What communications do you use while socializing with a group of hearing people?

Lily7 said:
To OP and others, I am glad to answer any questions anyone has, in a patient, kind and diplomatic matter. As are many others on AD. So to the curious, don't let grumpy people scare ya off. :D
Click to expand...

As we say in computer geek venues: ++!
 
And now to respond to the OP: My family is really good about it. If I ask someone to fill me in, they do it. When I was a kid, my immediate family started learning sign language, but I was never pushy about everyone learning it. If I were to ask my mom to learn more sign language, she would. But I just never felt the need.

Nowadays, my hearing girlfriend comes with me to visit my family, as they are several states away and we like to travel together. She helps sometimes. She says she wants to help more, but I remind her gently that it isn't her job.

I just don't sweat it too much. When it's quiet and it's just me and one or two other people, as it usually is anyway, it's fine.
 
I lipread but it's much harder in a group conversation. I can only follow one person speaking at a time. But in groups, people talk over each other and interrupt and I usually miss parts of conversation. For a long time people thought I was thick because I'd say stupid things in response to something I hadn't heard right. My friends understand that I'm deaf now, but they still forget from time to time! Just a few days ago, I hadn't heard what my friend next to me said and I can't even remember what I said now (I usually guess what i think has been said and never learn because I always get it wrong), but her response was "NO, you idiot!". I just said "I didn't hear" and she apologised immediately.

I try to be understanding towards hearies who don't accommodate. They have no concept. Even my partner, bless him, always understanding and helpful... still struggles to remember not to talk to me unless he is facing me and not too far away. It is SO FRUSTRATING because I am constantly having to walk all the way over to him to ask him to repeat! I should be a size 10 by now the number of times I have to trot up and down the stairs or into other rooms, doing all the hard work. The other night he was talking into my deaf ear. I said 'that's my bad ear' so he talked louder and i had to say 'no, I can't understand any of your speech in that ear. I have no idea what you're saying' He'd never realised that whilst I can hear noises in that ear speech just makes no sense whatsoever!! Perhaps I need to explain to him in more detail what I can and can't hear.
 
I was in the inlaws all week and they don't know too much about my hearing status right now as it never really came up. Usually it's just Lee and his mom who I can easily lip read but can't hear for the life of me and sometimes his dad which oddly enough I can hear well enough to not put too much effort into lipreading.
When there is a gathering with the inlaws (grandparents, cousins, ect.) it has become a group effort as most of there people I have only seen once or twice and while some know a little about my hohness most don't.
I focus on the big talkers and if someone else speaks up that normally wouldn't Lee or his mom will poke me or get my attention somehow so that I have a chance of keeping up.
If the group is more than 5 people however I just give up and only do the one on one conversations.
Normally not a problem because Lee, his mom and me are use to telling people that I'm not trying to be rude if I don't respond to someone behind me or off to the side, it's just I can't "hear" them unless I'm looking at their face. It seems to work ok for now, until I learn a little more asl.
 
I was thinking of taking up morse code so I can make announcements in a room full of people. :D


Oh wait, that might trigger an epileptic seizure in some. :(
 
^^^So you can make an announcement to anyone who happens to KNOW morse code? Save the aggro and get yourself a bull horn and a white board!
 
1monkeymissing said:
Even my partner, bless him, always understanding and helpful... still struggles to remember not to talk to me unless he is facing me and not too far away. It is SO FRUSTRATING because I am constantly having to walk all the way over to him to ask him to repeat! I should be a size 10 by now the number of times I have to trot up and down the stairs or into other rooms, doing all the hard work. The other night he was talking into my deaf ear. I said 'that's my bad ear' so he talked louder and i had to say 'no, I can't understand any of your speech in that ear. I have no idea what you're saying' He'd never realised that whilst I can hear noises in that ear speech just makes no sense whatsoever!! Perhaps I need to explain to him in more detail what I can and can't hear.
Click to expand...

I have a suggestion: stop doing any of the work unless he's looking right at you. You might be encouraging his brain to not process that you really can't hear if you respond to anything he says when he's not doing it properly. He might start getting it right more often when he's talking the wrong way and you have zero reaction. ;)
 
JabberJay said:
I was in the inlaws all week and they don't know too much about my hearing status right now as it never really came up. Usually it's just Lee and his mom who I can easily lip read but can't hear for the life of me and sometimes his dad which oddly enough I can hear well enough to not put too much effort into lipreading.
Click to expand...

I have the same thing with specific people. There was this one guy I used to be able to need to do very little lipreading with when he wasn't signing. My mom is another such person. It has to do with your specific hearing loss and the timbre + clarity of the speaker's voice.
 
mbrek said:
^^^So you can make an announcement to anyone who happens to KNOW morse code? Save the aggro and get yourself a bull horn and a white board!
Click to expand...

Use the bullhorn to yell in morse code while writing dots and dashes on the whiteboard.
 
At family gathering, either I just sit around not talking and overeat on refreshments or I engage someone who's not in a group yammering at each other.
 
1Monkey, that might actually be helpful. I have asked Audiodef--more than once--to explain his range of hearing/hearing loss/circumstances under which he hears NOTHING/etc. It has helped me to really grasp, I think, the best way to deal with communication.

He might thank you for it--assuming you have a good relationship.

Jen M.
 
mbrek said:
^^^So you can make an announcement to anyone who happens to KNOW morse code? Save the aggro and get yourself a bull horn and a white board!
Click to expand...

Hey! I'm the idea guy, not the implementation guy. That's a whole nother department babe! :cool2:
 
Got an email today from the lady who organizes and sets up everything for MIL's family reunion every May (either that or March). She remembered my daughter's tirade last year and wanted to know if I was coming and asked for ideas to help make it easier for me. Also, asked if I minded explaining to the family about my hearing loss. She is sending messages to all the family (125 have said they will be there and she is expecting 200) to plan on having an important lesson and that if anyone gives her or me a problem then they will no longer be welcome at the family reunions. Now, this family reunion came about since MIL's father was one of 14 (I thought it was 12) children. !2 of those 14 grew up and had children, who have had children. 6 of those 12 had over 10 children each. Talk about a massive family. This family member who emailed me has said, that she will stick by me through the day as she now remembers who I am in this family. My hubby was MIL's Aunt Myra's favorite nephew and said that he and I were the best of the bunch. Funny thing, she and her sister (MIL's mother) married 2 brothers that are a part of the 14.
 
Back
Top