of those who truly want to learn, and those who are simply patroninzing comes in!:giggle:
 
I had quite a doozy yesterday at work from a FAMILY member of all people. I was sitting at the table waiting for us to be called in to work because Sanitation had not yet finished cleaning and so I had my headphones on and of course at max volume so I could hear it. Then my step-cousin comes and sits down and hears the music then she mouths something to me so I removed my headphones and asked her what she said then she rolled her eyes and said "Nothing - it's no wonder your deaf!"

I was like damn - why do you have to offend me for something I can't change. So I just replied - "We'll no wonder you're such a bitch!" since it was pretty evident her crudeness shown at full force the moment she said what she did. People around me know Im deaf and know why the music is that loud for the one ear that functions somewhat. I dont think people realized that I would stand up for myself in that manner. I just looked to the other girl beside me who had quite a puzzled look on her face and I said "She's family, I can get away with it." and walked off.

And thing was - it wasnt just ignorance - it was plain stupidity. The step-cousin in question KNOWS I am deaf and was born deaf - but she can be incredibly hateful and inconsiderate at times and often blames other people for her problems including me - which I dont worry about.
 
Silentwolfdog said:
Hmm, there's one comment that annoy me a lot coming from hearing people.

It's "I have always wanted to learn sign language."

I was like "Huh? Why tell me? Just go and do it." (Of course I did not tell them that, I just nod and ignore that comment afterward.)

They have not realized that I have heard that comment so many time before...it's annoying since 80-90% of them are not being serious about it. They say it but it does not mean they will do it.

I also find that comment weird since so many Americans have never met deaf person, and yet they acted like they always wanted to learn sign language like it's something they wanted to learn their whole life.
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You should see them at the shopping mall when Snickers and I walk in. Gee, I thought pointing with your finger was rude! Either that or they all had just picked their noses and wanted me to see! :roll: "Gee, a hearing dog? What does she do for you?" I also consider that question patronizing and only respond, "She's my second set of ears." End of discussion and they're not embarrassed by a very nicely put smart ass answer! ;)
 
Dixie said:
I had quite a doozy yesterday at work from a FAMILY member of all people. I was sitting at the table waiting for us to be called in to work because Sanitation had not yet finished cleaning and so I had my headphones on and of course at max volume so I could hear it. Then my step-cousin comes and sits down and hears the music then she mouths something to me so I removed my headphones and asked her what she said then she rolled her eyes and said "Nothing - it's no wonder your deaf!"

I was like damn - why do you have to offend me for something I can't change. So I just replied - "We'll no wonder you're such a bitch!" since it was pretty evident her crudeness shown at full force the moment she said what she did. People around me know Im deaf and know why the music is that loud for the one ear that functions somewhat. I dont think people realized that I would stand up for myself in that manner. I just looked to the other girl beside me who had quite a puzzled look on her face and I said "She's family, I can get away with it." and walked off.

And thing was - it wasnt just ignorance - it was plain stupidity. The step-cousin in question KNOWS I am deaf and was born deaf - but she can be incredibly hateful and inconsiderate at times and often blames other people for her problems including me - which I dont worry about.
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You're my kind of gal, Dixie!:cheers:
 
- this is more of a deaf/HoH sort of thing but I don't like it when, at a presentation of some sort, there is speech and signing but nothing else. Okay, great, thanks for the accommodating gesture but errm what if you don't know sign? I do know quite a bit of ASL but i suck at following sign that's not in a one-on-one conversation about as much as I suck at following speech outside of a one-on-one conversation.

- I really hate it when I'm at the dinner table and everyone is chatting amongst themselves, but they only speak clearly when they have something to say to me, specifically. so I'm just THERE... after a while people start to notice that I haven't been involved in the conversation and will say "so kim, how was your day?" A bit of small talk will ensue but then eventually they'll go back to talking over each other, quickly & unclearly. providing that I'm there, in the room, unless it's something they really don't want me to hear (in which case they usually whisper, anyway), I just kind of wish they'd make the extra effort to articulate properly. it's generally proper etiquette to just speak clearly, anyway.

