Restraining order against legal age boyfriend for minor daughter

[Liebling:-)))]

It is perfectly normal for parents wanting to protect our underaged children from much older people who want to have sex with them. For example a 35 year old female wants to have sex with a 15 year old boy and a 40 year old man wants to have sex with a 13 year old girl. Do we as parents want that for our children? I don't know about you but certainly not me.

You talked about huge difference age is UNDERSTANDABLE!!!!!!!! but few years difference?

 

[IslandGal]

You talked about huge difference age is UNDERSTANDABLE!!!!!!!! but few years difference?

Originally Posted by Liebling))
I feel that the mothers use "age legal" as an excuse because they don´t like their daughters´s boyfriends.

You stated mothers. Sounded like all mothers.
I don't know which mothers you were referring to but I guess you were referring to the mother in the link that you provided.
You need to use your words more carefully

 

[Liebling:-)))]

You stated mothers. Sounded like all mothers.
I don't know which mothers you were referring to but I guess you were referring to the mother in the link that you provided.
You need to use your words more carefully

No, I do not refer all mothers but mothers, I referred from my and Mookie´s link.

I am sorry because I should say "some mothers", not just "mothers". :Oops:


CORRECTION:

I feel that some mothers use "age legal" as an excuse because they don´t like their daughters´s boyfriends.

 

[Mookie]

StepDad#1
Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 15

TX 16 yo daughter has runaway with a 19 yo drug user

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My 16 yr old step daughter is a repeat runner. She would be "captured" by us or the police, sent to juvenile detention where we were required by law to retrieve her within 24 hours. Juv Det hates to see her because they know they have to deal with her for 23 hours 50 minutes. Then we bring her home, she sleeps during the day and leaves at night. This went on for far too long.

We sent her to her father's care in another state where she convinced him to allow her to return to our state to be with her boyfriend (unbeknownst to us). I know you all are going to blast me and her mother, but we have struggled with her behavior for some time. We have 2 little kids at home who we prefer not to witness the arguments and police visits. We know she is into some drugs, she has spent time in rehab (at a very high expense), seen counseling but was of no help.

What is the problem? Well, it is the 19 yr old boyfriend. He is a known user/abuser/dealer of drugs. We currently have a runaway report, she is in our area, but we cannot locate her. The boys parents are helpful, but since the step daughter has returned to the area, both her and the boy have made themselves scarce.

The city police have had it, too. They ask when she turns 17, does that make a difference in our ability to report her as a runaway? How do the laws change at that age? I know our child is having sex with this 19 yr old. I call the District Atty, but was told the city police have to file the complaint. What can we do?

Thanks for any input.

alone
Member Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 49

Go to the police

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As soon as she is found this time take her to the emergency room. Make them do an internal. They will be able to detect if she has had sex with him. Then call the police. YOU have the right to press charges. It is rape even if she allowed it. She will get very angry but at least he will be in jail and she won't be able to get to him. Then when he gets out you can get a restraining order.

ceara
Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 896



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Quote:
Originally Posted by alone
As soon as she is found this time take her to the emergency room. Make them do an internal. They will be able to detect if she has had sex with him. Then call the police. YOU have the right to press charges. It is rape even if she allowed it. She will get very angry but at least he will be in jail and she won't be able to get to him. Then when he gets out you can get a restraining order.



The doctor CAN'T and WON'T do an exam without the PATIENT'S permission or a court order. The court will not order an exam unless the person receiving the exam is under suspicion of committing a crime which could be revealed with the exam, such as drug smuggling. The fact that the patient is a minor is irrelevent.

Plus, a pelvic exam won't alway prove if a person is sexually active and even if it did, it would not prove WHO she was sexually active WITH, without DNA.

