Are Open Marriages More Successful Than Traditional Couplings?

[Banjo]

Simple. It pleases other people (business wise and family wise), is easier to have kids when you're married, and (I am not too sure about this part since I'm not married) is cheaper due to taxes and whatnot.

I'm aware of that, but it's still a violation of the vows. A vow is a solemn promise. Even if the couple get married knowing they'll share each other with multiple partners, it's still deceptive.

Lying is something that is frowned upon by the society, it's even illegal to lie in some situations and you can get sent to jail for it.

I don't think people really realize how dangerous the concept of deception is.

 

[shel90]

I'm aware of that, but it's still a violation of the vows. A vow is a solemn promise. Even if the couple get married knowing they'll share each other with multiple partners, it's still deceptive.

Lying is something that is frowned upon by the society, it's even illegal to lie in some situations and you can get sent to jail for it.

I don't think people really realize how dangerous the concept of deception is.

Deceptive to who? The couple decides to do thos to each other not to society. I don't see how it is considered harmful to society if the couple decides to have an alternative lifestyle. If society doesn't believe in it, then don't do it. Everyone is different. I guess in my view, whatever goes on in other people's bedroom is not my business.

 

[Reba]

"Alternative lifestyle."

"Open marriage."

New names for old sinful behaviors doesn't make them OK.

"Whatever goes on in other people's bedroom" may not be our business but that doesn't mean whatever is going on doesn't have a negative effect on people and society.

Whether a sin is secret or public, it's still a sin. Acceptance of sin is another sign of society's decay.

If that's the world people want, sadly, they will get it.

 

[Daredevel7]

b

I'm aware of that, but it's still a violation of the vows. A vow is a solemn promise. Even if the couple get married knowing they'll share each other with multiple partners, it's still deceptive.

Lying is something that is frowned upon by the society, it's even illegal to lie in some situations and you can get sent to jail for it.

I don't think people really realize how dangerous the concept of deception is.

Sounds more like cheating than open marriage....

(btw, seems like even the traditional vows don't really say anything about monogamy, only loyalty...)

 

[Daredevel7]

"Alternative lifestyle."

"Open marriage."

New names for old sinful behaviors doesn't make them OK.

"Whatever goes on in other people's bedroom" may not be our business but that doesn't mean whatever is going on doesn't have a negative effect on people and society.

Whether a sin is secret or public, it's still a sin. Acceptance of sin is another sign of society's decay.

If that's the world people want, sadly, they will get it.

Actually, it seems like sins themselves change over time too... what was a sin yesterday isn't a sin today and vice versa. Think about it.

 

[Reba]

(btw, seems like even the traditional vows don't really say anything about monogamy, only loyalty...)

"Forsaking all others" is part of the traditional vows.

 

[Reba]

Actually, it seems like sins themselves change over time too... what was a sin yesterday isn't a sin today and vice versa. Think about it.

Perhaps in society's eyes but not in God's eyes. He's the final Judge.

 

[Cowpuppy]

more beans

You've gone off track from your own post in trying to justify it.
Swingers open marraige means both partners want this situation. When one has lost interest andpermits it.....then I suspect there is still pain.The active spouse is still causing pain. Taking a chance of falling in love with other....and spending a lot of time with the extra.
Could maybe see it on a lesser scale...on occasion. But an ongoing thing nope. Time to move on and not make the other watch it.
Swingers and this situation are very different scenarios.

I believe in traditional marriage also...but I can see that some couples who have been married a long time, get bored with each other. Some women/men let themselves "go", and the spouse still loves them but is no longer attracted sexually, OR one spouse has lost interest in sex, and won't or can't get help for the problem.....The couple wants to remain married, due to really loving each other, or children, or financial reasons, etc.....I do remember the "vows" that are taken....but does that mean if the woman or man lost all interest in sex, that the other one should suffer?

Or if one was in a coma, or had a disabling disease....many issues here, would that mean one of them had to forgo having sex for the rest of their life?

Marriage is hard work! Many things can happen during the marriage. And if the couple opts to have an "open" marriage, then that's their business, as long as they are discreet and honest about their needs.

It may sound as if it's "cheating" to some people...then again to those who are open to their marriages, it's not. Many wives turn a "blind eye" to their husband's discretions due to the fact they no longer want sex but the husband does.

 

[rockin'robin]

Deceptive to who? The couple decides to do thos to each other not to society. I don't see how it is considered harmful to society if the couple decides to have an alternative lifestyle. If society doesn't believe in it, then don't do it. Everyone is different. I guess in my view, whatever goes on in other people's bedroom is not my business.

And I agree...

 

[shel90]

"Alternative lifestyle."

