Advice please: son doesn't want to wear HAs

That's why children have no legal standing. The parents have duties but the children don't have rights.
 
sallylou said:
No, I'm sharing my experience here. That's the message that I got from my parents even when I was hearing. Lots of people get this message growing up. Not only deaf kids. I'm very accomplished but it's taken a toll on my health.

It's gotten worse in the more affluent neighborhoods, where kids are competing academically at younger and younger ages. We have 10-12 YO taking the SAT now.

If you find this unbelievable, you don't know much about child development.
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Like "helicopter" parents syndrome?

Wow...10 to 12 year olds taking the SATs? What is going on out there?

I admit that I want my children to achieve as much as they can but I try to keep a healthy balance..like I wont enroll my kids in more than one sport teams or after school activity. Dont want them to get burnt out but at the same time, I want them to try EVERYTHING ..lol
 
Shel, the reason that 10-12 YO take the sat is to qualify for summer "gifted" programs at universities. Some of the programs are well-known and considered prestigious. It can put a lot of pressure on a kid who has a great strength (for example the math whiz who can't pass the language portion). My kid didn't take it until his junior year. I've kept everything as age-appropriate as possible. Sure, the kid may be able to perform academically, but he's still a kid. Ironically, I was mad at my parents for refusing to grade skip in elementary school me because as it was I graduated early. I understand more now that I'm a mom. They were protecting me.

I completely understand wanting to give a child the best opportunities possible but emotional development has to be considered in the decision.

Now, my kid is in the college admission process and it's crazy! Parents say stuff like, well, my kid won't be able to major in engineering because he didn't take AP physics in high school. That is untrue and completely insane. Some kids are late bloomers. It's like the kids are raced through tracks and sorted when they are just kids. The money factor makes it worse because the kids whose parents can afford additional classes, tutoring, software and books have an advantage. Puts more pressure on parents.

ETA: I'm in a large city in the U.S. I know that other places have different systems. I hope that they are not as crazy as ours.
 
What I find painstakingly (insert your choice of word here .. whether it be "funny", "ironic", whatnot) interesting is that we, the d/Deaf are branded as being in denial, displacing our feelings of relationships with the hearing and projecting them onto the deaf, and so forth. Yet not a single one of the parents Rick made certain to name will admit to any amount of transference, displacement, denial of their own.

In the VERY post before Rick48's lashing of us, Lissa, who is an actual CI user (take note, parents, an ACTUAL user, not a parent of one who presumes what their children experience!) mentions:

Lissa said:
No child is the exact the same, there may be kids who were implanted at the same time with the exactly same history, but will not hear the same.

I was a child who was implanted late in life(10 1/2 years old), I can hear some without lipreading but the person has to be right behind me, plus even with lipreading I miss a lot of whats going on. I think every child, even though implanted very early on, will have problems understanding people, I doubt they'd understand every single word, they are still deaf after all.

I use a lot of visual clues to give me ideas of what the speaker's saying, look at body language, read lipds, listening and maybe get them to demonstrate by using gestures.
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Read the bolded. Then read it again. Read it again. Read it again.

Oh, by the way, did I mention this was posted by an ACTUAL user of a CI?

And, there's plenty others on this forum that have said EXACTLY the same. Take the blinders off and understand that some us actually, believe-it-or-not, know what we speak of. I may not, in terms of CIs because I don't have one, but NEVER, EVER have I once purported to know more than the actual CI users themselves, never have I dismissed CI experiences of the CI users themselves, never have I denied my deafness, never have I seen/read such offensiveness by the CI parents. SHOW SOME RESPECT.
 
AlleyCat said:
What I find painstakingly (insert your choice of word here .. whether it be "funny", "ironic", whatnot) interesting is that we, the d/Deaf are branded as being in denial, displacing our feelings of relationships with the hearing and projecting them onto the deaf, and so forth. Yet not a single one of the parents Rick made certain to name will admit to any amount of transference, displacement, denial of their own.