And, the parents can't PRESS charges. Only the state can press criminal charges. That's why the charge always reads "The State of Texas vs John Doe". The parents con only file a complaint. It is up to the DA to decide whether or not to persue charges. Da's do not charge people with crimes unless there is a reasonable expectation that they will win.

ceara
Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 896



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Get a PROTECTIVE order, not a restraining order. An RO is only helpful if the police actually witness him breaking it. With a PO, if he comes around and violates the order in anyway (including phone calls and messages through other people) he can be arrested even if the police do not actually witness it. The best place to start will either be the detective or the ADA assigned to the harboring case.
I know that confinement to a mental institution has to either be done with a court order or voluntarily, even with a minor. The longest they can hold someone against their wishes is 72 hours and that is only if they are a danger to themselves or others. I believe drug treatment facilities fall under the same rules. The good news though is that since she IS a minor, your wife can get an order through the family courts if the daughter's not willing to go. The bad news is that if she doesn't WANT help, it probably won't do much good. At least you will know where she is though. A boot camp facility may be more helpful in this situation. They are designed to help reluctant, unruly children. Many are also capable of dealing with underlying reasons, like drugs.

If it were me, I would definately haul dad's butt back to court and make him answer to WHY it was he felt it was okay to allow her to go and visit her "friends" without verifying where she would be, who she would be with and the one I'm most troubled about, WHY he let the child do this WITHOUT talking to MOM.

What a great idea about protection order! I will use that one in future.....
http://www.laborlawtalk.com/showthread.php?t=85083

 

[Liebling:-)))]

My teeenage daughter became pregnant when she was sixteen. We just
found out from tests that she is six months pregnant. The guy that
got her pregnant is 18 and is obsessed with her. Both are immsture
and suffer from ADD. He does not hold a job and has been using drugs.
Can I take legal action including statutory rape or get a restraining
order to keep him from my daughter. She broke up with him until she
learned she was pregnant five weeks ago. He is trying to stop her
from going to counseling and wants to adopt the baby with her but he
has never worked never finished school and manipulates her. He admits
he got her pregnant without using any protection. What as a parent can
I do here. She is now 17 and the baby is due in mid October. Are
there any boarding programs for teenage girls, And must he agree to
the adoption or can we take legal action to keep him out of the
decision

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=374843

Can you care to explain me what "boarding programs for teenage girls" stand for? Do she mean "home for teenage mother"? It didn´t says anything that daughter want to keep baby or want to give baby up for an adoption?

Yes, mother should support her daughter´s wish if daughter don´t want do anything with her boyfriend. Yes mother can get RO accord her daughter´s wish.

I can´t answer to this question about father adoption rights because I didn´t know anything about US adoption legal for unmarried father. Perhaps Americans here answer to this. Here in Germany, No adoption rights to unmarried fathers.

I think it do not solve anything when mother want to file a lawsuit against boyfriend for statutory rape because daughter agree to have sex with him.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Other link about StepDad#1. I´m very sorry how pain he and his wife feel for daughter´s behavior. I would suggest them to put her restriction programm home for behavior or live with her Dad long way from area where stepdad and his wife (daughter´s mother) lives. Yes daughter should keep away from drug dealer boyfriend. If daughter don´t want to live with her Dad, then GET RO and put her special restriction program home for teenage behavior.


About protective order, I didn´t know until I learn from Eve for a first time at Gemtun´s thread. Eve did not reply to my question about protective order. Check my question in my post. Answer my question please if you know anything about protective order.

http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=507149&postcount=59

 

[Audiofuzzy]

For the record, I am NOT HARRASSING anybody.
I am trying desperately to get my point accros, albeit I wonder now why do I even bother. Please do NOT accuse me of doing something I am NOT doing Angel. You keep challenging MY replies, treat me not nice. Whenever you have an opportunity you put me down. You're no angel.
This is public forum. Please allow me to defend myself and my opinions. Just because I have strong arguments does not mean I am harrasing.

Obviously neither you Angel nor you Liebling want to admit that perhaps you were not entirely right about answering Mookie. Neither Angel nor Liebling answered Mookie question anyway:

""WHAT IF Tracy's mother got restraining order against Tracy's boyfriend?""

Why should we answer Mookie´s hypothetical and comparing question?

Just answer the question please, do not compare, analyze, explain-
JUST PLEASE ANSWER. Then you will KNOW.

No, I do not compare. Why should I? I only tried to answer your and Mookie´s hypothetic question.

yes you are, in here:

How do you know that Tracy´s boyfriend is same as mother´s daughter´s boyfriend?

That is comparing. That is NOT what Mookie wanted. If you answered to Mookie question above by now you know what the answer is, and that is what Mookie wanted to point out.

