Think daughter is audist...

[jillio]

I did not say that behavior is acting like an adult. I said her daughter is an adult, not some 16 year old.

And, I never said I didn't feel for the OP. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here trying to help her. I could easily not answer this post.

If you think you know all about someone's family from a 100+ word post, sorry, that's pride.

And, it's not lost on me that all of you are her friends(and I respect that), but trying to scare off other people who have a different opinion doesn't help her or anyone else who reads the thread.

So, you may not like the answers I post, but don't mistake my post for being vindictive because there is no ill will here.

No one said there was ill will. We said there was a lack of knowledge of family dynamics and relationships. We said that you have misinterpreted the OP as asking someone to solve her problem for her. She only wants our support. She can solve the problem on her own as long as she has support. Perhaps you don't see it, but you are not being supportive in the least.

 

[shel90]

I did not say that behavior is acting like an adult. I said her daughter is an adult, not some 16 year old.

And, I never said I didn't feel for the OP. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here trying to help her. I could easily not answer this post.

If you think you know all about someone's family from a 100+ word post, sorry, that's pride.

And, it's not lost on me that all of you are her friends(and I respect that), but trying to scare off other people who have a different opinion doesn't help her or anyone else who reads the thread.

So, you may not like the answers I post, but don't mistake my post for being vindictive because there is no ill will here.

Then I am confused....this is what you said...

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234
I don't think compromising is bowing down and if you want your grown child to act like an adult you need to treat them as an adult.

For her daughter to act like an adult, she has to treat her like one? Ok...by giving in to her demands is not treating her like an adult. It is enabling this childish behavior. By putting her foot down, Rebecca will teach her daughter good values of respect.

 

[jillio]

Then I am confused....this is what you said...

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234
I don't think compromising is bowing down and if you want your grown child to act like an adult you need to treat them as an adult.

For her daughter to act like an adult, she has to treat her like one? Ok...by giving in to her demands is not treating her like an adult. It is enabling this childish behavior. By putting her foot down, Rebecca will teach her daughter good values of respect.

 

[AlleyCat]

I did not say that behavior is acting like an adult. I said her daughter is an adult, not some 16 year old.

And, I never said I didn't feel for the OP. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here trying to help her. I could easily not answer this post.

If you think you know all about someone's family from a 100+ word post, sorry, that's pride.

And, it's not lost on me that all of you are her friends(and I respect that), but trying to scare off other people who have a different opinion doesn't help her or anyone else who reads the thread.

So, you may not like the answers I post, but don't mistake my post for being vindictive because there is no ill will here.

A friend or not, my answer would not have changed. Don't use the opposite as an excuse for your answers. I am looking at this from a realistic point-of-view.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Then I am confused....this is what you said...

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234
I don't think compromising is bowing down and if you want your grown child to act like an adult you need to treat them as an adult.

For her daughter to act like an adult, she has to treat her like one? Ok...by giving in to her demands is not treating her like an adult. It is enabling this childish behavior. By putting her foot down, Rebecca will teach her daughter good values of respect.

I understand your opinion. And, you think that the respect is of greater value then her daughter learning ASL? I disagree. I think her learning ASL would be of greater value.

 

[shel90]

I understand your opinion. And, you think that the respect is of greater value then her daughter learning ASL? I disagree. I think her learning ASL would be of greater value.

Yes, I believe that her learning ASL is of great value but speaking from experience, by giving in is more likely will further enable her daughter's excuses for not learning ASL. I made that very same mistake with my own daughter.

It is emotional blackmail and currently, my ex hubby and my daughter are trying to emotionally blackmail me and this time, I am putting my foot down. I used to compromise and all that crap thinking I would get some respect...


FAILED.

It hurts like hell but I know if I give in agian, they will just keep doing it again and again like they did in the past two years. I am fed up.

This situation sounds exactly what I am going through.

It hurts like a M**(((^^^%**. It is soooo easy to give in but then it would mean this behavior would keep on continuing...then more heartbreak for the mother.

