Deaf Boyfriend versus Hearing Boyfriend...

There is a difference. With deaf, you can communicate easily. When you are with a hearing partner, there will be some inevitable situations such as family visits, friends, etc... which might leave you bored. As for in the bed, I haven't really noticed any difference.

I have been with a hearing bf for over five years and he signs. The other thing is that the principal language in the house is Vietnamese, so there is another communication gap between me and the family. But we don't make a big deal out of it, and I often get together with my deaf friends for coffee. For me and my bf, it has been pretty effortless on most parts for relationship, just clicked and been great since day one.
 
Well, I'm not a gay man, but I can give my experiences of 'Partner who has XYZ when I also have XYZ, versus one who doesn't'...

It's nice to have someone who understands, whichever way that understanding comes about, so they know how you feel and are supportive. But that doesn't mean that they must have the same aspect in themselves- I have depression, and I've had partners who:

didn't understand depression at all or care- or make any effort to
were depressed themselves but we ended up not helping each other
were depressed but not to the extent that I am, and understood
had never experienced it but cared and tried their best to support me

So - it's my experience that a partner doesn't need to have/be the same as me in regards to something I would like support about- if they are a decent person they will make an effort to understand and help in any way possible. I don't feel the need to say 'I want a partner who has XYZ so they understand me', it's enough to say 'I want a partner who understands me.'
 
blairtheblur said:
Hmm. I'm a hearing ASL student and I think ASL is such a beautiful language that I instantly think a guy is cuter if he's deaf. I know, it's strange. :/
Click to expand...

blair, i'm actually right with you!

it's strange, but (i've said this in the "turn-ons" thread on here) a guy becomes more attractive to me if he signs, no matter if he's deaf or hearing.
 
you all deafies, who want only with hearies, are right, anyway...
-ugh, its hard to describe it in english, but i'll try-
To say it universally, love-relationshipes base on ... contrasts of each both like magnet with positive and negative pole, anyway... such as some interests, bright people (blond, bright eyes etc.) and dark people (black hairs, dark eyes etc.) If you watch the Southlander (the right word?! or southernes or something) the most of them are into persons with blond hair.
I think, thats the biology way to mix genes much as possible to expand gene pool to erase weak characteristics and to bring out the strong. The species need them to survive in the new world like Darwin said.
That's perhaps the other reason why deafies "want" only hearies or reverse like that quote.
blairtheblur said:
Hmm. I'm a hearing ASL student and I think ASL is such a beautiful language that I instantly think a guy is cuter if he's deaf. I know, it's strange. :/
Click to expand...
:D

Perhaps it could be the reason for extinction of deaf people too, if each deaf only wants to meet hearies... however. its too complexly.

But it's just my theories at all, very stupid theories, maybe....
im sorry, if i attack your deaf pride, because i said that the characteristic deaf would be weak. Its just my stupid theory.

some deafies are tired of the whole gossip and dramatic Schmarrn, while hearies want to escape the boring hearing world and be like figures in episode-film. It all adds up! ;)

I hope you can understand me in despite of my english and word-choice!
 
Last edited:
I'm deaf and was mainstreamed my whole life. I never even considered the idea of "searching" for a deaf boyfriend- I have had all hearing boyfriends. I have been wanting to date a deaf person because I think we can relate on issues, and communication would be so much easier. My last boyfriend got really tired of helping me out and hated closed captioning. All in all, I want to try dating a deaf guy- but I am not exclusive and will put no limit on it. It is hard to meet a gay and deaf guy here in Cbus. I hear they're swarming at Rochester! :P
 
bwright6 said:
I'm deaf and was mainstreamed my whole life. I never even considered the idea of "searching" for a deaf boyfriend- I have had all hearing boyfriends. I have been wanting to date a deaf person because I think we can relate on issues, and communication would be so much easier. My last boyfriend got really tired of helping me out and hated closed captioning. All in all, I want to try dating a deaf guy- but I am not exclusive and will put no limit on it. It is hard to meet a gay and deaf guy here in Cbus. I hear they're swarming at Rochester! :P
Click to expand...

Sure - and have the Rochester deafies blab about your private life?

Go for it.
 
no Shel, i agree Deafies do blab they have nothing else to do
 
Grummer said:
no Shel, i agree Deafies do blab they have nothing else to do
Click to expand...

Nice..iam a Deafie and I sure don't fit in thar category. It is the stereotyping that I am rolling my eyes at. Not all Deafies r like that. Maybe the both of you hang out with the wrong people.
 
shel90 said:
Nice..iam a Deafie and I sure don't fit in thar category. It is the stereotyping that I am rolling my eyes at. Not all Deafies r like that. Maybe the both of you hang out with the wrong people.
Click to expand...

you're probably right, but hate to say it, it is so common here, every other d/Deaf person tells me the same. Maybe since USA has a longer Deaf history and of course a larger d/Deaf population all accounts for this greater chances of finding more mature cohorts of Deafies...no offense taken..and I didnt meant to offend you (if i did then sorry),as you are somewhat correct stereotyping creates social ills.

