Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list!

I also don't like it when hearing people rolled their eyes nor saying "never mind" "forget it" if they have to repeated a sentence, have some patiences, that's all it takes. ;)
 
Cheri said:
I also don't like it when hearing people rolled their eyes nor saying "never mind" "forget it" if they have to repeated a sentence, have some patiences, that's all it takes. ;)
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True, but deaf people do that too. But deaf people also says "Whatever" their famous words lol
 
Don't tap me too much repeatedly. One time is good enuff until I do finish my work then I will look at u. If I don't return after u wait that long then tap me again. Don't burden on my shoulder. Just be lightened.

If I don't wear my ha's, don't check on my ears after u scream to get my attention, ask me to wear ha's on.

Don't ask me to do interpreter for u all day long. u can do write down talkin to hearing.

Don't test on my ha's to see if I can hear u or not.

When I am talking to hearing, don't ask me Q. what did he say?

Hoh's don't like rapidly flicking the light too much if u do that makes me panic tho that was emergency given me heart attack. Just switch one/two times that's good enuff.
 
It's annoying when deaf people make noises to get another deaf person's attention... seriously, that other person is DEAF... they aren't going to HEAR you! What's the point of making noises if they can't hear?

This happens a lot at NTID. I'll be sitting there in LBJ and students suddenly start yelling with "HOOT!" or "WHOOT!" or "AHH!" or whatever. I look at whoever is yelling and see that the person they're yelling at is still walking away. Duh... he's deaf. Simply run ofter him or let him go... depending on how important it is to get his attention.
 
I just remember one more thing that was on other thread....when talking to a deaf person (speaking slowly or signing) and a hearing person interrupted your conversation, don't turn to talk to the hearing person without signing... you know, continuing talking to the hearing person as if the deaf person isn't there. I consider that very rude.
 
Buffalo said:
I just remember one more thing that was on other thread....when talking to a deaf person (speaking slowly or signing) and a hearing person interrupted your conversation, don't turn to talk to the hearing person without signing... you know, continuing talking to the hearing person as if the deaf person isn't there. I consider that very rude.
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That is a big one! My husband's family does that. One of these days I am gonna make a scene about it cuz I kept reminding them not to do that and yet they still do that. :pissed:
 
I really like this thread too. I am hearing and this is really helpful. It seems that everyone has a different way they liked to be approached. Is there one general way that most deaf people prefer to get there attention and start a conversation.

Also would you find it distracting or rude if a hearing person uses some sign language while speaking to you. I am learning ASL but I am just starting so am far from fluent. In order to get better I practice but was wondering if in a conversation it was ok to use the limited signs I know or if that would confuse or annoy you. :hmm:
 
shel90 said:
Pls do not much so much focus on our ability to speak like "Wow!!! u can talk!" "U must be so smart for u to be able to talk so good!"

I suggest maybe make a nice comment but dont go on and on and on about it.
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Agree. But maybe no comments because many I think mean a nice comment and are embarassing or rude. Hearing people: Silence is better maybe! ;)
 
Kaitin said:
Agree. But maybe no comments because many I think mean a nice comment and are embarassing or rude. Hearing people: Silence is better maybe! ;)
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I dont mind the questions on how I learned to speak despite having a severe profound hearing loss in both ears since birth. It would give me an opportunity to emphasize that even though I can speak well and all that, it doesnt mean I can hear everything that is being said.

I just dont like those gushing kinds of comments about my oral skills especially if they go on and on like it is a miracle or something. :roll:
 
Kris said:
Also would you find it distracting or rude if a hearing person uses some sign language while speaking to you. I am learning ASL but I am just starting so am far from fluent. In order to get better I practice but was wondering if in a conversation it was ok to use the limited signs I know or if that would confuse or annoy you. :hmm:
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No. My male roommate knows some signs but not ASL really. He signs sometimes when he talks. Usually he signs the subject or "right" or "ok" (his favorite sign - :roll: - just nod or use your face, ok? ;)). For example he will ask about a book and sign "book". Or ask to borrow a pen and then "ok?" (no - don't borrow all my pens! :D). It helps and I don't find it distracting or rude. But we are friends at our aparment, not strangers in public.
 
