Advice please: son doesn't want to wear HAs

Of course, if you just stick to facts, and leave out all the angst, they have no way to do that to you.
 
Bottesini said:
Of course, if you just stick to facts, and leave out all the angst, they have no way to do that to you.
Click to expand...

Bottesini, rick48 seemed to have read some of my posts on other threads and dragged it into this one to go after my jugular.

When I describe the impact of oralism and mainstreaming on me on various levels, I AM being factual. And it IS a fact that in some cases, angst can result from being oral and mainstreamed and I was addressing the OP who was wondering if she should force her son to wear HAs. She asked us what we thought and we gave her our opinions based on our own experiences.

I am not going to keep quiet and omit things about my life growing up deaf, oral and mainstreamed and the impact that had on me on a website that is set up for deaf/HOH people to talk about their experiences and other deaf-related subjects just so some hearing people can't use it against me.
 
And, apparently these very parents who Rick referred to aren't satisfied with bragging on the CI Circle forum. They want to come here and shove it down our throats. Oh, the irony. Perhaps something is being compensated for, a classic transference.

Same as you Caroline, I will feel this is my forum where I can share my d/Deaf experiences. One who actually knows.
 
I think if they don't get any fuel for their fires, they will go away.
 
Jazzberry said:
It does sound like your daughter is getting a lot of benefit from her CI. FWIW, she is getting more benefit from her CI then some late deafened adults I know that have decided to go for that operation, including a friend that got one as recently as 3 years ago.

Still, going back to one of the earlier issues discussed in this thread, I'm still solidly in the camp that think its better for all involved to be very clear on the child's hearing status.

When people aren't clear about it -- bad things often happen.

Children at a young age often don't fully understand the effects of hearing loss, no matter how frequently its discussed, and may think that some of their difficulties are due to intelligence or personality issues instead.

Other people, even adults may think the same thing -- because after all the child with the CI or hearing aid hears! Their own parents said so!

GrendalQ, I'm not saying that this is always the case with your daughter or with all children whose families choose to simply introduce their children twith CIs or hearing aids as "hearing" -- but it does happen. I've seen it happen.

ETA: And then of course as already discussed upthread -- why send mixed messages? Obviously you and other parents of children with CIs believe that they need accommodations in school in order to do well. Asking for those accommodations and then introducing your child as "hearing" is sending a mixed message.

It also sends a message to the children that they should try to hide their hearing loss when they can. Again, not a good idea, for many reasons!
Click to expand...

GrendelQ said:
Jazzberry, I know so many families of children with CIs, no one introduces their child as a "hearing child" Hearing status comes up frequently when it comes to children, as part of how they communicate. Most with CIs consider and refer to their children as "deaf." Not HOH, or partly hearing. And they say, when it comes up, that with CIs on, their child can also hear. Just as someone might say he or she is deaf, but with HAs on, can hear people speaking Doesn't mean you are claiming to be a 'hearing person'.

My child attends a school for the deaf. She gets on a special van with other deaf kids. The drivers know these kids are deaf. I explain to the van driver how to communicate with my child by saying that she's deaf, she's fluent in ASL (and ask if the driver is, she knows some signs but of course is not fluent, they rarely are). So, I explain that my daughter wears CIs, and with them on, she will be able to 'hear' the driver speaking in a normal voice, no need to turn around to face her. Introducing her to the deaf mother of a child who rides along to monitor her daughter's feeding/breathing apparatus and the other kids, I introduce her by name, mention that she's deaf and fluent in ASL. :confused: I really don't see how letting the driver know that with her CIs on, she can communicate by spoken language, and with those who know ASL, she can communicate by sign language is misleading anyone or hiding anything. She's bimodally bilingual and fluent in both a spoken and sign language. I wish I were. Why would I hide or diminish her ability to communicate with ease in either language?
Click to expand...

GrendelQ, I took the liberty of including the entire post that you responded to and not just the last few sentences. That, along with pages 9 - 13 of this thread, makes it clear what my post is about.

Several parents of CI children in this thread have said that they tell new people, while introducing their children, that their child hears with no clarifying comments.

Until CIs give the exact same hearing functionality that a child with statistically normal or typical hearing has --- I don't think that is a good idea.

I and others have listed some of the reasons why, I won't bother to repeat them yet again.

I'm glad to hear that in your most recent post that you are not one of those parents.
 
DeafCaroline,

Apparently you have forgotten that you commented and responded to me as follows:

"Your child needs to be taken into consideration first, not other people."

