What is marriage?

oh and a relative of mine had a joint tax with her husband. and her husband cheated on it, and she ended up being responsible for it too. The Gov't need to make it clear this will happen and these legal marriage stuff means business, not some kind of love commitment document to show everyone. The word "marriage" can be deceiving in a way as too many people don't know what they are really getting themselves into legally.
 
The solution for an abusive spouse is to leave! No spouse should ever stay in an abusive situation.

Spouses should never sign a federal tax return without knowing its contents. A person may file for innocent spouse relief with the IRS. The issue how is innocent a spouse is and the relevant evidence determines that.

It's impossible to document and enforce the commitment that *should* exist with marriage. The best that a person can do it to know the character of the person that she marries. Know the person that you marry for a long period of time and watch for red flags that indicate there is a control issue. I understand the fear of getting stuck in abusive relationship. I grew up in an abusive family and I was very wary about getting married. It took me a long time to trust my husband and marry him.
 
Marriage license is only a paper! This papers makes governments and attorney happy, and they will be even more happier when file for divorce.

So, in other word, it really takes two to make it one, nobody else can force two to make themselves into one.
 
I was going to remark that marriage is a mistakeeeeee, purely insanity!!

But... I think Aghori already covered the basics :)
 
Marriage is defined as a contractual union between a man and a woman for those who are religious or hold the same value as religion(like me) before god first and state second way before the GLBT movement. It is there to let everyone know that we are together legally and spiritually as defined by church, federal and local government.

There can be more than one way to meet all these requirements without disrupting the sanctity of the word "marriage" and what it has meant to church and people way before the GLBT and USA existed. "civil union" can be one of those words that can have all the same rights and privies as those who are "married" except for church's who only honor the word "marriage" there are quite a few church's out there who honor both.

Yes you can have both and yes both can live in harmony :)
 
sallylou said:
You can't opt out of state laws. If you don't want legal obligations, don't get married (even at common law). A church wedding that fails to create a statutory marriage *could* establish a common law marriage (in common law jurisdictions). Alternatively, you can move to a place where you like the applicable laws.

I wouldn't trust a person who chooses to evade legal obligations, but that's my personal choice. If you can find a person who will take the risk of having no legal obligations, you may be able to avoid any legal obligations. Be aware that a putative spouse may still file for divorce of common law marriage despite your intentions. All it takes is evidence (particularly how the couple files federal tax returns).

Lighthouse, why are you afraid of being trapped?
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Who said anything about opting out of state laws? Common law marriages are pretty common knowledge. My statement was that I don't need the government to certify my marriage.

"evade legal obligations" as you put it, supposes there are legal obligations. It's an after the fact statement.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
oh and a relative of mine had a joint tax with her husband. and her husband cheated on it, and she ended up being responsible for it too. The Gov't need to make it clear this will happen and these legal marriage stuff means business, not some kind of love commitment document to show everyone. The word "marriage" can be deceiving in a way as too many people don't know what they are really getting themselves into legally.
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Exactly, so again I say lets rename this legal contract mumbo jumbo and leave leave "marriage to be defined by each person as they see fit.

Actually I now support mumbo jumbo as the name for the contract. It accurately describes legal terminology and the relevance most of us give it when we think of our marriage.

In fact, if the name mumbo jumbo ever becomes law I pledge to file for a mumbo jumbo certificate before I marry again. That way I can be married and legally mumbo jumboed at the same time. But wait, since mumbo jumbo refers to the legal part already, saying legally mumbo jumboed would be redundant. It's just married and mumbo jumboed.:D
 
Lighthouse referred to marriage without the financial obligations. In particular, her concern was an abusive spouse who refused to allow the other spouse access to money. It happens frequently. There are also people who wish to avoid financial obligations because of a bad divorce (which I can understand!).

You'd be surprised how many people do not consider the implications of their own relationships. Love makes people do funny things. LOL!
 
marriage mean to me... support each other who you trust to. Be with forever until death. Don't ignore it, divorce-whore!
 
sallylou said:
You can't opt out of state laws. If you don't want legal obligations, don't get married (even at common law). A church wedding that fails to create a statutory marriage *could* establish a common law marriage (in common law jurisdictions). Alternatively, you can move to a place where you like the applicable laws.

I wouldn't trust a person who chooses to evade legal obligations, but that's my personal choice. If you can find a person who will take the risk of having no legal obligations, you may be able to avoid any legal obligations. Be aware that a putative spouse may still file for divorce of common law marriage despite your intentions. All it takes is evidence (particularly how the couple files federal tax returns).

Lighthouse, why are you afraid of being trapped?
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I agree with you. I didnt like it when someone said that I didnt love nor trust my hubby enough because I have those views. Excuse me..nobody knows 100% about my relationship with my hubby but the two of us.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
I'm not afraid of being trapped. If I was I wouldn't get married. But unfortunately, I seen too many women who were abused, and their husband kept all their money and won't give a single dime. They seem to treat marriage as a trap. One woman wanted a new dress, but nope, her husband won't share his money to give her one.
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If I was a housewife and didnt earn money, sure I would want a joint account or share finances and if my hubby said no, then forget marriage. However, I have a job and my own finances so does he so we keep things separate so we dont have to worry about bitching at each other about money. We already bitch at each other about cleaniness...lol!

