Jalestra;
>I actually have different ways to deal with it. (Wall of Text incoming) Also, almost all my interactions are non-hierarchical. Even those that shouldn't be, because honestly I don't do well with people who want to boss me around. Souvenirs of my childhood.
<surprised> Wow! I find hierarchies so... comforting most of the time. Role-based interaction is much harder for me to... 'mess up.' <sheepish grin> And GOLLY does it ruffle my feathers when someone who is "supposed" to be in one role, is later encountered in another role. I have a particularly hard time, say, running into my boss at the movies. Ugh! Gives me shutters just to THINK about it. Well, you've broken theory that 'people like me' love hierarchies. I can't wait to see what else we can learn together!
>1. I don't talk to people very often at all outside the internet. Between this and the hearing loss, it's very difficult to get people to understand and meet me halfway.
This is very interesting! I think it is a bit different for me, because my spouse previously mentioned, "They would not have reacted that way if you were speaking in person." Which is usually true. I can charm 'in person' fairly well. It is all acting. In a way it is somewhat disrespectful to the other party, because I am not being genuine. I play a role. But they seem to prefer that, and it works. However, when I am trying to approach someone with genuine respect (not just that dictated by roles), I am often more likely to "be myself" because I view them as an equal. This often has the opposite of the intended effect. Which sort of happened here earlier, I think. On typed social forums, my manner of speech and thinking processes must be off-putting? But in MY head, if I used any other manner than my own, I would be demeaning my audience. Does that make sense? How have you managed to make your "internet voice" pleasantly engaging?!
>2. To those who make the effort I tell them I'm "that" geek, the extremely socially awkward one who makes frequent social gaffes.
<grin> I've definitely given that speech before. Sometimes even with the 'live long and prosper' sign. <only sort of teasing> Oh to live on Vulcan! <wistful>
>4. For the most part, I just don't care.
This is very honest and very brave of you to admit. I know, because when I admit things like this, it is not often embraced by the people around me. I have a theory (feel free to blow it out of the water) that perhaps people who are more emotionally based don't have a "neutral" place. I am neutral about a great many things. I just do not care. Its not in the same way that other people seem to use that statement. They seem to mean an active, unpleasant not-caring. That's not what I mean. That not-caring state takes much more energy for me to achieve than I think it does them. I mean neutral, no energy-required, not caring. Do you have this?
>5. And lastly, I try very hard to find things in which I feel similarly and apply those to other situations. Of course, it's always a bit off because my response to a feeling is not the same as others, but I DO feel things and I understand how that makes ME feel and it's somewhat easier to understand why they feel the way they do. Somewhat, not 100%, many times not even 50%.
<nodding> Yes! I do feel things as well, although I am pretty sure that I don't have nearly the breadth of emotional experience that others seem to. In fact, I often have to "think my way" into an emotion. Even during times when I SHOULD feel things strongly, like funerals. I have to think my way to grief. The emotion doesn't just come with the situation, like it seems to for others. Growing up, when I was interacting in a place where I did not feel COMPLETELY safe to 'be myself,' I used to try to figure out what the people around me were feeling and 'think myself' into feeling it. These days, that just takes too much energy most of the time and I just pretend instead of actually calling up the emotion.
>Sometimes its sole existence is based on meeting an emotional need I just don't have and cannot understand. In that case, you just do what you are doing...ask questions, persevere until someone has the patience to deal with you, or give up. Of course, in that case it's just grasping in the dark and you have to figure out how many people you're willing to piss off to get to your goal.
<Laughing> Well, as you know, pissing off people is just kinda how-things-go sometimes. (Okay, okay, a great deal of the time) And it is SO HARD for me to give up on things. Once I decide that I do not understand something, I HAVE to work with it until I come to a degree of understanding that I can accept. It doesn't have to be completely (I have gotten over that paradigm falsity. It was rough. But, I can now say that I will probably never understand anything COMPLETELY). If I don't do this, the not knowing "picks" at me until I actually begin to feel a sort of stress from it. Or maybe not stress, but something uncomfortable in a similar way.
You know, the "meeting an emotional need I just don't have" part... has me thinking. I don't know how to respond to that yet. I need to think some more.
>As far as my parents....
Thank you for being willing to share that. <thinking> My father is very emotional. My mother is even farther along the 'intellectual' spectrum than I am. I figured it must be genetic. But you are right, some of that could be a reaction to dealing with the emotions around. It had to be terribly confusing for you growing up!
>Also, because you seem to be further than I am on our end of the spectrum, I might actually be able to 'translate" for you! lol IM me at any time. As I am sure you experience, it's very hard to offend me since it doesn't really affect me for the most part.
<grin, genuine> Thank you!
Still, one often has to encounter cultural influences on individuals. End-of-life discussions are very different in the city I studied in, than where I work now. What family/supporters are in the delivery room is very different as well. One cannot best serve these people, without learning something about their culture - even though the next Hispanic/Black/Jew/Jain/lesbian/blind person/etc might perceive their own subgroup entirely differently.
