Questions For The Deafies & Hearies Thread --- Cultural Discussion Topic

Fly Free said:
ANOTHER question for u hearies! what abt the touching thing -- deafies ALWAYS tend to *tapping shoulders* many hearies ive noticed do not like that -- whats wrong with a lil *shoulder tapping* especially when trying to be polite and ask to get thru -- u get what im saying qq ive noticed hearies BALK at that and im like :shock: relax! im only trying to get ur attention no big deal! *step back*
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Hmmm... well touching to get someone's attention is different that reaching out and touching during a conversation. Like when a guy puts his hand an your shoulder while talking to you or grabs you by the arm as if to prevent you from fleeing. I worked with deafies years ago, and their touching was different. Like you tapping on someone's shoulder to ask to be let past in a crowded situation. Or simply to get their attention to ask a question. That make sense?
 
Fly Free said:
some of u really have some good points on to why hearies dont look at the person while conversing -- i dont see how looking at a person would be perceived as a sexual come on or anything like that if in a converstation



ive heard of that -- "the eyes are the windows to the soul" -- i can agree to that as the eyes of a person shows what they can be like in a sense

ANOTHER question for u hearies! what abt the touching thing -- deafies ALWAYS tend to *tapping shoulders* many hearies ive noticed do not like that -- whats wrong with a lil *shoulder tapping* especially when trying to be polite and ask to get thru -- u get what im saying qq ive noticed hearies BALK at that and im like :shock: relax! im only trying to get ur attention no big deal! *step back*
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On the face of it, nothing, Fly. In fact, I'm very affectionate. However, I also don't like to be touched very much. Again for me, it goes back to a comfort issue. If I'm comfortable with a person, I'll allow them to touch me, but if not, no. There have been people who've caught me off gaurd, and have gotten a nasty surprise when I've nearly broken one of their ribs! :lol:

So, basically....Tread very carefully with me until you truly know me. I give very few people free reign to say or do whatever the hell they want. Very few people.
 
Codger said:
Hmmm... well touching to get someone's attention is different that reaching out and touching during a conversation. Like when a guy puts his hand an your shoulder while talking to you or grabs you by the arm as if to prevent you from fleeing. I worked with deafies years ago, and their touching was different. Like you tapping on someone's shoulder to ask to be let past in a crowded situation. Or simply to get their attention to ask a question. That make sense?
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*tapping on shoulder* for me usually means i just want to get past or ask a question right Codger -- sometimes ppl just give me such an attitude im like whoa its nothing to it cuz its restricted only to shoulder on back not shoulder in front cuz i would have considered that type to be rude behavior unless ofc if it happened to be a VERY TALL male or female (over 6'5 or something) then in that case i would tap on the upper arm as politely as i can considering my height at 4'11 :lol:
 
Oceanbreeze said:
On the face of it, nothing, Fly. In fact, I'm very affectionate. However, I also don't like to be touched very much. Again for me, it goes back to a comfort issue. If I'm comfortable with a person, I'll allow them to touch me, but if not, no. There have been people who've caught me off gaurd, and have gotten a nasty surprise when I've nearly broken one of their ribs! :lol:

So, basically....Tread very carefully with me until you truly know me. I give very few people free reign to say or do whatever the hell they want. Very few people.
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what if it was a deafie who was being politely tapping on shoulder to the back to get ur attention or to ask if they could get thru if in a crowded location q

im quite curious to hear the hearies' perspectives on those little cultural differences that may not have been noticed all too much generally unless one actually took the time to consider the differences and their norms in behaviors in their cultural ways u know what i mean Ocean q
 
Fly Free said:
what if it was a deafie who was being politely tapping on shoulder to the back to get ur attention or to ask if they could get thru if in a crowded location q

im quite curious to hear the hearies' perspectives on those little cultural differences that may not have been noticed all too much generally unless one actually took the time to consider the differences and their norms in behaviors in their cultural ways u know what i mean Ocean q
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LOL Well, yeah. I have been "snuck up on" before. Had someone come up behind me, and tap me on the shoulder. Scared the living life out of me, but no blood was spilled. :giggle:

I'm just a very skiddish type person. But, all kidding and joking aside, I'd probably turn around and see it was that person, and figure out what they needed. (after my heart went back to a normal rythym :lol:)
 
gotcha -- if i noticed i had scared the hearie unintentionally i would apologize my scaring him/her and be sure that the person is ok then ask kindly if i could get thru or ask a question :D
 
Fly Free said:
gotcha -- if i noticed i had scared the hearie unintentionally i would apologize my scaring him/her and be sure that the person is ok then ask kindly if i could get thru or ask a question :D
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Right. I think, Fly. What you are driving at with this is about being polite. There's a lot that can be said for how hearies react to deafies. I have my idiosyncracies for sure, but when it really comes down to it, I would do my best to make a deafie feel comfortable around me. If something I did bothered a deaf person, and i was aware of it, I would do my best to change that behavior.