It look like that Mookie tried to compare Tracy´s boyfriend with daughter´s boyfriend which is not acceptance.

No, Mookie just wanted to say if the mother- ANY mother- won't intervene
on her children behalf, the consequences could be dire. No less, no more.
Just an argument- example pro RO.

Boyfriend´s mother CONVINCED him to let daughter go. Got it?

I am horrified. Do you realise what you just wrote? Basically that the BF forbid the girl to see her Grandma and let her go only when his mother CONVINCED him to let her go.. Got it??? do you realise what does that mean??

No, please go back to my first thread. Mookie use Tracy an example because Angel and I disagreed with mother for threat her daughter to get RO. Angel responsed Mookie´s post telling him that she do not give him an answer about Tracy because it is not relate on my thread. What she answered is CORRECT to leave Tracy out of my thread

Again, Mookie used Tracys as na example what can happen when mother step back and do nothing. It is related to the thread only as an argument and anybody could have been an example, not only Tracy- anybody who's been abused and whose mother did nothing.

Every parent´s decision what they do with their children. I do not influence on their decision but respect them when I see different view as them.

So, would you let your 16 old daughter drop off school, risk get pregnant and marry an abusive bum because that is HER choice?

Unfortunlately no, it´s YOU who jumped in first place and lecture me and Angel because you think Angel and I misunderstand Mookie´s post.

I am sorry but to me it looks like you still do not understand fully.

It´s you who jumped and lecture me and Angel about Mookie´s post in first place, that´s because we tried to not answer Mookie´s illogical question.

Mookie post was NOT illogical and all I wanted to do was explain THAT.. sigh I give up..



BTW you keep saying Liebling that abusers do not show their true face until they are married or something.
Well I watched a lot of shows on the subject with psychologists explaining warning signs, and also read a bit on the subject.
The signs are always there, but you have to know them.
In this story of the mother with 16 y.o there are too only you need to pay attention.

Another problem is the whole family of the girl was dysfunctional, and even if the mother was right about not trusting the boyfriend of course her daughter was against her anyway.
But that is another story.

Fuzzy

 

[IslandGal]

CORRECTION:

I feel that some mothers use "age legal" as an excuse because they don´t like their daughters´s boyfriends.

Well, that really depends on how big the age difference the boyfriend or girlfriend is then the mother have the right to protect her child from him or her.

 

[Angel]

I only consider RO for serious things like physical abuse, verbally abuse, stalking, etc...

I agree

 

[IslandGal]

1. The parents take care of their teen. daughter´s baby to support them to continue with schooling (education).

2. The parents force their teen. daughters to abort their baby to consider their future education.

3. The parents force their teen. daughters to give up their babies for an adoption to consider their future education.

4. The parents throw their teen. daughters out of their house without worry about their future education.

5. The parents offer their teen. daughter and baby to live with them without support them with continue education.

Then you see why we were trying to tell you that it is the teenaged girls who go through the most difficult times.

 

[Mookie]

Can you care to explain me what "boarding programs for teenage girls" stand for? Do she mean "home for teenage mother"? It didn´t says anything that daughter want to keep baby or want to give baby up for an adoption? Yes, something like that...

Yes, mother should support her daughter´s wish if daughter don´t want do anything with her boyfriend. Yes mother can get RO accord her daughter´s wish.

I can´t answer to this question about father adoption rights because I didn´t know anything about US adoption legal for unmarried father. Perhaps Americans here answer to this. Here in Germany, No adoption rights to unmarried fathers.

I think it do not solve anything when mother want to file a lawsuit against boyfriend for statutory rape because daughter agree to have sex with him.

Angel, do you agree with Liebling?

 

[Angel]

Angel, do you agree with Liebling?

On which part?

 

[Mookie]

On which part?

See Liebling bold statement...

 

[Angel]

See Liebling bold statement...

With bold yes I agree...

 

[Mookie]

With bold yes I agree...

Which part of your post am I confused?

 

[Cheri]

I think it do not solve anything when mother want to file a lawsuit against boyfriend for statutory rape because daughter agree to have sex with him.

The boyfriend will end up in jail for statutory rape, because he has sex with a minor doesn't matter if she gave permission. But, may be on a lesser charge, Laws vary widely in their definitions of statutory rape, depending on the state.