 

[saywhatkid]

I understand your opinion. And, you think that the respect is of greater value then her daughter learning ASL? I disagree. I think her learning ASL would be of greater value.

Currently, she is not willing to use the ASL she already knows. She offered to do that if Mom pays the ransom of one audi chart.

 

[saywhatkid]

Yes, I believe that her learning ASL is of great value but speaking from experience, by giving in is more likely will further enable her daughter's excuses for not learning ASL. I made that very same mistake with my own daughter.

It is emotional blackmail and currently, my ex hubby and my daughter are trying to emotionally blackmail me and this time, I am putting my foot down. I used to compromise and all that crap thinking I would get some respect...


FAILED.

It hurts like hell but I know if I give in agian, they will just keep doing it again and again like they did in the past two years. I am fed up.

This situation sounds exactly what I am going through.

It hurts like a M**(((^^^%**. It is soooo easy to give in but then it would mean this behavior would keep on continuing...then more heartbreak for the mother.

 

[VacationGuy234]

A friend or not, my answer would not have changed. Don't use the opposite as an excuse for your answers. I am looking at this from a realistic point-of-view.

So am I, without pride or prejudice. The thread is not about me. And, I don't think it's conductive to make the thread about anyone else.

 

[AlleyCat]

So am I, without pride or prejudice. The thread is not about me. And, I don't think it's conductive to make the thread about anyone else.

We are talking about a daughter here. Who else are you talking about?

 

[shel90]

So am I, without pride or prejudice. The thread is not about me. And, I don't think it's conductive to make the thread about anyone else.

If you didnt want to make it about anyone else, then why bring up us being Rebecca's friends?

That should have had no revelance anyway.

 

[rebeccalj]

I am sorry about this.

I am having problems with my 14 year old daughter being all about herself first instead of considering my feelings about being 2,000 miles away from her.

This thread helped me to remind myself that teenagers are brats. lol

They *can* be but she has always been amazing daughter. No complaints at all except she is door slammer for awhile and get nickname. This seem *so* out of character for her to be like this which make it hard to understand.

Beautiful children Rebecca .

*SO* proud of all my babies. The youngest two in particular because so close and treat each other so much respect.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Yes, I believe that her learning ASL is of great value but speaking from experience, by giving in is more likely will further enable her daughter's excuses for not learning ASL. I made that very same mistake with my own daughter.

It is emotional blackmail and currently, my ex hubby and my daughter are trying to emotionally blackmail me and this time, I am putting my foot down. I used to compromise and all that crap thinking I would get some respect...


FAILED.

It hurts like hell but I know if I give in agian, they will just keep doing it again and again like they did in the past two years. I am fed up.

This situation sounds exactly what I am going through.

It hurts like a M**(((^^^%**. It is soooo easy to give in but then it would mean this behavior would keep on continuing...then more heartbreak for the mother.

I learned a long time ago that people in my position are on their own, but, you know something, that's OK because we're made of a lot more than other people think. We are strong enough to survive in a life that is against us and the people we let into our lives are privileged, it's not the other way around.

I do not make an effort to have other people conform to my life, but this is not the path everyone can or should take. In the end, each of us must decide what we want out of life and what is important because we are only here for a short time.

I may feel that the OP would be better off without her daughter, but, clearly, that's not in her best interest. It is not what she wants and not everyone is the same. So, I have to put my own feelings aside and think of what is best for her.

I am sorry for what you are going through, but it is part of what people in your position go through and there is no one size fits all answer. You have to take each situation and deal with it. I hope things get better for you.

 

[rebeccalj]

There must be more to this story because it does not make sense. Your daughter knows enough to turn the light on and off because you can't hear, but she thinks you hear enough that she does not need to learn ASL?

And, you don't want to get the hearing test because you know it will be worst than before?

I know the hearing test will be hard for you, but if you plan on using sign anyway what is the difference?

I agree with the other posters, take the test and call her bluff.

In the mean time, setup classes with your other two children for night school and go with them to the class. Don't just tell them to take classes because that is not going to work, IMO. Go to the class and do signs with them.