- I hate being stared at when I'm signing to my other deaf friend in the caf at school or at a restaurant or something

- I don't like it when you've requested someone to speak clearly, take their hand away from their mouth, etc. but they still don't do it. like I have this Request for Accommodation form that all students with disabilities at my school fill out to provide to their instructors. I went over it twice with one of my teachers who still did nothing to change the way he communicates in class. Especially the pacing part, I must have reminded him at least 3 times that I can't follow him when he paces around the class (literally circles around the desks). He even said to me before he started reading this excerpt from a book once, "I may pace, is that okay?" ... was I supposed to say yes?! No, it's not okay, how about you just STOP PACING?

- It sort of bugs me (but I can deal with it) when people assume you need some kind of assistance even though you haven't told them that it's necessary. (ie. person finds out you're deaf and starts signing even though you're a skilled lipreader, or something along those lines.)
 
This is for deafblind people:

Do touch them gently to attract attention.
Do communicate in prefered medium ie Hands on sign language, Deafblind manual, Block capitals etc...
Do talk directly to deafblind person when and where possible.
Do tell a deafblind person when you are leaving as it's not nice to talk to someone and find they arn't actually there any more.

Do not:
Put deafblind person's hand to feel another person. I find it So embarrassing.
Do not insist on trying to speak to a deafblind person once they have made it clear that they cannot communicate via that method.
Do not discuss things with deafblind person's terp without including deafblind person themselves.
Do not atomatically assume that if the deafblind person sees sometimes and not at other times that they are 'just putting it on' or 'can see when they want to' They may just have fluctuating vision.
Do not try to lead a deafblind person who you think is in 'danger' without bothering to communicate with them first. They may not be in danger anyway. I was walking next to a canal and this person kept trying to guide me so I just sat down forcing them to make some sort of communication before they carried on guiding me as I didn't want to get lost. They were worried about me falling in the canal but that's what canes are for.
 
pek1 said:
Know what you mean, but you know what -- because I have an unbelieveably sharp sense of smell, I'd smell them standing there, even if my back is to them and yes, it has happened before. No one can sneak up behind me or anything. I can sense they are standing there.
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I have an unbelievably sharp sense of smell too. One time a man who wore this wonderful cologne hugged me and the next morning eventhough I had changed into bedclothes I could still smell the cologne. The hug was very very brief friendly hug. Unfortunately, I can smell things that I surely wish I couldn't and thing is, it will linger long after the person is gone. Glad I didn't decide to be a garbage collector lol.
 
Going out to eat "rules" -

Do not put large flower arrangements on the dining table. (I need to SEE the conversation at the table).

Do not place me in a dark or poorly lighted place at a restaurant.

Do have an oval or round table so I can see everyone.

A cool thing about signers: you CAN sign (rather than talk) with your mouth full! :)
 
robbielyn said:
I have an unbelievably sharp sense of smell too. One time a man who wore this wonderful cologne hugged me and the next morning eventhough I had changed into bedclothes I could still smell the cologne. The hug was very very brief friendly hug. Unfortunately, I can smell things that I surely wish I couldn't and thing is, it will linger long after the person is gone. Glad I didn't decide to be a garbage collector lol.
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Hahaha, just be glad he wasn't wearing patchouli!
 
dreama said:
This is for deafblind people:

Do touch them gently to attract attention.
Do communicate in prefered medium ie Hands on sign language, Deafblind manual, Block capitals etc...
Do talk directly to deafblind person when and where possible.
Do tell a deafblind person when you are leaving as it's not nice to talk to someone and find they arn't actually there any more.

Do not:
Put deafblind person's hand to feel another person. I find it So embarrassing.
Do not insist on trying to speak to a deafblind person once they have made it clear that they cannot communicate via that method.
Do not discuss things with deafblind person's terp without including deafblind person themselves.
Do not atomatically assume that if the deafblind person sees sometimes and not at other times that they are 'just putting it on' or 'can see when they want to' They may just have fluctuating vision.
Do not try to lead a deafblind person who you think is in 'danger' without bothering to communicate with them first. They may not be in danger anyway. I was walking next to a canal and this person kept trying to guide me so I just sat down forcing them to make some sort of communication before they carried on guiding me as I didn't want to get lost. They were worried about me falling in the canal but that's what canes are for.
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:ty: Dreama. Good post. I don't know much about deafblind and am confused about vision problems. I guess I thought you see or are blind - not "hard of seeing" :Oops: Your posts provide good information.
 