"Open marriage."

New names for old sinful behaviors doesn't make them OK.

"Whatever goes on in other people's bedroom" may not be our business but that doesn't mean whatever is going on doesn't have a negative effect on people and society.

Whether a sin is secret or public, it's still a sin. Acceptance of sin is another sign of society's decay.

If that's the world people want, sadly, they will get it.

Who makes the decisions on what is considered a sin or not? Not everyone hold the same beliefs. I would rather support Open marriages than child abuse, molestation and etc.

I don't believe in judging other people for what they do in their private lives.

 

[shel90]

Not everyone believes in God..can't force one's beliefs on someone else. That's a sin itself.

 

[cdaigle430]

If your going to marry someone, sex should only be part of the reason. If you feel the need to have sex with others then your marriage has one big problem-you married for sex only-thats not marriage. I don't believe this study because it is probably favored by the author and the truth has been twisted around. To me, sex with a partner you love could never be compared to just sex. It's quite simple, if you only want a partner for sex then don't get married.

If you are for open marriage based solely on the fact that if your partner cheats-it would be okay because it's an open marriage. Thats bull-and you have some serious trust issues that need to be resolved before you get married anyway.

 

[shel90]

Wow..I see a lot of judging going on. Just because someone doesn't adhere to another's way of living doesn't mean they are sinful or have problems. Maybe by judging others, it means one feels threatened by others. I don't see people who have open marriages going around judging people for believing in traditional marriages. Everyone has their own beliefs when it applies to their own personal lives.

Honestly, I don't understand the need to judge others unless what they do directly affects others' lives.

Just because someone doesn't judge others for how they live their lives it doesn't mean this person is living the same lifestyle. Just more of minding oneself's business.

 

[dreama]

Honestly, I don't understand the need to judge others unless what they do directly affects others' lives.

That's how I feel. I do believe in god though. I just don't see why god would feel so concerned about what people do in their own bedrooms when there is so much killing going on.

 

[KarissaMann05]

Shel90, if you said what is true, then I am sure that you accused me as a judgemental one, too. No, Shel. They just voiced their opinions on this thread. Sure, their opinions and my opinions are sound so strong and sensitive, which is why people assumed/accused me as a bigotry, retard, stupid, judge, racist, homophobe, or whatever. I meant, speak of general.

I'm not surprise that you automatically assumed believers are judgemental, simply because they disagreed and voiced their opinions on this thread.
Besides, isn't labeling Conservative/ReligiousPeople/Christians views as "unacceptable hatred/racist/bigotry/stupid/ignorant/judgemental/etc" and having no tolerance for those views... bigotry in and of itself? Or what?

Disapproval =/= bigotry.
Disapproval =/= judgemental.
Disapproval =/= intolerance.
Disapproval =/= hatred.
Disapproval =/= whatever it called.

Really, it's so pointless when those people are honestly believing that someone is judgemental/bigotry/ignorant/etc solely because they don't support something. What a pitiful assumption...

Disagreeing something that does not make you a judgemental one. Just saying...

 

[dreama]

What happened to the vow to stay faithful to one another for better or worse, in sickness and in health?

What about considering the feelings of the spouse? It's very selfish to just think of one's own needs.

If two people are so self-centered and focused on their own desires, maybe they shouldn't get married.

One of my previous boyfriends also had a thing going with his ex cell mate (he used to be in prison for smuggling cannabis and fighting with prison officers). It didn't bother me. He just made it clear that sex was just for fun with him. That was good as I knew where I stood. I've been really hurt by players since then. So I've learnt the value of good communication, and knowing where I stood in a relationship. One of the most hurtful relationships ended with this guy accusing me of seducing him.

I think the traditional marriage is all very well if it works for you, but sometimes it doesnt.

Sometimes you marry someone who beats you up regularly(in wedlock), or if you get sick or disabled they are out of the door soon afterwards. So the traditional marriages are not without their problems.

I think we should stick to high morals. I only wish these morals should be more centred around not harming others rather then something that really just harms the person who engages in that activity alone.

 

[shel90]

Shel90, if you said what is true, then I am sure that you accused me as a judgemental one, too. No, Shel. They just voiced their opinions on this thread. Sure, their opinions and my opinions are sound so strong and sensitive, which is why people assumed/accused me as a bigotry, retard, stupid, judge, racist, homophobe, or whatever. I meant, speak of general.

I'm not surprise that you automatically assumed believers are judgemental, simply because they disagreed and voiced their opinions on this thread.
Besides, isn't labeling Conservative/ReligiousPeople/Christians views as "unacceptable hatred/racist/bigotry/stupid/ignorant/judgemental/etc" and having no tolerance for those views... bigotry in and of itself? Or what?