Cheers
 
Grummer said:
you're probably right, but hate to say it, it is so common here, every other d/Deaf person tells me the same. Maybe since USA has a longer Deaf history and of course a larger d/Deaf population all accounts for this greater chances of finding more mature cohorts of Deafies...no offense taken..and I didnt meant to offend you (if i did then sorry),as you are somewhat correct stereotyping creates social ills.

Cheers
Click to expand...

My point, exactly.

It's 99.999% impossible to find a d/Deafie that would not blab.
 
SnAzZyStyLe2002 said:
My point, exactly.

It's 99.999% impossible to find a d/Deafie that would not blab.
Click to expand...

Maybe just in your experience, those statistics may be true.

In my experience, it is much much lower than that.
 
bwright6 said:
I will find out for myself then I guess!
Click to expand...

good for you...always best to find out for yourself rather than taking someone's opinion to determine what steps you will take.

Good luck!
 
Grummer said:
you're probably right, but hate to say it, it is so common here, every other d/Deaf person tells me the same. Maybe since USA has a longer Deaf history and of course a larger d/Deaf population all accounts for this greater chances of finding more mature cohorts of Deafies...no offense taken..and I didnt meant to offend you (if i did then sorry),as you are somewhat correct stereotyping creates social ills.

Cheers
Click to expand...

Thanks...

maybe use "some Deafies"...I will AGREE with you on that one. I know some who are just like you described but I know many who are the opposite. Same with hearing people which is why I try to be careful to include "some" or "most" rather than omitting it which would make it look like I am talking about all of them. Someone pointed that out to me once and since then, I have tried to be more consicous of it.

However, there are always some subgroups within a group that are extremities.
 
SnAzZyStyLe2002 said:
My point, exactly.

It's 99.999% impossible to find a d/Deafie that would not blab.
Click to expand...

Your stereotyping disgusts me.

Go to any small community, and you will see the same thing occurring. Go to a backwater small town, and you will see people act in the same way.

Not all Deaf people are like that. If you have a problem with that, then don't bother dating within your own section of the city-- because hearing people do it as well.
 
souggy said:
Your stereotyping disgusts me.

Go to any small community, and you will see the same thing occurring. Go to a backwater small town, and you will see people act in the same way.

Not all Deaf people are like that. If you have a problem with that, then don't bother dating within your own section of the city-- because hearing people do it as well.
Click to expand...

It is obvious he has some hatred against us, Deafies. :lol:
 
Here is my thoughts after reading everyone else's

I'm hearing and am an ASL student (finishing now and am not fluant but very comfortable). I have read most of what everyone has said and I feel that there are some points that are being missed.

Now I do understand that there is great reservation in dating gay men in general. It is true that many gay men have adopted personalities where they gossip and find themselves judging others (and themselves) within their small communities. This is not confined to only Deaf gay men. This is common in many younger gay men. Now I am not saying that ALL gay men are like this either, there are many men that are caring and loving.

The one thing that I feel is being missed, however, is the type of community that has been developed in Deaf culture that plays a big part in some of these relationships.

Many in the Deaf community have a "Collective" way of community. Deaf tend to talk to each other about choices they are making in their lives and tend to share life stories with each other. English persons have more of an "Individual" ideal and value privacy over community sharing.

Much of this argument comes from where a person themselves have been raised and where they place themselves within the Deaf community. If you were raised in a more English setting and feel more comfortable in a more private relationship then you will find that dating someone in the Deaf community that does not feel that it is a bad thing to share their experiance with people that they very well may feel as part of their family is not going to be something that you are comfortable with unless they make changes to how they relate to people. This may require you to make changes also, you may need to open up your life a little to the people surrounding you just as they may need to keep more parts private.

In the end, you really just need to discuss with the lover you choose how you want to have your relationship to be. Deafies and Hearies are different in some ways depending on their background. Both are beautiful types of people and have wonderful things to share with people, but you really have to understand that people have different backgrounds and they relate to eachother in very different ways.

I have a wonderful and beautiful boyfriend who is hearing. He comes to every Deaf event that he can (even though he knows nothing more than "hello, my name is...") and understands the deep love I have for the language and the people who use it. Now, say I was single? I would gladly date a Deaf boy. I would not love him because he is Deaf or because he uses ASL, but rather I would love the fact that part of him includes ASL as his main language (or Oral if that is his background) and that his deafness is part of his experiance that makes up his identity.

Don't judge people too harshly and don't cut people off from your life just because of what you THINK they are going to be like. You may miss out on the most amazing person... ;)
 
Back
Top