Restraining order against legal age boyfriend for minor daughter

[Opal]

Let's get on reality not the 'what if', when it never exit to begin with. The discussion is pointless in my opinion.

Amen!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

It does matter, because she was not married nor ever met Buck at the age of 16, Let's get on reality not the 'what if', when it never exit to begin with. The discussion is pointless in my opinion.

AMEN!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Right ! If, the daughter kept continuin' like this without her mother's discipline .. then, the daughter's future children will be more likely to follow the mother's step, because of what the mother's mother did to the daughter. School can take daughter away to CPS or expell her from school due to poor behaviour, poor grades/ or poor attendance, etc., etc.

If, she keeps up like this, then her future husband will be more likely like her what she is now. It will follow her " cycle " - so much the same with the abuse if, the abuse involves in the family's home, then one or more children will face abuse with their future spouse/lover ... unless, if the " cycle " breaks, then their future would be great !!

*nodding agreement* It´s very sad that the children didn´t receive right and positive discipline from their parents...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Come on, she 16 she should stay in school get good grades and get good education overall to have a good job in future and be independent. What does she need to play 'adult' now for???
Fuzzy

Interesting!

This is your decision for want to treat your teenagers as young children instead of young adult. Okay, this is your choice then you will find out yourself when your child become teenager. I won´t say anything further.

I have a teenage son, I consider him as young adult instead of baby or young child because of his maturity. We have good relationship and talk openly. He can talk me anything because I treat him as a young adult. He knows his future education is important to him... I will not against if he has a girlfriend but I would talk him open what I feel about his girlfriend. If they are together for a long time then I suggest them to live together to find out about themselves.

I teach my teenagers as young adult about positive and responsible things how and what they should learn. They will never learn if you still treat teenagers as children.

 

[Angel]

It does matter, because she was not married nor ever met Buck at the age of 16, Let's get on reality not the 'what if', when it never exit to begin with. The discussion is pointless in my opinion.

Thank you!!

 

[RainGurl]

But I would not critizing or threat against my children but make positive thing to my children before they go right path. I would not go to police station to get RO for my children because it would hurt our trust relationship. I teach my children into good path and advise/talk them what right or wrong... experience... like what I said about my friend and her daughter above.
Nobody depend on parents or blame parents etc... Remember, nobody are prefect... Yes I made mistake when I was teenager... I learn to improve my mistake that´s how it make me mature.

I will accept if my children make mistakes because it´s good for them to learn their own experience what right or wrong... If I overprotect, overparent, overreact my children then they will never learn what right or wrong but worst.


Kind of abuses or sex issues are mainly important, I am worry about than worry about age legal...

I wanted to bring up that my mother was very controlling, and I was very innocent going into such a grown up world. Yea I maybe was 16 be in reality I had no life experiences really. My mother had no sense as far as boundaries, and being a parent. She wanted to be more my friend then a Mom.

If I had my Grandmother on the other hand. She would have put her foot down, and expected things to change. Yea sure I would be hurt, and my pride would be wounded. Sure I would have to trust her reasons, and understand she is trying to show me the consquences if I made that decision to be with him. But you know, I almost died being in that relationship. 5 years of abuse was alittle much after dealing with so much with my mother. I won;t go into detail, but it would shock you the things I have been through. Yes, it was my choice, yes it was stupid. You can say that, fine. But what if I didn't get enough sense to get out? Would it be fair to say that if I had died during that relationship that it was (my own fault?) Sometimes, if you really love someone you gotta kick them in the butt and set them straight. I know it's harsh but just as an addict with drugs, alcoholic, gamber needs help (you basically cut all support from them and put them in a position to get help for their addiction) Because if you don't you are just enabling them to contiune that lifestyle further allowing them to endanger themselves and people around them.

Yes, I would talk to my girls. Calmly but there is a line and they know they be best not cross it. Not just for my sake for their protection too.

Yes if I was homeless, I would probably have left him and came back home. Because he had no means to support us, and he would have gotten tired of trying to try to (always using drugs, drinking and never holding a job down). I would have found out really quick that he was up to no good.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

...devilish laugh...

oh ho ho people if you think I will let you off the hook so easily ....