When I was 14 years old I had sex with a 18 years old, The school did called the cops, doesn't matter if I gave permission, because of the law on statutory rape, They have to report it.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Which part of your post am I confused?

Mookie,

Angel´s post is not confused. Angel talked about my link, not your link.

Angel only said that she disagree with mother´s threat toward daughter to get RO BECAUSE boyfriend won´t let daughter go to see Grandma for 4 days trip. It´s my link, Angel talked about.

What I answered YOUR link about drug dealer, loser, etc.. daughter finished with boyfriend and don´t want do anything with boyfriend is a different from my link...... If I see boyfriend stalk my daughter. I will talk boyfriend and ask him to accept if daughter don´t want do anything with him. I protect my daughter and do something accord her wish. If boyfriend won´t listen then get RO. I doing to support my daughter´s wish. Which different between your and my link... Got it?

Angel´s post
I don't agree with what the mother is doing by trying to get restraining order against legal age boyfriend just to keep him away from her daughter,

Correct! Because boyfriend didn´t do anything to hurt daughter.

I feel that it should be only if her boyfriend is verbally abusive or physical abuse her then yes I would agree on the restraining order but using it against something else

Correct! I would do that if boyfriend hurt daughter.

that is less harmful, even we know that it's against the law for kids dating someone above their ages and a restraining order is not going to help her daugther stay away from her boyfriend and sure isn't going to solved the situation either, her daughter could run away from him anyways with or without the restraining order....

I personally think the mother should find other ways to deal with the problem rather than trying to get a restraining order, she has to be in control of the situation and try as much punishment as she can in order for her daughter to listen, sometimes when a parent lets their emotional effect the situation then it can cause a child to run away from home, and that the last thing a parent would want to see that happen, so got to start thinking what would be the best solution to the problem that this mother is facing...I would find many ways as I can to deal with this situation but getting a restraining order might just make things alot worse to the point where the daughter would do almost anything to go against her own mother....

Tough love is one way to handle this situation and being in control by remaining calm when approaching or talking to a teenager child who not yet experiences what it like to be a parent herself, but we have to find ways to teach our children what right and what wrong, and maybe they will listen and understand the differences and know where her mother is coming from on this....

Exactly

Liebling´s post
Yes, mother should support her daughter´s wish if daughter don´t want do anything with her boyfriend. Yes mother can get RO accord her daughter´s wish.

Mother THREAT daughter from my link and mother SUPPORT daughter from your link because daughter don´t want do anything with boyfriend.

Difference between SUPPORT AND THREAT Got it?


Angel didn´t answer from your link but my link. It´s up to Angel if she want to answer on your link.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

The boyfriend will end up in jail for statutory rape, because he has sex with a minor doesn't matter if she gave permission. But, may be on a lesser charge, Laws vary widely in their definitions of statutory rape, depending on the state.

When I was 14 years old I had sex with a 18 years old, The school did called the cops, doesn't matter if I gave permission, because of the law on statutory rape, They have to report it.

Yes I can understand the school´s duty to call police accord law about the case but I talk about the parents of minor teenagers. Your case is different from my and Mookie´s link.

 

[Cheri]

Yes I can understand the school´s duty to call police accord law about the case but I talk about the parents of minor teenagers. Your case is different from my and Mookie´s link.

Parents can also call and report it too, Makes no differences, As I remember they asked my dad if he would like to press charge, because I refused to press charge, I begged my dad not to, but again, My dad said the only way he wouldn't pressed charge, only if the boyfriend would end the relationship with me. He did, just to avoid going to jail.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Well, that really depends on how big the age difference the boyfriend or girlfriend is then the mother have the right to protect her child from him or her.

Yes, about huge age difference is understandable.

And

Example: 16 years old girl and 18 years old boy love each other and have sex... then later boy finished with her. Girl is upset and ran to her parents about boy. The parents file lawsuit against boy as statutory rape or get RO as an excuse. (Please see Gemtun´s thread about RO. ex boyfriend get RO against girl is an excuse which is unacceptance.)

OR

The parents don´t like boyfriend and threat daughter to get RO to keep away from him which no right because boyfriend didn´t hurt daughter anything.

I only support RO for serious reasons, not an excuse.