However, we do give each other money whenever we are broke. Like today, I asked my hubby if he wanted $10 cuz I know that he is broke until Friday. He was very appreciative. He does the same for me. I love it!

My friend, who is a housewife, gets a weekly allowance from her hubby. I do not like that idea at all. She has to ask him for money. I would hate that in my relationship.
 
So therefore, you and your husband didn't really need a marriage license at all, you two would do fine without it?

But yeah, some people have to stay home, maybe because her child have a life threatening disease.. or maybe she felt that if she worked, the cost of babysitting, the transportation, etc. would not be profitable for her (basically, she spent all her money doing all that) and since she isn't a single mother, it is better for her to stay home. There's lot of reason why a woman stay home.
 
I should mention that this another problem. When two people are married and the wife work, but she doesn't make enough, and needed assistance , like reduced childcare, because her husband won't give her a single dime... it is very hard for her to get one because she is legally married to a man who make too much.

you see, the gov't should not be encouraging this type of behavior from spouses mistreating each other by allowing them to sign a document freely as if it is no big deal because it's "love". They should come up a legal term so both party know what they are getting themselves into. And if they disagree with it, they don't have to sign and still be married to each other without the gov't. People who get married tend to do it for love and commitment...But changing the term from marriage to civil union would be better because they won't feel the need to sign a document to prove their love and commitment for each other. They would be like "Oh, that just a civil union, we don't need to do it" But if the word marriage is there, they would like "oh, we got to get married!... we need a license!"
 
Lighthouse77 said:
So therefore, you and your husband didn't really need a marriage license at all, you two would do fine without it?

But yeah, some people have to stay home, maybe because her child have a life threatening disease.. or maybe she felt that if she worked, the cost of babysitting, the transportation, etc. would not be profitable for her (basically, she spent all her money doing all that) and since she isn't a single mother, it is better for her to stay home. There's lot of reason why a woman stay home.
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We wanted to be married. That was our preference. Just because our marriage philosophy doesnt match other people doesnt mean we shouldnt be married.

Everyone is different like I told someone else. I dont judge other people's marriages so I expect the same.
 
TXgolfer said:
These two don't seem to go together. What's the point of getting married if A) you don't want a contractual obligation involving finances. OR B) You don't believe you should be married in God's eyes before living together.

Very confusing. It sounds like you are saying you need a court to voice it's approval of your love and willingness to spend your life with someone. To me marriage is about trust. I always trusted my wife with our finances. If I didn't I wouldn't have been with her. Yes , some people get burned in a first marriage and try to cover their butt in the second marriage. That doesn't sound like unconditional love to me.
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Lighthouse77 said:
So therefore, you and your husband didn't really need a marriage license at all, you two would do fine without it?

But yeah, some people have to stay home, maybe because her child have a life threatening disease.. or maybe she felt that if she worked, the cost of babysitting, the transportation, etc. would not be profitable for her (basically, she spent all her money doing all that) and since she isn't a single mother, it is better for her to stay home. There's lot of reason why a woman stay home.
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shel90 said:
We wanted to be married. That was our preference. Just because our marriage philosophy doesnt match other people doesnt mean we shouldnt be married.

Everyone is different like I told someone else. I dont judge other people's marriages so I expect the same.
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No one is "judging your marriage". You started this thread. You asked everyone how they defined marriage. You then used your marriage as an example of what you thought marriage was. If you notice my post above states "to me" (in bold now). My post merely points out the difference in out definition. There is no judgement of your marriage. The other post doesn't say you shouldn't be married. It says you didn't NEED a marriage license.

The problem is you started a discussion on what marriage IS and then used your own marriage as an example. THEN you take it personally when people explain how our views are different.

It sounds like you are saying you need a court to voice it's approval of your love and willingness to spend your life with someone
Perhaps as a singular post I should have said "one needs" and "their" instead of "you need" and "your" in the quote above. But given that this has been my point in MANY posts, it is pretty clear I am debating the concept and not your individual marriage.
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TXgolfer said:
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No one is "judging your marriage". You started this thread. You asked everyone how they defined marriage. You then used your marriage as an example of what you thought marriage was. If you notice my post above states "to me" (in bold now). My post merely points out the difference in out definition. There is no judgement of your marriage. The other post doesn't say you shouldn't be married. It says you didn't NEED a marriage license.

The problem is you started a discussion on what marriage IS and then used your own marriage as an example. THEN you take it personally when people explain how our views are different.

It sounds like you are saying you need a court to voice it's approval of your love and willingness to spend your life with someone
Perhaps as a singular post I should have said "one needs" and "their" instead of "you need" and "your" in the quote above. But given that this has been my point in MANY posts, it is pretty clear I am debating the concept and not your individual marriage.
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You are incorrect...it all started with post #31. You are the one who made a judgement about my marriage. That was uneccessary.
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Lighthouse77 said:
no, he was just trying to prove a point. No judgement here.
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"That doesnt sound like unconditional love to me"

:hmm:

Iam sorry but I respectfully disagree with you. To me, that's making a judgement about one's marriage.
 
personally, I don't care how one decide to handle their relationship or define love or marriage that work for them. I just wonder the purpose of marriage license.
 
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