It does matter, because she was not married nor ever met Buck at the age of 16, Let's get on reality not the 'what if', when it never exit to begin with. The discussion is pointless in my opinion.

No, it doesn't matter ... Because the only point Mookie was making was if the mother steps in and act on the behalf of the daughter the outcome will be different. I can not understand why you guys can't get it.
In this aspect the whole Tracy's story correctness really doesn't matter only the POINT, the moral of her story. and "what if.."

There are three possible outcomes before Tracy marries Buck:

1.Tracy meets Buck. Mother (let's suppose she is alive) see things but does nothing. Tracy marries Buck who later slashes her throat.

2. Tracy meets Buck. Mother feels something is wrong with him, gets RO and Tracy does NOT marry Buck after all. She is well, never been hurt and never had her throat slashed.

3. Tracy meets Buck. He turns out to be a good guy and they are happily married.

In the matter of 16 y old girl the possibilties are the same except the girl is not yet married ( could be one day),
but this is an exact opportunity for the mother to step in and prevent outcome number 1.
If the danger exist, and some signs would prove there might be.

If she does nothing there might be outcome 2 OR 3, but this is a gamble.


Other than that Tracys' story got nothing to do with the girl's story. That I agree.

This is your decision for want to treat your teenagers as young children instead of young adult. Okay, this is your choice then you will find out yourself when your child become teenager.

Yes of course this is my decision. My daughter is almost 16, and I can see how still immature she really is. Does it mean she is still a child? No of course not she is beginning to be young adult yes but at 16 she still has a long way to go. I do treat her as young adult but she is not MATURE yet!! and my job is to protect her from harm as best as I can, provide roof over her head, food, education and parental unconditional love.

Do not compare the maturity of 16 years old to 26 y.o pr 36y.o or older because it is obvious that the fact how long we live and how much experience we gather does matter.
In Third World countries, 7, 8, 9 years old girls are forced to act as mothers and caretakers to their orphaned siblings, they must mature quickly but does that make them any less children?
Of course not give them the opportunity they'll still want to play with dolls.


So, any 16 years old place in life is to be at home, get an education and if she chooses bf then it must be someone who does not interfere with family life and school, someone who respects parents wishes and who is taking his own life seriously by getting an education too.

The personality issues is even yet another aspect of young people dating. If it was my daughter and her BF who said she can't go see Grandma I would say something like "who the heck he thinks he is ordering you around? a proper man whould ask if you need a ride to the airport!, and welcome you back with huge bunch of flowers!"- that is teaching them pride and self- esteem.

But this line of thinking must start early and mothers must give an example by not letting themsleves be treated by their husbands in controlling and disrespectful way.

The mother from the Liebling's link though unfortunately does not act at all "fair play" and wisely, diplomatically either.
She makes a lot of mistakes herself, her husband too. No wonder her daughter does not want to listen to her,
but still the mother might be right about the BF showing abusive tendencies but if she created situation where her own daughter does not believes her then it is too bad.

Fuzzy

 

[Mookie]

Audiofuzzy,

thanks for disputing for me. It is not worth for consuming our time.

I wonder why there is no another d/hh father to speak out on this thread...

Thanks so much....

 

[Angel]

 

[Mookie]

That's right. for the underaged daughters who need the right guidance from the parents. not boyfriends who enjoys popping their cherries....

 

[Angel]

That's right. for the underaged daughters who need the right guidance from the parents. not boyfriends who enjoys popping their cherries....

Umm no it wasn't the reason Mookie

 

[Audiofuzzy]

oh no this is for me.. well if it makes you any better Angel I felt the same

but I believe we can not take things personally but focus that it is only a discussion.. a heated one sometimes but just discussion. I happen to be very stubborn and I like to feel " closure". Please do not take it personal..
Sorry for upsetting you but again, please - don't get this to you personally!! even if it's frustrating - it is for me too, it's just some discussion..
that means everyone- please keep in mind we are just discussing..