What it's really about, I think, is inclusion. I am sure there's a lot of segregation in society, and if we all just do the little extra things to make each other feel more comfortable, we'd probably all be better for it.
 
*nodding* in agreement Ocean -- i agree there IS alot of segretation in society altho its not often realized but its true if we did take a serious look around and notice the clusters of certain sociological groups and language shared
 
Fly Free said:
*nodding* in agreement Ocean -- i agree there IS alot of segretation in society altho its not often realized but its true if we did take a serious look around and notice the clusters of certain sociological groups and language shared
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True, but you know..It's a two-sided thing. We all have to get along, and it gonna take both a willingness on the part of the hearing and the deaf to figure out what works for them, so that each person can coexist.

I'm a very flexible person. Granted, there's a bit of communication barrier, because, my signing and finger spelling ability TRULY sucks :lol:, but that can be worked out. My point is, if the willingness to get along is there, anything can be worked through.
 
Levonian said:
The simplest and most fundamental answer to your question is that hearing people use prolonged eye contact to indicate sexual attraction. Hearing people have a very complicated set of well understood but unwritten rules concerning how eye contact is made and how long it is maintained. Even a slight deviation from these rules can lead to a socially uncomfortable situation. For this reason, hearing people must break eye contact regularly throughout a conversation in order to adhere to these rules. Among hearing people, prolonged eye contact is either interpreted as sexual attraction, or it is considered weird.
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Soooo true! Since learning sign language and being a lot more involved with deaf people and deaf culture I have made more of an effort to make eye contact. Most hearing people see almost no eye contact as someone being shy and a lot of eye contact as someone being confident. I am a fairly confident person to begin with, but as some deaf had commented on my lack of eye contact, I worked more at it. However, it made the hearing people I was around very uncomfortable, especially people older than me. Some saw it as threatning their authority or a sexual advance.
 
Fly Free said:
ANOTHER question for u hearies! what abt the touching thing -- deafies ALWAYS tend to *tapping shoulders* many hearies ive noticed do not like that -- whats wrong with a lil *shoulder tapping* especially when trying to be polite and ask to get thru -- u get what im saying qq ive noticed hearies BALK at that and im like :shock: relax! im only trying to get ur attention no big deal! *step back*
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I never really thought about it, until I tapped someone to get their attention in history class last year, and she looked at me and said "DON'T hit me!" I said, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to get your attention," she said again "DON'T HIT me!" I said, "I didn't mean to hit you, I was just trying to get ur attention." She said, "Bitch, DON'T HIT ME."
I just let it go. I realized though, if I hadn't been taking sign, immersed in deaf culture, etc. I would have just said her name rather than tapped her. I don't know, some people are just really sensitive.

Besides eye contact and tapping, there are a lot of other differences between the two cultures. When to hug someone, when it is okay to go into someone's house, (w/out knocking, doorbell, etc.) what to tell someone when you leave a room (bathroom, leaving, etc.), and how much to ask about difficult situations (death, divorce, etc.). Deaf seem to be a lot more open than hearies. It can get confusing when what is nice or polite in one culture in rude in another!
 
May I ask a question back without starting a new thread? I think it fits here. How do you, a deafie, handle a situation where a person ...stranger, coworker, customer, family member, neighbor, clerk, has to be informed that you are deaf and they give you a condecending smile, then either A. continue trying to talk to you as if you had not said that or B. they give you "the smile" then walk away giving up on an attempt to communicate. ???????

I am late deafened and this is one of the things I am contending with. I get really angry but internalize it.
 
i dunno about other hearies, but it really bothers me when people i don't know touch me. even someone tapping my shoulder , i would never be rude about it, i would keep it in and be polite, but i would rather they say my name, or in the case of deaf people, just orally get my attention.

it literally drives me up the wall when im at a basketball game or something and someone uses my shoulder to get up to the next level, makes me feel like ima jump out of my skin.

as for the eye contact, levonian made a good point...there's only so much eye contact that is socially acceptable. in the case of blockbuster, people may have been out on dates, and anything more than an occasional glace while you waiting in line and you'd prolly end up watching the movie alone.

theres a fine line to walk, appear confident, but not aggresive.....appear grounded but not timid....express your interest, but don't appear over-zealous.
 
I don't mind taps on the shoulder. I guess I have been around deafies enough that doesn't bother me.

