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hamrickwm

hamrickwm

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Hello everyone. I am new here to AD. I have been teaching myself to sign over the past few years and have taken ASL 1. I am also going for a Bachelor's degree in Interpreting. I currently volunteer with the local deaf and blind school working with children. Unfortunately there aren't any deaf events in my area and only limited contact. I joined AD to learn as much as possible and to help my family. My problem is this: my husband is hoh and it is progressively getting worse. He has known this for years but does not want to do anything about it. He is very supportive of my involvement with deaf studies and the deaf culture and on occasion tries to learn some sign from me. Unfortunately the pitch of my voice and our daughters voice is often out of his range of hearing so we have to repeat or he becomes frustrated and just ignores us. I am very supportive and am willing to do anything needed to help relieve the stress I know he is experiencing and make any adjustments he needs but if he doesn't allow me to help what can I do? I don't want to push him, I know he needs to come to terms with this on his own but I also don't want him to feel alone. Please can anyone offer any advice? My family is my world. It hurts me to know they are suffering and I can't help.
 
I would put everything in place, relay service, phone with a light on it, doorbell light, look into better hearing aids, when he is ready he will use those things.

You are a good wife. A lot of people are not so lucky to have someone like you.

Your husband will come around...
 
No hearing aids. He is considered legally deaf in one ear but is progressively worsening. Depending on the pitch of the sound, background noise, and which side the sound is coming from he doesn't hear it. He can read lips (sometimes). A lot of times he just nods or gets frustrated if he has to ask for something to be repeated and if he still can't hear he gets mad and seems to just tune everyone out. He's been telling me for 3 years now that he will get a hearing aid but he always makes an excuse when the time comes and doesn't go. I know me learning asl and being involved with volunteering locally has peeked his interest. I also sign (what I know) when I speak at home to practice what I've learned and to teach our daughter so she will be prepared.
 
Might I suggest you go ahead and book his appointments for getting hearing aids? Adults who lose their hearing later in life tend to be the most stubborn about getting hearing aids. My step-grandmother lost some of her hearing YEARS ago and it was only this year that her family succeeded in convincing her to give hearing aids a try and now she's thrilled. She used to be much more grumpy and lately, has been more smiley.

So, not sure if this is a really bad idea or not but I would say go ahead and book an appointment for his ears to be examined by an ear,nose and throat doctor then book an appointment with an audiologist or hospital or clinic to get a thorough audiogram done then book an appointment with an audiologist to talk about possible options for your husband to explore.

You're a wonderfully supportive wife! Has your husband looked into support services for those who lost their hearing later in life (late-deafened). Might do him some good to meet others who are in his situation whether in real life or online.
 
hamrickwm said:
No hearing aids. He is considered legally deaf in one ear but is progressively worsening. Depending on the pitch of the sound, background noise, and which side the sound is coming from he doesn't hear it. He can read lips (sometimes). A lot of times he just nods or gets frustrated if he has to ask for something to be repeated and if he still can't hear he gets mad and seems to just tune everyone out. He's been telling me for 3 years now that he will get a hearing aid but he always makes an excuse when the time comes and doesn't go. I know me learning asl and being involved with volunteering locally has peeked his interest. I also sign (what I know) when I speak at home to practice what I've learned and to teach our daughter so she will be prepared.
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Legally deaf does not mean you can't use a hearing aid, take him to a doctor for a hearing test. I have profound deafness and, I can tell you, without the technology they have today I would not be able to hear. Depending on his loss, the hearing aid could actually fix his hearing. It would be uncomfortable for the first couple of months, but then he would be OK.

You can't make this decision for him, he has to do it himself. I can't tell you how many people I know who have newly gotten aids, but will not wear them.

In your husband's case, trust me, he's going to hit a point were he will do it.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Don't try to fix him. Let him decide what's best for him. Watch for signs of depression. A complete medical check up is a good idea, if he'll cooperate. Hearing loss is a huge life event and he needs time with support. If he's open to coming to this forum, it's a good place to start building a support network.
 
Thanks for all your suggestions. He does suffer from depression. I don't try to push him, I just want him to be happy. I know he is frustrated and don't want him to get into a deep depression or feel he has to deal with this alone. He seems to link hearing aids with getting older (he's only 43) which he is having a hard time dealing with in itself. I don't want to change him. I love him and accept him for who he is not what he has or doesn't have. I just feel like I should be doing more for him. At times it seems he accepts it then there are times where he is in complete denial. Even go as far as assuming someone made fun of him because they were laughing and he just didn't hear what was said. This makes him angry because he misunderstood and friendships are lost (men and quick tempers). He has even become anti-social as a form of coping so he doesn't have to "bother" with misunderstandings or not hearing everything. He misses a lot of our daughters school activities because of the big crowds and background noises. I understand but I can tell he feels guilty. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm complaining. I just need advice and really don't know where to go. You all are so nice, wonderful, and I respect you and your suggestions greatly.
 
Why not invite a few easygoing peeps, preferably late deafened,
at your home,
who'd probably would know best how to reach your husband?

Even best, those who openly wear their hearing aids.
I have an inkling he might be embarrassed wearing them, that's why he chickens out every time.

Also, I think you can find some HA salesmen that go door to door, and arrange
a visit so your husband just LOOKS at them, handle them, maybe even try them on just so he can get used to the feel of them?
I mean, the hearing aids, not the salesmen lolololol

Of course, to nicely finish it off I would also arrange an informal signing lesson class at home so your husband would get interested, too.

perhaps you did all these already, I dunno, but just in case your didn't
I thought it's worth mentioning.

