Why would people want their children to be deaf?

[marcyp06]

I am hearing plan to adopt deaf children. I will prefer have deaf kids because I feel more comfortable in Deaf world after very short time than in hearing world whole life. I want to make sure Deaf kids have many opportunities and feel part of culture not adopted by hearing parents hoping to "save" them from their "disability" (Not saying that all hearing parents are like that I know many are not but sadly many still are and many adoption agencies say 'oh deaf kid not problem just give them CI all better'). I will love my deaf and hearing kids the same and treat them no different.
I dont think its wrong to want Deaf kids any more than want a boy more than a girl when having a baby as long as you love the kids the same no matter what. And if you are able to share culture and experiences with your child it is a joy.

 

[warpedpink]

I hope your kids are hearing too.. I don't know you but I can't help but feel sorry for you. You clearly have not embraced your Deaf identity and recognized what you've gained. Your focus is on what you lost. :|

 

[rebeccalj]

Well it stopped me from being in the military with like 90% of my high school friends who was in ROTC. Even if the military somehow end up decide to let me in, they will never let me in Special Force. Now do you want to tell me my deafness hasn't stopped me?

Then you should advocate for change instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

 

[warpedpink]

Then you should advocate for change instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

easier said than done but

 

[RabidLamn]

Then you should advocate for change instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

BLAH been there done it. If I change anything, I'd be too old to join by then and even if I can join, I'd be put in non combat position. NO way!

 

[Sosie]

Wow... Sosie, I have a friend who went through similar experience. However it was discovered he was deaf when he was born. His mother want to give him up for adopt, but his father refused. They divorced for that reason.
To this day, he's in mid 20s and still social awkward mainly over the whole family thing. So I know what you're going through. Very sad situation.

Same here. My parents divorced after their 19 years marriage. My father was drinking, smoking and gambling...(He took my mother's paycheck weekly to gambling... ) He's deceased from throat cancer 16 years ago.

Yeah, I went through. Thanks.

I am glad that your friend's father refused to give him up for adopt. Good for him! I am sorry this deaf guy went thru, too.

I remember I used to work with 12 deaf men with MR at a group home as Direct Care Staff/Case Manager years ago. Many of them were ending up institutions, state hospitals, and even prisons because their parents didn't want them. How sad?!!!

 

[marcyp06]

Well it stopped me from being in the military with like 90% of my high school friends who was in ROTC. Even if the military somehow end up decide to let me in, they will never let me in Special Force. Now do you want to tell me my deafness hasn't stopped me?

Military refuse me because of slight asthma and bad joints (and they didn't even KNOW I was gay, lol) *shrug* maybe you can do something even better with your life now, that's how I try to see it. Am I sad? Yes. But I've got olther goals in life there are other ways to make an impact.

 

[RabidLamn]

Military refuse me because of slight asthma and bad joints (and they didn't even KNOW I was gay, lol) *shrug* maybe you can do something even better with your life now, that's how I try to see it. Am I sad? Yes. But I've got olther goals in life there are other ways to make an impact.

Exactly. That's what I say about deafness. It will stop you from do something just like as many other things (asthmas and bad joints is one example) but you move on and find other thing to do with your life.
However people who scream "DEAF CAN DO ANYTHING!" are naive.

 

[Bottesini]

Misinformed. My Deafness hasn't stopped me from doing anything that I wanted to do. I won silver medal in Latin dancing a few years ago. I released two songs internationally. I've written a novel. I'm a professional accountant and am very respected for what is in my brain not whether or not I can hear.

Yes, there are some challenges in terms of romantic relationships but those arise from dating hearies who don't understand how different our communication is.

Well that would be a miracle if you are prelingually deaf. I can hear the bass beat mostly, but none at all of the high notes of music.

Tell us how you did that.

 

[somedeafdudefromPNW]

Exactly. That's what I say about deafness. It will stop you from do something just like as many other things (asthmas and bad joints is one example) but you move on and find other thing to do with your life.
However people who scream "DEAF CAN DO ANYTHING!" are naive.

You're an idiot.

 

[Anij]

I am a deaf guy and if I was ever to have a child, I want them to be hearing.

You can talk until you're blue in the face, but if you're deaf, there are just SO many lost opportunity that you will never be able to do and there will be some difficult in life that wouldn't happen if you could hear.

I'm Hoh/Deaf ... I don't think I have many "lost opportunities" because of it. I've played musical instruments (casually and professionally).

I've played on sports teams (volleyball).

I was in advanced placement classes in elementary school through High School & graduated High School will honours.

I went to college in a different country when I was 18 and graduated with a GPA of 3.94 (or 3.98, I can't remember it was 15+years ago).

I worked in a very specialized (male dominated) job and had clients from all over Canada who sent work specifically to me.