Fuzzy

ps Mookie at one point I just wanted to starightened this out..

pps- compare discussion to a boxing match - two boxers, both want to win.. after the match they both shake their hands and can be best friends...as always..

 

[Liebling:-)))]

...

Yes of course this is my decision. My daughter is almost 16, and I can see how still immature she really is. Does it mean she is still a child? No of course not she is beginning to be young adult yes but at 16 she still has a long way to go. I do treat her as young adult but she is not MATURE yet!! and my job is to protect her from harm as best as I can, provide roof over her head, food, education and parental unconditional love.

You said your daughter is 5 or 6 years old somewhere at thread.

Do not compare the maturity of 16 years old to 26 y.o pr 36y.o or older because it is obvious that the fact how long we live and how much experience we gather does matter.

No, there´re no age comparison but depend on child to adult´s maturity.

I have seen some of immature children to adults between 10 and 50 or more years old.

Its about help our children grow in maturity way thru parent´s positive discipline. (I will create a new thread).

In Third World countries, 7, 8, 9 years old girls are forced to act as mothers and caretakers to their orphaned siblings, they must mature quickly but does that make them any less children?

Yes that´s right.

So, any 16 years old place in life is to be at home, get an education and if she chooses bf then it must be someone who does not interfere with family life and school, someone who respects parents wishes and who is taking his own life seriously by getting an education too.

The personality issues is even yet another aspect of young people dating. If it was my daughter and her BF who said she can't go see Grandma I would say something like "who the heck he thinks he is ordering you around? a proper man whould ask if you need a ride to the airport!, and welcome you back with huge bunch of flowers!"- that is teaching them pride and self- esteem.

Yes, I teach my children to develop their good self-esteem an earlier before they hit their puberty is the best. They learn what right or wrong... I can see from my link that a daughter didn´t have good self-esteem enough. She should stand herself up to tell her boyfriend that she WANT to go to see her Grandma and tried to convince him that it´s only 4 days trip. Unfortunlately it´s her mother who talked boyfriend´s mother and then convinced her boyfriend at last. But I´m glad she did not get RO... It would be WORST if she do.

I remember when my friend & I booked to go Teneriffe for holiday, few months later I met my boyfriend (not my husband). He learned about my plan with my friend and tried to stop me to go. I stood myself and tell him that I continue with my holiday plan because it was our plan and can´t let my friend down. All what he said that my friend is an important than him etc. etc. We fought. I told him that I don´t want to see him again. He is upset and finally let me go and accept it´s only 2 weeks. We see each other for 6 months then live together for over 1 year and found out true color about him is physical/verbally abuse... I´m glad that I agree to live with him to find out myself.

All what I hope my son would do the same. He should stand himself or take her to see his Grandma for trip, or whatever.

But this line of thinking must start early and mothers must give an example by not letting themsleves be treated by their husbands in controlling and disrespectful way.

Yes, that´s right.

The mother from the Liebling's link though unfortunately does not act at all "fair play" and wisely, diplomatically either.
She makes a lot of mistakes herself, her husband too. No wonder her daughter does not want to listen to her,

Unfortunlately yes, I has to give you right.

but still the mother might be right about the BF showing abusive tendencies but if she created situation where her own daughter does not believes her then it is too bad.

Fuzzy

It could be but mainly important is mother did told her daughter what she thought about her boyfriend. Communication key is the best than keep on forbid/threat anything... daughter will never listen you if you keep on forbid or threat her anything but go wrong path.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

No I am sure my daughter is 16 (almost 16). I either missed 1 before 6 or there is misunderstanding, if you could find it I'll explain.

I stood myself and tell him that I continue with my holiday plan because it was our plan and can´t let my friend down.

Of course, it is important that we keep our promises to others,
but what about what YOU wanted? did YOU wanted to go?
Shouldn't you have tell him just so?

I don't think you even should have explained yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. You did the right thing though standing up for yourself.

I am glad it is over, he sounds like big trouble..

Fuzzy

 

[Liebling:-)))]

No I am sure my daughter is 16 (almost 16). I either missed 1 before 6 or there is misunderstanding, if you could find it I'll explain.