Actually, there isn't much more to story. Back when she was around 14-15 she used to take great joy in asking thing like, "Mum, how do I sign <this>?"

Do not understand what have change with her. She *so* giving and loving and kind and understanding to everyone. To me as well, except in this one thing.

 

[VacationGuy234]

If you didnt want to make it about anyone else, then why bring up us being Rebecca's friends?

That should have had no revelance anyway.

That is stating a fact, not going off topic.

 

[mbrek]

Rebecca, have you told your daughter this:

Also my own fault because try to be 'hearie' whole life because that is what parents want me to be. I know it seem like sudden change for them but this has been coming for over 5 years now.

I know she's seen it, but have you actually talked to her about how long you have been "pretending hearing"?

But I know how my mother would have reacted if I had been your daughter. "Because I'm your mother and I said so."

 

[Sunshine]

Actually, there isn't much more to story. Back when she was around 14-15 she used to take great joy in asking thing like, "Mum, how do I sign <this>?"

Do not understand what have change with her. She *so* giving and loving and kind and understanding to everyone. To me as well, except in this one thing.

This daughter which text me?

 

[rebeccalj]

If you don't understand the problem, you can't solve it. Beyond that, if you only want to give people nice answers you're not helping anyone.

The daughters refusal is unreasonable, but not getting the hearing test is unreasonable too. So, if you side with the OP the daughter is not going to learn ASL and that is not what she wants. You can't solve anyone's problem like that because it involves compromise.

The OP wants an answer to her question: What should she do that is going to solve her problem?

I'm uneasy about going for another test. Mixed feelings. Do I go get a useless test that will tell me what I already know just because my daughter demands it? Is this not, how say, pandering to child instead of child respecting parent? There has to be compromise/solution somewhere.

Plus, I *despise* those tests. Always come out of there feeling like a martian because learned to cope so well as 'hearie' and always feel like they want to 'fix' me. Would probably flip? out if go and they suggest different hearing aide. Do not think qualify for CI and wouldn't do that anyway. Hearing is over-rated IMHO.

Botti I think hit part of this on head when she say that now that daughter at university there really is not the same point for her to learn. But, when she come home on breaks it will be harder for her to communicate because I am immersing myself in language and culture. She is the one who will miss out.

 

[Frisky Feline]

most here has good suggestion. hope the time will pass.

 

[rebeccalj]

I don't see not getting the hearing test as unreasonable. And I don't think telling the OP that she is being unreasonable in that is helpful in the least. If you knew anything at all about the deaf community, you would already know that the OP posted sufficient information for us to recognize a familiar situation and to support her in that.

The OP was not asking you to solve her problem for her. She is perfectly capapble of doing that for herself.

Think there must be a solution here that she and I can live with and not have me catering to her. Been doing that my whole f-ing life and sick of it now.

When I *finally* took my hearing challenges into my own hands, and got hearing aides for work, the first comment my own mother say is, "Well, I hope you don't let anyone see them." :roll:

I'm *NOT* ashamed of my deafness any longer and a flipping audiogram isn't going to change that. It will only serve to put me in an uncomfortable situation for the sake of easing my daughter's concerns and demands. To me, this is BS and not the point. I will *still* require ASL to communicate (or pen/paper) audiogram or no audiogram. She flat out refuses to do both so how do we communicate?

Are you serious? She should go through an audiology screening so her daughter will continue to use ASL? She lived with her Mom for 18 years! It ain't easy to fake hearing loss. I think the daughter is going through the "my parents are an embarrassment" phase, coupled with being self centered and a bit immature.

When I leave for bathroom after her comment the other night boyfriend have *talk* with son and daughter. Daughter say to him, "Yes, I know she's deaf but she's so good at lip-reading so why do we need to learn ASL?"

This is why my thread title is what it is. This is *such* an audist thing to say.

Being a mother is very very tough. My daughter hasnt been respectful to me lately despite a great summer with her. It is damn heartbreaking. I dont know if you have kids but never never make it seem like the mother is wrong for how she feels. NEVER!

Give suggestions but dont be critical.

Kids, hey?