I was in a car accident in 2004 that forced me to stop working. After my health stabilized a bit I went back to school - to university, locally this time - and studied theology for 2 years (with ASL interpreters), and worked as a volunteer/lay leader in many churches etc.Unfortunately in "year 2" of university, my medical condition worsened and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia,Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), Osteoarthritis and a number of other things - so I took a break from school to take care of myself.

I can honestly tell you that being Hoh/Deaf is NOTHING compared to living in Chronic severe pain.



Being Deaf to me (and most other Hoh/Deaf people I know in real life) is like being female vs male, blonde vs brunette, short vs tall, black vs white .... is it "easier" to be a hearing, male, brunette who's tall - YES... does that mean it's "better" - NO.

While I wouldn't genetically engineer a deaf child - I'd be completely happy/content if I naturally had a child who happens to be Hoh/Deaf.
If I was to adopt a child, I'd likely look for a Hoh/Deaf child first because as someone who's Hoh/Deaf myself, I understand what it's like to be Hoh/Deaf in a way that hearing people cannot. I also understand the communication needs, literacy needs, and access needs of someone who's Hoh/Deaf - and will be an excellent advocate for that child, as well as someone who can teach them how to advocate for themselves.

 

[Megan8987]

I'm Hoh/Deaf ... I don't think I have many "lost opportunities" because of it. I've played musical instruments (casually and professionally).

I've played on sports teams (volleyball).

I was in advanced placement classes in elementary school through High School & graduated High School will honours.

I went to college in a different country when I was 18 and graduated with a GPA of 3.94 (or 3.98, I can't remember it was 15+years ago).

I worked in a very specialized (male dominated) job and had clients from all over Canada who sent work specifically to me.

I was in a car accident in 2004 that forced me to stop working. After my health stabilized a bit I went back to school - to university, locally this time - and studied theology for 2 years (with ASL interpreters), and worked as a volunteer/lay leader in many churches etc.Unfortunately in "year 2" of university, my medical condition worsened and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia,Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), Osteoarthritis and a number of other things - so I took a break from school to take care of myself.

I can honestly tell you that being Hoh/Deaf is NOTHING compared to living in Chronic severe pain.



Being Deaf to me (and most other Hoh/Deaf people I know in real life) is like being female vs male, blonde vs brunette, short vs tall, black vs white .... is it "easier" to be a hearing, male, brunette who's tall - YES... does that mean it's "better" - NO.

While I wouldn't genetically engineer a deaf child - I'd be completely happy/content if I naturally had a child who happens to be Hoh/Deaf.
If I was to adopt a child, I'd likely look for a Hoh/Deaf child first because as someone who's Hoh/Deaf myself, I understand what it's like to be Hoh/Deaf in a way that hearing people cannot. I also understand the communication needs, literacy needs, and access needs of someone who's Hoh/Deaf - and will be an excellent advocate for that child, as well as someone who can teach them how to advocate for themselves.

+1

 

[saywhatkid]

I can honestly tell you that being Hoh/Deaf is NOTHING compared to living in Chronic severe pain.

Being Deaf to me (and most other Hoh/Deaf people I know in real life) is like being female vs male, blonde vs brunette, short vs tall, black vs white .... is it "easier" to be a hearing, male, brunette who's tall - YES... does that mean it's "better" - NO.

While I wouldn't genetically engineer a deaf child - I'd be completely happy/content if I naturally had a child who happens to be Hoh/Deaf.
If I was to adopt a child, I'd likely look for a Hoh/Deaf child first because as someone who's Hoh/Deaf myself, I understand what it's like to be Hoh/Deaf in a way that hearing people cannot. I also understand the communication needs, literacy needs, and access needs of someone who's Hoh/Deaf - and will be an excellent advocate for that child, as well as someone who can teach them how to advocate for themselves.

Excellent post.

 

[RabidLamn]

Eventhough I will never get into the military (which is something I planned on my whole childhood life up until high school and was planning on spending good 30 years or so in the military) I have done a lot.

I was a kickboxer and mixed martial arts fighter, train with some of the best team and fighter (NO I dont know Matt Hamill and couldn't give a damn if he die in a fire tonight or win a title tomorrow)
Have travel a lot, work with a lot awesome people in photography field, got to do a lot fun adrenaline junkie things, live near enough to area where I can go rock climbing and swimming and mountain biking everyday, and the list goes on.

But still... If I could have a choice, would I have done thing differently? You betcha!
But yes I am a really happy person in generally. Probably much happier than vast majority of population. I wake up happy everyday and always looking forward to the day and what lay ahead of me. But still there are things that linger in back of my mind that sometime come back and make me ask "what if?" I am sure I am not only one like that. I am nothing special or unique. I am just a human like as everybody else.

However I agree 100% with you on child. I'd never genetically engineer them to be deaf either. If I was to adopt, I'd defitinely look for a HoH/deaf child because there are plenty hearing that can get a home, but for HoH/deaf it is harder.