The thing I have to work at is the hugging. I am originally a CT Yankee, and hugging was reserved for close family. Now I live in the South, and deafies and hearies both are huggers. I always respond warmly to hugs (not to offend), but I feel awkward about initiating hugs.
 
signer16 said:
I tapped someone to get their attention in history class last year, and she looked at me and said "DON'T hit me!" I said, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to get your attention," she said again "DON'T HIT me!" I said, "I didn't mean to hit you, I was just trying to get ur attention." She said, "Bitch, DON'T HIT ME."
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Sounds like somebody needs to have their medication levels checked. :squint:
 
Hello everyone, my first post. I'm a hearie and just happened to come across this thread -- interesting! I have to agree with other people who have mentioned the enormously complex area of eye contact. I never thought it would be so different for hearies and deafies, but it makes sense the more I think about it. I have had a speech problem my whole life, it was deblilitating and traumatic when I was a kid and it never went away entirely but I've learned to deal with it and actually speak in front of groups for a living now, but between you and me it's like balancing plates to get it to all to come out smoothly sometimes. Anyway, having this condition my entire life, there are infinite subconscious "solutions" I've come across over the years. Words or sounds I have trouble saying can often be substituted with other words. For example, I have serious trouble with the "k" sound at the beginning of a sentence, so there was a record store I used to live by where I would ask to listen to a CD before I bought it. Unable to say "can I listen to this" without going "kkkkkkkkkkan I listen to this" yet "may I listen to this" always seemed too nerdy at this place, so I'd say "I need to listen to this" --which I found out the hard way was rude. I couldn't say the word "apartment" without saying "aaaaaaaapartment" to the guy buildng our fence so I said "flat" -- and I'm not European LOL :Oops:. What I'm trying to suggest is that being deaf, you've probably developed enormously complex "solutions" of your own, and of those is the expectation that people always politely face each other when they speak, since that's what deafies apparently do(?), but in many, many, many situations for hearies, that's totally innapropriate. One second of extra eye contact could mean everything from "I'm turned on by you" to "how could you say that" to "what the #$%^ are you doing" to "I don't understand" to "I'm drunk" to "let's fight" and on and on and on depending on the circumstances. The same could be said for tapping people on the shoulders, in most situations that's considered invading someone's personal space and even hostile, especially the more urban you get. You just don't know where those fingers have been in a big city and no one wants to take any chances. I go to great lengths just to keep my hands from touching anything in the mens bathroom, strange fingers touching me without my permission automatically puts me in a defensive position although I'd immediately react friendly if I found it was a deaf person and they meant nothing by it. I also agree with the eyes into the soul concept some people have mentioned earlier.

But to answer the original question at the video store, I think that specific situation has more to do with everyone is bored, slightly irritated for having to wait, and everyone is looking for anything, and I mean anything to divert their attention from the reality of waiting in a long boring line. It is at this time that "chit chat" takes the stage. Inane, verbal vomit I now think you deafies have the enviable pleasure of missing out on some of the time. We hearies know how stupid it sounds and if it begins to happen we want to hush our voices and avoid drawing attention to ourselves or they'll hear how stupid we can sound. And being in the vulnerable position where smashed gum on the carpet is more interesting than that line, sometimes it's best not to say anything.

A gift of my lifelong speech problem, and the enormously complex way I've learned to adapt to it, is a unique, almost autistically keen sense of pronunciation and when I try, have a pretty good command of the English language if I say so myself. I've heard my pronunciation of German leaves an accent almost undetectable by native speakers, yet my grammar is below pre-school level. So I hope some of you are picking up the subtle nuances this different perspective is giving you, and the edge it could provide you in the business world, among other things.
 
Fly Free said:
I had been at blockbusters recently and was standing in this MASSIVELY long line so i took the opportunity to observe the hearie in their behaviors --

why do u hearies seem to prefer talking without LOOKING at the person who is talking to u -- wouldnt that be a bit more polite if u were looking at the person to show that u were actually listening to him/her qq

can u guys explain this qq

if any of u deafies have something else for hte hearies FIRE AWAY!!!!!
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as a hearing person specially growing up in a family where everyone can hear.. eye contact isn't really something that we are taught to do when talking to someone (cuz its not realy needed since the person can hear you without you looking at them) my parents for one.. taught me that yes looking a person in the eye while talking to them is a sign of respect (but sometimes i find myself looking away because i feel i'm being judged.. or i'm staring at the person who is talking to me) so.. its not like we "preffer" not to look at the person while they speak ..i just never learned that looking at the person is really important.... but then again..i'm used to it now (since my boyfriend is deaf) so it bugs me a lot when someone isn't looking at me when they speak to me.. to sum it all up ..hearing people don't look at hearing people when they speak not because they lack the respect..they just take it for granted..and most likely don't find as much importance or put too much significance in the action...
 
Fly Free said:
if any of u deafies have something else for hte hearies FIRE AWAY!!!!!
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to insert the humor in this topic:

if any of you, hearies fart in the quiet public, can you hear your own fart? ;)
 
Well, I have single-sided deafness—which means I can hear, but I can’t tell which direction a sound is coming from. So if I fart in public, the only way I can tell it’s mine is by the vibration. :mrgreen:
 
Yeah, 2 Questions:
I always wondered if you hearies
can hear other people's fart ? (instead of your own fart)

and When you hear that kind of
fart somewhere behind your back,
can you identify if that kind of fart
came from a male or a female ? etc....
Do fart from all kinds of people
all sound the same or different ?
Are there any different kind of fart sounds ?
Please describe. Thanks !
 
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