Kaitin said:
:ty: Dreama. Good post. I don't know much about deafblind and am confused about vision problems. I guess I thought you see or are blind - not "hard of seeing" :Oops: Your posts provide good information.
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They usually call it Partially sighted or limited vision.

Only 4 per cent of those regestered blind are totally blind. The rest have some vision even if it's just light and dark perception. I have a lot of useful sight when in good lighting. I can see with Zoomtext, CCTV or Monocular. However, in bad light I cannot see and I cannot see anything that is not in my field of vision either. I also have problem seeing during hayfever season as the pollon has a particularly bad effect on my eyes. Now I'm also having problem with light sensitivity too and it means I can't see in bright light either. Or rather the light hurts my eyes so much I have to keep them closed.
 
Marriage

- I don't know if anyone of you have those issue. Parents in law correction me or my partner even my parents knew what I would lose my temper. My parents in law thinks that I don't know what to do because I am Deaf. I make a mistake to move for better job. So I told them how much I will make a money salary and thing will be fine! they got angry because we are able to afford and better place to live. Where is supportive to my partner. My parents or family exciting for us. It total different negative on Deaf and positive on Deaf

- Sometime it hard to believe to see parents in law talk negative while my parents supportive.

- I don't like my parents in law very much because its doesn't treat my partner right such as, "WHAT what the point." My partner try to explain with sign and voice the same time. They couldn't understand my partner. I told the parents in the law, don't need to speak like make Arrrh! or mumble behind partner's back for no reason. If you don't understand, ask partner to repeat and be understand. So I told my partner it is not worth to see family sometime my partner cries due difficulty to communicate with family. Which I have to stand beside partner and support partner be stronger.

- just like you guy being stronger but while partner is learning about Deaf community due parents in law negative on my partner that Deaf community wasn't successful.

- it something that education need see that many Deaf or HoH have jop (not 80 percents, if you guy know what I mean) to have parents support their child who is Deaf.

-
 
jillio said:
Since you have 2 children of your own, I'm sure you already knew that head cuts, even very small ones, always bleed alot. So you did what you should have done....took him into the bathroom and cleaned him up to see how bad the cut really was. Your hubby and your mom-in-law not only insulted you, but by their noisy intrusion and taking over, they probably upset a kid that was already upset by being hurt even more. They were both out of line. You are a teacher, for god's sake...you are responsible for other people's children 5 days a week. And I'm sure if your friend didn't trust you to take care of her chidlren, she would not have left them with you!

I'm sorry that the situation had to interfere with your son's birthday party. That is a shame. If they had just let you get your friend's son cleaned up, and kissed the boo-boo, he most likely would have been right back downstairs playing with the other kids in 10 or 15 minutes, and the whole crisis would have been over and forgotten.

I hope you can get them to understand exactly how innappropriate their behavior was.:hug:
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It sounds like Shel and her husband should have a frank chat with Shel's in-laws about this. It could just be a misunderstanding. You see, if the accident happened at Shel's in-law's basement, and this child was a guest there, then actually the lawyers say the IN-LAWs are responsible, not Shel.

I can certainly understand why Shel feels the way she feels, and only Shel knows how bad the cut was. It could just be a misunderstanding though.

Since it looks like there was a cut to the head, and there was probably a lot of blood, people probably got very scared and just acted, without thinking about feelings. See, if the little boy were to suffer a brain injury from the nail, Shel's friend would sue the in-laws (and would probably win the case, because nails shouldn't be sticking out where little heads can run into them). Shel would not be considered responsible at all by the judge, because she wasn't negligent -- the in-laws were.... that's just how the law works.

Now I don't know these in-laws, and maybe they're a total pain in the butt. However, sometimes it is a good idea to assume people don't mean to hurt you. Sometimes they really are just scared and make bad decisions, or sometimes we don't have the whole picture and we make bad decisions. Sometimes it's best to chat about it over a cup of coffee or tea.

Too bad about the birthday party. That was no fun. I understand though... Boy, I could write a whole page on the bad things that have happened to me at birthdays and holidays.
 
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