Why my hubby refuse to go counseling?

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mtnlady

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:sadwave:: We had a agreement that we would go to counseling if we are having trouble with our marriage. Now he refuse! Why?

He refuse to believe that counselor would help, we are having communicate problem and I told him he need to learn how to communicate with me, it is the key!

How can I convice him to go to counseling with me? I also asking what is wrong what bother him? He drop the ball, not answer my question, he says you are not suppose ask too many question, well I want to know the answer but he never give me the answer. So I wait till he is ready to communicate, never did

I am so confuse and frustrate with him and I want him to go counseling that is the last thing before I could decide to divorce. I hate to divorce, too many people getting divorce these days. Somebody should help us, family dont want to help, what to do? Is there someone willing to help me here?
 
Sorry to hear you had these troubles,

Let me put this way.

You can bring horse to the water, but you can't force the horse to drink the water.

If he really cares about marriage then he will do something about it, bit if not then why bother suffering?
 
It takes two to make the marriage work. If he isn't willing to do his part, then it will be much harder to make it work.
 
I agree with Shel90...marriage is team work. Not one work alone...if the other don't play fair, then it just don't work out.
 
I'm very sorry about your situation. Sadly, you can't force your husband to go to counseling. Even if you could, if he attended under force then he probably wouldn't pay attention or participate in the sessions. He has to want to save the marriage as much as you do for the counseling to succeed. We don't know why he won't go to counseling. That's whatever is happening in his mind and heart.

It might still be good for you to continue attending counseling to get help for coping with the situation, and for sorting out your own thoughts.

If you need an interpreter for your counseling sessions, I hope you get one.

Best wishes to you. :hug:
 
Sorry to read about your troubles. Most of us guys [I include myself here] don't open up as much as women would. We are very reluctant to talk about our problems The idea of going to a marriage counselor is something we would naturaly be against. It sounds like he has dug his heels in and no amount of arguing will change his mind.
Maybe you will have to approach it from a different angle?

In my own case I know if my wife wants me to do something that I am against then no amount of coaxing, demanding, or threats will change my mind. But then she will get upset, turn on the waterworks...and Bingo!... I'm like putty in her hands and will agree to anything that will make her feel better.
 
I recommend going to counseling alone if he doesn't feel comfortable going. When one person changes in a relationship, the other person will be forced to accept and react to this change. When he sees that therapy helps you, he may change his mind. In the meantime, getting help will benefit you. Good luck! A good therapist is worth her weight in gold.
 
You should be respect to development to relationship important to honest and communication strong. if you problem communication to focus with couple. I understand . I do understand you upset. I respect to you...
 
well here is my experience.

We were the same thing but the opposite. I have been to counseling over the years and they are not that smart as you think they are. They are just there sitting the office reminding you what you need to go over to improve yourself or the relationship of any kind. I even had marriage counselor, it doesn't always work because not every time we share something the truth doesn't always come out of you both. When something is being expressed that was never mentioned at home often found solution, makes the matters worse or both in the mix. I even switched few counselors because they got schooled when they said something wrong to us or doesn't make any sense on how to solve a problem. So the best solution is to get best marriage counselor or get real good advice from someone who has been in the marriage over 10-20 years on how they work at it. Like other person mentioned that you can bring a horse to water but you can not force this horse to drink the water which is based on true theory of marriage. My wife said she refuse to go back to counselor with me because she knew it wont help us ever, no matter who the counselor is. We almost got divorce several times we saved it by debating and throwing around the reasons why we are that and this, bah bah. If you can not stand it, just tell him the problem you can not stand it any longer. I am ready to kick my wife out but she has no place to stay so I let her stay and somehow love itself spiced up but we rather stay separated (separate bed, etc) to prevent further disaster. It has been too long for us, either we are friends or just someone with benefit in love and sex. Good luck with your marriage and the bull you married to. Hope things works out the way you two want it be. Of course communication is the key to save the relationship but be careful what you say. Again Good Luck.
 
Hmmm interesting on what The White Tiger commented here. A situation like this is always hard to deal with. I hope you two find a way to save your marriage. I wish you the best.
 
My advice for you to help your relationship is try not to criticize your husband or complain, especially about when he won't go with you to counseling. And always find a positive side.

here is a simple little example what I mean being positive... let says his hat look tacky, instead saying tacky, figure out what you do like about the hat.. Is it colorful? say "your hat is very colorful" (this is just an small example) People tend to have a difficult time taking criticism from their spouse so we have to be careful.
 
Thank you to all who review and respond to me especially The White Tiger, that is what we are having since for about 6 months now. I am having trouble find the counselor because I am in rural area so it is tough for me to go. I wish the gas price is alot lower so but yea I would go to counseling when I find one. And thanks for the advise about finding the counselor. Hopefully my hubby will hang in there! I would find a way, I would not give up. Let s wait and see how that goes.......
 
mtnlady said:
Thank you to all who review and respond to me especially The White Tiger, that is what we are having since for about 6 months now. I am having trouble find the counselor because I am in rural area so it is tough for me to go. I wish the gas price is alot lower so but yea I would go to counseling when I find one. And thanks for the advise about finding the counselor. Hopefully my hubby will hang in there! I would find a way, I would not give up. Let s wait and see how that goes.......
Click to expand...