In the VERY post before Rick48's lashing of us, Lissa, who is an actual CI user (take note, parents, an ACTUAL user, not a parent of one who presumes what their children experience!) mentions:



Read the bolded. Then read it again. Read it again. Read it again.

Oh, by the way, did I mention this was posted by an ACTUAL user of a CI?

And, there's plenty others on this forum that have said EXACTLY the same. Take the blinders off and understand that some us actually, believe-it-or-not, know what we speak of. I may not, in terms of CIs because I don't have one, but NEVER, EVER have I once purported to know more than the actual CI users themselves, never have I dismissed CI experiences of the CI users themselves, never have I denied my deafness, never have I seen/read such offensiveness by the CI parents. SHOW SOME RESPECT.
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Yeah. I know They would say, the earlier the best to get a CI before age 1 rather than age 5.
 
Wirelessly posted

sallylou said:
The message that Rick sends his daughter is loud and clear. His daughter must be convenient for him. She must fit his expectations. It's all about the father and accomodating him.

Kids that get this message tend to suffer from low self esteem and relationship problems. Kids also gauge their importance based on the amount of effort adults will put out on their behalf. A real priority is what a person will allocate resources on. If no effort is expended, it's not a priority.

I feel sorry for kids that grow up in this kind of atmosphere. They may achieve more but it is at the expense of their mental health.
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where on earth do you get that? Where does he say that it is for his convience? Where did he say that he wanted her to adapt to him? He simply wanted his daughter to have the opportunity to use and understand the language of the majority. To be able to understand the mode of communication used by 99% of the people she will come in contact with in her life.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Yeah. I know They would say, the earlier the best to get a CI before age 1 rather than age 5.
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I wouldnt be surprised if newborn infants start getting CIs the minute they enter the world.
 
sallylou said:
No, I'm sharing my experience here. That's the message that I got from my parents even when I was hearing. Lots of people get this message growing up. Not only deaf kids. I'm very accomplished but it's taken a toll on my health.

It's gotten worse in the more affluent neighborhoods, where kids are competing academically at younger and younger ages. We have 10-12 YO taking the SAT now.

If you find this unbelievable, you don't know much about child development.
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So.. Because of your experience you are allowed to insult a father that is acting in the best interest of his deaf daughter.......
You are stretching insulting really, really long... But I guess... You are also allowed to do so, so you must be right...
 
AlleyCat said:
What I find painstakingly (insert your choice of word here .. whether it be "funny", "ironic", whatnot) interesting is that we, the d/Deaf are branded as being in denial, displacing our feelings of relationships with the hearing and projecting them onto the deaf, and so forth. Yet not a single one of the parents Rick made certain to name will admit to any amount of transference, displacement, denial of their own.

In the VERY post before Rick48's lashing of us, Lissa, who is an actual CI user (take note, parents, an ACTUAL user, not a parent of one who presumes what their children experience!) mentions:



Read the bolded. Then read it again. Read it again. Read it again.

Oh, by the way, did I mention this was posted by an ACTUAL user of a CI?

And, there's plenty others on this forum that have said EXACTLY the same. Take the blinders off and understand that some us actually, believe-it-or-not, know what we speak of. I may not, in terms of CIs because I don't have one, but NEVER, EVER have I once purported to know more than the actual CI users themselves, never have I dismissed CI experiences of the CI users themselves, never have I denied my deafness, never have I seen/read such offensiveness by the CI parents. SHOW SOME RESPECT.
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No offense to Lissa, but I dont think they will take her experiences in consideration either because she was not implanted as a baby. It seems to be a pattern whenever we try to share our experiences as deaf or hoh people.
 
I have a lot of good friends with CIs...most love using them and benefit well from them. Yet, they share the similar experiences of those of us without CIs. I don't distinguish who has hearing aids, CIs, etc. I've interacted with all kinds of kids from one end of the spectrum to the other...and each one is very unique.