I can't remember which threads we talk about... Don't worry it could be misunderstanding... Now I know you has almost 16 years old daughter.

Of course, it is important that we keep our promises to others,

Yes

but what about what YOU wanted? did YOU wanted to go?
Shouldn't you have tell him just so?

Yes, my friend & I plan for a year for go to Teneriffe. I WANT to see it. My mother taught me to not have babies or get married an earlier. She said that she REGRET for not experience anything and don't want me end like her. Yes, she taught me to stand myself and not let what boys wants. Yes, she is an alocholic but she taught me right or wrong sometimes. One point is I thank my mother & Grandparents to teach me how to stand myself if something I really want then must have or seen it.

We booked our holiday plan and paid deposit. I stand myself firm because I want see it and experience there. My ex tried to compare his best friend's girlfriend with me and said that she cancelled her 3 weeks trip to Cyprus for his best friend... I told him that I'm not her.

My same friend & I booked our holiday plan in Africa, few months later I met my boyfriend (my husband). He accepted when I told him about my plan with my friend to there because he know we plan for months before I met him. Guess what? He asked me which hotel we booked and date etc... He and his friend book same hotel where we booked, They came to join us one week later... Unforgetable holiday... wow...

I don't think you even should have explained yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. You did the right thing though standing up for yourself.

I am glad it is over, he sounds like big trouble..

Fuzzy

Yeah, I'm glad that he's not my husband... Thanks to "living together" to find out about him...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I am watching about that on Dr. phil show on tv right now.

What's happened?

 

[Liebling:-)))]

That's right. for the underaged daughters who need the right guidance from the parents. not boyfriends who enjoys popping their cherries....

I feel for the different sex children whom they are being treat differently because they have different problems.

Mookie's post
Come on, Angel. You already have your boys, and you do not have to worry about them in future. If you have a daughter, that would entirely different stories.

I feel for teenage girls, whom your son make them preggies because you give your son freedom to run around to make innoncent girls preggies, etc... Okay for you to let your son do that what he wants because he can't get pregnant and make sure your daughter to be safety because she can get pregnant! What do you react if the parents of girls, your son made them pregnant, are front of your house?

To me, hell no! I make sure my sons would not do that to innoncent girls....

Mookie's post
only if you would care your little percious princess, you easily assert in order to support the mother to request the RO against the legal young lad...

Yep, I would arrange RO as soon as I investiage his background...

Think twice before you doing. You will lose your princess if you do that. Your princess will end to suffer disorder/paraniod personilatiy disorder if you overreact, overprotect, overparent and control her. She will end into wrong path because she never learn what right or wrong.

Mookie's post
Daughters need to learn to trust their fathers/mothers instead of new relationships with young lads like horny dogs.

The parents can't force their daughters to learn to trust them... It's up to them either they want to trust their parents or not. Depend form of parent's discipline to make the children feel good and can talk anything to their parents.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=515984&postcount=107

Mookie's post
Oh give me a fraking break. Why can't she be patiance one more years to be a legal adult?????? She needs to respect her mother's wish.

Please re-read Katie's post carefully.

HELLO, IM KATIE. IM 17 YEARS OLD AND MY BOYFRIEND IS 19, TWO YEARS APART. IM NOT SURE WHAT THE DATING AND SEXUAL CONTACT AGES ARE IN FLORIDA BUT I HONESTLY DON'T CARE. I LOVE HIM. I WAS 15 YEARS OLD WHEN I STARTED DATING MY BOYFRIEND. HE WAS 17. AFTER HE TURNED 18 MY PARENTS MADE A BIG DEAL BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T LIKE HIM. IVE RAN AWAY FROM HOME THREE TIMES, IVE SNUCK OUT AT NIGHT, SKIPPED SCHOOL, AND IVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR MY PARENTS. IT'S BEEN AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. IVE ALSO ATTENDED COUNSELING AND MOVED TO LIVE WITH MY REAL DAD. MY DAD ALLOWS ME TO BE WITH MY BOYFRIEND. NOW, IM ATTENDING SCHOOL, IM NOT SNEAKING OUT OR RUNNING AWAY AND IM ON THE RIGHT PATH. I DON'T THINK ME, MY MOM AND STEP DAD ARE EVER GOING TO SEE EYE TO EYE ALTHOUGH THEY ARE 23 YEARS APART IN AGE. AGE MEANS NOTHING. BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T ACCEPT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYFRIEND OUR FAMILY WAS RUINED. I'LL BE TURNING 18 SOON AND I PLAN ON MOVING IN WITH MY BOYFRIEND. IF MY MOM CAN'T ACCEPT OUR RELATIONSHIP THEN, SHE MAY MISS ALOT OF MY LIFE. SHE MAY MISS MY WEDDING, GRANDCHILDREN AND HER ONLY DAUGHTER.