Fuzzy
 
I'm with Sally Lou. Leave him alone. If you jump in and take over, you are putting him in the role of a child.

Let him handle it in his own way, in his own time.
 
hamrickwm said:
Hello everyone. I am new here to AD. I have been teaching myself to sign over the past few years and have taken ASL 1. I am also going for a Bachelor's degree in Interpreting. I currently volunteer with the local deaf and blind school working with children. Unfortunately there aren't any deaf events in my area and only limited contact. I joined AD to learn as much as possible and to help my family. My problem is this: my husband is hoh and it is progressively getting worse. He has known this for years but does not want to do anything about it. He is very supportive of my involvement with deaf studies and the deaf culture and on occasion tries to learn some sign from me. Unfortunately the pitch of my voice and our daughters voice is often out of his range of hearing so we have to repeat or he becomes frustrated and just ignores us. I am very supportive and am willing to do anything needed to help relieve the stress I know he is experiencing and make any adjustments he needs but if he doesn't allow me to help what can I do? I don't want to push him, I know he needs to come to terms with this on his own but I also don't want him to feel alone. Please can anyone offer any advice? My family is my world. It hurts me to know they are suffering and I can't help.
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I'm just curious...why are you pursuing a 4 year degree in interpreting if there is no access to the deaf community in your area?

This is your husband's call to make. You cannot do it for him nor should you even try.
 
Excellent point, Botti. I hope he begins to realize how much he's missing when he can't hear his children.
 
mbrek said:
Excellent point, Botti. I hope he begins to realize how much he's missing when he can't hear his children.
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You sure about that statement? He doesn't need to hear them to interact and enjoy them.

I can't understand a word my granddaughters say, but we have much fun together.
 
jillio said:
I'm just curious...why are you pursuing a 4 year degree in interpreting if there is no access to the deaf community in your area?
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I disagree here jillio. You might encounter a low deaf/HoH population area but still have a local need for interpreters. If she is in such an area, then that means there could be a high demand for her services due to lack of bodies to provide such service. You of all people should know that deaf/hoh moves all the time.

To hamrickwm- I'd say as your skills grow, and the needs grow for your services, you will FIND the hidden deaf corners in your part of the world. When you husband sees you in that environment and is always welcomed when he is ready, he could very well come on his own.

On the other hand he may not be ready for a long time, who knows. Its a marriage thing, not deaf thing. It takes time and understanding to get through this between the two of you.

A side note- if you feel he needs hearing aids, you should be forewarned that since he is an adult, it will take a very long time to get used to wearing Hearing aids. Your audiologist most likely will tell you the same thing.

Good luck
 
I think it's wonderful that your willing to go the distance to support your husband in whatever way he needs. I'm not sure there are that many spouses who would, so I hope he appreciates it.

But, that being said, he'll have to acclimate to these changes in his own way. Just be there and offer your support & help when he asks for it. You may just need to offer alternatives for him to try.

I've seen some older guys refuse to wear hearing aids simply because they felt they were admitting weakness. It may seem silly on the face of it, but for some individuals, it's strikes down to their very core being of who they are. Hence the strong reaction and refusals...
 
My dad has been HOH for 10 years now due to environmental factors...he is still in denial that he has a hearing loss. At first, his wife would pressure him to get hearing aides but it didnt work so she just left it alone and hope he will come around.
 
Bottesini said:
You sure about that statement? He doesn't need to hear them to interact and enjoy them.

I can't understand a word my granddaughters say, but we have much fun together.
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Maybe I was reading too much into the OP's post. She said something about ignoring the kids, so I assumed he was withdrawing from them due to hearing loss.
 
radioman said:
I disagree here jillio. You might encounter a low deaf/HoH population area but still have a local need for interpreters. If she is in such an area, then that means there could be a high demand for her services due to lack of bodies to provide such service. You of all people should know that deaf/hoh moves all the time.
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terp-in-training can learn effectively and quickly if there is a sizable deaf population otherwise.... how else can terp practice?

skill must be constantly practiced.
 
I'm with Sally Lou. Leave him alone. If you jump in and take over, you are putting him in the role of a child.

Let him handle it in his own way, in his own time.
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No, it's not.

Sometimes people are being unreasonable out of ignorance and stubbornness,
and out of feeling embarrassed being seen with hearing aids on and thus being branded visibly as "disabled".
The point is to show there is nothing to it, nothing to be afraid off and even less to be embarrassed of.

People often refuse out of irrational reasons to do something for a long time, only to later say "I regret not doing it sooner!".

Even if the husband in question will have a hearings aids brought to him to try, he can still refuse to wear them.
Even if the ASL classes will be brought to him, he can refuse them.
But the point is, he may like them, too, however without them being delivered directly to him
there sure isn't any chance for neither to happen.


Fuzzy
 
I'm with the ones who said leave him alone and don't mother him. You are his wife, not his mother, and I know how frustrating it is to want to change things for the better but the truth is even if you were able to get through to him and accomplish that there could still be some resentment on his part for the way you made him feel to get there. So I would just leave it alone.

The truth is he is either fine with his lack of hearing or he hasn't hit rock bottom with it yet, which is required for some people to finally seek help.
 
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