If you choose to disregard a deaf person's range of experiences on the basis that the person doesn't use HAs or CIs or utilize spoken language, you're also disregarding the experiences of all deaf people. Your loss.

The thread is supposed to be about whether or not the child should be forced to wear hearing aids. I suppose in the linear range of responding, we could consider if CIs would hold the same responses. Should we force a child to wear a CI if he clearly doesn't want to?
 
Cloggy said:
... A brilliant post which shows you do not have a clue about CI..
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Well...look at the pattern. getting younger and younger and younger, heh?

What is one supposed to think? :roll:

and I though you were all for advanced technology so I am sure they will invent something to implant deaf babies with something the minute they are born. Just because I said it, you are denying the power of science? Ironic
 
shel90 said:
No offense to Lissa, but I dont think they will take her experiences in consideration either because she was not implanted as a baby. It seems to be a pattern whenever we try to share our experiences as deaf or hoh people.
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Her experiences will be ignored because she's a deaf person. And that's clear evidence of audism. Lissa has a lot to say and I hope she and other deaf adults with CIs continue to share their experiences. If I ever considered one for my child, those are the folks I want to hear from...because it's their lives.
 
shel90 said:
No offense to Lissa, but I dont think they will take her experiences in consideration either because she was not implanted as a baby. It seems to be a pattern whenever we try to share our experiences as deaf or hoh people.
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Which begets the question: why are they here on AD?
 
shel90 said:
No offense to Lissa, but I dont think they will take her experiences in consideration either because she was not implanted as a baby. It seems to be a pattern whenever we try to share our experiences as deaf or hoh people.
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Lets have a look.... The experiences of a girl that has parents that didnt care about her deafness versus the experience of a father that has accepted his daughters deafness and went out of his way to make sure she would get all the possibilities life has to offer, including hearing, and including the possibility to stop hearing and continue deaf.
If she chooses she has every opportunity to stop hearing and choose to be deaf. Learn sign language, enter Deaf community like other deaf people have done...

No... I don't think SallyLou's experience has anything to do with Rick's daughter, and that her experience does not allow her to have an opinion about the mental state of his daughter..

An apology would be VERY appropriate....
 
Which goes back to just ignoring their prodding and poking and they will get bored and go away.
 
Cloggy, I was not anyone's deaf daughter. I lost my hearing later in life.

I am not insulting my father. He was a flawed human being that did what he thought was best at the time. I credit my father with encouraging me to go to law school. That's especially remarkable considering his age. He was 20 years older than my mom and he supported me despite the fact women had only recently gotten admission. He also had problems, like eveyone else.

Part of growing up is understanding your life in the context of being an adult and learning to see parents as individual humans with flaws and weaknesses. One day, my children will see me from a more realistic point of view. Achieving this does not cancel the bond that exists between parent and child. On the contrary, it makes the relationship deeper and more intimate.

My dad was really proud of me. He always told the truth straight out. He appreciated that about me even when others didn't. He understood me. He was a tough old man who grew up in hard times. Just because I see all of these facets doesn't mean that I don't love him.

ETA: My dad grew up on a farm during the Great Depression and his family lost that farm. My grandfather died when my dad was 16 and he was on his own since that age. My dad was a WWII hero. (as were his brothers). I gave me his Bible with all his missions in it. He had a remarkable life. I told him goodbye and he left this world in peace.
 
shel90 said:
Well...look at the pattern. getting younger and younger and younger, heh?

What is one supposed to think? :roll:

and I though you were all for advanced technology so I am sure they will invent something to implant deaf babies with something the minute they are born. Just because I said it, you are denying the power of science? Ironic
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No.. I am living with the power of science right here in our house... And it's wonderful to see it work..
Im just commenting on you lack of knowledge you display on how deafness is confirmed and how the decision for an operation is taken....
 
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