Got this in an email - cracked me up!!
2009 Darwin Awards
*Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
*An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girl
friend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
*Nominee No. 2: [ **Kalamazoo** Gazette]:
*
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo , MI , was killed in March as he was
trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that
he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive
shaft."
*Nominee No. 3: [ **Hickory** Daily Record]:
*
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton , NC . Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed,
he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
*Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:*
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the
courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students.
Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to
police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
brightest" members of the 200-man association.
*Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
*
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent
several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he
bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
*Nominee No. 6: [The **Indianapolis** Star]:
*
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A
Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzleloader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his
face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his
parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He
was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
*Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, **Mississauga**, **Ontario**]:
*
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in
this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko,
55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector
Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved,
and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
*Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
*
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck
a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff
Countydeputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after
midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38,
of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an
overcast Sunday night, Poole 's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the
...22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next
to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again
began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the
White River Bridge .
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river,
the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the
testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and
struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his
testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God
we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be
dead," stated Wallis "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the
world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would
admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife) asked how many
frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck? (Though
Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally
required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did in
fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.