Disapproval =/= bigotry.
Disapproval =/= judgemental.
Disapproval =/= intolerance.
Disapproval =/= hatred.
Disapproval =/= whatever it called.

Really, it's so pointless when those people are honestly believing that someone is judgemental/bigotry/ignorant/etc solely because they don't support something. What a pitiful assumption...

Disagreeing something that does not make you a judgemental one. Just saying...

U can disagree but to use words/comments like;

"decay on society"

"If they do that, their marriage has a problem" It is not for others to tell others that their marriage has a problem. It is for the couple themselves to decide that for themselves.

Saying that one is engaging in sinful behaviros. Sinful by whose standards? Maybe the couple doesnt see it that way so it is pointless to preach to them. Everyone has different beliefs. Maybe what one considers a sin isnt a sin to others. So what?


"U have trust issues" That's between the couple to decide not for others outside of the relationship to decide..


To me those kinds of comments and others are considered judgemental.

If one says, "I dont agree with that lifestyle and I wouldnt do it myself." Then that's not judgemental.

See the difference?

It is the same issue with gay marriages. People vote to ban them...why? Because it doesnt adhere to their idea of marriage. What about gay people's idea of marriage?

If u are just disagreeing but dont criticize others for not following what your idea of something is, then no, u are not judgemental.

 

[Maria]

If, it allows people to accept an open marriage with whatever they discuss and agree upon....then, this "sins" will cause our country ( America ) more chaos and problems. Chaos and problems will grow worse. It also affects many things in relationship/marriage that will cause people to the bottomless pit. I don't think it is a good idea to have that an " open marriage " for people -- IMO.

To me, an open marriage is UNHEALTHY. It doesn't provide a spouse of his/her significant other to satisfy. They will look for MORE into somethin' else after the first issue they try to get involved.

Some times, it can happen when a spouse start feelin' for someone else more and more than her/his significant other -- it will lead their relationship to become meaningless like it's nothin' to them, just because of an open marriage is all common in modern days. They will say as quote " an open marriage " is a lifestyle -- just like they will say that a " divorce " is a lifestyle, too. Does they have any moral in them ? Do they feel any indifferent just because, of what they are usin' to ? Just like they would say that " everyone " does it. Hmm....

 

[shel90]

If, it allows people to accept an open marriage with whatever they discuss and agree upon....then, this "sins" will cause our country ( America ) more chaos and problems. Chaos and problems will grow worse. It also affects many things in relationship/marriage that will cause people to the bottomless pit. I don't think it is a good idea to have that an " open marriage " for people -- IMO.

To me, an open marriage is UNHEALTHY. It doesn't provide a spouse of his/her significant other to satisfy. They will look for MORE into somethin' else after the first issue they try to get involved.

Some times, it can happen when a spouse start feelin' for someone else more and more than her/his significant other -- it will lead their relationship to become meaningless like it's nothin' to them, just because of an open marriage is all common in modern days. They will say as quote " an open marriage " is a lifestyle -- just like they will say that a " divorce " is a lifestyle, too. Does they have any moral in them ? Do they feel any indifferent just because, of what they are usin' to ? Just like they would say that " everyone " does it. Hmm....

But not everyone is doing it. I only know one couple who does it but everyone else I know as far as I know, do not do this.

I think there are worst things that can cause harm to society...child kidnappings, rapes, murders, wars, and etc etc..

JMO

 

[dreama]

I'm not surprise that you automatically assumed believers are judgemental, simply because they disagreed and voiced their opinions on this thread.
Besides, isn't labeling Conservative/ReligiousPeople/Christians views as "unacceptable hatred/racist/bigotry/stupid/ignorant/judgemental/etc" and having no tolerance for those views... bigotry in and of itself? Or what?

Really, it's so pointless when those people are honestly believing that someone is judgemental/bigotry/ignorant/etc solely because they don't support something. What a pitiful assumption...

Disagreeing something that does not make you a judgemental one. Just saying...

I agree. People should be free to express their opinions. I actually believe in having high moral standards. Although those that fall from grace should not be judged. Didn't Jesus once say:
"let the man who has never sinned throw the first stone".


I don't dismiss people who are religious or conservatives. In fact I would have voted conservative too if I lived in USA. I'm very sorry that the conservatives did not get in. I like what Sarah Palin has to say and greatly admire her.

However, on the sex issue my feelings are more liberally based. From personal experience really. Because of my own sexual preferances probably (I'm bi and have formed attractions to male and female although not both together and I certainly don't do it with all and saundry. I haven't actually slept with anyone at all for the last 8 years).