Apparently it is permissible for you, who does not know me, my wife or my daughter, to comment we did not put the considerations of our daughter first but rather those of other people. Apparently it is permissible for you to project your values onto us, to criticize my wife and I as parents and to say in public that we do not place her first and foremost in our considerations.

Who are you to judge my wife and I as parents and to comment on how we raise her and then complain when someone does the same to you? Next time before you attack someone and their relationship with their child perhaps you will think twice.
Rick
 
The message that Rick sends his daughter is loud and clear. His daughter must be convenient for him. She must fit his expectations. It's all about the father and accomodating him.

Kids that get this message tend to suffer from low self esteem and relationship problems. Kids also gauge their importance based on the amount of effort adults will put out on their behalf. A real priority is what a person will allocate resources on. If no effort is expended, it's not a priority.

I feel sorry for kids that grow up in this kind of atmosphere. They may achieve more but it is at the expense of their mental health.
 
sallylou said:
The message that Rick sends his daughter is loud and clear. His daughter must be convenient for him. She must fit his expectations. It's all about the father and accomodating him.

Kids that get this message tend to suffer from low self esteem and relationship problems. Kids also gauge their importance based on the amount of effort adults will put out on their behalf. A real priority is what a person will allocate resources on. If no effort is expended, it's not a priority.

I feel sorry for kids that grow up in this kind of atmosphere. They may achieve more but it is at the expense of their mental health.
Click to expand...
Unbelievable....

Trying to provoke something?
 
No, I'm sharing my experience here. That's the message that I got from my parents even when I was hearing. Lots of people get this message growing up. Not only deaf kids. I'm very accomplished but it's taken a toll on my health.

It's gotten worse in the more affluent neighborhoods, where kids are competing academically at younger and younger ages. We have 10-12 YO taking the SAT now.

If you find this unbelievable, you don't know much about child development.
 
rick48 said:
DeafCaroline,

Apparently you have forgotten that you commented and responded to me as follows:

"Your child needs to be taken into consideration first, not other people."

Apparently it is permissible for you, who does not know me, my wife or my daughter, to comment we did not put the considerations of our daughter first but rather those of other people. Apparently it is permissible for you to project your values onto us, to criticize my wife and I as parents and to say in public that we do not place her first and foremost in our considerations.

Who are you to judge my wife and I as parents and to comment on how we raise her and then complain when someone does the same to you? Next time before you attack someone and their relationship with their child perhaps you will think twice.
Rick
Click to expand...

I don't know your wife and i never judged your wife and in fact, I never addressed your wife. I didn't even know you were married for you've never mentioned your wife.

Secondly, I was actually replying to Cloggy, not you when you jumped in and interjected that no, you don't speak with your child privately first about how to handle any situations in which someone wants to touch her CI, that instead, it all depends on the situation.

You said that, not me. You put that out there in public.

I replied saying, rather than considering variables and situations first, that you consider your child first by not waiting for situations to pop up first then addressing her on how she feels.

Then you got all huffy and decided to denigrate me in every way you could think of.

Have I ever called you names or suggested you're insecure, inadequate, mentally and emotionally unglued and suggested you refrain from imposing your lack of relations with your parents upon me?

Nope. You did that. Classy.
 
sallylou said:
The message that Rick sends his daughter is loud and clear. His daughter must be convenient for him. She must fit his expectations. It's all about the father and accomodating him.

Kids that get this message tend to suffer from low self esteem and relationship problems. Kids also gauge their importance based on the amount of effort adults will put out on their behalf. A real priority is what a person will allocate resources on. If no effort is expended, it's not a priority.

I feel sorry for kids that grow up in this kind of atmosphere. They may achieve more but it is at the expense of their mental health.
Click to expand...

Wow. That's a reach. And a very offensive one. But then, you can often tell a lot about A person's own failings by what they accuse others of. So, that was quite a revelation. I hope your children find the means to overcome such an atmosphere.
 
GrendelQ said:
Wow. That's a reach. And a very offensive one. But then, you can often tell a lot about A person's own failings by what they accuse others of. So, that was quite a revelation. I hope your children find the means to overcome such an atmosphere.
Click to expand...

Offensive to you because she stated the truth? Not the revelation, mind you.
 
Apparently, I've broken a taboo by stating the obvious. The defensiveness comes from privilege. What I said is true in any authoritian, patriarchial family. I use the term "authoritiarian" in the context of psychology and child development.
 
Sallylou, would you please click on/quote the post/person you are replying to? Thanks....
 
Back
Top