I've just joined this thread and read up to four pages so far and copy/pasted the ones I felt that I could reply to.
So-called "open" marriage is no marriage at all.
Some people seem to think that giving sinful behavior a new, respectable sounding name makes the behavior OK.
I'd have to strongly agree with this... A wrong by any other name is still a wrong.
I think cheating behind a spouse's back is even more sinful. At least these people are being honest about it and it is their business not anyone else to judge them on.
It's still adultery either way you slice it... if you're believing in (Christian) God then that's the commandment. If not... well that's your business then.
Word.
And it could cause a spouse end up falling in love with an another person more than his/her lover. Is it worth?
It could cause a spouse to have an another person's baby instead of his/her love. Is it worth?
You could have a kind of disease from your spouse after she/he sleep with an another person and you unknownly sleep with your own lover. Is it worth?
If he/she want to find a random person, he/she are really not love his/her spouse at all.
Well, that's too bad. The traditional marriage is now meaningless and worthless as it seems so... Mm, I guess I probably will have to stay being single, by then. :roll:
Good points one and all.
I believe in traditional marriage also...but I can see that some couples who have been married a long time, get bored with each other. Some women/men let themselves "go", and the spouse still loves them but is no longer attracted sexually, OR one spouse has lost interest in sex, and won't or can't get help for the problem.....The couple wants to remain married, due to really loving each other, or children, or financial reasons, etc.....I do remember the "vows" that are taken....but does that mean if the woman or man lost all interest in sex, that the other one should suffer?
Or if one was in a coma, or had a disabling disease....many issues here, would that mean one of them had to forgo having sex for the rest of their life?
Marriage is hard work! Many things can happen during the marriage. And if the couple opts to have an "open" marriage, then that's their business, as long as they are discreet and honest about their needs.
It may sound as if it's "cheating" to some people...then again to those who are open to their marriages, it's not. Many wives turn a "blind eye" to their husband's discretions due to the fact they no longer want sex but the husband does.
As one other person has observed that is being selfish and not fully committed to the marriage and person... what do the vows say? In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, and so on. Your spouse goes into a coma or is become paraplegic/crippled and cannot "enjoy" sex or the lifestyle both of you had enjoyed together... it shouldn't matter as long as the heart and mind and spirit connection is still there. Sex should
NEVER define a marriage. Sex is only one expression out of MANY that says what a particular marriage is. Sex should not be the #1 priority in a marriage either... okay, among the top 5 (out of 10) but IMO it's communication, that is the #1 priority in a marriage, as long as both are talking about what's bothering them, or what is interesting to them, or what they're curious about, or whatever!! the marriage has a stronger chance of survival.
A couple should never stop working to make and keep the marriage strong. If one of the priorities goes weak or drops in importance for one and not for the other then communication needs to be effected to identify the problem and hard work to solve the problem to put things back in balance.
What else would a commitment mean?
Communication and compromise is far more important than living up to some man-made ideals.
For me it really wouldn't work with just one person because There are times when I really am not much fun to be with. I don't want to communicate with anyone at all and it would alleviate a lot of pressure off me if my partner had someone else they could turn to when that happened.
That is understandable but it's still up to you to make those changes that will help your partner help you. To want that pressure off of you and put it upon someone else's shoulders... I'm sorry to say is pretty selfish emotionally. But that is just my opinion. A relationship is a responsibility not only to another individual whom you have chosen to be your partner but also a responsibility to yourself.
I can see what you are getting at. Also in the case of some mental health issues.
In those circumstances I admit that it is a sticky because often times the one with the mental health problem(s) cannot help themselves and sometimes do not work hard enough with their therapist and spouse to help solve the problem or at least make it easier for the spouse to deal with it. But I think that is a separate topic by itself.
Only read couple of replies....and came upon one stating the woman was falling in love with the 'extra' man. A real marriage implies that the married couple will not take chances of falling in love. It is a real disrespect toward the partner. It says there is no real marriage.
To me it is ridiculous....and yes I do judge people who try to make it appear all smarmy. No character......full of lies...lies to yourself to start with. Putting oneself into a position where possibly could fall in love with other...disrespects the partner and marriage.
If one is going to disrespect it to that degree then what is the point of the marriage? There is no marriage. These people don't know what marriage is.
Talking silly garbage.....there is no point.
yes...I judge swingers....and no afraid to say so.
garbage
I'd have to agree with this as well. It's the removal of responsibility of the commitment one made at the altar/judge's chambers. It's being lazy of the
work that is needed to keep the marriage alive and in good health.
I've seen A LOT of friends get married and I've seen a lot get divorced after years or (sadly) months of marriage. Seen a lot of different reasons why they divorced... infidelity is one of the major ones. By the same token I've seen a lot of long term marriages that keep pushing on even through "tough-times" both together and individually. I learned a lot from them all.
My comments are a reflection of what I've learned in the last 30 years of observation, study (articles and books on various types of relationships) and hours of discussions as well as some personal experience with relationships (I've never married... but I don't think it disqualifies me to have an opinion on the subject/topic).