PARENTS PLEASE THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE MY PARENTS DID. SOMETIMES WE NEED TO MAKE OUR OWN MISTAKES. IF SEX IS WHAT'S CONCERNING YOU, TALK TO YOUR TEENAGER ABOUT THE RISKS AND SAFETY. THEIR GOING TO HAVE SEX ANYWAYS. LISTEN TO YOUR TEENAGER AND THEIR FEELINGS. THAT'S IMPORTANT. LET THEM FINISH BEFORE YOU TALK OVER THEM. THEN IT'S YOUR TURN. NOT ONLY IS IT HARD BEING A PARENT, IT'S HARD BEING A TEENAGER TOO. DO NOT COMPARE YOUR TEENAGER TO YOURSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. WE ARE ALL OUR OWN INDIVIDUAL. INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING YOUR TEENAGER, COME TO A MUTUAL AGREEMENT. IT'S CALLED A DEMOCRATIC PARENTING STYLE. PLEASE GO TO THE FOLLOWING WEB SITE TO READ ABOUT THE THREE TYPES OF PARENTING STYLES. http://www.unt.edu/cpe/module1/blk2styl.htm
YELLING OR HITTING WILL ONLY MAKE MATTERS WORSE. EVENTUALLY THEY MAY YELL OR HIT BACK. TRY YOUR BEST TO UNDERSTAND THEIR POSITION AND FEELINGS. YOUR CHILDREN WILL ALWAYS NEED YOU, AND YOU MAY NEED THEM SOME DAY. REMEMBER: EMOTIONAL ABUSE CAN SOMETIMES BE WORSE THAN PHYSICAL ABUSE.

PARENTS OR TEENAGERS IF YOU NEED ADVICE FEEL FREE TO E-MAIL ME
DELANEZBABE16@AOL.COM

I READ AGAIN THE PAGE IVE POSTED IN MY PREVOIUS MESSAGE. I NOTICED IVE MADE A MISTAKE. I MEANT TO SAY THE DEMOCRATIC PARENTING STYLE IS BEST. I DIDN'T NOTICE THE OOPS AT FIRST. THANKS FOR SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. IM SORRY IF YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA. IVE ALREADY FIXED IT FOR OTHERS.

Can you explain me why Katie has to wait for one year to be legal when Katie and her boyfriend already are together for 2 years before her boyfriend turn into age legal. Katie's parents waited for 2 years and then get RO against him because they don't like him. Huh? They use RO as an excuse.

I don't blame Katie for that! Would you want your princess end like Katie?

All what I want to say is: Wish Katie best of good luck in the future.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

To me it looks like it is an example of yet -sadly - one more very dysfunctional family. The parents are divorced, the girl runs away from home.. looks like the parents are involved in power struggle with the girl which has nothing to do with love and understanding at all.

It is hard to talk here about getting RO out of love and genuine concern- it looks more like they just wanted ovewpower Katie, show her who is the boss.. Which backfired, of course. the only good thing is that she is/ was attending counselling and hopefully this is someone who can be a positive role model in her life, so she can break the cycle of dysfunctional behaviour.


Fuzzy

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Unfortunlately yes, all what I hope for Katie is her future!!!! I hope she made good successful and better life than she had with her parents.