Okay, here goes. Reflections on a hearing person's journey into Deaf Culture.
I began my journey nearly 22 years ago. Intially, it could be compared to Alice Through the Looking Glass. One day, I walked into The League for the Deaf and HOH, where there was a large gathering of deaf people hanging out, and my whole world was reversed.
My entry into this community was not eased by having a deaf friend to guide me or introduce me to others. I did not have benefit of having a few ASL classes under my belt. I knew absolutely nothing of the language or the people. All I knew was, I had a deaf son, and these people were the only ones that could explain to me what that meant. I walked in, completely exposed and vunerable, unsure of how I would make myself understood, walked up to a couple of deaf chatting on the other side of the room, and said, "Excuse me. I need help." Luckily, both had some oral skills, and they asked me what they could do for me. I explained that I had a young son that, at that moment, was at the preschool behind the league. I explained that I had no experience with deafness, and what I was being told by the professionals regarding his needs simply did not make sense to me. I told them that I wanted to know what it was to be a deaf child, and that they were the only people who could tell me about that, and that I was asking them to help me understand my child and what his world was like.
I remember being anxious and somewhat frightened because I had no idea what to expect, or how my request would be received. I only knew in my heart that this was someting I had to do for my child. It was what I had to do so that I would be able to be the mother my child needed me to be.
My fear did not last long. I was greeted with wide smiles, and a hug from one of the women I had approached. They took me to a table and we sat down to talk. Two hours later, I retrieved my son from preschool, and we returned. They invited me to come back as often as I wanted, and began, that very day, teaching myself and my son the language. I still remember the look on my son's face when he walked into the room, and everyone was signing. His exposure to sign prior to that had been the few signs I had taught myself from a dictionary, and then in turn, taught him. To see the amazement on his face when he realized that there was a place where everyone talked about all kinds of things in a language that was natural for him told me that I had made the right decision.
For a long time afterward, I felt like a child when I went to the league, and the deaf community there were my very patient teachers. I was full of questions. They taught me not just a new language, but about the hearts and the minds of the deaf, and explained to me the experiences that had shaped those hearts and minds. They taught me to see things from a new persepctive.
I have never experienced the rejection from the deaf community that so many hearing parents say they have experienced. I was welcomed with open arms, and was shown patience and understanding for my own lack of understanding. I was the one in the minority in their world. Perhaps it is because I sought to enter their world that I was received so well. I was not asking them to come into my world, but asking that I be allowed into their world. I didn't arrive with answers, I arrived with questions. I didn't seek to justify my own perspective, but to understand from their persepctive. Rather than telling them that they needed my help to get by in this world, as a hearing person, I admitted that I needed their help to get by in a world that I was just discovering through my child.
I have made mistakes on my journey. I have not always been able to place my hearing status aside and not allow it to bias me. But I have been blessed with some patient and understanding deaf friends who have corrected me when I was wrong. In the end, we have ended up meeting each other half way.
After 22 years, I no longer feel like Alice walking through the looking glass. I am quite comfortable within the deaf community. I am still, by all rights, a visitor there, as I am still hearing. I am not deaf, and I will not pretend to know what it is to be deaf. I have only learned to let go of what I know to be true in order to better understand the truth of another. That has been a valuable lesson that carries over into all aspects of my life, and it is a lesson taught me by the deaf community. While I am not deaf, deafness is, in a very real way, a part of my daily existence through my contact with, and friendships with others. And it is a part of my life that I treasure, because it enriches my life in a way that is difficult to describe. I have been blessed with the opportunity to widen my world, to experience things from a perspective that allows me to see more than just what is on the surface. And the deaf community is responsible for helping me to learn that.
For those of you who experienced this - I'm so sorry. I can understand rejection from the hearing students to a point...but rejection from the deaf students is just appalling to me. Deaf is deaf no matter what. Who cares that we all have our various hearing loss , views, and our different ways to communicate...that's what makes it so interesting. If we all used ASL, how boring would that be! Hugs, my d/Deaf friends.