Buffalo said:
I just remember one more thing that was on other thread....when talking to a deaf person (speaking slowly or signing) and a hearing person interrupted your conversation, don't turn to talk to the hearing person without signing... you know, continuing talking to the hearing person as if the deaf person isn't there. I consider that very rude.
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AGREE. My family does and I hate it. My mom doesn't, but everyone else does. My mom signs everything. :)
 
Kaitin said:
Agree. But maybe no comments because many I think mean a nice comment and are embarassing or rude. Hearing people: Silence is better maybe! ;)
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I would definitely follow the deaf person's lead on this. I remember interpreting for a student with whom I had been in many classes, had lots of conversations, knew her for years, etc. Never once heard her use her voice for anything.

One day in class, discussion turned to deafness and deaf culture so she was doing a little PR work even though the teacher seemed embarrassed by all the questions. Then someone asked her if she would use her voice. I inwardly cringed but the student understood about the curiosity of her fellow students and spoke a few sentences in a very clear and expressive voice. (She is one of those people who knows when it's time to take a stand, like with her family, and when it's about educating people.)

I tried not to have any expression on my face because I was so surprised to hear her talk after all this time! But I didn't want her to feel bad due to my reaction (even though it was positive) so I just kept my terp face on. However, when she was done answering people's questions, she turned to me and asked "Was my voice okay?" Then I felt okay telling her what a beautiful voice she had. Which may not have been ethically appropriate but what was I going to say? "On the basis of the Code of Ethics I cannot answer that question?" She really wanted to know since she hadn't used her voice in so long, and it really was beautiful.
 
Oh yeah - if you KNOW Im deaf in one ear - please don't speak into the ear that has no HA in it, speak into the ear that has the HA in it!

This happened today at work when my ear bud fell out of my left ear - the one Im completely deaf in - people kept walking up and start talking in that ear - one actually screamed in it, I had no idea they were screaming at me until the lady across from me started giving me funny looks like WTF? Then I turned around and jumped out of my skin when person A was standing right there face to face.
 
deafskeptic said:
These two phrases have to be the most hated phrases in the deaf community.
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I agree. That is most annoying thing. The second most annoying is that I would be talking with a hearing person and another one comes in and interupts and start talking with person I was speaking with like I was not there. I hate that!

I had that happen once with a good friend. I just got up and walked away and few minute later he came up and asked me why did I just walk away? and I said that it was because it happens all the time and I dont' like it. I then asked him if that has happened between 2 hearing poeple, what would you consider that and he replied "that would be very rude" and I said then why is it okay for it to happen between a HOH and hearing and he thought about it and said it's not okay and apologized to me for allowing the 3rd to interrupt. I dont mind if it is only for a question or etc and then get back to conversation but usually they just keep talking and kinda ignore me and that's why I hate that.
 
I hate when ppl are like oo ur hoh ..doesnt seem like it..so they talk normal and try to talk to me when we are outside ahead or behind me and its windy or they whisper...soo frusterating!
 
Cheri said:
I don't like it when someone throws an object at me to get my attention, that's rude and disrespectful. If someone trying to get my attention, it's more polite and respectful to come up and tab me on the shoulder.


Heh - that reminds me of a time I met my friend's at the time boyfriend for the 1st time. I was standing quite a distance away from him talking to my friend. He wanted to get my attention but since my face wasn't towards him, he decided to throw some type of object at me instead of walking a small distance over to me. I found that rude! So I decided to just as rude and tell him that he was lazy & rude. :P

So like you, Cheri- I hate when people do that!
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I also ABSOLUTELY hate it when I am within hearies friends or relatives and a conversation is going on. Every one is listening in and every one chips in their thoughts or whatever. They all start laughing. I, naturally, have no clue. I then ask my friend/relative what is going on? The usual response? "Oh we were just talking about Dans car." They would not go on to elaborate what the conversation is/was about. HELLO?? I'm not a stupid little KID. I ACTUALLY would like to be I N V O L V E D maybe??