This link tells of another option.... counseling via VP
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxvL6QNIJOg]YouTube - Does Videophone Counseling Work?[/ame]

I think you can find deaf counselors online and ask them if they provide service via VP. I wish you the best of luck.
 
mtnlady said:
Thank you to all who review and respond to me especially The White Tiger, that is what we are having since for about 6 months now. I am having trouble find the counselor because I am in rural area so it is tough for me to go. I wish the gas price is alot lower so but yea I would go to counseling when I find one. And thanks for the advise about finding the counselor. Hopefully my hubby will hang in there! I would find a way, I would not give up. Let s wait and see how that goes.......
Click to expand...

I can understand your situation, we are the same, we live in small town which takes us approximately 10-15 minutes to get to the clinic where the counselors are but they charge me $90 per hour which I find it a waste if they are not good enough. And I have to agree with other member above to videophone your counselor if they have one but will the charges be covered that way? But here, I have been there and there for over a year, image we are still here under the same roof and sleeping separately. That ain't the way it works but it puts us to peace until then. It is the esteem in both of you and the way you two communicate has to change otherwise the problem will remain. You two will have to learn to adapt few things your way and his way and make it work as one...that way when it works, things will get better, your esteem will improve, your thoughts and emotions will improve then being as partner or family will grow happier. If you two do not, then things will be same or worse. It is like you two are battling for power of control over something. Remove that. Focus on being good team player then you both will be fine. Not just you, he needs to do that and this as well.

Good Luck.

Reason we are still here, money, jobs, school, etc. When things gets better, one of us will get out of here as soon as it starts to work for either of us. Because we both still have our horns even we found solutions, realizing it was not worth it. Convincing ourselves to believe it is what we want but no it is not. So we will be on our own paths whenever things gets better.

Again good luck on your end. have good week.
 
mtnlady said:
:sadwave:: We had a agreement that we would go to counseling if we are having trouble with our marriage. Now he refuse! Why?

He refuse to believe that counselor would help, we are having communicate problem and I told him he need to learn how to communicate with me, it is the key!

How can I convice him to go to counseling with me? I also asking what is wrong what bother him? He drop the ball, not answer my question, he says you are not suppose ask too many question, well I want to know the answer but he never give me the answer. So I wait till he is ready to communicate, never did

I am so confuse and frustrate with him and I want him to go counseling that is the last thing before I could decide to divorce. I hate to divorce, too many people getting divorce these days. Somebody should help us, family dont want to help, what to do? Is there someone willing to help me here?
Click to expand...

many men are well macho dont want to discuss feelings and he may be scared to be mr touchy feely as many men see counclers as. if i were you i'd go to counceling make the 1st step for your self then encourage him to follow.
 
Well they (men) want to show they can manage anything on their own but the fact is that they couldn't. I learned that back in 2007 there was about 56% of the men were forced to go see counselor of any kind by law and the rest was mental impaired, mental ill, emotional breakdowners, and several more. I was told by a psychologist that most of the 56% of the men were trying to be a man or has no knowledge what they are doing to the other people under their roof or wherever they are.
 
Oh no, he refuse. I have experienced with that. Counselor does work ! But not interesting. Other way is give your love to him. Man really wants both love and sex. Not just love. Husband is head of house and family. Do you and your hubby go church on Sunday ? I am too busy go church because I work 7 days a weekly. I do want go church when day off. Wife has to be serve any meal to honor hubby and make lunch for him when he on lunch from work. Serve him any kind drinking when he get hot or relax. Wife has to show him what you did today. Don't give hubby heart leak. Never say why to hubby. Never give him be fair. Never say repeat go cousenlor. Make sure not give him too much can be make decision to divorce.
If you have any more question then email me at tazmancho@yahoo.com I am male age 43.
 
mtnlady said:
:sadwave:: We had a agreement that we would go to counseling if we are having trouble with our marriage. Now he refuse! Why?

He refuse to believe that counselor would help, we are having communicate problem and I told him he need to learn how to communicate with me, it is the key!

How can I convice him to go to counseling with me? I also asking what is wrong what bother him? He drop the ball, not answer my question, he says you are not suppose ask too many question, well I want to know the answer but he never give me the answer. So I wait till he is ready to communicate, never did

I am so confuse and frustrate with him and I want him to go counseling that is the last thing before I could decide to divorce. I hate to divorce, too many people getting divorce these days. Somebody should help us, family dont want to help, what to do? Is there someone willing to help me here?
Click to expand...
I agree that communication is key. What bothers me is that you have to pay somebody to facilitate communication.
 
energyman2066 said:
Oh no, he refuse. I have experienced with that. Counselor does work ! But not interesting. Other way is give your love to him. Man really wants both love and sex. Not just love. Husband is head of house and family. Do you and your hubby go church on Sunday ? I am too busy go church because I work 7 days a weekly. I do want go church when day off. Wife has to be serve any meal to honor hubby and make lunch for him when he on lunch from work. Serve him any kind drinking when he get hot or relax. Wife has to show him what you did today. Don't give hubby heart leak. Never say why to hubby. Never give him be fair. Never say repeat go cousenlor. Make sure not give him too much can be make decision to divorce.
If you have any more question then email me at tazmancho@yahoo.com I am male age 43.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately its not 1955 anymore.
 
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