 

[KarissaMann05]

Shel... Let me ask you something... If your child can be blind and in a wheel chair, would you pick that for your child? I bet you'd scream NO!!! Without hesitate. However there are some couple out there who want nothing more than for their child to be deaf. I want to know why they would want that.

I probably never understand you for your "anti-disability" or "anti-abnormal" views. If my child is blind, let be so. If my child is in a wheelchair, fine with me. 'Cause I frankly don't care as long as my child is healthy and well. That's what matter to me. Sure, it may be hard for me and my family but I feel it is worth experience.

Of course, I know people still want to have a "prefect" child... Hell, most people want a "normal" life, anyway! But if there is no people with disabilities or whoever person may be, I seriously doubt there will have the patience in our home planet. So I ask you something. What about Little People? Are they not so normal, aren't they? Really... Why are you value the normal-ism and ability so much?

 

[jazzy]

One of my classmate, we always thought she was deaf till she told one of my other classmate shshsh when he clicked the pen over again and again. Then school had her hearing test and found out that she was hearing not deaf. Her parents wanted her to be deaf and believed she was deaf and still said she is deaf. She ended up committed suicide years ago. I won't say her name because i already got in disagreement with other deaf people who believed she was deaf plus she had 2 kids. When I see some deaf adults wanted deaf kids instead of hearing kids, I pray they are not like my old classmate's parents. Sad to think about her.

 

[saywhatkid]

I probably never understand you for your "anti-disability" or "anti-abnormal" views. If my child is blind, let be so. If my child is in a wheelchair, fine with me. 'Cause I frankly don't care as long as my child is healthy and well. That's what matter to me. Sure, it may be hard for me and my family but I feel it is worth experience.

Of course, I know people still want to have a "prefect" child... Hell, most people want a "normal" life, anyway! But if there is no people with disabilities or whoever person may be, I seriously doubt there will have the patience in our home planet. So I ask you something. What about Little People? Are they not so normal, aren't they? Really... Why are you value the normal-ism and ability so much?

Some people don't equate deaf with healthy and well. One lesson in life is to play the hand you are dealt. Fighting it is futile.
Should I have a child, I need to accept every possible thing that can happen. Otherwise, the child suffers.

 

[KarissaMann05]

Some people don't equate deaf with healthy and well. One lesson in life is to play the hand you are dealt. Fighting it is futile.
Should I have a child, I need to accept every possible thing that can happen. Otherwise, the child suffers.

Yes, I understand you do mean... I don't want to see a child's suffers, either. Education, childhood, and happiness are the key to me.

 

[saywhatkid]

Yes, I understand you do mean... I don't want to see a child's suffers, either. Education, childhood, and happiness are the key to me.

Yes, and when a parent is disturbed by what their child does or does not physically have, that child will eventually pick up on it. If someone has 3 hearing kids and one deaf, and is not thrilled to parent a deaf child, that deaf child may be treated differently, and they will know it.

 

[3littlemen]

Nobody plans to have a child who is different from society, but when it happens, it shouldn't be viewed as a tragedy. I believe that attitude has a lot to do with how well adjusted a child is. If you raise that child to think they are defective or different, they will believe they are. If you raise that child to believe that they can do anything they choose to, they will.

Society has a way of victimizing those who are different and it truly sucks.

FYI to the OP: I'm hearing but was born with an open spine. I have been in a wheelchair since early childhood. I've found that being born this way has never been an issue for me. However, what HAS been an issue for me is how society sees me. Society has a long way to go when it comes to acceptance.

Very well said! I am a hearing parent of a 9-month-old boy who is supposedly HOH. I say supposedly because his tests have been very inconsistent, but he does wear HAs at this point. We are getting a third ABR soon.

Anyway, as a hearing parent with not much prior exposure to deaf or hard of hearing kids, I find it hard to accept the diagnosis, I admit (have to edit here and say that I DO NOT resent my child or think he is "broken" in any way...if anything, he is my favorite!). It isn't the extra doctor appointments or the fact that he has hearing aids or may need speech therapy, or anything to do with HIM. It is that I fear how kids will treat him in school, how adults will treat him later, etc. I don't want him to experience an ounce of sadness over his hearing loss, and that is what is hard for me. I also think about the fact that when he's taking a bath and playing with his brothers and his aids are out that he can't hear everything Breaks my heart. But I also know that he knows no different, and this is all probably going to be a lot harder on me than him.

At this point, if we ever had another child, which we are considering, it would almost be a blessing for it to be HOH, in a way. I feel like at least he wouldn't be the different one in the family and that he would have a brother or sister who was just like him, someone to understand and go through it with.

I think, though, deaf or HOH or hearing, that whatever way you are born is just how you are. That's my baby. Imperfections and all. He is him. And I love him more than I could have imagined.