Another case in point:
Where I work, I have YOUNG recent high school grads who are coworkers and I can understand their "impatience" with me due to lack of cultural/world experiences. Back on topic: The co workers would be talking and our higher up boss would walk in and say something in detail. Boss would walk off. I ask them what did he say? Their usual reply was (note the word WAS) "oh it was nothing."
Being the rude SOB that I am, I ALWAYS reply by this "So its ok for all of you to be able to hear whats going on, what is being said but it is NOT ok for me to be able to hear, not be able to understand what is going on? How is that fair to me? I didnt ask to be DEAF. I am not a INVALID. I am a human being just like you."

Trust me..this puts them in their place every time. Since the time that I've said that, they have ALWAYS kept me in the loop. There may be "accidents" but they've been pretty good about keeping me abreast.

I have been raised/exposed to different cultures. I admit, I was in a culture for a stint and it was a SHOCK. Point is, a lot of people, when they are exposed to new cultures, they do not know how to properly act. Do they act like they're better than them? Are they being too dumb? How do they effectively communicate with us/them? Should they do gestures? I've walked into tattoo parolors and I'll tell ya, I've never felt so out of place because I didn't have ANY tattoos, but the folks there are really NICE behind all the tattoos. Another place I went to was an ACTUAL AMISH store run by the Amish community. Thats right, no lights, no fancy modern day things. I took a step in there and whoo..talk about being STARED at by young Amish kids. I've caught Amish parents teaching their kids that it is NOT ok to stare, but it IS ok to talk.
When hearings/deafies/mexicans/latinas/hispanics and all the other cultures take a step into another unexplored culture, they usually do not know how to properly behave because they have no experience. Thats ok, just as long as you don't treat them any less than you and that you strive to learn their ways/culture. I am SURE they will be receptive to the idea providing they/you aren't jackasses.

The simple fact is this: if you KNOW for a fact that they are inexperienced, simply guide them/teach them and you BOTH will feel better. If you KNOW they're being jackasses, well then, grab the tire iron. LOL
 
If this is inappropriate or does not belong in this thread, I apologize and please remove this posting only please.

Here is what I truly live by. This says it BEST for me in my life:


"What is it like to be deaf?"
People have asked me.
Deaf? Oh, hmm... how do I explain that?
Simple: I can't hear.

No, wait... it is much more than that.
It is similar to a goldfish in a bowl,
Always observing things going on.
People talking at all times.
It is like a man on his own island
Among foreigners.

Isolation is no stranger to me.
Relatives say hi and bye
But I sit for 5 hours among them
Taking great pleasure at amusing babies
Or being amused by TV.
Reading books, resting, helping out with food.

Natural curiosity perks up
Upon seeing great laughter, crying, anger.
Inquiring only to meet with a "Never mind" or
"Oh, it's not important".
Getting a summarized statement
Of the whole day.

I'm supposed to smile to show my happiness.
Little do they know how truly miserable I am.
People are in control of language usage,
I am at loss and really uncomfortable!

Always feeling like an outsider
Among the hearing people,
Even though it was not their intention.

Always assuming that I am part of them
By my physical presence, not understanding
The importance of communication.

Facing the choice between Deaf Event weekend
or a family reunion.
Facing the choice between the family commitment
And Deaf friends.
I must make the choices constantly,
Any wonder why I choose Deaf friends???

I get such great pleasure at the Deaf clubs,
Before I realize it, it is already 2:00 am,
Whereas I anxiously look at the clock
Every few minutes at the Family Reunion.

With Deaf people, I feel so normal,
Our communication flows back and forth.
Catch up with little trivials, our daily life,
Our frustration in the bigger world,
Seeking the mutual understanding,
Contented smiles and laughter are musical.
So magical to me,
So attuned to each other's feelings.


True happiness is so important.
I feel more at home with Deaf people
Of various color, religion, short or tall.
Than I do among my own hearing relatives.
And you wonder why?
Our language is common.
We understand each other.

Being at loss of control
Of the environment that is communication,
People panic and retreat to avoid
Deaf people like the plague.

But Deaf people are still human beings
With dreams, desires, and needs
To belong, just like everyone else.

--Dianne Kinnee (Switras)
 
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